Down On His Knees

It was now Saturday, and Barty had gone to see Evan everyday for the last week. He learned a lot more than he thought he would, thanks to Evan indulging him with more and more answers as the days went on. He learned the following:

1. Evan and Pandora were identical twins, it just turned out that Pandora was intersex. 
2. The rumors were only partly true– Evan hadn’t gotten kicked out of school, Pandora did. But then he refused to go to a different school than his sister, so he got himself kicked out too(He wouldn’t tell Barty exactly how yet, but he was determined to find out) 
3. Evan was gay. Barty isn’t sure why that mattered so much, but he made sure to keep a mental note. Just because.

And besides those important things, he’d also learned other smaller things about Evan. Like the fact that Evan was actually almost a year older than Barty, but they were in the same grade because his birthday was so late. Evan’s birthday was in November, another small mental note he made. He also learned that Evan was an extremely picky eater. He found that information out due to him trying to share his lunch with Evan once, and he was met with an expression of absolute disgust. Evan usually only ate sandwiches, rice, or a couple more foods that Barty couldn’t remember off the top of his head. 

Talking to Evan was an experience. An experience Barty couldn’t get enough of. Evan made him flustered, speechless, confident, intrigued, and confused all at once. It was only a week of knowing Evan, and Barty already couldn’t remember how he’d survived life without him. Everything before seemed so… boring . Lunctimes with Evan made everything interesting. Fun. 

Barty was lying on his bed, head behind his head as he stared at the ceiling, mind consumed with thoughts of Evan. They had only been seeing each other during lunch, but that was starting to be too little for Barty. He needed to see Evan outside of the forest. Which posed Barty with a problem: The only reason he hadn’t been seeing Evan outside the forest is because that’s the only place his father doesn’t have eyes on him. He can’t punish Barty for seeing Evan if he doesn’t know he’s seeing Evan. Barty did get caught jumping the fence a couple times, but that wasn’t anything he’d get in huge trouble for. 

He needed to see Evan more though. There was no way that Barty could only keep seeing Evan for 45 minutes a day– Which means something had to give. He sighed as he decided to just talk to Evan in school as well. He could deal with a couple more punishments if it meant he got to see Evan. 

But seemingly out of nowhere, a feeling of dread settled over him. He was doing all of this– putting himself in danger– for a boy . He didn’t like Evan. Sure he was attractive, but acknowledging that wasn’t a sin… The guilt gnawed at Barty’s stomach, compelling him to reach for the Bible that was inside the drawer of his side table. He opened it up to the one verse he knew where to find by heart– Leviticus 18:22 . Just looking at the name made Barty want to curl in on himself. He skimmed down the page, looking for the exact line. 

Thou shall not lie with mankind, as with womankind: It is abomination. 

Why? Why was it so wrong? Barty could never wrap his head around it, but he knew it wasn’t his place to. He wasn’t God. This was God’s word. It must be true. It was a sin for him to have these feelings, these… thoughts about men. He wasn’t supposed to. Which is why he never let himself think too hard about these thoughts, let alone act on them. No matter how hot he thought the captain of the football team was, or how much he wanted to get down on his knees for Eva– No. No, he can’t. Barty shut the Bible, staring at it blankly as his stomach churned. These thoughts were a sin. Everyone sinned, yes, but this was worse than that. Homosexuality was his one way ticket to hell, if what his father taught him was any indicator. Looking at the Bible for a moment again, Barty then closed his eyes.

God, please forgive me for these thoughts. I’m trying not to think them, I promise.

He really wasn’t, if he had any other choice, he’d just like girls. He didn’t want to like guys, this wasn’t his fucking choice. 

 Please help me. I need your help, I don’t want to be like this. I need your guidance Lord, help me to see the path you’ve created for me, to stop going down this road. 

He wanted to be free from all of this. He didn’t want to have to live with this guilt anymore, he was so sick of it–

Why don’t you ever respond, God? I’ve been praying for so long, are you even listening? 

Barty sucked in a breath. Shit. He wasn’t supposed to say that in a prayer.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I just don’t know what to do anymore… Please help me. 

He was begging at this point but Barty couldn’t think of any other way of getting God to listen. Maybe He’d take pity on him. 

In Jesus’ name, Amen. 

Barty opened his eyes slowly, only feeling more pathetic and guilty than he had before he’d prayed. He couldn’t help but feel like God wasn’t listening. But then again, who’d want to listen to someone like him? He’d been a fuckup from the moment he was born. His mother wasn’t supposed to have gotten pregnant with him. When his father and mother had first gotten married, his father made it clear he wanted no kids until he felt the time was right. His mother was supposed to be on birth control but… nothing’s ever a hundred percent effective. She’d gotten pregnant, and wanted to keep it. He couldn’t blame her, living alone with his father… It wasn't fun. Even though his father wanted to abort him, his mother refused and insisted on keeping the baby. Hence Barty’s existence. But he wasn’t supposed to be here, if his father had gotten what he wanted. 

And his father made it very clear that he hadn’t gotten what he wanted. If he had to keep the kid, it seemed like he was hellbent on making sure Barty was to be perfect. A carbon copy of him. Someone who didn’t fight back. Who didn’t talk back. Who didn’t get in trouble. Who was smart. Who was holy. And it was simple really, if Barty didn’t measure up, or did something to disappoint his father, he got punished. Which is why it was so absurd that he was putting more punishments on the line just to see Evan again. It was ridiculous, but Barty couldn’t bring himself to regret it. He’d probably regret it later, in the middle of the night when he couldn’t fall asleep and all the thoughts he ignored, and the guilt eats him alive. But at the moment, all he could think of was trying to see Evan again. 

Maybe he’d be out in town today…

***

“What are you doing here?” Evan asked, not sparing a glance at Barty as he continued walking. 

Barty had gotten extremely lucky. According to Evan, Barty had caught him on his restock day– He goes out into town for once and buys a whole bunch of stuff so he doesn’t have to go back for at least another two weeks. Barty could understand why; By the way they were getting stares– particularly Evan– Barty could feel the full force of the town’s disdain for Evan. It wasn’t a surprise to Barty, especially since he used to do the same. But now that he’d actually talked to Evan, the whole thing seemed kinda idiotic. 

He grinned at Evan, putting an arm on his shoulder only to get shrugged off, “Looking for you, actually.” 

“Why? I figured you weren’t going to talk to me in public.”

Damn. He’d been clocked. 

“I decided otherwise! So now you get to be in my presence whenever you please.”

“Oh goody.” He deadpanned, and it was so ambiguous that for a moment, Barty couldn’t tell whether he meant it or not. He came to the conclusion that Evan was being sarcastic. 

“Don’t sound so upset about it, I just know you’re dyin’ to be in my presence.”

“Is that what helps you sleep at night?”

“Thinking about you always helps me sleep at night.” He grinned at Evan, moving to walk backwards in front of him. Barty was definitely going to trip and fall, but that wasn’t his problem at the moment. Getting to see Evan’s face was worth it. And right then, Evan was currently rolling his eyes at Barty, but a small smirk played on his face. 

“So you think of me at night often? How do you imagine me?” 

Barty did not expect that question. To be honest, Barty had imagined Evan in all sorts of ways– Them just talking like normal, Evan hanging out with him at home, Evan in bed with him… Not like that! Well– maybe a little like that, but Evan didn’t need to know that. But maybe it would catch him off guard again… Eh, he was probably going to hell anyways, why not?

“In bed with me.” He smirked back, crossing his arms in triumph before Evan even replied.

“Oh? And in this scenario is one hand down your pants too?” 

Barty choked on his spit, and stumbled a bit, causing him to almost trip and fall on his ass in front of Evan. Again. But this time, a strong hand caught him, grabbing his wrist. Evan caught him. Barty stared dumbly at Evan for a moment, his brain restarting after all that. Even when Barty righted himself upwards again, Evan didn’t let go of Barty’s wrist. They just stood there, staring at each other. Internally, Barty was fangirling over how fucking cool that was of Evan, but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out what Evan was thinking. 

Evan looked Barty up and down for a moment, his gaze lingering down for a good minute, before he let go of Barty and told him, “Wait here.” And Evan was gone. He’d walked down the block into a store Barty didn’t really pay attention to. Barty, despite never being one for orders, stayed put. Evan told him to wait. Hold on… Who was he to boss him around? I don’t take orders from anyone, why the fuck am I–  

“Sorry, I had to go give my list to Pandora.” Evan called out as he strolled back up to Barty. Yeah. He's why I waited. Evan scratched his head, pushing the blonde twists out of his face. He looked at Barty and grabbed his wrist again, looking both ways before dragging him down the block before dragging him into the alley behind the ice cream shop. Barty followed along willingly, very much confused as to what Evan was doing. In the back of his head, Barty noted that it was a very secluded area– the type where usually one of two things happen; Murder or hooking up. 

Evan pushed Barty against the wall, keeping his hand on Barty’s wrist– like he was worried that if he let go, Barty would run. 

“I’ll ask you again,” Evan started as he looked Barty in the eyes, way too close for Barty to completely think straight, “Was your hand down your pants while you were thinking of me?”

Barty nodded. Fuck– he was not supposed to tell him that. It was one time. 

“Thank fuck.” Barty’s eyes widened, because what did that mean–

Evan crashed his lips against Barty’s, catching him even more off guard. Barty’s eyes fell closed, losing himself to the kiss. It was messy and rushed; Like both of them had been wanting this but left the words unsaid. Barty shouldn’t be doing this. Barty’s hands shouldn’t be on Evan’s waist, Barty shouldn’t be pulling Evan closer, Barty shouldn’t be wanting Evan closer, but he did. He did so fucking bad, God save him if this was a sin, because it sure as hell didn’t feel like one . He groaned into the kiss, his tongue pushing at Evan’s lips for entrance. Evan let him in almost immediately, and holy shit, Barty was not made to resist this. 

Evan’s hand finally let go of his wrist, only to start fumbling with Barty’s belt. That’s what made Barty freeze. It was like ice had been poured over his head and his mind was suddenly clear with the realization of what he was doing. He pulled back, pushing Evan’s hands away.

“Wait- wait, stop!” He panicked, raising his voice more than he meant to. Evan paused, looking at Barty flushed and confused. 

“This- no. I can’t do this, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have let you do that.”

Evan took a step back, his face falling a bit blank again. His voice was level when he shrugged, “You wanted it as much as I did.”

Barty shook his head, denying it immediately even though it was a flat out lie.

“No, I didn’t.” 

“You did. It’s fine you did, they’ve just ingrained that stupid shit into your head–”

“It’s wrong! It’s wrong Evan. Just fucking leave it alone, okay? Forget we did this.” 

Evan stared at Barty for a while before eventually nodding. “Fine. I’ll see you tomorrow, Barty.” He walked away, not leaving time for Barty to say anything else. 

And just like that, Barty was alone.

***

Barty was beginning to think his father was insane. Actually, not think, know . And Barty was starting to think it was genetic because of how much his father drove him insane. 

“Take over confessions? But I’m not a priest.” He was trying his damn hardest not to look at his father like he was crazy. 

His father stared at him like he was the stupid one. Fucking insane , Barty thought again, He’s absolutely fucking insane . 

“It is not impossible for someone who is not a priest to do confessions. You just cannot offer them absolution. So, starting today, I will have you trade places with Father Fleamont. He’s gotten sick, so you will be taking his place until further notice.” 

Barty gawked at his father, unable to help himself. “So, I’m doing confessions today?”

“Yes, Bartemius. I said it multiple times.” 

What the actual fuck. This wasn’t fair. He had planned on trying to make small talk with Evan after service, but now that was out the window. He was going to try and act like everything was normal, like yesterday hadn’t happened. “Okay.” He eventually sighed, conceding to his father’s wishes. It’s not like he had a choice. This would definitely be interesting. 

***

Barty hated being right. Doing confessions was interesting . In the derogatory sense. These people were so much worse than Barty had thought. Apparently one of his teachers– Barty was good with voices, especially after having heard this particular grating voice of his very dear Mr. Riddle for so long– was sleeping with one of his students . He didn’t say who by name, but Barty could be pretty sure of who it was. Bellatrix Black. The girls of the Black family tended to not have the best luck in this town. 

And that was just the least of it– The grocer was cheating on his wife with one of the waitresses from the diner, and Mr. Carrow had beaten one of his kids unconscious the other day. Barty zoned out after that, because it was mainly the same things from the adults; Cheating, abuse, molestation, over and over and fucking over again. And Barty can’t even report anything to the police or anyone else– he was sworn to secrecy. Even if he did tell, it’s not like anyone would do anything. No one cared about all the bad shit that happened. Everyone was complicit, or a victim. Everyone lost hope by the time they turned 10 and came to terms with the fact that this was their life. 

The door to the confession room opened again, and a shadowed figure stepped in. 

“In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. May God, who has enlightened every heart, help you to know your sins and trust in his mercy.” Barty repeated for the hundredth time that day.

“Amen.” The person said, and every hair on Barty’s body got ten times more alert. He knew who that was. Goddamnit– It was Evan.

Barty had gone quiet at the realization, but he couldn’t just ask if it was him. These were anonymous. Either way, he knew. 

Evan continued on to say, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned, it has been a week since my last confession, and these are my sins.”

Barty didn’t have to say much after this point. He just had to listen. 

“I’ve met this boy, he’s the pastor’s son. And he’s making me lust after him. I want to do so many unspeakable things to him, I can’t help it.” 

Barty’s breath hitched in his throat. Evan was talking about him ? Barty felt his mouth go dry as he continued. 

“I want to fuck him. I want to see him cry underneath me as he begs for more. I want him to forget all about God and let me take him. Let me show him what worship really feels like. I want to kiss every part of his body, from his lips to his thighs, and everything in between. Especially what’s in between. I want to tease him– edge him until his tip is leaking and he looks so fucking ruined. I want this boy so bad. I already kissed him yesterday. Oh, if only he knew how much more I wanted to do to him at that moment…”

Fuuuuuuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Holy fucking shit. Barty was not prepared for that. Evan had to know it was Barty on the other side of the window. Barty was very much going insane over this. Because what the actual fuck– He said that. In church. And Barty was just supposed to be listening, not actively imagining Evan doing all those things to him and getting hard. 

This is wrong, you know it’s wrong. He told himself, trying to calm the fuck down. 

It’s a sin. Homosexuality is a sin. What you did yesterday was wrong. You can’t do it again. You’re disobeying God. You’ll go to hell Barty. You’ll go to hell. 

The voice in his head was deafening. Somehow, they reminded him of his father yelling at him. The voice didn’t feel like his own… But the thoughts that Evan had put in his head were louder. 

Clearing his throat, Barty finally spoke. “Are- are you ready to receive your penance?” 

“Yes.” Evan said simply, but Barty could swear he heard a smirk in his voice. 

“You… Were you being truthful about all those things you said you wanted to do to that boy?” 

“Yes sir.” 

Shit. 

“You should do it then. The best way to get rid of those thoughts is to act on them.” 

Barty pushed the sliding door between them to the side, seeing a grinning Evan on the other side. 

Evan stayed in his seat, beckoning Barty over. It was quiet, but Barty could swear there was a whole silent conversation happening between them. He knew what Evan wanted him to do. Evan knew what Barty wanted him to do. 

He kissed Barty once he was seated in Evan’s lap, wasting no time. Barty gasped into the kiss, opening his mouth to Evan’s tongue immediately. They moaned as they felt the warm inside of his mouth– Shit, it felt even better than he remembered. His arms found their way around Evan’'s neck pulling him closer. He needed Evan closer. Barty was letting caution to the wind just this once, fuck the consequences. Evan's hands drifted to Barty's waist, holding onto him tightly. It didn't take long for either of them to get worked up really, this was really just a continuation of yesterday. Everything that would’ve happened had Barty not stopped them. 

Evan sucked on Barty’s lip, and Barty gasped and rolled his hips against Evan’s experimentally. The friction drew a groan out of both of them, their dicks clearly straining against their pants. "Fuck- Barty." Evan hissed, already moving to pull Barty's shirt off-  It was very much welcomed by Barty. He wanted Evan everywhere. Immediately. Once his shirt was off, Evan stared at Barty for a moment. His eyes were dark as his gaze trailed down Barty, the want obvious. God– Barty doesn’t think anyone’s ever looked at him like that before. "You're gorgeous." He hummed eventually, his hands roaming down Barty's torso. Barty could only moan in response, as Evan started sucking and biting at his neck. He’d be wearing turtlenecks for the next week, but it was so fucking worth it. 

While Evan was continuing his ministrations at Barty’s neck, Barty decided he was going too slow, and moved his hands from Evan’s neck to start unzipping his jeans. Evan pulled back, raising an eyebrow at Barty. 

“You’re not gonna shove me away this time?”

Barty shook his head, “I’m not. I won’t, just please. Fuck me, holy shit.” He cringed internally at how desperate he sounded. He sounded like a whore. 

Evan chuckled, “You’ll just have to wait. You stopped me yesterday, so now we’re taking this at my speed. If you’re good, maybe I’ll fuck you.”

His hips rolled at the words, a small whine leaving his lips. He wanted him now. 

“Behave.” Evan reprimanded. Oh. Oh. Alright then. 

He nodded, “Okay.”

Evan smiled, going to suck at Barty’s collarbone, “Good boy.”

Ah. Barty was so fucked.