Worms in the brain
The next morning was absolute chaos a cacophony of laughing and screaming. All the calmness and serenity from the night before was replaced with more childish arguments and Draco’s temper tantrums.
Severus sat there with his head in his hands as he listened to Draco complain about the cereal and spilling it. He felt his spine shiver and that uncomfortable feeling came back.
It was like worms or some other feelings was crawling up his back and spreading out. He bit his lip and tried to use his occlumency to not let this bother him. He really wanted to just hide away in his room and not come out. This was a lot.
He waved his wand a few of the dishes and the cereal were cleaned up. He stared at the two boys. Malfoy had way too much energy on his hands and Potter was trying to open the slider door so he could escape into the garden again.
He didn’t know how to deal with this. How could he? Then the door opened and unfortunately Minerva and Albus came walking in.
Severus felt his face flush at the state of the house, himself, and the boys. They were still in their pyjamas and didn’t even have their hair brushed. Not that it mattered with Harry that boys hair was always horrid.
Snape looked down when he saw the look on Minerva’s face. Her lips pursed into a thin line as she stared around. Albus had a blank expression but he did have a twinkle in his eyes as usual.
“Hello! Severus how are you doing this fine morning?” Albus asked with a chipper tone and Snape wanted to shove the metal spoon Draco dropped onto the floor down the older man’s throat for even daring to ask. But he didn’t.
“What does it look like?” He asked gesturing to the house and Albus winced. “Ah. I see. Where is, Harry?” Immediately as Albus said that Severus shot up and realized Harry was about to touch a worm out in the garden. He picked the little boy up instantly. He hated worms. The way they looked and felt. It upset him. Maybe it was because they were so dirty.
Dirt. Mess. Oh how Snape hated those things. He used to have everything organized from his house to his garden. Each flower and vegetable was in a neat row and everything had a label. Many stated he over labeled things but he found it calming and seized the talking in his head.
Now it had all changed. He held the boy tighter and he didn’t even realize he was talking to him. He started to shift from side to side to let out a bit of energy that was starting to resurface.
When he got like this as a child he’d be crying and having a fit of aggression. To calm himself he’d sit on the floor and rock back in fourth which always met with his fathers insults. He couldn’t do that now. Not in front of Albus, Minerva, and the boys. He could handle this.
“You’re squeezing me.” Harry whispered gently and Snape snapped out of it. He felt horrible but he did put the boy down and walked inside with him.
“Can we play with the blocks?” Draco pointed to the living room and Snape was about to go when Dumbledore held him back. “How about Minny plays with you two?” Albus gestured to Minerva who calmed and nodded. Those three exited the kitchen.
Albus gestured for Snape to sit down as he waved his wand and the rest of the dishes were being cleaned in an instant. He got two tea cups and poured he and Severus some tea.
“My Dear boy is this how it’s been going for the past week? I’m worried you’ll burn yourself out.” Dumbledore said tapping the table as he spoke to Snape. He was worried when he saw Severus’ face when Harry almost touched a worm. The older man could tell he was about to have a meltdown. He didn’t think it was a big deal since it was just a worm but he knew the other man felt that way so he gave him grace.
Snape only nodded feeling humiliated. He hadn’t gotten like that in a long time and especially not in front of someone else.
Dumbledore continued to speak but Snape only drowned it out with a buzzing that was in his head. ‘You’re not good at this’, ‘how could you not have been watching him?’, ‘They’ll resent you soon enough’.
He wanted to show everyone that he could handle this. That he was incompetent at this but the memories from Sunday before he got the boys was playing.
He was at Hogwarts going to get the potions journal he felt there when he overheard the conversation.
“Severus? Albus you can not be serious!” He heard Professor Sprout exclaim. Her booming voice made Snape stop dead in his tracks. He leaned against the door listening in on the conversation without making himself known. He was very good at this from years of practice.
“He’s horrid with children! And you expect him to have enough empathy to deal with two severely traumatized children? He has brought fifth years to tears imagine him with six year olds!” Flitwick sting voice argued. Empathy? He was empathetic when he wanted to be!
“Now, now Snape may not be the kindest of the professors but he certainly isn’t that bad. Not to mention he is a highly trained spy. He could protect both boys very well. Considering that Draco comes from a prominent family in politics and had just fallen to ruin. He needs to be protected. He’s also met Snape before through Lucius.”
“Because of his time as a death eater mind you!” Professor Sinistra interjected. Snape felt his stomach lurch. He knew he did horrible things as a death eater. Although he was more of an information getter then actually participating in any of the actual crimes. Still he was awful nonetheless.
“He has also turned spy for us and proved that he is truly on our side! May I remind you, Sinistra!” Minerva defended him which Severus was grateful for. Though he knew that she was more so defending Albus then him. She didn’t completely trust him yet.
“Wha’ta about Harry? Will he get’ta long with Severus?” Hagrid voice spoke up. That was the same worry Snape had himself. Would the boy hate him. Would he act just like his father?
“I believe Severus and Harry will get a long well. The boy is kind and I believe Severus can empathize with him due to-“ Thankfully Minerva placed a hand on Albus shoulder indicating him to stop talking. Severus didn’t know how he’d react if the headmaster told all his colleagues that he had a similar childhood to Harry’s.
“Er- Snape will protect him I assure all of you. It will go well! Severus will make a great caregiver to the boys. He keeps a clean and orderly house, for the most part keeps his cool around small children, and a great wizard!”
Oh how wrong was Albus was now.
His home was filthy, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep his cool with the boys, and he certainly didn’t feel like a good wizard. In fact he felt helpless. Like he couldn’t handle this. He tugged his hair a habit he had since childhood. It was all this hair tugging that made his hair have that greasy look to it.
Albus sighed thinking of what to do. How could he help Snape? What could he do- There! The twinkle in his blue eyes shown so brightly as he looked at Snape with a smile. “My dear boy I have an idea on how to help you!”
Snape looked up with a desperate expression on his face. “What?” He asked. Albus grinned.
“Well I’ll have to check with him to make sure this is all right but I think I have the perfect person who could be a nanny!”
Snape gave him an uncertain look. A nanny? He knew he was letting his own insecurity show. He wanted to be able to do this by himself but he knew he really, really needed the help.
“I’ll go visit him right now!” Albus exclaimed standing up and leaving abruptly. Snape just sighed. Since Minerva was with the children and Albus was out of the way he went upstairs to go change. And brush his hair.
Contrary to many of his older Slytherins beliefs he did not wear his teaching robes all year round. He did like he black color so it was prominent in most of his clothing.
Today he settled for a black jumper over top a white button up shirt. He pulled on a pair of black trousers and finally brushed his mangled hair. He met Minerva down stairs who was helping to diffuse an argument on who got to play with the teddy bear.
He sat down on the ground with all of them and Minerva gave him a pleasant smile. Harry pointed at a little house he made out of blocks. “Do you like it?” Snape nodded smiling slightly. Draco then pointed to three little figures on the ground. “It’s you, me, and Harry. Because we only need three in this household.” Snape looked puzzled as the little boy said that. He looked to Minerva who huffed.
“They overheard Albus talking about a Nanny.” She explained which only made Snape more puzzled. He stared at the boys and waited for them to elaborate on their words.
“Nanny’s are bad!” Draco added. “Mummy said their evil and take daddies away!” Minerva pieced it together before Severus did and looked shocked once she gave him a look Snape sighed. Lucius wasn’t a very faithful man. He knew this was one of the reasons he and Narcissa’s marriage had been failing but he was surprised that they would bring Draco into it.
“We only want the three of us! We don’t want to share!”
“Please, Severus don’t get a nanny!”
“Don’t forget about us!”
They begged and Snape finally seemed to understand. He assumed they were worried he was just going to dump them off to the nanny and forget about them. He didn’t have the boys for that long but he was definitely not going to do that to them. He chuckled.
“Nothing is decided yet, and even if we do get a nanny I would not forget about you two. Nor will the Nanny be stealing me away.” He patted their heads fondly as he rolled his eyes. As if the nanny whoever they were would go near him.
The two boys pouted but nodded and returned to playing with the two stuffed animals.
Minerva looked to Severus and smiled at him. She never saw his more paternal side come out but now that she had it was eye opening.
Severus glanced to Minerva who was still smiling. “Do you know who the nanny will be?” He asked her confusedly and she shook her head. “No idea but I’ll pray to every deity out their Albus finds someone good. You know how he is with the defense against the dark arts job I hope it’s not the same with the nanny. Sometimes I think he just picks strangers off the streets!” She exclaimed looking exasperated.
Severus nodded. He would have chuckled at the comment if it wasn’t so true. Albus didn’t have a good track record of picking the most competent of people to work for him.
“How does he know so many people in search for a job?” He couldn’t even recall the last time Albus put an ad in the paper for the Defense against the dark arts position. Was there a line of people waiting? Albus Dumbledore was a mystery to say the least.
It was a few hours after Minerva left. They spent the whole day playing with the boys as well as providing educational games. He couldn’t imagine what people would say if the children in his care wouldn’t be able to read. He was a professor for Merlin’s sake!
He made them dinner, spaghetti and meatballs which the boys ate messily. Severus rolled his eyes as he ate quietly. He wiped their faces after they finished. Draco didn’t mind but Harvey immediately squirmed. “I can wipe it with my sleeve!” The little boy cried out with a flushed face. Snape rolled his eyes. “No.” Was the only response he gave the little boy.
Bedtime was less of a struggle today mostly because he gave in early and allow both of them to sleep in his bed. He wrapped the two of them up in a quilt and pulled them close to him.
He huffed and decided to assure them again that he would not be leaving them as he saw their unsure little faces.
“In no way would I ever leave you two for a nanny. It will be the exact same as it is now I promise. I just need a little help with the cleaning because you two are Mucky.” He teased and the both boys pretended to be offended.
“I will never leave nor forget about you two.” He said softly looking at their little eyes. He knew he wasn’t doing anything wrong but he still felt guilty.
“But what about when you leave to Hogwarts?” Draco asked and Snape froze. He was going to have to leave eventually. Leaving them with the babysitter. He knew he could probably take them to Hogwarts but he felt like that would give them more instability.
“That’s not for another two months. Even when I do go I’ll come around to visit almost every day. I promise. The nanny is going to be nice I promise.” He rubbed their backs and the two boys finally relented.
Little did Snape know he was not going to like this nanny very much.
Though that is a concern for tomorrow. He just glanced at the full moon outside the window before drifting off to a kind sleep.