Half-Burnt Eggs
Yoongi didn’t mean for his life to turn out like this.
Now, of course, no one wants to remain unsuccessful at the age of thirty but he didn’t think choosing music instead of architecture would leave him in such a position where he would have to consider taking up a part-time job.
He scrolls through the application, reading the titles and immediately deciding he is too old for it all. And honestly, he is also too old to start delivering food again. Behind him the door lock chimes, Yijeong walks in.
Yoongi hides his phone immediately.
“Are you done with track two?” his studio-mate, the only other producer of the company asks in his usual tone.
“Ages ago. Where have you been?” Yijeong is not the type to be late, so it bugs Yoongi a bit, even though he won’t ever admit that out loud.
“In a meeting” his studio-mate replies, placing his bag on the ground with a soft thud. Yoongi hums, not prodding anymore.
“I needed to talk to you about it.” Yijeong continues. Yoongi has to swivel his chair and come face to face with his friend.
With a deep frown set on his face, he asks, “What is it? Don’t tell me you are quitting or something?”
Yijeong doesn’t meet Yoongi’s eyes, he chooses to look down and nod slowly, “one of my seniors from college works as a sound engineer in Bighit entertainment. They are looking for five new producers to work on OSTs for their upcoming project. Two spots are still open, you know?”
Bighit Entertainment - the company Seokjin is listed under as an actor.
“But it’s not a permanent spot, is it?” Yoongi asks the obvious. Yijeong nods his head in negative. “And you are okay with taking the risk?”
“Are you okay with being stuck at a place like this? We majored in music, Yoongi, what are we doing here? Making lame-ass advertisement jingles, half of which are being remixed by AI bots? If we don’t take the risk now then we will forever stay here. We will forever be losers. And on our deathbed, we would think of this opportunity and repent over not taking it while it was still ours. I am going, Yoongi. As I said, there are two spots still unoccupied, you can join if you want.” Yijeong turns to his computer, opens the software and starts working.
His words still ring in Yoongi’s ears. He knows how right his friend is. But Yoongi is a coward, he is afraid of changes and finds comfort in the same routine - even if that routine takes him nowhere in life.
Being a part of a group of producers for an upcoming project for a renowned entertainment company sounds nice. But it’s risky. Freelancing is not stable, he knows, but at the same time, working in music also means gaining royalty. So it may not be a bad idea to taste the waters. If anything goes wrong, he can always purchase a bottle of sleeping pills, swallow those and die.
“They are going to give us rights?” he asks, staring at Yijeong’s back.
His friend perks up, looks away from the screen and faces Yoongi in one swift motion, “of course they will. It’s a huge star-studded project. An action thriller led by Kim Seokjin. Nobody would want any trouble when such a big name is associated. And also….” Yijeong’s voice fades in the background as the name, Kim Seokjin, sits like a dull thud in his heart.
Yoongi has taken it upon himself to keep his and Seokjin’s friendship a secret. Seokjin hasn’t shown any particular displeasure towards this decision and he never asked why. So things remained this way.
Only five other of their common friends are aware of their friendship and Namjoon, among them, is aware of his feelings as well.
Yoongi is jerked out of his thoughts only when Yijeong shakes him, “Are you joining me or not?”
“I- uh” he thinks about it. This can also be a chance of impressing Seokjin, although he is not sure if the impression would be of any use or not, but he wants to show his friend, his love, that he, too, is capable of doing great things in life.
He wants Seokjin to look at him in a different light even if for once.
“Okay. yes. Let’s do this. Let me draft my resignation now.” He shakes his head, inhaling a sharp breath.
Behind him Yijeong curses in apparent joy. Something in his heart warms.
—
And again, Yoongi relies too much on his routine. But the routine has helped him in feeling less empty and lonely until now.
So now that he doesn’t have anywhere to be, he is not sure what to do with his time.
At first he thinks of sleeping through the entire day but body protests against being in bed for too long. He settles for cooking himself a simple breakfast then.
Just when he is stirring the egg to scramble it perfectly, his phone rings. And it’s Seokjin.
Now, while it’s not unusual for Seokjin to call him randomly, it’s definitely uncommon for him to call this early in the morning - none of them are morning persons.
“Yoongichii, good morning” Seokjin’s voice sounds like honey dripping in Yoongi’s ears. Although he is way too cheery for ten in the morning, Yoongi doesn’t mind.
“Morning, hyung. What’s up?” Yoongi tries not to sound too grumpy (or happy to receive Seokjin’s call as the first thing in the morning).
“Loitering around the living room, recalling my dear best friend because I haven’t seen his face in years.” the man comments, dramatic as ever.
Yoongi laughs a little, “we just saw each other last week, hyung.”
The recollection of last week - Seokjin visiting him - his boyfriend waiting in the car, nothing is really pleasant about it.
“Yeah and it has been years since last week. What are you doing today? Can you take a quick lunch break from work? I am making sashimi for lunch.” Yoongi hears cabinets opening and closing on the other side of the line. A smile settles on his face at the thought of Seokjin in his pajamas, with his bed hair, puffy face, plush lips. Only if he was lucky enough, he would wake up to a scene like this.
“Yoongi-ah, you are not going to let hyung down, are you?” Seokjin continues.
Yoongi opens his mouth to reply but he hears another voice coming from the speaker of his phone.
“Jagi, what’s there for breakfast?” It’s not Seokjin who speaks, so it’s definitely Sangwook. His voice is so clear as if he is speaking on the phone. He must be really close to Seokjin’s body. Is he hugging him from behind?
Will there be a day when Yoongi can hug seokjin too? Intimately? Passionately? Like a lover?
No. Never. Seokjin will never accept Yoongi that way. He will never…
“Hyung, I have an important meeting this afternoon. I don’t think I can come over.” he lies, tries to run away again and again.
“Oh really? I really wanted you to meet Sangwook this time.” Behind Seokjin’s somewhat upset voice, Sangwook hums in affirmation, “you really can’t manage? Not even an hour?”
“No. I can’t. Sorry, hyung. Bye.” He cuts the call before Seokjin has a chance to say anything.
When he looks down at his eggs, those are half burnt. Just like his heart.