A Star to Watch Over my Son
⭒ Sirius ⭒
Sirius knew, rationally, that he was made for big cities. The noisy worlds and always in motion, diverse and playful. Sirius, spoiled by Mother Nature, knew that he was made to give himself to great creators.
Maybe somewhere he is, but not in this universe.
Sitting in the plane that is supposed to take him home after a year and a half of noisy and hectic life, Sirius sighs with relief as he watches London under the veil of white clouds pierced by the sun’s rays.
New York and Paris were beautiful, but nothing is better that the small town that is home to his best friend, his little brother and his godson.
Sirius misses them a lot, having only seen them for two weeks last Christmas. Sirius will not do it again for anything in the world, a year and a half just seeing them through a phone is torture.
He needs to hug James so much that he trembles with impatience despite the summer heat.
Sirius knows that he has missed many things, many of which have to do with Harry, like his first steps or his first tooth. Actually, even for his arrival with James and Reggie Sirius was not present. He tries not to think too much about it at the risk of crying, again.
He missed a lot for his little brother too, like the change of place for his flower shop, or all his panic attacks caused by his doubts as a good dad.
He missed things for James too. His crisis of happy tears on Harry’s first night home. A big fight with Effie. Or his new classroom set up as he always wanted.
Sirius doesn’t wants to miss anything anymore. He’s missed too much.
He wants to live every moment with his three most important people, he wants to hold Reggie when he needs him, he wants to laugh with James until he cries, he wants to see every second that Harry grows up.
He wants more than that. He wants everything. Sirius wants to eat the world.
If Sirius knew what to expect in the coming months from this little town he loves so much, he would have run out of the plane.
***
☾Remus ☽
With an exhausted sigh, James Potter goes through the door of Remus' classroom, slamming it behind him with a dramatic movement.
Remus laughs softly, pulling with his foot the chair near his office as an offering.
James, still dramatically, sits down and smiles at Remus, laying his lunch box in front of him.
“Why must all our kids be so tiring?” James speaks with a soft smile that does not match the accusations in his words. “I swear they are a hundred times louder in the Halloween period. How is that even possible?”
James’s smile grows a little more when Remus moans and laughs. It’s sweet and friendly, reminding Remus how much he likes to take lunch breaks with his favorite colleague.
It wasn’t hard for James to become Remus' favorite colleague, on the one hand because the guy is just such a pure and kind soul. But also because they are surrounded by bitter old people who seem to come here only to receive their wages, not caring about the children they educate.
James and Remus do not, they love their work and their time with their students. That’s why they quickly became close. Having the same age was a bonus.
James tells an anecdote about two of their students who seem to enjoy themselves a little more than to become friends then James plotted with himself to make them sit next to each other in class.
Remus smiles softly as he listens to James animate their little meal together, speaking with his mouth full and making big gestures with his fork. It is surprising that there are no salad leaves flying in the classroom.
Remus smiles softly as he listens to James animate their little meal together, speaking with his mouth full and making big gestures with his fork. It is surprising that there are no salad leaves flying in the classroom.
James finally took out a second box from his bag, taking out two pieces of fondant chocolate cake, posing one in front of Remus and inviting him to take it with a head movement without cutting himself in his story about supposedly secretive relationship between the embittered biology teacher and the concierge.
They end up eating with a burp from James, who smiles crooked as he puts his hand in front of his mouth. “Oops, sorry.”
Remus laughs softly, shaking his head and then busy stacking the dirty dishes.
“Tell me, Remus, you seem a little tired.” James bends his head to the side in question silent.
Remus raises his shoulder. “I don’t sleep much.” he sighs before finding James' eyes inviting him to continue. “Emy, my regular babysitter, starts her university studies in two weeks so she’s flying to New York on Friday, one week today, and I can’t find another person responsible enough to take care of Teddy.”
“Yet there are many old women in our little town who would be happy to babysit Teddy.” James suggests with a low tone.
“Yes, I know. But as you say, they are old women. They can keep me Teddy one afternoon here and there if I have an emergency but I need a regular one from Monday to Friday. It’s too much for them, I was lucky to find Emy.”
Remus shrugs his shoulders and smiles at James to hide the anxiety that flows in his body thinking about this problem. James does not need to worry about him, Remus does not want to inflict this on him so he pushes a long sigh then gets up from his chair to stretch. Class resumes in ten minutes.
“But it’s okay, I’ll find out, I have another week.” Remus gives a smile again to James who seems to accept it as he also stands up and retrieves his lunch boxes. “You should go back to your class, ten minutes then our monsters in love with Halloween will come back with their cries.”
James breathes a long sigh of despair that is clearly contradicted by the stars shining in his eyes as he walks to the classroom door.
“Hey Remus?” James holds the door handle with one hand, half turned to Remus who raises an eyebrow. “I can ask my mom, for Teddy, she would be delighted, she loves your son.”
Remus smiled softly at James. “Thank you, James, that’s nice but I’m pretty sure Effie is already babysitting Harry. Two young children would be a lot.”
James lets go of the handle to shake a casual hand. “Oh no, she doesn’t have him all week, she shares the days of babysitting with Sir-“James cuts himself off as his face lights up. ”Oh.”
“Oh?”
James smiles so hard that his cheeks seem painful to Remus. “My best friend. Sirius. I must have mentioned him once or twice when you came to dinner all those times. He’s wonderful with the kids, I swear, and he’s pretty free right now. I could ask him about Teddy. Just if you want. You want?”
Remus smiles at James’ enthusiasm and pure joy. “Well, if he’s good with children...why not?”
“He’s marvelous! Absolutely perfect. I promise! He is Harry’s godfather, if that makes you feel any better. And he is Reg’s big brother. He is incredible, Remus, you must believe me." James smiled and looked at Remus with great sincerity. “I wouldn’t tell you about him if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t put your son in the wrong hands, I swear.”
Remus huffs a laugh. “I know, James.” James nibbles on his bottom lip, probably to force himself to shut up. “Well, let me know if he’s interested, okay?”
“Promise.” James seems to be holding his breath as he grabs the door handle for the second time in three minutes. “I’ll tell him as soon as I get home, I’ll give you his answer on Monday then.” he winks at Remus. “I’m going, good luck with our monsters.”
Remus smiles. “You too, James. And thank you.”
James slams the door with a scream that sounds like “my pleasure” so Remus shakes his head and quickly tidies up his desk before the door opens and the most punctual students come in. All giving a smile more or less happy to Remus. Remus makes a smile bigger to all those who give the saddest smiles.
⭒ Sirius ⭒
Harry is in his high chair, cheeks full of compote and sticky fingers, when his dad walks through the front door with a happy bounce in his step.
“Hello, my loves!” the scream comes from the entrance hall and is answered vividly by exclamations of joy from the little one who unfortunately decorates the walls with the agitation of a spoon full of compote.
When James enters the kitchen, a puzzled expression appears on his face as he sees Sirius hiding for life behind a rag. The question leaves his features when he receives a violent splash against the right side of his glasses.
Time seems to stand still at this moment, even Harry becomes completely motionless when he sees the orange compote on his dad’s face.
Then James - because he is James - bursts with a laugh so loud that poor Harry jumps in his baby chair. He seems about to cry but also laughs when he sees his dad writhing in himself laughing.
Sirius laughs with them - because obviously - but stays well hidden behind the rag when he guesses what comes next.
His intuition proves correct as Harry grabs his plastic cup with his other hand and shakes it over his head in his little boy’s joy.
“No! No!” James still laughs as he walks quickly towards Harry to remove the cup and spoon, but he does not arrive until the compote ends up on his son’s messy hair. “Arghh.”
James laughs a little less but his joy does not leave him as Harry is still laughing and gesticulating happily in his chair.
Sirius then drops the rag now that the weapons of crime are confiscated, rid James of it so he can take his son instead. “I think a bath would be welcome.”
“Oh yeah? Really?” James asks with an ironic eyebrow raised on his forehead, a smile smeared on his face as he seems to hold back from laughing again.
Sirius shakes his head and rolls his eyes, placing the cup and soft spoon in the sink. He sees James quickly wiping his glasses before lifting Harry off the chair and putting him on his hip, trying as best he can not to touch more compote.
Sirius sees James hesitating, hovering in the kitchen, not knowing if he should stay to clean or go upstairs and wash the little one. “Go ahead, James, I’ll clean up here.” he smiled. “The walls have suffered the same fate as your glasses.”
James bites his lip, uncertain. “You don’t have to, I can clean up after Harry’s bath. You’ve been here guarding him all day, I understand that you’re tired.”
“It’s okay, Jamie, I can handle that. Go wash that little monster, I’ll be there when you’re done.”
James offers him a small smile, puts a kiss on his temple and then leaves the kitchen to walk towards the bathroom while talking softly with Harry.
Sirius sends himself a small encouragement sentence and then collects everything he needs to clean Harry’s apple-battlefield.
Walls check. Table check. Dishes check. Baby chair check. Rag check.
Sirius internally congratulates himself for his efficiency, seeing the kitchen shine wonderfully, then still smiling, prepares the last milk bottle of the day for his favorite godson.
“Thank you, Sirius.” James' tired voice frightens him, almost dropping the bottle he was closing
He shakes the milk and then walks to James to remove Harry from his arms, sitting on one of the chairs to put the baby against him and offer him the bottle. “Anything for you, James, you know that.”
James smiles, then sits down at the table facing Sirius, watching him feed his son with a gentle look.
“Is Reggie coming home soon?” Sirius asks, looking up at Harry to watch James shrug.
“He told me that he was busy today at the shop. I told him I didn’t like it when he came home alone late, you know it’s dangerous and all that. But he promised to be here before dinner so that’s fine, I guess.”
“Well, you know how Reggie is. He likes his work done with perfection.” Sirius offers a reassuring smile to James that he seems to accept it greatly, returning it to him.
Silence surrounds them as Harry gently drinks his evening bottle, his eyes flickering in sleep, his lips slowing around the teat.
Oh how Sirius loves his godson.
James breaks the silence with a throat clearing to regain his attention. “Sirius?” Sirius looks up at James. “I had a small favor to ask of you.”
“Yes, of course. Tell me. Whatever you want.”
James smiled softly at Sirius’ positive response. “It’s not directly for me, actually. It’s for a friend.” James smiled a little more at Sirius’ frown. “He would need a babysitter, and I offered you.”
Sirius' frown is strengthened by taking the information.
Sirius is quickly swept by a wave of surprise who wonders why on earth would James propose him to watch the child of a friend? And who is this friend? Sirius knows all of James’s friends. And Sirius does not know how to take care of children who are not Harry. Harry works well, he’s a mini-James, he knows him by heart. An unknown baby, it’s a little scary.
Sirius huffs. “Why did you do that?”
James raises his eyebrow. “Because his usual babysitter is leaving town and he needs a new one.”
“Yes no but why me?”
“Because you are perfect with children.”
Sirius huffs again. “No. Clearly not.”
James raises his second eyebrow and then moves his eyes between Sirius and the half-asleep baby on his lap against his chest.
“Harry does not count. He’s not a child like any other. He’s your child, and Reggie’s. He doesn’t count.”
“He clearly matters. You’re amazing with Harry, and you practically raised Reg, that’s an instinct now.”
Sirius rolls his eyes. “Oh, shut up.”
James laughs softly then takes back his serious face with a soft voice. “I trust you, Sirius, or I would not have proposed. I know you would be great with my friend’s son.”
Sirius sighs because if James trusts him and thinks he’s capable, Sirius knows he is. James is always right, always.
“I don’t know, James.” Sirius looks down at Harry and passes a delicate hand through his messy hair.
The truth is, Sirius does not like change.
It’s only been three months since Sirius returned to James, Reggie and Harry. And the new routine he found by watching Harry a few days a week to lighten up Effie makes him feel comfortable.
It was a routine, a stability that he needed to find again after a year and a half travelling between New York and Paris with Mary and her team.
To be clear, Sirius does not regret having helped one of his oldest friends realize her dream. This was not the problem, the lack of stability was.
When Lily, almost two years ago, called Sirius because Mary was losing hope in her dream because no model wanted to parade for her artwork, he hopped on the first plane to New York, only coming back once at Christmas to see Harry grow up too fast.
Three months ago, Sirius came back because Mary Macdonald has become a name circulating in the catwalks of great couture in New York. Sirius fulfilled his role as model-friend, parading head high wearing the works of his favorite stylist.
But it was a lot of travel and unexpected and Sirius doesn’t like that, he likes stability, routine, everything that keeps him away from change. Blame his childhood.
That’s why he hesitates to help James - or at least James' friend.
This means to shake off his habit of a few days with Harry, then a few days alone, and others with the Potters.
Then, softer, he says again, “I don’t know, James.”
And as James knows him by heart: “It won’t change much for you, I promise. My friend does not live that far from here, and a few blocks from Reg’s shop. His son is only one year older than Harry. And if you feel comfortable enough you can even watch the two boys at the same time, or meet up with Effie and Harry in the park with the little one.” James gives him a sweet smile. “The change will impact you for a week at most, after which you’ll see that everything will become a routine again. I promise you.”
Sirius puts a kiss on the top of Harry’s head before looking at James, sincerity floating in his dark brown eyes.
Sirius takes a little time to respond, looking at his best friend in silence, turning his thoughts and James' words into his head again and again. “I love taking care of kids, you know?”
James smiles tenderly. “I know.”
Sirius frowns. “I never told you that.”
“But I know you. I see you, Sirius.”
It means a lot to Sirius. A lot.
Well, Sirius trusts James more than anyone so...
“Okay.” he lets out a small sigh of relief and disbelief hidden in a soft laughter. “Okay.”
James smiles as if Sirius had picked him up the moon, getting on his feet to walk to his best friend and put a paternal kiss on his forehead.
“Great. Thank you, Sirius. You’ll be perfect, I promise you.” James grabs Sirius' cheeks in his hands and presses them gently. “I’ll tell him you’re up for it, and then we’ll see how it goes.”
Sirius feels a stress swirl growing in his belly but he tries to smile not to worry James who looks really happy at the moment.
James returns his smile, though more grandiose and brilliant, then lets go of Sirius' cheeks to gently take a sleeping baby Harry. “Go home now, Sirius, rest and don’t think too much about it, okay? Not until I talk to you about that, okay?”
Sirius nods and then gets up to give a cheek kiss to his two loves.
Sirius drives his motorbike more slowly than usual, wanting to stay cautious while his brain is busy creating anxieties about this friend and his son. What if Sirius was not good enough? What if the little boy hated him? Or the dad? What if he does everything wrong and screws up the kid? What if. What if. What if.
Sirius sighs as he slams his front door behind him, locking the door with two turns of a key. Even though it is a quiet little town and the bandits do not run the streets, Sirius keeps childhood fears.
That night, Sirius falls asleep on his couch with the volume of the television high enough so he can not hear his brain tell him how incapable he is and what a failure he is.
☾ Remus ☽
Remus has barely arrived in his class for the first day of the week, not even sitting at his desk yet, when the door opens in a burst of joy and sunshine named James Potter.
“Hello Mr. Lupin.” his smile is mischievous and so happy. “How was your weekend?”
“Good, James. How was yours?” Remus replied with a much smaller and tired smile.
“Absolutely wonderful. I’m here to solve all your problems.” James stands right in front of Remus, arms crossed, smile bright and proud.
“Oh, really?” I wish, he thinks.
“Uh-hu.” James nods happily. “My best friend would be happy to babysit your Teddy.”
“Oh.”
“Yep. Exactly. I was wondering how you wanted to meet him. You know, make sure he suits you, that Teddy appreciates him. All that. Although I have no doubt about that.”
“Oh um, I don’t know.” Remus frowned, raising one shoulder.
“What would you say about coming to dinner?” James proposes, not losing his joy despite Remus’s uncertain answer. “It wouldn’t be too strange for you and Teddy, you came often enough during the previous school year, Teddy knows us, Reg and me, that might help. What do you think?”
Remus grimaces. “I don’t know, James. You already do a lot for us, I don’t want you to cook a dinner besides that.”
“Bullshit. I like to cook. And Sirius often eats at home, adding two plates won’t change anything. Or a plate and a half, Teddy doesn’t really count in the meal preparation. Anyway, I’m happy about it, Remus, really.”
Remus sighs gently at James’ sincerity. One day his kindness will end up eating him without pity.
“Right. As you wish.”
James shakes his stitches in the air like a happy little child. “Great! When do you want?”
“It doesn’t matter. The day that suits you best.”
“Friday night?”
Remus nods his head with a small smile enclosing a silent thank you.
“Great. I’m so happy! I can’t wait for you to meet Sirius, he’s like me, but better.” James sends a wink to Remus and disappears as quickly as he appeared.
Remus sighs through a smile. What did he do to deserve to fall into the same universe as James Potter?