Hogwarts' Sex Addiction Rehab Program
"Hey, Rose!" called out Polly Chapman.
"What's up?" replied Rose Granger-Weasley, her bushy red hair obscuring her gaze.
"Jeremy here was just telling us how much he wanted to shove his face in your boobs!" Polly laughed.
"Uh, excuse me??" she demanded.
"What?? I never said that!" he shrieked nervously.
"Oh my God, don't lie Jeremy."
"Yeah, the first step is admitting that you have a problem," Priya Thomas snickered, "that's how you get better."
"If you were attractive, then I would've immediately let you, but you're just an ugly little squib!" Rose retorted.
"Yeah, keep it in your pants for once, Jeremy!"
"If I wasn't in a relationship with God and Jesus right now, I would hurt you so bad!"
"Okay, okay! I'm sorry!"
Polly leaned a little closer to Rose and explained, "But then he said that you were better at magic and way smarter than Scorpius!"
Rose softened. "Oh my God, that's actually really sweet! Thank you, Jeremy! I'd still never fuck you in a million years."
"Same." chorused Priya and Polly.
"Oh, so you think that you can just talk shit about me??" Scorpius came into view.
"Bitch, don't be jealous."
"Bitch, I don't get jealous of sluts!" he argued.
There was a collective 'ooh-ing' from the rest of the rehab students, who were all seemingly interested and wondering if a duel would break out.
Rose reddened and said, "Yeah I'm not a slut anymore, Scorpius, okay? I'm in a relationship with Jesus now."
"Is that who told you to sell your ass for an IPhone 7 last week?" he spat.
"Damn!"
"Not even the latest one?"
She looked apprehensively around the room, "Uh, what?? I don't even know what you're talking about."
Scorpius remained stoic before retorting, "Face it, bitch. Jesus is a fucking pimp and born again virgins like you are his army of hoes!"
There was a small outbreak of laughter.
"Hey, why don't you settle down and deal a bit of respect here?" Jeremy exclaimed, trying to look good in front of all these observers who had bullied him merciless all these years.
"Why don't you fuck off and finish last, virgin?"
Jeremy shied away, retreating into a dark corner.
Polly giggled, "You had that coming, Jeremy."
Rose shouted, "Oh, so now you have beef with Jeremy!?"
"Sorry. Didn't mean to insult your future customers." he sneered.
She suddenly exploded and yelled, "That's it! Do you actually wanna fucking go right now??"
He rounded on her. "Bitch, don't try me, I brought my knife to school."
"Oh yeah?? What are you gonna do with that?" she demanded, her red hair bouncing on her shoulders.
"Stab you and watch the skeet pour out!" he yelled back, brandishing the silver dagger, often used in Potions class.
"Bitch, I'll spit in your face!"
"I'll spit in your mouth!"
"I'll like it!" she revealed with a scarlet face, their noses almost touching, standing barely 10 centimetres apart.
All the chatter ceased, students and professors alike stared at the unravelling scene with much more fervour. Rose and Scorpius' attitudes immediately changed.
"Can I spit in yours back?" she longingly asked, in a heavy voice.
"I'll bite your bottom lip and make you fucking bleed." he confirmed.
"Promise to kiss me after- no! No!!"
They suddenly sprang apart, looking disheveled and disappointed.
"Help me, Jesus, help me... It's not love, it's just lust, it's not love, it's just lust!" Rose pleaded, trying to convince herself.
Priya stammered, "What the fuck."
"Break it apart, both of you! One more word, and I'll be sending letters to your parents and recommend that you be sent off to a real rehabilitation program!" McGonagall yelled, using her wand to prise them apart.
"Oh, now you stop them." Polly accused.