Remedial Classes
"Why would they pick the dungeons for this?" Lisa complained, "It's fucking freezing." she scowled.
He scrunched up his face, as if he smelt something particularly nasty before agreeing, "I know, just how many parents are on this school board anyway?"
Looking at the door, she mused, "What does the school board even do then? I've never heard of it."
"Stupid shit," Albus spat, "like... covering up sex scandals and threatening the house elves to make healthier food."
She snickered. "At least with the scandals, someone enjoys themselves. When they fuck up the treacle tart, everyone is tortured."
He sighed. I wonder what it's like at Durmstrang...
"At least it's far enough so your dad won't walk in," she commented, as if she read his mind.
"Yeah," he agreed aimlessly. Slowly, understanding dawned onto him, "Wait, what??"
Lisa confirmed, "I saw your dad here, around ten minutes ago? Is he pulling you out of school or something?"
"No! Did you actually see my dad here?? What the hell is wrong with him!?" Albus started to frantically look out for him, craning his neck around the barriers.
"I mean, yeah? There's only one Harry Potter, guy who saved the wizarding world?"
"And you're sure that you aren't just hallucinating off of those meds, or something!?"
"No, those meds don't make you hallucinate," she pondered, "during the day."
"I'm going to kill myself." he declared.
"Albus!" Harry Potter came into view, adorning a plain white apron and a relaxed face.
He had a flashback to their argument from the previous day, when his father had visited him in the Slytherin common room. It was practically deserted, only Scorpius had overheard their fight.
"So how were your classes today?"
"I got into trouble and they transferred me over to remedial classes." he replied in a matter-of-fact tone.
"WHAT??" he yelled.
"I know, took 'em long enough."
"NO, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??"
"I need remediation! My grades and behaviour apparently are not cutting it." Albus explained with a bored voice.
Harry was momentarily stunned. "Your grades?? You go to class every day, don't you get an 'A' just by showing up!?"
"Dad, this isn't the eighties anymore! You can't just show up and pass, you actually have to do shit now!"
"Excuses, excuses!"
"WHATEVER! Weren't you supposed to be happy about your new waiter job or something?"
"Hmm...I'm gonna head home and read up on French cuisine! You better find a way out of those remedial classes!" he threatened.
Once Harry had left the common room Albus grumbled, "You better find a real fucking job, bitch."
"Dad, no, get the fuck out of here right now!"
"What? I can't visit my son when we get called up to his school?" Harry smirked.
"Called by who?"
"Headmistress McGonagall called us at our little restaurant and asked us to cater this remedial event! I was incredibly proud to hear that your paper recieved an 'O', I've been excited about this presentation all week!" he responded happily.
"You knew about this for an entire week and you didn't even think about telling me??" Albus accused.
"I thought it would be a fun surprise!"
Lisa mumbled something under her breath that sounded like, "Why would they cater this?"
They ignored her. "So instead of telling me so I could blackmail you into not coming, you decided to swoop in and socially ruin my image forever!?" he yelled.
Harry sighed. "Don't be so dramatic! I'm sure Lisa here wouldn't mind if her father was visiting!"
"I would actually choke him with my braid," she snapped, shooting a slight smile at Albus, who smiled delicately back. Harry, who had noticed this exchange, narrowed his eyes a little.
"Right this way! As you can see here..." Minerva McGonagall's voice could be distantly heard.
"Hey! We need you prepping the sandwich trays!" an elderly female voice called.
Harry smiled at his son, "Looks like my boss needs me. Good luck, Al."
"Right, then! If the school board could line up here and sit down..." a high-pitched girlish voice chirped.
"Thank you, Dolores," McGonagall said, looking at her somewhat suspiciously before continuing, "before we get onto the catering, we would like to produce one work made by a student that proves this programme is worth all of the effort and funding." She nodded to Umbridge, who smiled faintly.
"Hem, hem, as I come to understand, the remedial programme is up for renewal at the end of this year. Which is why we would like for you to see how these classes really do help. And after much thorough discussion, people may still ask - 'What's the point of helping these rule breakers?'"
McGonagall agreed, "And after hearing this paper, I'm certain that you would be inclined to agree. Albus Potter? Would you like to read your essay to the board?"
"That-is-okay."
Umbridge chimed in. "Well, I'd love to read it for you."
She trotted to the front, holding the paper with an impressive air. "This is Albus' paper. When he arrived at these classes, he had 9 O.W.Ls, several truancy violations and even more in-school suspensions!"
"I'm all too familiar," McGonagall said, pinching the bridge of her nose.
There was an outbreak of laughter, which many of the remedial students had negative remarks for. "Look at all of these sexless marriages," Lisa frowned, casting a rueful glance in Tracy McLaggen's direction.
"Despite his initial disapproval of the Defence Against the Dark Arts, exposing him to the right atmosphere had a significant impact on his schooling and behaviour, which ultimately lead to the creation of this striking essay."
"Hem, hem,..." her voice drawled off, as people had realised what she was reading out- although edited to fit the subject- they had slowly started to back away from her, giving Umbridge disgusted looks as she was reading a plagiarized essay taken from the book of Voldemort himself, 'For Purity and Valour'.
Politics are weird. Like, insanely fucking weird. Like, everyone is hopping around until they're eventually Voldemort weird. Honestly, I thought that they were just going to fire her or something. Unfortunately, Frank Longbottom (II)'s great grandmother, who was apparently the owner of the restaurant, had quickly caught on and had called the assistance of the Ministry. Like, thanks for the heads up, Dad. Everyone involved had to go to a hearing. Everyone. So, I took the stand and I was all like, 'I'm just a kid, what do I know?' but they didn't really take that well. What did work better was calling out Muggleborn rights, and how Hufflepuff should get more recognition, and then I was in the clear- but then they went through Professor Umbridge's history, and this bitch was fucked up! When she was a normal professor, she tried to get Hagrid fired and was planning to use the Cruciatus Curse on some of the students, cutting their hands open and everything. Then, she even got trampled by a bunch of crazy centaurs. You can't make this shit up! The students themselves were a problem, because 'Pureblood' has been used as an insult for, like, the past 10 years. Umbridge was sentenced to Azkaban, McGonagall has a bunch of extra paperwork to do, and me? I've never felt better in my life.