Cold again
She closed her eyes. She felt safe there. Draco Malfoy made her feel safe. She can’t help it anymore, she’s admitting this to herself.
There’s no way, any man would have the same effect…right?
She remembered Viktor’s calloused hands on her and cringed. No, not really. When she remembered how Draco look between her things, worshipping her, something twisted in her stomach. Are those butterflies? What the fuck. No, no way. It’s just the effect of any man. She’s just horny and he’s always around. Right?
She can’t have a crush on Draco Malfoy. She simply cannot. That would complicate everything. Why in Merlin’s name did she let him get close? Why did she let him show her how good he could be?
She should’ve walked away. She can’t afford to like him. It’s too much. She said that if it became too much she would get out. She needs to end it before the feelings are real. Are they real now? Gods, what did she get herself into?
Draco owled her the next day. White Lillie’s and a pair of diamond earrings. Lillies, like Harry’s mom, the irony. There was another parcel. Inside it there was a bunch of wool socks. A few funny looking knit hats. She giggled. He must of seen her making them for the elves. She smiled as she read the note.
My love, I saw you making these and I wanted to help. My skills are not good. But I got a few out. I don’t know what they’re for. But it seems you needed quite a lot of them. I can’t wait to see you at the Yule Ball. I hope you wear all your gifts. I hope they are good enough.
She smiled again. Shit. She does like him. Fuck. This is not good. This is not good at all! If she were to act on these “feelings” everything would go to hell. His father would hear about it.
She remembered then. His father. The person he wanted to grow up to be not too long ago. The resentment returned. How could she love someone who comes from a family like that. People who hurt others.
Hermione had just read about it in the Prophet. All those people still trying to heal from the World Cup. And she was here snogging the son of the man who caused all the pain. What is wrong with her?
She will get rid of this crush. She closed his letter tightly and sent it to back to him with everything else.
Ignoring him again is the safest bet. There goes that uncomfortable feeling again. Not speaking to Malfoy will be hard, especially with these gestures of his. But it must be done. She crossed the line.
______________
When he saw her in the great hall he smiled again. He knew that he finally got her. She wouldn’t let him hold her if it wasn’t true. He wanted to be extra good this time around.
She didn’t smile back. It was like she was avoiding meeting his gaze. He frowned.
In class it happened again.
Did he do something wrong? He hasn’t teased Potter about the tournament. He hasn’t said anything at all. He even learned how to knit. He saw her doing it the muggle way a couple of times. He didn’t know why she needed to make so many tiny socks and harts and scarves but he wanted to help.
Did she not like her gifts?
He watched her the entire day. She would move far away from him on purpose. She had that same look in her eye. The one from before. Cold and resentful.
Did he fuck everything up again? He’ll beg on his knees if he must.
It went the same the next day. He received his letter back. Unopened. What happened. Did he go too far? Maybe he scared her away with his intense feelings. Fuck!
Then he saw it. Krum blew her a paper crane. She caught it and looked around, making sure her friends didn’t see. But Draco saw. She giggled and put it away.
Is that it then? She’s seeing someone else? Viktor fucking Krum. What the fuck? Was he not a good to her? He knew she wouldn’t go with him to the ball. He resigned to seeing her with scarhead or the weasel but this, this will not do. She’s ignoring Draco because Krum asked her out?
She never said he was the only man in her life. But he thought he was the best one. He was Draco Malfoy for fucks sake. How could she choose anyone else? He was so good to her.
Breathe Draco. Breathe. He was furious.
It’s like he didn’t exist to her, AGAIN. He was going to do something crazy. He needed answers. He needed to know where he went wrong.
She was walking down a corridor when he slipped into an empty class and waited for her to walk past it.
In one swift motion, he yanked her inside. He was desperate for her eyes on him.
He locked the door with his wand.
Granger was already red. That’s my girl.
“You’re going to the Yule ball with Krum?!”
“What the hell is wrong with you! Let me out. That’s none of your business-“ she was trying to storm out.
“IT IS…it is my business.” He covered the door with his tall frame.
“What? Did you think whatever we’ve been doing meant you had any claim on me? Don’t be daft Malfoy.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?“
“Don’t act unaffected! You know I would do anything for you! You know.”
Hermione crossed her arms. Her eyes were darting around the classroom. She was being avoidant. She has obviously started developing some type of feeling towards him. That has to be why she’s running away so suddenly. She’s scared. Draco wants her to let go. Make her feel something, anything. He was so close too.
“I thought I finally made you like me. I thought you finally understood how deeply I want you.” With shaky hands, Draco grabbed Hermione’s wrist and lifts it up to his mouth.
“I need you.” He whispers. He places a kiss on the inside of her wrist. “I promise, I’ll be so good. If you want me to change I’ll change. I can’t live without your touch again.” He kissed her wrist again. His words were heavy with need.
“Malfoy we can’t do this.” She tried to pull back. “You know this won’t end well. Your father nearly killed me this summer-“
“My father can sod off! I don’t care what he thinks. I hate him for what he did. I want you! I know I’m bad but I swear I’ve always wanted you. I did bad things to you, to your friends. I swear I didn’t mean it. I can change. I’ll be good.” He ranted.
“Malfoy…”
He keeps a firm hold on her wrist.
“I know you don’t want to be seen with me. I know I’m not your first choice. But you’re my first choice. I can’t let anyone have you.”
He pulled her close and she tried to push him away.
“Being around you is dangerous Malfoy. This game. This back and forth between us. It needs to end. I can’t afford to entertain this. It’s a distraction.” She said sternly. His grip tightened at her words. His eyes were pleading.
“ Please...” He was desperate now. He was loosing her and he could feel it. All the years of hate and resentment caught up to him quickly. She wanted to end their meetings- the world they built in the come and go room. But how could he ever let her? She was his.
“Let me out.”
“Wait. I’ll do anything- I can help you. I won’t be a distraction I swear. No feelings. No strings. You can go whenever you want, I’ll be here waiting for you always-“
“We can never do this again. What you represent, I want no part of it.”
“Wait no! You can’t-“
She took off the necklace and extended it to him. Draco thinks his heart might’ve stopped for a second. Once he didn’t take it she put it on a desk.
Is this what heartbreak feels like?
They were not dating and she never said he was the only one or anything but she was finally giving him her undivided attention, fulfilling his fantasies of having her to himself. But he was greedy. He wanted more. Having her made him think of endless possibilities. He thought he could make her fall in love with him.
She didn’t want to love him though. She didn’t even want to be seen with him. He wasn’t good.
He was raging with jealousy. At Krum, Weasley, Potter, everyone who could have her without having to be in the shadows. Without their family getting in the way.
Draco started sobbing into his hands. He wanted to do something. Something to make her stay. But there was nothing left.
He loved her so much that if she wanted to end things he would be forced to respect her decision. As much as he wanted to yank her back into the classroom and make her stay. He had to let her go.
Maybe it was for the best. His father wont target her this way. But something is looming in the dark here. He knows the return of- of him is possible.
She will be in danger. The only way he can protect her is having her close. But she wants distance. He can’t deny her that.
Draco made his way to the dungeons. He felt like his knees would give out. Pansy was sitting at a desk painting her nails.
“Go to the Ball with me Pans.”
At this, she laughed. She hadn’t looked up yet to see how serious he was.
“You know if our parents read about it they will think we are courting Dray. And, no offense, you’re not my type.”
She finally looked up at him and he smiled fell.
“Dray? What’s wrong?”
Draco didn’t say anything but he started sobbing again. Pathetic. Hermione was right about that.
“She doesn’t want to see me anymore.”
“Oh Draco.” She pulled him into a tight hug.
“Let’s get the boys. I could go for a drink.” “I don’t want a drink, I want her.”
“Draco you knew the complications of that relationship. You knew she would never really be yours. It’s for the best. You saw what your father did to those muggles.”
“Yes but I warned her.” He whined through tears.
“You wont be able to save her every time Dray. It’s dangerous. Your godfather is training you to occlude correct?”
He looked up.
“Think about it Dray. He’s coming back. Why else would they give you lessons now? You need to protect her by staying away. She’ll be a main target if anyone finds out.”
He took in a faltering breath.
“Besides. You knew she’d never go with you.” He scowled at that comment. Can’t a bloke live in his delusions?
“I’ll go with you, as a friend. But you owe me one.” She grinned and then put her wand to her neck. “Theo love! Blaisy! Dray needs a drink!”
“Shut-“ he tried to cover her mouth.
Theo and Blaise came barreling down the stairs of the common room.
“What’s wrong mate?” Blaise said and took one good look at him.
“Oh.” Their smiles fell they knew immediately what was up. Granger.
He needed to get out of the hole he dug.