Chapter 2
The Hogwarts Express had barely begun its journey before Remus started to feel the impending doom of Sirius’s so-called plan. He could feel it in his bones, like an oncoming storm he had no means to escape. He made the grave mistake of making eye contact with James, who shot him a look that very clearly said, “You brought this on yourself.”
Remus sank further into his seat. “So what exactly does this ‘plan’ entail?”
Sirius grinned, eyes gleaming with mischief. “Ah, my dear Remmy, you’ll just have to wait and see.”
“That sounds suspiciously like you haven’t actually thought this through,” Remus said dryly.
James snorted. “When has he ever thought anything through?”
“Rude,” Sirius huffed, placing a hand over his heart. “I’ll have you know, Potter, that I have spent the entire summer devising the most perfect, foolproof, utterly romantic master plan.”
“Master plan?” Peter echoed sceptically. “You make it sound like a heist.”
Sirius smirked. “If stealing Remus’s heart is a crime, then consider me the most wanted man in the wizarding world.”
Remus groaned, throwing his head back against the seat. “I want off this train.”
“Too late,” Sirius said cheerfully. “You’re stuck with me, love.”
James, clearly entertained despite himself, leaned forward. “Alright, enlighten us. What’s step one of this ridiculous scheme of yours?”
Sirius wiggled his eyebrows. “It’s all about the grand gestures, mate. Remus deserves the best. Flowers, gifts, poetry—”
“No more poetry,” Remus interrupted immediately. “We’ve already established that you like to severely abuse the English language.”
“Fine, no poetry,” Sirius conceded. “But that’s a yes to gifts and flowers? Oh! And public displays of affection.”
Remus squinted at him. “You already do that. You drape yourself over me like a lap dog.”
Sirius beamed. “Exactly! Familiarity breeds affection. Soon, you won’t be able to imagine life without me.”
“I think of life without you all the time,” Remus countered. “And it’s beautiful.”
Peter snickered as Sirius let out an exaggerated sigh, dramatically flopping against James. “He wounds me, Prongs. He wounds me so.”
James patted his head sympathetically. “You’ll live, plus at least he’s thinking about you” Then, glancing at Remus, he added, “For now.”
Remus was about to argue when the compartment door slid open and Lily Evans peered in, looking vaguely amused. “Hello boys, just wanted to see Remus before the prefects' meeting.”
“Lily, dearest,” Sirius said smoothly, sitting up. “Would you say that an elaborate courtship is romantic or excessive?”
Lily raised a brow. “Depends. Who’s being courted?”
Sirius grinned, jerking his thumb toward Remus. “Our dear Rems.”
Lily snorted. “Excessive.”
Remus pointed at her. “See? A voice of reason.”
“Yet,” Lily continued, smirking, “probably inevitable.”
Remus scowled as James and Peter laughed. Sirius looked positively delighted. “See, Remmy? Even Evans agrees.”
“I take it back,” Remus muttered. “She’s a menace too.”
Lily shrugged. “You should be flattered, Lupin. Not everyone gets a Black-level disaster dedicated solely to them.”
“Oh, I’m positively overwhelmed,” Remus deadpanned.
Sirius patted his knee. “Don’t worry, love. By the end of this year, you’ll be head over heels for me.”
Remus crossed his arms. “Over my dead body.”
Sirius only grinned wider. “Challenge accepted.”
As the train rumbled on toward Hogwarts, Remus stared out the window and prayed for patience.
The rest of the train ride was filled with Sirius making increasingly ridiculous declarations of love while James and Peter provided unhelpful commentary. Remus, in his infinite suffering, had resigned himself to his fate, responding only with the occasional glare or exasperated sigh.
By the time they arrived at Hogsmeade Station, Remus was convinced he had lost at least five years of his life. He climbed out of the train, stretching his legs, only to have Sirius reappear at his side in an instant.
“Moony, darling,” Sirius crooned, slinging an arm around Remus’s shoulders. “Allow me to escort you to the carriages. A gentleman never lets his beloved walk alone.”
Remus turned his head just enough to meet Sirius’s smirking face. “First of all, stop calling me ‘darling’ unless you want to be hexed into next week. Second, we always walk to the carriages together.”
Sirius grinned. “Yes, but this time, it’s romantic.”
James and Peter, walking behind them, cackled. Even Lily, a few steps ahead, shot them an amused glance over her shoulder.
“Romantic,” Remus repeated flatly. “Sure. That’s one word for it.”
They made their way to the carriages, Sirius still draped over Remus like an overgrown, affectionate cat. Remus debated shoving him off, but he knew it wouldn’t make a difference. Sirius Black was nothing if not persistent.
As they reached the castle, the Great Hall buzzed with energy. The Sorting was, as always, an entertaining affair, and soon enough, the feast was in full swing. Remus was halfway through his mashed potatoes when he felt something bump against his arm. He glanced down to see a small, wrapped box resting beside his plate.
He looked up sharply. “Sirius.”
Sirius feigned innocence, “What?”
Remus picked up the box warily. “What is this?”
“A token of my affection,” Sirius said, his expression somewhere between smug and unbearably fond. “Step one, remember?”
Remus sighed and, with a deep sense of regret, unwrapped the package. Inside was a small chocolate frog, but instead of the usual wizard card, there was a handwritten note tucked inside.
Dear Moony,
Step one: Gift-giving.
Consider this the first of many. Prepare yourself.
Love, your favourite suitor.
Remus groaned, shoving the note into his pocket before anyone else could see it. “You’re insufferable.”
Sirius beamed. “And yet, you haven’t hexed me yet. Progress!”
Remus muttered something unintelligible under his breath and took a bite of his chocolate frog, fully aware that this was only the beginning.
By the time the feast ended and he was making his way up to Ravenclaw tower, with the marauders following him there instead of their own tower, Remus had come to terms with the unfortunate reality that Sirius was not going to let this ridiculous courtship die anytime soon.
The corridors were filled with the usual first-night excitement—students chattering, ghosts floating idly through the halls, Peeves cackling as he lobbed ink pellets at unsuspecting first-years. Remus, however, had a much bigger problem: Sirius Black, self-declared romantic menace, was currently walking backwards in front of him, arms spread dramatically.
"Remmy," Sirius said, his voice carrying over the noise of the hallway, "did you know that, in some cultures, when an alpha courts their beloved, they must prove their devotion through grand acts of valour?"
Remus arched an eyebrow. "And what, exactly, is your grand act of valour?"
Sirius grinned. "I'm so glad you asked. I am going to serenade you in the common room."
James choked on laughter, nearly tripping over his own feet. "Oh, this is going to be good."
"Absolutely not," Remus said immediately. "You are not—under any circumstances—going to serenade me in front of my entire house."
Sirius cupped a hand to his ear. "Sorry, I think I misheard you. Did you say, 'Oh, Sirius, my love, please sing to me immediately'?"
"I said no!"
"Too late, my dear Moony. The wheels are in motion."
Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to kill you."
"You say that," Sirius said breezily, "but I know deep down you’d miss me."
Before Remus could retort, they arrived at the eagle knocker. The answer to the riddle was given, and the door swung open to reveal the warm, bustling common room.
And then Sirius, true to his word, vaulted onto the nearest couch, clapped his hands for attention, and loudly declared, "Ladies and gentlemen, I have something very important to share."
The room quieted as people turned, some looking intrigued, others already rolling their eyes (Barty Crouch Jr. among them). Remus, standing frozen near the door, sent a desperate glance to James and Peter, who were absolutely no help at all, both of them grinning in anticipation.
"I," Sirius continued dramatically, placing a hand over his heart, "am in love. A deep, passionate, soul-burning kind of love."
Groans echoed around the room, but a few people giggled. Someone muttered, "Not him again, how does he keep getting in?"
Remus, meanwhile, had gone completely still. He was certain his face was the colour of a tomato.
"And so," Sirius said, spreading his arms wide, "in the grand tradition of romantic fools before me, I shall now dedicate a song to the love of my life."
Remus's eyes widened in horror. "No—"
But it was too late. Sirius inhaled deeply and launched into what could only be described as an interpretation of Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.
“Moony, my tawny-haired oneir
Has very shiny lips,
And if you ever saw them,
You would defo want a kiss,
All of the guys are jealous That he’s agreed to be my-”
Someone in the back actually started clapping along.
"I hate you," Remus muttered.
"You love me," Sirius corrected between verses, winking at him.
Remus turned on his heel and started walking towards his dorm.
"Moony, wait!" Sirius called after him. "I'm about to hit the high note!"
"Goodnight, Sirius," Remus called back, not stopping.
Sirius, undeterred, followed him up the stairs, still singing.
James and Peter, now laughing so hard they could barely breathe, trailed behind them.
And so, as Remus slammed the dormitory door shut, he resigned himself to his fate. The next morning, Remus woke up to the smell of something floral. For a brief, blissful moment, he thought he was still dreaming. Then he opened his eyes, groggy and confused, only to find a bouquet of red roses resting on his other pillow. A note was tucked between the stems.
Step two: Flowers. Because you deserve to wake up to beauty.
Love, your favourite suitor.
Remus groaned, crumpling the note in his fist. He barely had the energy to glare across the room, where Sirius was sitting on an armchair, tying his tie and grinning like a fool.
“Morning, love,” Sirius said cheerfully. “Sleep well?”
“You broke into my bed curtains to leave me flowers,” Remus said flatly. “That is not normal behaviour.”
Sirius feigned offence. “I’ll have you know, romance requires dedication.”
“Romance requires boundaries.”
Before Sirius could retort, Kingsley and Trevor Winger exited the bathroom, still brushing their teeth. Kingsley took one look at the bouquet and burst out laughing. “Oh, mate, this is actually painful to watch.”
Remus ignored them all, shoving the roses into his bag. Maybe he could give them to Lily. Or throw them at Sirius’s head. Either worked.
Breakfast in the Great Hall was usually a peaceful time for Remus—until today. He had barely taken his seat when a small, elegant package landed in front of him. He blinked at it, then glanced up. A few seats down, Barty Crouch Jr. met his gaze and nodded once before turning back to his meal.
Unfortunately, the three Gryffindors were walking past the Ravenclaw table at that moment.
James whistled low. “Oho, what’s this?”
Sirius, who had been shoving toast into his mouth, swallowed thickly and narrowed his eyes. “That better not be what I think it is.”
Confused but wary, Remus untied the dark ribbon and lifted the lid. Inside lay a silver bookmark, engraved with delicate constellations and the words For when the world is too loud. He frowned, running his thumb over the metal. It was… oddly thoughtful.
And more importantly, it wasn’t obnoxious.
“Who the hell does he think he is?” Sirius hissed, looking ready to march down the table and hex Barty on the spot.
“Someone with actual subtlety?” Peter mused. “Unlike some people.”
Remus barely heard them. He looked back at Barty, who was already leaving the table. As he passed, he brushed his fingers against the back of Remus’s chair, just briefly, before slipping out of the Hall.
Remus swallowed.
Sirius scoffed. “Oh, that’s his move? A bookmark? Please, I’ll show you real romance.”
Remus dropped his head onto the table. He was never going to survive this year.
The next incident occurred later that evening in the Ravenclaw common room. Remus had settled into his usual chair by the fire, a book resting in his lap, when a small package floated into his field of vision. He blinked up at it, then at Barty, who was standing just in front of him, hands in his pockets.
“Another one?” Remus asked, hesitant but curious.
Barty smirked slightly, gesturing for him to open it. With a wary glance at Sirius, who had followed him to his common room and was now eyeing the interaction angrily, Remus untied the string. Inside was a tin of his favourite herbal tea.
“For when you need a quiet moment,” Barty murmured, his voice just loud enough for Remus to hear before he turned and strolled away.
Remus stared at the tin, feeling something unfamiliar bloom in his chest. Appreciation? Amusement? Fondness?
Sirius, however, looked ready to explode. “Oh, hell no.”
James, speaking from the two-way mirror Sirius was holding, snorted. “Looks like you’ve got some competition, Pads.”
Sirius pushed off his chair, storming toward Remus. “Moony, we need to talk. Immediately.”
Remus sighed, setting the tea down. “Let me guess. Step three?”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Fine. Maybe I got a little carried away.”
Remus arched an eyebrow. “A little?”
Sirius huffed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Alright, alright. I’ll… dial it down. A bit.”
James nearly dropped his mirror. “Wait. Are you actually conceding?”
Sirius shot him a glare. “I’m adapting.” He turned back to Remus, his expression softer. “Look, I just—I want to do this right. I don’t want it to be some stupid competition, you’re not a prize to be won.”
Remus hesitated, caught off guard by the sincerity in Sirius’s voice. “Then… maybe think about what I would like? I’m not one for flashy things anyway.”
Sirius let out a dramatic sigh. “Ugh, that sounds suspiciously like good advice.”
James chuckled, and even Remus found himself smirking. Maybe this wouldn’t be completely unbearable.
Across the room, Barty watched the exchange, his gaze thoughtful. The game had changed. And he wasn’t about to back down either.
The rivalry between Sirius and Barty shifted in the following weeks. Sirius had, miraculously, toned down his approach—he was still present, still affectionate, but in a way that felt less performative. Instead of grand gestures, he settled into something more natural: sharing his notes in class, offering his scarf when Remus forgot his own, and waiting for him after Prefect rounds. It wasn’t about proving something anymore; it was just… Sirius.
Barty, on the other hand, was as persistent as ever. He never pushed, never demanded. But every once in a while, a quiet offering would appear: a fresh quill when Remus’s snapped, a charmed candle to help him focus, a book he’d once mentioned wanting to read. Barty didn’t hover—he simply let the gifts speak for themselves, always accompanied by a knowing glance or the ghost of a smirk.
Remus was, quite frankly, at his wit’s end.
“Two Alphas courting you at once,” Lily remarked one evening as they studied together in the library. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t at least a little entertained.”
“Glad someone is,” Remus muttered, rubbing his temples. “It’s exhausting.”
Lily smirked. “You say that, but you haven’t exactly told either of them to stop.”
Remus huffed “All of this is pointless because I haven’t presented yet Lils, I could be anything and then they’d back off by themselves”. But, if he was being honest, part of him didn’t want them to.