The Power of Raspberries
⭒ Sirius ⭒
Honestly, it’s ridiculous.
Sirius is ridiculous.
He doesn’t remember being so stressed out when he was sixteen and grabbing Reggie’s hand to run in the rain promising that they would be safe at the Potters.
Sirius wants to cry. He wants to scream. Vomit, and disappear into a mouse hole.
“Pull yourself together, Sirius, for God’ sake.” he moans to his reflection in the bathroom mirror, refraining from insulting himself when he sees how ridiculous he is.
Since Monday night - when James told him that they would be dining on Friday with his friend and son - Sirius' spirit is nothing more than a spiral of anxieties.
Honestly, he doesn’t know why he stresses like that. It’s just James' friend, not the president or worse, Walburga, for fuck’s sake.
He wants to meet with Sirius to see if he can take care of his son properly. Sirius is capable of it, he knows it, so why so much panic?
According to James, he is a little boy of two years old, incredibly calm and gentle. His name is Teddy, or Edward, but apparently Teddy is better.
The father, friend of James, seems to be called Remus. Sirius has no place to judge so let’s change the subject. According to James he is... ‘well, he’s Remus’. So Sirius doesn’t have a lot of indication except that he works with James. And that Reggie likes him is a big big indication. Reg doesn’t like anyone.
“Sirius?” his little brother’ voice crosses the door accompanied by two small soft blows.
Sirius looks at himself in the mirror one last time, sends out encouragement - useless, really - then opens the door to find Reg standing there.
Sirius can see the gleam of worry in his eyes before it runs away.
“Are you okay?”
Sirius puts a big smile on his lips. “Perfect.”
“Liar.” Reg raises an eyebrow.
Sirius spits a small laugh and then rolls his eyes.
“That’s just Remus, you know?” Reg gently offers, his voice softer.
“Just Remus. ” Sirius repeats, raising his eyebrows, a gentle smile rising from the left side of his lips.
“He will seem a little intimidating at first, don’t let yourself be impressed, he is nothing more than a marshmallow in hot chocolate.”
Regulus' lips twist into a small smile. Sirius feels tears sting in his eyes.
When Reggie was fifteen, and the two Black brothers had just found refuge with the Potters, he had told Sirius that Fleamont scared him a little. Sirius had reassured him by comparing Monty to a marshmallow in hot chocolate.
Before Reg can run away because of the sentimental moment, Sirius steps forward and grabs his little brother’s shoulders to push him into his arms and hold him so tight that Regulus is forced to pinch Sirius so he can finally release him.
“Come on, you idiot.” Regulus backs down the corridor, taking small steps so that Sirius can catch up with him and walk beside him. Steps synchronized, heart synchronized.
“I just want him to like me. He’s your friend, I need him to like me.”
“I know Sirius. There is no world where he won’t love you, don’t worry.”
“Mmh.” Sirius shrugs, not convinced. “Teddy too. I would love to be his babysitter, I hope we’ll get along well.”
“Teddy is an amazing boy, Sirius, he just needs a smile and you’re one of his friends.” Regulus smiles softly at Sirius, his voice low and reassuring, the one he uses specifically as a little brother. Sirius loves him so much.
“I love you, do not dare to forget it.”
“Arghh, shut up.” Reg grimaced and then slapped Sirius behind his head with a small slap before passing in front of him to go on the kitchen first.
James happily waddles with Harry on his hip and a wooden spoon in his hand.
Sirius rushes to steal his son, pushing Reg in his way to kiss James, laughing with Harry when he groans.
A soft music comes out of James’s phone on the table, inviting Sirius to waddle in turn with little Harry happy to live this moment with his godfather. His eyes full of love and his smile as big as a child of one year is capable.
Sirius tries not to react physically when a small knock on the door comes over the low sound of music, still moving with Harry in his arms while Reg disappears from the kitchen.
Physically, while he is in his moment with Harry, no one could know that Sirius will die of panic. Mentally, his mind will explode as all his 24-year-old fears come to the surface.
He hears voices coming from the entrance but he focuses on Harry so as not to lose himself in a panic attack at the worst possible moment. Harry’s happy eyes in his own as he rests on his hip while Sirius moves slowly with the music.
“Sirius, this is Remus.”
Well, it is now, announced by his little brother’ delicate voice.
Sirius stops in his movements, letting go his godson’ eyes to direct them towards the unknown next to Regulus.
Unknown clearly impressive as mentioned by Reggie.
Not only because he is indecently tall, but also because his eyes are serious, he stands upright and seems confident.
Fortunately for him, thank Walburga, Sirius is used to meeting impressive and self-confident people. So he puts the polite and grandiose smile that he practiced during his childhood then advances a little - back straight - towards Remus.
“Hello Remus, I’m Sirius. Nice to meet you.”
There is a little trick in the delicate smile of Remus who tells Sirius that his impressive facade is nothing more than… a facade. As for Sirius.
Remus holds out a big hand to Sirius. “Nice to meet you, Sirius.” Sirius shakes his hand.
Sirius then backs away, trying not to think how soft his hand was around his.
“Well.” James smiled happily. “Glad you’re here, Remus.” He winked at him and then crouched in front of him, facing his long legs.
Sirius frowns before reminding that they are all here to see if he would be a good babysitter so it reminds him that there should be a child somewhere around here.
Apparently, he’s hiding behind his father’s legs. James seems to know that pretty well. “Hi Teddy.” he holds out a hand on the side of Remus’s knee and a smaller hand rests on his. “Will you come this way? I’m sure you can see anything behind your dad’s huge legs.”
Sirius can hear a little soft laugh barely audible, then James pulls towards him a little incredibly shy boy.
Sirius feels his face doing something complex, passing through surprise, then admiration and gentleness.
The little one holds in his hand a pink plush bunny, holding it against his chest, he looks at James with big admiring eyes and a sweet smile on his lips.
Sirius is not objective when it comes to children, you can give him the ugliest child in the world, Sirius will find them beautiful. It’s not fair, Sirius likes so much seeing children to be happy to even think for a second that they are not good enough for everyone’s standard.
Children are all beautiful because it’s like that, who even are you to say who is pretty or not? Sirius is nobody.
So there you have it, Sirius is biased.
Except that when Sirius first sees Teddy, he thinks he is much more than beautiful.
Sirius remembers thinking the same for Harry, and for Lily and Mary’s daughter as well. All children are beautiful, but some are angelic.
Teddy, here, looks like an angel.
Probably because of the golden curls that animate his baby face. And reflect the honey color of his eyes.
Sirius does not know why he has this idea of an angel - white clothes illuminated by golden accessories.
When Sirius' eyes rise to look at Remus a second time, he sees him completely differently. Because, shit, Teddy is just a tiny version of his dad.
Golden curls, honey eyes, freckles, chapped lips.
Among a Sun, two Stars and a Bambi in the room, two Angels have just been added.
Sirius quickly turns his gaze when he notices that he is staring at Remus a little too intensely and that the man was already looking at him.
Sirius is out of his trance by the little Harry who wriggles in his arms to hide in his neck while James carries Teddy at the same height as his son.
Sirius knows that everyone already knows each other, that Teddy and Remus often come to dinner, so it makes him smile that Harry is still intimidated by little Teddy.
James finds it funny too. “I think Harry has fallen in love with Teddy recently.” he talks to Sirius. “He always does that and then he doesn’t let him go for a second.”
Sirius laughs softly and tightens his godson against him, watching Teddy staring at Harry.
“Teddy?” James’ voice is soft as he asks for the little one’s attention. “It’s Sirius.” he points to Sirius, Teddy follows his finger with his eyes. “He is Harry’s uncle, he’s really nice, if you need something you can ask him too, okay?”
Sirius gives a small smile to Teddy who stares at him for a little while, seeming to analyse him in silence then he finally nods and gesticulates in James’ arms to ask him to put him down.
Harry does the same in Sirius’ arms, walking awkwardly to Teddy who has found his place behind his dad’s legs.
While James happily announces that the meal is cooked and everyone can take a seat around the dining table, Sirius sees a smile creeping down his little brother’s lips as his eyes find his.
Regulus kindly offers him a discreet nod that Sirius knows to be there to reassure him and tell him that he is doing well.
When they take their seats for dinner, Teddy sneaks into Remus' lap as if he was always doing that while there is only one high chair and it is used by Harry.
Sirius finds himself sitting between Harry and Remus, facing Regulus and there is something about being in front of his little brother that reassures him at this moment, sending him back to their childhood where all that mattered when his mother yelled at him was Reggie’s eyes.
The dinner begins with congratulations for James and some quick and easy discussions. James and Remus talk about their students for most of the time, with Regulus and Sirius listening and sometimes asking questions.
Reggie talks about the afternoon he spent at the shop with Effie who stayed for hours when she had only come for a few minutes. James looks at his husband with stars in his eyes.
Then Sirius recounts the phone call he had with Lily that morning. Explaining that she and Mary are in Bali with their girl for a week of well-deserved rest and hope to have time to come see them quickly before flying to Singapore.
That’s when James tells Remus that Sirius did a year and a half as a model just to help Mary find her place in the world as a stylist.
So Remus looks at Sirius with a curious look. “You traveled much then?”
Sirius tells him, although timidly, that he mostly traveled between Paris and New York but that he also has traveled dozens of other cities, especially capitals such as Madrid or Tokyo.
Remus listens to him without interrupting even if Sirius notices that he is holding back from asking questions, so he makes a few poses in his monologue to let Remus express his curiosity.
James and Regulus watch the exchange without interrupting, helping Harry to eat or refilling water for Teddy to act as if they were not listening.
Sirius noticed it but he chose to ignore it because Remus is listening and it means a lot to Sirius.
When Sirius thinks he has told all about the wonderful experience as a model that he had with Mary and Lily, he deflects the discussion on travel in general and learns that Remus never left the UK. He also learns that a few months ago, James had suggested to Remus to join them on their next vacation out of the country.
Sirius can’t figure out whether Remus accepted the offer or not. Their next trip, all four of them, should be in the south of France. Sirius ignores the hope that blossoms in him at the idea that Remus and Teddy accompany them.
After the raspberry dessert - a cake made by Sirius and which has received many compliments - Regulus escapes with the intention of doing the dishes and Remus quickly follows him after having dropped Teddy on the carpet in the living room where Harry is already playing with dolls.
This leaves Sirius with James who is already staring at him when Sirius finds his eyes.
Sirius raises an eyebrow. “What?”
“It’s a success, don’t you think?”
Sirius raises one shoulder.
“I think Remus likes you. Or at least enough to babysit Teddy.”
Sirius does not respond, he leans slightly to look towards the kitchen, seeing Remus and Regulus talking quietly while doing the dishes, both wearing a smile on their faces.
Sirius then turns his head to the two boys on the living room carpet, Harry playing louder despite speaking fewer words than Teddy.
Teddy is delicate in his gestures towards Harry, as if the two-year-old knew that Harry was more fragile and delicate than he.
When Remus and Regulus return to sit with James and Sirius, they are accompanied by a new bottle of wine, two smiles and a discussion about which flowers to plant at what time of the year.
They sit in front of James and Sirius, James having stolen Remus’ seat a few minutes earlier while he was discussing with Sirius about a very serious subject - Halloween.
James happily joins their discussion and Sirius was planning to do the same - because he loves talking with Reggie about all the flowers in the world - but a small hand suddenly pulls on his sleeve.
Sirius then looks down where the little Teddy stands shyly close to his leg, his hand quickly letting go of his sleeve when Sirius notices him.
He waddles slightly, holding his stuffed rabbit firmly, and stares at Sirius with a little fear.
Sirius wants everything but to make Teddy afraid.
So he smiles, turns a little, and leans closer to the boy “Do you need something, Teddy?” His voice is soft, softer than he is usually capable of, not wanting to scare the little one.
“James told me I could ask you too.” Teddy’s voice is so low and shy that Sirius has to concentrate on hearing it over the adult voices.
“Of course, Teddy, tell me what you want.”
The little boy reaches an arm forward towards Sirius and squeezes and loosens his hand several times to indicate that he wants to be carried.
Sirius prefers to make sure, not wanting to do anything bad. “You want to sit on my lap?”
Teddy nods and lets his arm fall back against his body as Sirius leans over and places his hands under the little boy’s armpits to lift him up and sit him on his knees facing him.
Teddy quickly settles in and finally dares to ask what he needs. “Can I taste this?”
Teddy swivels a little on Sirius' lap and points to a small bowl of raspberries on the table next to the cake.
“You want raspberries?” Sirius asks to be sure of his request.
Teddy turns to Sirius and then nods with a small shy smile.
Sirius looks over Teddy’s head towards Remus to ask him if it is possible but he finds his eyes already on him, the ghost of a smile on his lips. Remus nods immediately, indicating that he followed the exchange between his son and Sirius.
Sirius nods slightly in response to Remus and looks at Teddy again. “Sure, Teddy.”
He slightly lifts the boy to turn him on his knees, so that he is leaning against Sirius' chest and facing the table.
Sirius catches two small raspberries in the bowl and lays them on a clean towel and halves them so that Teddy does not risk choking.
He puts one of the four halves in Teddy’s tiny hand and invites him to taste.
Teddy grimaces a little at first but swallows his piece and waits for Sirius to give him a new one before putting it in his mouth.
The little rhythm of Teddy continues with the next four raspberries, his mouth becoming more and more pink as well as his little fingers.
When he seems full he leans against Sirius' chest, leaving his full weight to Sirius.
Sirius quickly wipes Teddy’s fingers and mouth then lets the little boy sit against him without any more discomfort or restraint. He even manages to turn completely and put his cheek against Sirius' chest, watching James beside them speaking vividly to Regulus and Remus.
Sirius stands still for a moment, looking at this scene from an external point of view. Teddy, who did not know Sirius three hours ago, is comfortably seated against him with his stuffed rabbit.
He wonders what he did to gain a little of Teddy’s trust so quickly. Maybe he’s observant enough to see that Sirius is taking care of Harry. Maybe he saw his dad laughing with Sirius earlier at dinner and figured he was trustworthy. Maybe Sirius gave him a smile that the little boy really enjoyed. Or maybe he was just the closest and Teddy really wanted to eat raspberries.
But it doesn’t matter, does it? Because Sirius has Teddy’s approval to be his babysitter, right?
Sirius tries to hold back the smile that wants to slip on his lips at this mere idea. Instead, he focuses on the boy, putting a gentle hand on his back and making sweet gestures to appease him.
Sirius feels himself gently swinging from right to left by automatism, fully feeling the little boy’ weight against him.
He then comes out of his bubble, hearing more and more loud the voices of the other three adults around the table. It seems that James has managed to bring the theme of Halloween into his discussion with Regulus and Remus as well.
When Sirius raises his eyes from the small head full of golden curls against him, he finds those of Remus escaping but not quickly enough so that Sirius does not notice that he was looking at them.
When Teddy, in Remus’ arms at the moment of their departure, waves to Sirius with his little hand holding his stuffed rabbit, Sirius does not find in him to hide the smile that reigns on his lips.