Honeydukes
"Merlin! Is this what strippers feel like?" Scorpius said miserably and rubbed his temples.
Albus frowned. "I think male strippers do a little more than we did."
"Yeah, well, at least they get paid! We had to flirt with that bitch for free!"
"It wasn't for free! We lost a bet, we had to hold up our end of the bargain, otherwise we'd look like pussies for backing down. It'd do wonders for our reputation."
"Why would you put up flirting with Cathleen anyway??" He said accusingly.
Albus shot him a look. "You really thought that he had the guts to steal McGonagall's glasses?"
"No! That entire class was traumatizing." Scorpius complained and muttered darkly, "Wow, Cathy, your Fruit Basket drawings are so cool! Gross."
Albus smirked. "That wasn't even the worst part. People had to watch us do it."
"Now she's gonna go up to her dorm and won't leave me alone!" He lamented, "She's probably gonna make create-a-characters of us or some stupid shit like that."
"What, like in Sims?"
"I've never played Sims. You can make characters in that?"
"I think so. My sister makes them of guys she likes," Albus explained, looking rather bored.
"Whatever," He sighed. "Ugh. I need a Calming Draught." He reached for the inside of his robes, near his right armpit. "What...?"
Albus then opened his mouth, showing Scorpius the pill that was sitting on his tongue.
"You idiot! That was my last Draught! How'd you get it anyway?"
"Quick hands," He stated simply. "Pit and a Calming Draught. What a combo."
Scorpius glared at him before relenting, "Yeah. Goes together like pumpkin juice and toast."
"Is all!"
He widened his eyes. "Oh yeah, she kept saying that! Like she was a fucking professor or something. What about, 'Um, okayy?'" scrunching up his face and mimicking her scratchy voice.
"Oh, I hate that. Like, she has to stretch it out instead of saying 'okay' like a normal person!"
"This is true!"
"This is quite a unique fashion choice!"
"What an interesting comment! However..."
"Stop screaming, we're having sex!"
A Slytherin walked up to them, holding a box of Bertie Botts Every-Flavour Beans.
"What are you guys talking about? Sounds like you had a class with Cathleen." Eugene Zabini grinned.
Albus pointed at the box of sweets excitedly. "Dude, he has Honeydukes! Eugene, where'd you get Honeydukes??"
Eugene stared at him. "Honeydukes...?" He replied uncertainly, and vaguely wondered about Albus' sanity.
"Gimme a bean, bitch!"
"Try again," He said dryly.
Albus rolled his eyes and pointed to his mouth, "Please give me a bean, bitch!"
Scorpius' eyes followed Eugene's hand as he popped a Every-Flavour Bean in Albus' open mouth. He sighed and answered the earlier question, "But, yeah, we had a class with Cathleen."
He nodded sagely. "I thought so. She was drawing pictures of you guys in Ancient Runes today."
"No way! What were we doing in the pictures!?" Scorpius demanded.
"Like... being really close and shit? I'm pretty sure she was drawing you guys making out and stuff but she tried to hide it." He confirmed, shaking the box of sweets.
Scorpius banged his fist on the table. "Albus, we're gonna get killed. We're gonna get fucking murdered by a girl who can't even do the 'Alohomora' charm!"
"Calm down! What happened after?"
"I convinced one of the Gryffindor girls to steal the drawings and Incendio'd them. Told that bitch to watch it."
"That was mega fucking cool of you, Eugene," Albus said, impressed.
"I know," Zabini nodded and looked slightly pleased with himself. "Well, I gotta go, my cousin brought back a bunch of meds from America and I'm planning to sell them to Peeves. See y'all later." He stalked off and left them staring thoughtfully at the empty space.
Scorpius broke the silence. "He's a good guy."
Albus didn't answer. Finally, he said, "What's more psychopathic? Eating a person, or wanting a person to have sex with your dead body?"
"Um...eating a person."
Albus heaved a sigh. "Still sane," He muttered.
"I'm not getting into that," Scorpius continued, "So what are we doing for History of Magic?"
He groaned. "That's the Voldemort thing, right? The Second War of Hogwarts?"
There was a sudden noise, much like a scream. They jolted out of their seats.
"Anyway..." Scorpius looked less confident now, "I think that we should talk about how almost everyone was prejudiced against Slytherin as a whole. Basically everyone said the 'm' word back then. It could be a nice challenge."
Albus looked at him. "How is that a challenge?"
"Name one," He said simply.
"Zacharias Smith? No... Oh! Michael Corner! Wait..." His voice broke off.
There was a high-pitched shriek. "What's going on?" Scorpius peered, "Is there a firework show or something?"
Abruptly, there was a familiar voice booming around the area that was obviously magnified. "Attention! We are in emergency lockdown. Please proceed to your Common Rooms and follow the safety procedures immediately!"
"What the fuck was that supposed to mean?"
There was an outbreak of more screaming and shouting. "Oh!" Albus' eyes widened. "Is that..."
"Oh shit!" Panic was rising into Scorpius' voice, "Cathleen snapped! WE-HAVE-TO-GET-OUT-OF-HERE!"
He started to run but turned back to see Albus lazily circling his wand on the table. "What the hell are you doing!?"
"We flirted with her yesterday," He explained patiently, "We're the last people she wants to kill. Just chill out."
"THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY!" He shrieked, "YOU TOOK MY LAST DRAUGHT!!"
He rolled his eyes but didn't dignify that with a response. Scorpius ran out of sight, towards the Courtyard. Albus was alone now, counting the screams in his head.
A few seconds later, a defeated Scorpius walked back towards him, slumped back into his seat and threw a box of Bertie Botts Every-Flavour Beans at him. Albus raised an eyebrow and said casually, "I thought you were running for it?"
"They charmed the doors locked," He despaired. They fell into a strained silence as Albus put a bean into his mouth and chewed but immediately spat it back out.
"Ugh! Spinach!"