Dark Room and A Laptop
Yoongi’s apartment is small - way too small for a thirty year old, but it serves the purpose.
There’s only one bed room, spacious enough for him and Holly, for his music equipment to sit at a corner and collect dust, for him to spend countless nights staring up at the ceiling, questioning himself what he is actually doing in life.
The living room is cramped - his worn out sofa set sits in the middle, a small coffee table gifted by Namjoon is placed at the center.
The same coffee table that is bearing the weight of his laptop right now.
He sits in the dark, eyes fixed on the screen that’s currently the only source of light in his apartment.
At his feet, he feels Holly’s furs tickling his sensitive skin. If it was any other time, he would have dared to giggle.
But right now, with a heart heavier than chunks of an ancient stone, no pleasant sound can make it out of his throat.
In his laptop screen he sees him - Kim Seokjin - gracing the luxury jewelry event in his sparkly white and golden outfit, exposed forehead and accessories that would cost Yoongi both of his kidneys.
Seokjin is certainly the most beautiful human being Yoongi has ever come across. The man looks good even with a drool stain on his chin, bed head accompanying his ridiculous pajama choice.
Kim Seokjin looks good in every state, every shape - but he looks the best in the shape of Yoongi’s heart, even though that’s just Yoongi’s personal opinion.
Yoongi stares at the screen intently, his eyes fixed on the man he knows as his best friend - loves as his universe. He can’t help but laugh. This must be some sick joke that Seokjin chose to befriend him all the way back in the collage, that the cosmos conspired against him and paired them up under the roommate scheme, that Min Yoongi inevitably fell for acting major Kim Seokjin the very first moment his eyes landed on the older guy and he was greeted with that honey-dripping voice.
It must be some sick joke that they became best friends, that Seokjin chose to stay in touch with Yoongi even after landing a decent role post-graduation, that he stayed in touch even after being cast at the main lead for the very first time.
It must be some sick joke that he calls Yoongi as “yoongichii”, that he makes him fall in love everyday more and more and never reciprocates to any of it.
It must be some sick joke that just like Yoongi, Seokjin is bisexual too and Yoongi runs out of excuses to console himself.
But the biggest joke is that… Seokjin has a boyfriend now, despite secret (because their country still chooses to stay a conservative country even in 21st century) and that same boyfriend is sitting right beside him at the event right now, while Yoongi stay seated in his stuffy apartment feeling like he doesn’t even deserve to be Seokjin’s acquaintance.
The camera pans and focuses on Oh Sung Wook’s face, the gold medalist fencer and also Seokjin’s secret boyfriend.
A bitter laugh bubbles in Yoongi’s chest and by the time it manages to escape through his throat, it sounds poisonous.
Two of them look so good together - all pretty, dripping in wealth, successful - exact opposite of Min Yoongi.
He reaches for the laptop and shuts the lid.
He decides to get some sleep.
—
Yoongi dreams of an abandoned house.
No wait, it was the dorm he shared with Seokjin. It’s now abandoned and in ruins.
He stands in the middle of the living room, the posters of the sappy romantic movies that he bought as a birthday present for his hyung and seokjin put up right beside the TV set, are now torn to shreds. He reaches to touch those but a loud knock on the door interrupts his actions.
He takes a step towards the door - the knocking gets louder - but he stays right where he is.
No matter how much he tries to walk, he doesn’t move an inch. He tries to run then but to no avail. He stays right where he is and the person on the other side of the door stays away from his reach.
A doorbell rings - it’s not a dream this time.
It rings again.
Reaching for his phone, he squints his eyes as the glowing screen. It’s only ten? He went to sleep at eight thirty or something and it hasn't even been two hours? There are a few texts and calls, which he chooses to ignore.
The doorbell rings again, reminding him why he is awake in the first place. Just when he is about to climb off his bed, he hears the door lock chiming and then Holly’s excited steps towards the door.
Yoongi doesn’t need any more hints to know who it is.
“I swear to god, I was this close to calling 119!” Seokjin enters Yoongi’s private space with Holly in his lap. Seokjin roams in his bedroom as if he owns his apartment - as if he owns Yoongi.
Seokjin does, Yoongi knows it by heart.
“What are you doing here?” Yoongi’s voice comes out groggy. His eyes are still bleary from sleep.
“Why are you sleeping at this hour?” Seokjin throws his question instead of answering Yoongi’s.
Yoongi scoffs, “I am not as important as you, hyung. I can sleep during odd hours and no one would care." He looks up at his best friend and finds him still draped in his expensive white and golden suit but with a black padding and a black baseball cap accompanying concealing his look this time.
Yoongi curses under his breath.
“What are you doing here?” Yoongi asks again.
“The after party was boring, so I ditched it.” Seokjin caresses the soft furs of Holli’s back.
“And what about your boyfriend? You guys were definitely giving each other heart-eyes during the event. Shouldn’t you be with him?” a smug pride spreads like summer-warmth in his chest. Seokjin really chose Yoongi over his elite, high profile, fencer boyfriend - this.. This is something he will cherish his entire life alongside other memories he made with Seokjin.
“I- uh- he is actually waiting in the car. I have been texting and calling you but didn’t respond. So I dropped by to check on you.” Seokjin explains.
Oh?
Oh.
Yoongi feels like a fool.
He nods, gathering the shattered pieces of his heart scattered all around Seokjin’s feet.
“I am fine. You should go now.” he replies, hoisting himself up from the bed, taking Holli from Seokjin’s hold.
“Yoongi-ah..” Seokjin's soft voice breaks Yoongi’s heart even more, “You are fine, right?”
No. Yoongi wants to scream, no. I am not fine. I am in love with you and you are not. How can I be fine, Kim Seokjin, tell me how I can be fine?
“Of course, hyung. I am fine. Don’t keep Sung Wook-ssi waiting. Go.” he hangs his head low, pretending to give Holly his full attention, afraid of meeting seokjin’s eyes and getting caught in his act.
Seokjin plants a hand on top of Yoongi’s already messed up hair, “rest well, Yoongichi” he then pats Holly’s butt “you too, Holly-ah”
And then as quickly as he came, Seokjin is gone.
Yoongi stands there trying his hardest not to break down.
Kim Seokjin is always too close - but he is also way too far. And Yoongi might never be able to touch him.