Chapter 19
Magnus sat at one of the long tables of the great hall. Only a handful of Slytherins had remained at Hogwarts for the holidays, so the room was much emptier than usual. Absentmindedly, he stirred his coffee with a teaspoon, eagerly awaiting the caffeine's stimulating effect.
From the outside, no one would have been able to tell how exhausted he was; a touch of concealer and setting powder did a decent job of covering the dark circles under his eyes. The visit to his mother had left him tossing and turning in his bed for hours, unable to fall asleep. When he finally gave up in the early morning hours, he just lay there, feeling drained.
Lily was sitting across from him, immersed in a thick textbook on ancient runes. Magnus, for his part, was fairly certain that she was actually flicking through the latest edition of the tabloid Witch Weekly Magazine, hidden in the heavy tome. Lily loved writing furious letters to the editor, making it her personal mission to point out sexist comments to the writers.
Right when Magnus was about to shove a buttered piece of toast into his mouth, Lily gasped in shock. Her brown eyes were fixed on the newspaper in front of her. She was so horrified that she gave up her disguise and held the colourful article right in front of Magnus's face.
Magnus raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Did your celebrity crush get a tattoo?” When Lily didn't respond to him, he snatched the magazine out of her hand and skimmed through the article. An uneasy feeling spread in his stomach.
Love is in the air: How she wooed the Lightwood heir
The first grainy photo showed Alexander in formal robes, his neatly coiffed hair tousled as if someone had recently buried their hands in it. In his arms, a blonde woman, pressed against the railing of a snow-covered balcony. She, too, had wrapped her arms around Alexander. It was too dark to discern their faces – it seemed as if the photo had been taken from an open window nearby.
Alongside it were two circular portraits depicting a sullen-looking Alexander and a blonde woman with cold eyes. Of course Alexander looked stunning wearing his white bow tie and tight-fitting waistcoat. Magnus wasn’t quite ready to face how that made him feel.
Sparks were flying on the night of the 25th between Alexander Lightwood, heir to the Lightwood fortune, and Lydia Branwell, newly graduated from Beauxbatons. Amidst the twinkling lights and snow-dusted evergreens, there was no mistaking the chemistry between them.Our reporter spotted them locked in a passionate embrace on the balcony. We can't blame Lydia for wanting to run her fingers through this hotties' signature waves. Many would kill to be in her shoes, us included. We've been asking ourselves: how did she manage to melt Alexander's heart of ice? Until now, the eligible bachelor has never given anyone a second glance.Now the captain of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team is finally stepping out of his siblings' shadows, raising hopes of the romance of the season. Behind his brooding façade, there's a sensitive soul. A source close to the family has confirmed that we can look forward to an engagement soon. We'll be waiting eagerly for the big news and will report on further developments in the meantime.Lydia Branwell has definitely wrapped him around her finger in record time. But is she serious about our trust-fond-darling or is she just playing with him? It's clear as day: Alec likes blondes. And who can blame him? As I mentioned in the last edition, it's an eye catcher in the cold winter months.I wouldn't be surprised if a few young ladies tried their luck at a hair transformation. You can find charms for the perfect hairstyle on page 10. Read more about the Ministry's Christmas party on page 13.
Magnus felt a cold rage well up inside him and had to stop himself from ripping the article to shreds. He didn't even consider the possibility that just one word of this repulsive article could be true. How dare they invade Alec's privacy like that, describing him as if he was nothing but a piece of meat? And besides, Magnus was quite sure that Alec would never hug someone who tried to seduce him because of his fortune.
The image that the article painted of Alec had very little to do with the young wizard he had come to know in the last few months. He wanted to take Alexander into his arms and protect him from the sharp tongues of the tabloids. If he felt like it, he might even cast a particularly nasty curse on the editors, depending on his mood. That would have to wait until the end of the holidays.
*****
When Alec opened his eyes in the early hours of the morning between the years, he felt almost human for the first time in what felt like an eternity. Not that he felt good. If he was honest with himself, he felt utterly miserable. His head spun and his stomach growled, but the sensation of floating just outside his own body had finally subsided.
With trembling fingers, he reached for the glass on his bedside table and began to drink the cold water greedily. Never before had anything felt so good.
“Master Alexander?” Badrey's drowsy voice pierced the silence of the dawning day. The tip of his nose peeked out from under a thick blanket, carefully draped over one of the plush armchairs. It seemed that he had been sitting here, watching over Alec in his sleep. It took the old house-elf mere moments to reach Alec's side. “You're awake,” he said with obvious relief. “I was so worried.”
“You shouldn't have done that,” Alec managed and cleared his throat to ease the hoarseness in his voice. “You need your rest, too.” Badrey must be exhausted by now. On top of taking care of Alec, he would have had to deal with the remains of the Christmas party as well as his usual household duties.
“Don't worry about that. Oldtimers like me don't need as much sleep.” He snapped his fingers and a familiar brown package was deposited on Alec's bedspread straight from its hiding place under a loose floorboard. “Open it, I'm sure it will cheer you up.” The house-elf gave him a small, hopeful smile.
Alec couldn't refrain from a timid smile in return. Thinking of Magnus comforted him more than he had expected. The wrapping paper rustled softly as he peeled it back. He pulled out a small piece of parchment covered in Magnus' elegant handwriting.
To keep you warm
A grin spread across Alexander's face. Magnus had knitted him a pair of gloves. As soon as he put them on his fingers, the soft blue wool radiated a pleasant warmth. That had to be a permanent warming charm.
The Slytherin had not only noticed that Alec's hands were often cold, he had also taken the trouble to find a solution. His heart melted at the thought of imaging Magnus with two long embroidery needles, eyebrows drawn together in concentration. That was definitely a far cry from the Magnus he had met on the Hogwarts express.
“It's nice to see you happy,” Badrey said quietly. “You deserve it. No less."
“Couldn't you tell how much fun I was having at the Christmas party? I can't decide whether my favourite was the Veritaserum or the Cruciatus Curse.” He had meant it as a joke, but the words tasted like ash on his tongue.
“Alec.” It was the first time in years that he had addressed him without the usual formality. Probably the first time since Alec's early childhood. His voice trembled. “I thought I'd lost you. I thought you might never wake up again. It's no longer safe for you here. We have to get you out of this house somehow.” The house-elf seemed on the verge of tears, his large eyes glassy and red. “I'm sure the Fairchilds would take you in for the time being.”
Alec let out a deep sigh and gently massaged his throbbing temples. “Badrey.” His words were soft but firm. “If I leave now, I'll put everyone in danger. You, my siblings, Magnus... I can't let that happen. I underestimated how far my parents would go. I won't make that mistake again.”
His memories of the last few days were blurred and fragmented like the sharp edges of a cracked mirror. And Max... He couldn't lose himself in his pain now. There would be plenty of time for that later.
“But…” Badrey started indignantly, his thin arms firmly planted on his sides. He seemed to be searching for the right words. “Unforgivable curses are not to be trifled with. Crucio can only be cast with the intention of causing pain. This line must never be crossed. Especially not by your parents.”
“That's exactly why I should stay here,” Alec replied. “What do you think will happen if I leave now? Or if they find out that you helped me? It's much too risky.”
“Don't worry about me,” Badrey stubbornly insisted. “I can take care of myself.”
“I won't debate this with you, Badrey. I'm sorry, but I've made my decision. I can't take the risk,” Alec explained with more confidence than he had in him. “Besides, my parents won't have any reason to punish me from now on. If I don't make any mistakes, nothing is going to happen to me.”
“That's madness!” Badrey blurted out. He stared at Alec in disbelief and wrung his knobbly hands. “I can't protect you.”
“I don't need a protector,” Alec said quietly. “I don't want to put you in more danger. Don't worry, I'll stay out of my parents' way. I'll be back at Hogwarts soon anyway.”
*****
Dull blades of grass peeped through the dwindling layer of snow. The frost and cold of December gave way to the unrelenting morning sun of the new year. But when Alec entered the small grove bordering the estate, he was swallowed up by the twilight of ancient oaks and hazels. The treetops bore no leaves, but their long, gnarled branches stretched out longingly towards the grey of the sky.
Badrey had described the path to him, but he himself had stayed behind. The memory was too painful. It was easier than he'd thought to find the right tree.
The hawthorn was smaller and slimmer than its surrounding kin, though the sapling must have shot up in the last decade. In spring, it would carry petals, a fragrant, blanket of snow-white blossoms on the damp forest floor. Today, though, its branches were bare and winter still had a firm grip on the land.
Alec produced his wand from his pocket. Magnus' gloves exuded a constant warmth, giving him the reassurance he needed to approach the tree. “Revelio,” he said in a clear voice, into the silence of the forest.
The gravestone appeared in front of the hawthorn without a sound, the words “In loving memory of Maxwell Joseph Lightwood” carved into the polished sandstone. A bitter aftertaste spread in Alec's mouth when he noticed the bouquet of fresh flowers lying on the ground in front of him.
His parents had had the opportunity to mourn the loss of their youngest son, but he hadn't even been able to remember the existence of his brother until a few days ago. All these years he had been so close to him and never known. The pain of the betrayal was still deep.
Exhausted, Alec knelt on the ground and rested a hand on the cool stone. He hardly noticed how the melted snow seeped into the fabric of his trousers. Slowly, the tension in his shoulders eased and he closed his eyes for a moment.
“Ave atque vale.” Alec whispered the traditional farewell for the dead, hoping that it wasn't too late to convey his message. “I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you. But I'll protect them, I promise you. Even if they won't understand, it's the only way.”
A light breeze caressed Alec's cheek as his words faded away. With a deep sigh, he pulled out his grandfather's worn book and placed it in front of the grave. The faded cover was now protected by a charm that would withstand wind and weather. He had feared that leaving the last memory of his grandfather behind would be painful. In the end, he just felt hollowed out. “Take good care of it. I sometimes read to you from it. Perhaps you remember that.”
The young wizard who stood up, brushing the dirt from his trousers, was not the same one who had knelt before his brother's grave. He was Alexander Gideon Lightwood, heir to his house, and he would protect them all. There was much to be done.
*****
Isabelle realised immediately that something was wrong when her big brother opened the sliding door of the compartment. His hair was cut short in a utilitarian style and instead of a shabby turtleneck sweater he was wearing a black dress shirt so perfectly tailored that it must have been custom-made. She had often nagged Alec to pay more attention to his attire, to no avail.
It doesn't have that many holes, Isabelle.
It's comfortable, that's what matters.
If I catch you in my closet again, your hairbrush will be taking a bath in the toilet.
Maryse and Robert definitely had a hand in this. Isabelle and Jace had been anxiously awaiting a letter from their brother all through the holidays. Now their growing concern had been confirmed. Something must have happened over the break.
Perhaps it had been a mistake to leave him alone with their parents. Something else lurked behind his typically stern frown. Isabelle gave Jace a quick glance, who seemed to have come to the same conclusion as she had.
As usual, Simon hadn't noticed the strained atmosphere. He greeted Alec enthusiastically, a broad smile on his lips. Alec barely nodded and sat down at the window seat next to Jace.
Simon sensed Isabelle's discomfort and gently put an arm around her shoulder. She still hadn't quite got used to the warm feeling that spread through her whenever she was around Simon. But now was not the time to be distracted. She had a job to do, after all.
Alec had leaned his head against the steamed-up train window, his eyes half closed. Someone else might have mistaken his position for relaxation, but Isabelle knew her brother too well. The hunched shoulders and the almost imperceptible rocking of his heel told her everything she needed to know.
Isabelle pulled a small tupperware box that she had borrowed from Simon's mother out of her handbag. Homemade biscuits would certainly cheer Alec up.
“Alec, I tried out your Christmas present right away and brought you some biscuits.” She had followed the instructions to the letter, so nothing could have gone wrong. Maybe she had replaced the butter with oil and accidentally added twice the amount of salt, but that certainly wouldn't have changed the taste that much. Chocolate chips and raisins looked incredibly similar anyway.
“No one's wanted to try any yet,” Isabelle complained, playfully nudging Simon.
Alec was startled out of his trance, clearly not listening to her. Still half asleep, he grabbed one of the biscuits and popped it into his mouth before Jace could stop him. The pastry cracked ominously as he bit into it. Perhaps the biscuits had been in the oven a little too long after all, Isabelle admitted to herself.
Alec swallowed the biscuit with a wince and promptly started coughing violently. His face turned an unnatural red and Jace had to hit him hard on the back several times before he recovered.
“Did you... bake these?” Alec managed to say, wheezing. “Really, erm... very interesting taste, these Muggle recipes. Are there raisins in them?”
Isabelle smiled triumphantly. Perhaps her baking skills weren't as bad as she thought. “Yes, there's enough for everyone. I'm looking forward to trying the other recipes.”
“We're looking forward to it too.” Simon murmured, sarcasm dripping from his voice.
Isabelle stuck out her tongue at him. “At least Alec appreciates my efforts,” she replied defiantly. “You could all take a leaf out of his book.”
Jace gave her a sugary smile. “Unfortunately, I'm still full from breakfast. I'll ruin my stomach if I eat something sweet now.” Clary and Simon nodded in agreement. Traitors, all of them.
“How were your holidays, Alec? I hope you weren't too bored without us. Jace was on my back about you the whole time,” Clary chimed in. As so often, the red-haired girl didn't have the best sense of timing.
Alec jumped at the question, but recovered immediately. “Nothing special. Lots of Ministry people who think they're very important. The usual, really. Mother almost fainted from joy when I shook hands with Imogen Herondale.”
Now Isabelle was certain that Alec wasn't telling the truth. He was a terrible liar. She would have to catch him alone to get to the bottom of this. He was far too stubborn to admit the truth in front of the others.
Her brother had a habit of shouldering all the responsibility alone, shielding all worries from his siblings. But she wasn't going to let that happen this time. And when Isabelle Lightwood had set her mind on something, it was better not to get in her way.
*****
It was almost impossible to evade Isabelle and Jace. Alec had considered casting a curse on himself so he could escape to the hospital wing. Apparently, his acting skills were even worse than he had thought. His siblings had been stealing covert glances at him during the entire train ride, with no let-up in the carriage or on the path to the castle.
Alec felt his carefully cultivated composure begin to crumble. Frustrated, he shoved his clammy hands into the pockets of his cloak. He knew he looked pale and exhausted, but there was nothing he could do about that.
Since... Since the Christmas party, he had woken up in a cold sweat almost every night, fragments of the past pushing their way to the surface of his consciousness. But if he wanted to implement his plan, he would have to pull himself together, at least as long as he was in company.
So Alec did what he had always been good at. He took a deep breath and stuffed his feelings into a dusty drawer, a problem for later.
Alec raised a hand to massage his throbbing temples. He didn't even have to pretend to have a headache. “I'll walk ahead, I think I need to lie down,” Alec mumbled, quickly turning away without listening to Isabelle's protest. Having long legs had its advantages.
After a few seconds, he left the others behind and pushed past groups of cheerfully chatting students. It was easier than anticipated to spot Camille in the sea of black cloaks. Her silvery hair curled in silky waves, her expression distant yet haughty. In short, Alec hated her with all his heart. She had not only put him in danger, but also his siblings and Magnus. He couldn't forgive that. Anyone who threatened his family would feel his wrath.
When their eyes met, a flash of something in her green eyes caught Alec off guard. Slowly, her lips curved into a satisfied grin. She seemed to bask in his attention. Then she turned around abruptly, her gesture an implicit invitation to follow her.
Alec gritted his teeth and quickened his pace, careful not to trip over the cobblestones of the courtyard. The cool shade of the old walls would have calmed him under normal circumstances, but his anger was almost impossible to contain today.
When Camille finally turned into a vacant corridor, the Hufflepuff had to stop himself from turning her into a toad on the spot. Merlin, she deserved it.
Camille leaned against an ornate tapestry with a cool smile, arms folded across her chest. “Have a nice break, Lightwood?” she asked, clearly amused. “I was beginning to worry you wouldn't make it back in one piece.”
Alec clenched his hands into fists. “I don't have time for your games. I know what you did.”
She took a step forward, stretched out her arm and stroked his cheek with pity. “Now, now. Let's not be rude. I thought your parents had taught you better manners. Pure-blood families aren't what they used to be either. “
Alec flinched involuntarily. “Don't touch me,” he hissed, irritated. With a snarl, Alec seized her wrist and pushed her away. “If you write another letter to my father, I'll make your life a living hell. I can promise you that.”
Camille threw her head back and laughed. The melodious sound made Alec's stomach turn. “How cute. You threaten me as if you could do anything. You lost, Lightwood. I heard we can expect some happy news soon.”
Maybe it was a bad idea to draw his wand and press Camille Belcourt up against the wall. But he wasn't known for making rational decisions when it came to the safety of his family. And by Merlin, it felt good to dig the tip of his wand into her throat.
He could see surprise and a hint of fear on her otherwise controlled face. The sweet smell of Camille's vanilla perfume surrounded him and sent a shiver down his spine. “Threaten my family again and you'll find out what I'm capable of. And keep your hands off Magnus, he's far too good for you.”
She looked up at him slowly. Only her shallow breathing betrayed her discomfort. “And you really think you're better than me? Your parents will never accept him. You'll destroy his life and his future just because you can't control your feelings. I know Magnus: he'd set himself on fire if he could warm you with the flames. He would have done the same for me if I had asked him. You and I are more alike than you think. We can make the difficult decisions that Magnus doesn't have the heart for. He's always been so naive, didn't understand that I need my freedom. I hope you make the right choice.”
Alec would have preferred if she had struck him. Her words pierced his weak spot like a dagger. “I'll do what I have to do.” His fingers had started to tremble again. “But no matter what happens, I'll make sure you can't hurt Magnus any more.” He lowered his wand and stepped back. “Believe me, I mean it.”
“I won't be intimidated by you.” She turned to leave. Despite her words, Alec could see from her posture a newfound wariness towards him. “Besides, you're too late. I've gotten everything I wanted. And I think you'll do what I expect of a well-trained lapdog of your parents. Lydia Branwell will look beautiful in white. You can spare yourself an invitation, I find weddings far too sentimental.”
Alec needed every ounce of self-control he could muster to keep from pounding on the wall out of sheer desperation. The conversation had gone differently than he had hoped. But at least Camille now understood how far he would go for his family, for Magnus. If she came too close to him again, or even looked at him the wrong way, he would no longer hold back.
He allowed himself a moment to collect his thoughts. After a few deep breaths, he straightened up and made his way to the Hufflepuff common room. He paid little attention to where his legs were taking him. He trusted that they knew the right way. His senses felt strangely numbed, as if he was merely observing what was happening around him from the side lines.
He exchanged a few polite words with his teammates when he encountered Jordan Kyle and Adele Nightshade in front of the stack of barrels that formed the entrance to the common room. The smile on his face felt stiff and forced. As soon as social conventions allowed, he stole away to his dorm room. He could not bear the cheerful mood of his housemates. Not when he thought of what he had to do tonight.
To his relief, the room was empty. Alec's luggage was already lined up neatly at the foot of his four-poster bed. He flopped down on the floor next to his suitcase and leaned against the solid bed frame, exhausted. Why couldn't anything go according to plan for once? Did fate have a personal vendetta against him?
He had sworn at his brother's grave that he would protect his family. He would keep that promise, whatever the cost. Alec only wished that it would be easier for him to repress his feelings. But his will to keep Magnus safe was stronger than his naive hopes for a future together.
Alec loosened the tie of his school uniform, which suddenly felt much too tight. Frustrated, he dug his fingernails into the palms of his hands. He had no time for emotional outbursts now. Iron discipline was the only thing that kept him together as he took a feather and parchment out of his case and began to write. As soon as the little paper plane fluttered through the open window, he slumped down.
The door swung open and Andrew burst into the dormitory, beaming with joy. “Alec, you won't believe this: Lorenzo and I…” His best friend stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Alec. Without saying another word, he sat down on the floor next to him. Alec was grateful that he didn't try to touch him. A short eternity passed before he finally spoke. “What happened?”
Alec didn't know how to answer the question, but he didn't have the heart to lie to Andrew. “What didn't happen?” His tone sounded sharper than intended. “They found out. About Magnus... Magnus and me…” Alec's voice broke. If he spoke any longer, he would burst into tears.
“Oh, Alec.” Underhill murmured, dismayed. “I'm so sorry.”
“Believe me, so am I. So am I.”