A New Change
The attic had finally been cleaned enough to the point it was actually able to be used as a bedroom. There were minimal cobwebs now, the dust that Severus thought would never go away finally was gone and all the clutter was taken out. The clutter in question didn’t have much sentimental value as it was mostly Tobias’ old records. A few other things were his like letters he’d exchange with Lily, old toys that if he did not have two six year olds in his house he most certainly would have thrown away.(he decided to repurpose and allow the boys to play with.) and unfortunately some old eyeliner. He had a gothic sort of phase with this eye liner. Not one he was particularly proud of.
He opened one of the other boxes and found his mothers old clothes. He looked through the clothes and found a familiar blouse. It used to be white but now turned a yellowish color almost like parchment. He remembered all the times he had to wear that particular blouse. All the jeers he’d get. He scowled as he remembered.
“Is that your mums blouse?”
“Didn’t know you wore women’s clothes, Severus!”
“Do you see how they dress that boy? They dress him like a girl!”
“Do you cry like a girl too?”
“Are you a fag?”
He rolled his eyes and shoved the blouse deep into the box before tossing it into a cupboard that wasn’t getting much use. For some reason as much as he hated these items and they didn’t bring any sentiment to them he couldn’t bare to throw them away. Maybe it was because it was the only reminder of his parents. Now that they were both deceased.
He bit his lip staring around the attic. He used cleaning charms to fix up the old rug and got an old bed that hadn’t been used yet. Though it did creek a lot. Well..that’s Lupins problem..he thought.
He checked for spiders one last time and found no trace. As much as he didn’t like Lupin he wasn’t going to force him to live in filth. But mainly it was because he didn’t want to be judged by the werewolf.
He checked the closet Lupin would be using and found one last box. Snape smiled as he opened it. It was another toy but one he actually cared about. It was a Teddy bear that looked like it had been through hell in back which from Snape’s recollection, it had been. His mother had gotten it for him at a fair.
He stared fondly at the broken eye and mangled fur. There was a tear in one of its ears but it was still smiling. The poor thing had been sewn back together so many time that he couldn’t even count any more. He remembered he was devastated when his father hid the bear.
He had nightmares for 2 weeks after that. His mother always told him that the bear would protect him when he was scared.
He shook his head. He’d give it to the boys. Malfoy probably wouldn’t like it but he had a feeling Harry probably would find the bear endearing.
After he was actually finished with all the boxes and cleaning he looked around at his work and was rather impressed with himself. It looked absolutely revolting earlier and now it was quite good. If Lupin hated it he could fix it himself.
He then went downstairs to make the boys some breakfast. Beans on toast was always fine. He slide each of the plates to the boys who were not at all like their usual selves. Draco wasn’t complaining or even just talking he was quiet for once. Harry looked distress which usually the boy was a happy boy despite everything. Snape tried to ask them about the books he had given them the day before to see if that would change anything. But it didn’t so he sighed.
“What happened?” He asked and both of the boys looked upset. “We don’t want a nanny! We don’t want him!” They complained. ‘Neither do I..’ Snape thought hopelessly. But he knew he couldn’t tell that to the boys. He was going to give Lupin a fighting chance with these kids.
“Listen, I can understand why you two are hesitant to have Remus come over but trust me..” He started to think about what he could say to ease their nerves about having someone new come into the house. “He’s kind, you both will really like him.” He said softly. He felt like he was lying but he pushed that down the boys needed to like Lupin because he needed help. Desperately.
He sighed as he cleared away the plates. He let the boys go play by themselves. He needed to get some brewing done anyhow. Harry had trouble sleeping due to nightmares. He knew they were going to need to work through that but for now until they could find someone suitable to help him through it he’d give these potions to the boy so he could have a good nights rest for once.
Maybe it was the fumes or the fact Severus really enjoyed the brewing process but his worries of Lupin had significantly died down. He knew the man wasn’t dangerous but his worries of the werewolf would flare up when he’d think about it to intently.
He remembered when he was a death eater he had met Fenrir Greyback and the disgusting testimonies from that animal terrified him. He was a cannibal who ate children in and out of form. He felt sick thinking about the horrid things the awful monster told him about. He knew Lupin was not that, that he was disgusting like Greyback was. Now thinking back to that werewolf he was now more grateful he had Lupin coming to help. It could have been worse.
After he finished brewing he went to the closet and pulled out two toys for the boys. One was a small train Snape used to play with when he was a child. It was slightly cracked and chipped and the stuffed bear that had been ripped and stitched up again.
He went to the living room and gave it to the boys. Draco said thank you and took the train while Harry stared at the bear. Severus stared back worried if the boy was going to hate it or not. To his relief Harry looked up and smiled.
“What’s his name?” He asked
“You can give him a new name.” Snape offered instead.
“Not if he already has one.” The boy argued and Snape relented.
“His name is Oliver.” He said dryly.
The boy smiled and took the bear and hugged it. “Thank you.” He smiled and Severus relaxed.
He took out a potions journal and sat on in an armchair glancing to watch the boys play. This was nice. It seemed the boys own worries made them less rambunctious.
Unfortunately for him the day went by so fast and the evening came by sooner then expected. The knock on the door made all of them worry. That included Lupin, as soon as Severus open the door the werewolf felt a panic rise up. He hadn’t seen Snape in a few years. The stone face look was off putting but he knew the man wasn’t to good with facial expressions.
“Enter.” Snape muttered. Lupin entered as Snape shut the door.
“Boys, this is your new nanny, Remus Lupin.” At the sight of the boys Lupin immediately calmed. They looked so sweet.
“Hi..” Harry whispered
“Hello.” Lupin responded with a smile.
“Hey..” Draco spoke
“Nice to meet you both. As Severus said I’m Remus, I’ll be taking care of you guys too.” Remus smiled.
Both boys looked to each other then back at Lupin. The man wasn’t all that bad. At least from the first impression he wasn’t.
Snape glanced between the three of them before clearing his throat. “You two can go play until dinners ready, I need a word with Mr Lupin.”
The boys nodded and left and Lupin followed Snape upstairs to the attic. “This is where you’ll be staying. I cleaned it up for you. Not that I’d expect you to care.” Snape said offhandedly and Remus nodded putting his bags down, it wasn’t much just two bags packed to the brim with clothes and other necessities as well as his wolfsbane potion.
“So..er- what did you want to talk about?” Lupin asked as he sat down onto the very creaky bed. He stared at Snape who sighed. “The boys, a few rules..precautions.” He listed on three fingers.
“So, as I’m sure Albus informed you both boys are rather traumatized, Draco saw his parents be taken away by aurors and Harry had been severely abused by the Dursley’s. They need to be dealt with gently.” Remus thought it was laughable that Snape was telling him to be gentle when they all knew how he was like with students.
“Draco is a picky eater but if you wait long enough he’ll eat. He also believes a lot of the Pureblood nonsense that Lucius taught him I’m working on getting him to drop that way of thinking but it takes time. He also cries very easily and has a tough time with sharing.”
He gave a bit of synopsis of Draco as he had, had the boy in his care for 9 days. He then did the same with Harry.
“The boy likes to wander around and hide. If he gets scared or doesn’t want to do something he’ll go off and hide around the house. He also has learned how to bottle up his feelings. He’s quiet and if he wants to talk he’ll just tug on your shirt and whisper.”
“The boys don’t have any allergies, and are relatively healthy but Harry does have some bruising on his back from the Dursley’s.” He explained looking a bit regretful. The poor boy. He saw the bruising himself it didn’t look good.
“The two of them wet the bed from time to time but I think it’s starting to stop now. Well I hope.” He added tugging his hair.
Lupin sucked in a breath. That wasn’t going to be pleasant.
“Now routines..” Oh how Remus knew Snape loved routine and rules. “The boys will usually get up at 8:40am it’s a give or take, they enjoy sleeping, after they get up I give them breakfast at 8:50am, They usually play with toys or have them read something educational, at 12:30 they have a nap till 1:40 which is when they eat lunch, they continue to play and read and then at 6:30 I feed them dinner. Of course they have snacks in between.” He explained
“Then at 7:30 I start to have them calm down and the bedtime routine starts at 8. They brush their teeth, use the toilet, and get changed into their pyjamas. They’ll try to stall bedtime as much as possible so I suppose be prepared for that.”
Lupin chuckled, he imagined Snape trying to deal with this on his own. It was humorous to think about. Snape arched a brow.
“Any questions?”
Lupin shook his head.
“Then I’ll let you unpack in peace. Come down when you’ve finished,” Snape muttered heading downstairs. Lupin then unzipped his bag and started to unpack.
The room was rather bare and up for personalization to much of Remus’ liking.
He left his pack of cigarettes on his night stand. He had a feeling he was going to need a smoke after today. He felt guilty. This was something he needed to give up if he would be caring for two young boys.
He didn’t have much to unpack anyway so after fifteen minutes he went downstairs to see Snape in the sitting room with the boys.
Remus stood their for a moment just watching. His eyes fixated on Harry and he felt a pant in his heart.
The boy even at his young age looked just like James. The unruly hair, same skin, same face shape, the only difference was the eyes. He had Lily’s kind eyes.
He remembered all the good times he had with the both of them. How Lily, James, Sirius, Peter, and himself talked about the future and how wonderful it’d be. That they’d all stay close and would keep the found family they created for themselves.
But oh how wrong that turned out. One was a traitor the others were slaughtered. Dead. He felt choked up as he looked at Harry but then the boy smiled. A warm feeling spread throughout his body. That smile. He remembered James..
They were in the Gryffindor dormitories and they were telling him about how they became animagi so they could still hang out with him even in full moons.
He couldn’t believe it. His mouth had been gaped the entire time they told him. He couldn’t believe what wonderful friends he had. But the worry in his stomach hadn’t faded. What if he hurt them in his wolf form? What if he hurt his friends? He frowned and James had given him that same smile.
“It’s going to be ok, Moony. We’ll help keep you in check. You shouldn’t be alone especially not during a time like that.”
James said and the other marauders nodded. Lupin was pulled out of his memories when Harry tugged his shirt. “Do you want to play with us?” He asked and Remus nodded as he was led into the sitting room by the boy, Harry introduced him to all the toys. He noticed Malfoy was eyeing him seemingly uncertain of Lupin. He would find a way to make the boy come around. He played with the two fours hours while Snape watched out of the corner of his eye as he read one of his books.
‘He’s actually good at this..’ he thought as he watched Harry giggling with Lupin. Draco on the other hand refused to play and instead sat on the sofa next to Severus. He knew the boy didn’t like change and from a few of the conversations Snape had with him he knew the boy had bad experiences with Nanny’s.
He rested his hand on the little boys head and ruffled his hair gently hopefully soothing him.
“Er- Snape? Shall I cook dinner tonight?” Lupin asked standing up and stretching his back after playing on the ground with Harry for over two hours. Severus arched a brow not knowing much of Lupin’s cooking skills. He nodded. “Just don’t destroy my kitchen.”
Snape decided while Lupin cooked he’d read with the boys. “Harry, do you want to read the second book on dragons?” He asked picking it out from the basket. The boy shook his head. “Can I watch Remus cook dinner?” Snape tried to not take that to heart. The boy was friendly and he seemed to like Lupin. It was normal for him to want to get to know him better. There was no reason for Snape to feel this way. He just nodded and watch Harry scamper off to Remus. He then looked to Draco.
“Do you want to read?” He asked and Draco shook his head pouting. Snape huffed and sat back down on the sofa. He hoped that Draco didn’t want to go spend time with Remus too. As selfish as that was. “What’s wrong?” He asked and Draco shook his head but reached his arms up. Snape was confused. His expression was blank. He was worried that the boy would think he was ignoring him so he added. “What does that mean?” He murmured and the boy groaned. “Hold me!” He looked ready to cry so Snape immediately scooped him up and sat the blonde boy in his lap and began to rub his back and pat his little head.
The boy buried his face into the fabric of Snape’s sweater and the raven haired man sighed continuing to pat the boy. This was somehow therapeutic for him. He felt calm as he cared for the little boy. It was similar to having a kitten in his lap. He then thought about, Draco was like a kitten wasn’t he? Napped in inconvenient places, spilled and broke things constantly, and was simultaneously a right pain in the arse and one of the best things in his life.
Snape continued to think about this idea before Draco whined audibly and he looked down. The boy’s lip quivered.
“Can’t we go back to the way we used to be? I don’t want him.” Draco whispered. Snape stared. He wanted it to go back to normal. He hated change but it wasn’t like he could do anything about it. They needed Lupin whether he’d admit it or not. “He’s nice I swear, what are you so worried about?” He inquired as he rubbed the little boys back. “My other Nanny’s were really mean..I don’t want him to be mean too.”
Snape knew the Malfoy’s just dumped Draco off to any person they could whenever they got the chance. He felt horrible for the boy. To be neglected like that had to be awful especially when the stranger they sent him to wasn’t even kind to you.
“He’s not like that I promise. He’s undoubtedly kind, he wants to make a good first impression on you both. You do need to give him a chance, Draco. If you avoid him you’ll never form a bond. Trust me if he is at all mean to you I will personally deal with him myself. Ok?” At Snape’s words the tension in the boy eased and he hugged Snape again.
“Thank you Severus..” he whispered
Meanwhile Remus was having a wonderful time talking to Harry. He thought maybe it would be a good time to tell Harry a few stories about his dad. He figured Snape would have nothing good to say about the man as he only saw James in the light instead of the way Remus saw him. A friend.
“You know Harry your dad was on the Hogwarts quidditch team.” Remus said while preparing the stew.
“Really?” The boy asked excitedly he had only learned quidditch the past week from Draco and he was thoroughly impressed. He wanted to play quidditch as soon as possible. It sounded really fun from what Draco had said.
“Yeah, he was a chaser, one of the best ones at that.” He smirked as the boys face lit up.
For the whole time Lupin had been cooking the little boy had been asking him loads of questions about his father.
“What was his favorite color?”
“Red.”
“Favorite food?”
“Treacle tart.”
“What did he look like?”
For that Lupin paused while he was getting a plate from the highly labeled cupboards. He smiled as he looked back at Harry’s wondering face.
“Like you. Besides the eyes of course. You have your mothers eyes.”
Remus had a feeling the boy would get that comment a lot as he would meet more people who thought of James and Lily fondly. The boy seemed pleased with that answer as he grinned.
Remus plated the stew and set it in front of four chairs. He went to the sitting room to tell Snape and Draco.
All four sat at the table less tense then it had been in the sitting room. “It tastes good!” Harry exclaimed and Draco nodded, Snape wouldn’t admit it but Lupins food was in fact very good. Not better than his but still pretty good. “Edible.” Snape murmured and Lupin sighed but smiled at the two boys.
After everyone ate they went to the bathroom and Snape told Lupin about the bedtime routines the boys had. He observed as the boys brushed their teeth and washed their faces.
They walked back to the bedroom and each boy got settled in their respective beds. Lupin and Snape took turns reading to the boys before it was time to go to sleep. Remus tucked Harry in and Snape tucked Draco in.
“Night, Remus.”
“Night, Harry.”
“Goodnight, Severus.”
“Goodnight, Draco.
Snape and Lupin stepped to the door as the raven haired man turned on the nightlight and turned off the regular lights.
“Night, Severus!” Harry said happily. The corners of Snape’s mouth twitched up indicating a smile.
“Goodnight, Harry.”
“Night, Draco.”
The only thing offered was a grumble that Snape didn’t rebuke so Remus just shrugged and left. He knew it would take time for the little boy to warm up to him. He was alright with waiting.
Remus shut the door and he and Snape made eye contact for a brief moment before they nodded to each other and went to their respective rooms.
Lupin made his way to the attic and sat down on the creaky bed. He changed into a pair of night clothes throwing a sweater on top to keep warm. He slid under the covers and he turned over noticing the cheap cigarettes on his night stand. He kept them out thinking he would need one to fall asleep. He assumed that today would’ve been horrible but it truly wasn’t. Even with Snape’s comments and Draco’s nervousness around him it was alright. Harry made up for a lot of it.
The boy was so sweet and smiled whenever Lupin brought up James. He looked at that boy and he couldn’t even imagine how someone would ever want to hurt him. The boy was so kind. So unbelievably kind and someone wanted to hurt him? Leave bruises on him? Remus couldn’t even bare thinking about it for too long.
At least he was here now. He knew the boys were safe. Even if Snape was a right pain in the bollocks he wasn’t physically abusive and he certainly would never hurt a child. (Well other then insulting his students from time to time). Remus was pleased.
So pleased he slept easy that night. The same could not be said for Severus.
He noticed how much Harry liked Lupin. It took Harry a bit more to warm up to Severus. He still tugged on his shirt to whisper to him from time to time. But he could speak up with Lupin.
‘What am I doing wrong?’ He wondered.
Was their some unspoken rule in parenting he wasn’t following. He thought he was doing this right for the most part. Sure he could be a bit strict and a bit hard with rules and routines. Was he a bad parent? Was he slowly turning into his father? He sighed deeply curling in on himself.
‘No, no I’m being stupid, it’s the probably the connection with James Harry likes..’ he thought but the nagging feeling of being wrong was eating a way at him. He was wrong. Wrong. Harry could probably sense their was something wrong with him. He started to spiral but then there was a knock at his door and he got up instantly. He hated himself for wishing it was Harry who had a nightmare and was seeking his comfort, he loathed himself more when he was disappointed it was Draco.
“Can I sleep with you?” Draco whispered and Snape nodded taking the boy to his bed and the two rested there.
Maybe he wasn’t a perfect parent but he wasn’t horrible if Draco still wanted to seek out his comfort. He couldn’t be so wrong and damaged that the little boy hated him. He wasn’t father. That was just a moment of weakness and self hatred talking.
He held the little boy tight.
“Goodnight, Draco.” He said once again.
“Goodnight, Severus, love you.”
The boy yawned and fell asleep instantly leaving Snape dumbfounded. At those words he was left positively beaming.
“Love you too.” He said his voice a bit higher then usual. He then fell asleep as well feeling relieved. Finally out of his torment.