Moon Struck
Life as a werewolf isn’t easy. That much is evident. Turning into a destructive monster who couldn’t control himself every month wasn’t the only part that made Remus hate himself. He hated his cowardice how he felt awful in every way shape and form. Some nights he stays up wondering why he’s like this. Why James died instead of him, Why Peter died instead of him, and why Sirius was in Azkaban instead of him.
He was a monster. A horrid friend. He was disgusting. His habits of smoking came back after James and Lily’s funeral. They were dead. His friends were dead. And the other betrayed them. For the first week he was practically a corpse. He didn’t move from his couch the entire time. He was a crumpled mess. Sobbing into his pillow every night. After that week he knew he needed to find work. Find something to live for.
He tried to get hired in the Wizarding world but no one wanted to hire a werewolf. Deeming him too dangerous.
“I’m sorry Mr Lupin but we can not accept your resume, yes it is quite good but…you see..”
The pudgy witch tried to explain this gently but he knew. The way her face contorted and she looked like she was walked on egg shells. The small hint of fear when she looked at him.
“I’m a werewolf. That’s why you won’t hire me.” He said simply standing up and collecting his resume. She tried to act as if that wasn’t the case. He stared at her blankly and sighed. “It’s alright. I understand.” He murmured.
He wouldn’t want to hire a monster for an employee either.
After that getting rejected felt like nothing. It happened so often that he barely cared anymore. But he needed money to pay for the small flat he was living in. That’s when he decided to find work in the muggle world. This way they wouldn’t find out he was a werewolf as long as he was careful.
He found work a bit easier now. He worked a lot of jobs arranging from different varieties, he was a barista at a small cafe, a bartender at a pub, a convenience store worker, and his favorite by far was a librarians assistant. He loved helping people find books.
He enjoyed reading and it was one of the few things that kept him going. His guilty pleasure were romance novels. He craved that kind of love and affection but would never allow himself to have it. He knew if he ever did seriously date his affliction would only strain his relationship with whoever he was with. He couldn’t bare that kind of heart break.
But it was still a good read none the less. Reading these novels also allowed him to come to terms with his sexuality. He sort of knew when he was still at Hogwarts but the romance novels were sort of conformation for him.
Due to being rejected by so many jobs and being let go so many times he felt a bit prepared to be rejected by his flirting. He didn’t flirt often. Just sometimes it’d slip out. Unfortunately it was the reason he resigned from his job at the Cafe.
A man was in the phone booth outside arguing with a women on the phone about something that Remus couldn’t quite remember. All he knew was inside everyone could hear. The man hung up irritated and stormed inside. He asked Remus for a coffee to which Remus got to him quickly.
“That sounded pretty heated. You right, mate?” He asked the man kindly.
“Yeah..my girlfriend is being a..bitch.”
It was dead inside the cafe barely anyone was there so he let the man vent out his frustrations about the woman to him. Essentially the girl was accusing him of hitting on one of their male friends and was being exceptionally irritating in the man’s opinion.
“And then she had the balls to hang up on me because my voice was annoying her!” He exclaimed exasperatedly.
That’s when it slipped out.
“Well maybe you should call me instead of her, I love to hear your voice.” Remus internally kicked himself. Why in the hell did he say that? The worst part was the man looked almost thrilled about that.
He had promised Remus he’d come by tomorrow and as soon as the man left Remus resigned. He did like the guy. He was quite handsome but he knew how it’d end so he ghosted the poor chap. He felt like shit afterwards and made a few rules for himself.
No flirting in the workplace.
No dating in the workplace.
And absolutely don’t fall in love with your boss.
He couldn’t help it sometimes he was a hopeless romantic. He wanted to go on dates and have love and feel like he was worth something but..he couldn’t. He never could.
His last job let him go as he was having too many sick days. Though he only ever took sick days on the days after the full moon. He wished that he was strong enough to go to work even after the full moon but it was hard. He felt like his spine had snapped three times, his stomach was being stabbed, everything was sore, and he felt completely and utterly broken. Both mentally and physically.
For the past week he had spent it on his couch searching for different jobs to apply to. He did have some money saved up so it was like he needed to find one now.
He allowed himself a little break in those five days. He was reading a self help book on how to feel better. He soon realized the people writing these books really had no idea how he was feeling. He tried everything, yoga, meditation, healthier eating, giving up vices like cigarettes (that didn’t even last 5 hours before he gave up).
He did take a bath though. That was progress. He hated looking at his scarred skin but at least the warm water felt nice. It soothed the aching in his chest that seemed connected to his eyes as a few salty tears shed and fell into the water. He only allowed himself to cry in the bathroom.
He did feel a lot calmer now. Maybe it was his sage soap that did the trick this time. He put on deodorant and brushed his mousy brown hair.
Looking into the mirror he met the gaze of his broken eyes. The past five years took a toll on him. He wanted to punch the mirror and have the shards shatter onto the floor but he wouldn’t. Not again. The mirror costed too much to replace again.
He went to sleep on his couch and pulled the quilt over himself. His dreams were nothing but self hatred.
He was surrounded by mirrors in each mirror he saw the wolf, snarling and barring its teeth. A monster ready to unleash death. Each mirror broke and was put back together again for the wolf to only growl and break the mirror once again. It was talking to him. ‘Remus!’ ‘Remus!’
He awoke and fell onto the floor. He looked around frantically to see the headmaster standing above him. “Remus! My dear boy how are you doing?”
“Er- fine..? What are you here? No disrespect of course!” He mumbled getting up and sitting back down on the sofa. He tugged on his T-shirt a bit. He was embarrassed that he was still in his pyjamas at half past eleven.
Why was Dumbledore here? And why did he look so gleeful. He did hear a rumor that Albus had been taking drugs but he thought it was just the a rumor. But from the way the Headmaster grinned he wasn’t so sure anymore.
“I have heard you’ve been fired.” The headmaster calmed down from whatever high Remus thought he was on and sat down across from Lupin.
“Yeah..” he scratched the back of his head. He’d been sacked so many times in the past five years it was embarrassing.
“Well I have a job for you!” The headmaster exclaimed happily.
“You-you do?” He was so confused and grateful at the same time. How could the headmaster get him a job. Well it wasn’t too surprising considering the headmaster allowed him to go to Hogwarts even with knowledge of his condition. The headmaster nodded.
“I’m sure your aware but as of recently the Malfoy’s have been incarcerated. Now the actual trial isn’t for another few months but I have left their son Draco into the care of one of my most trusted Professors.”
Remus tried to think of Minerva caring for Draco and he could see it. She was very motherly even when he was at Hogwarts. But what did this have to do with him?
“As well as Harry Potter.” Dumbledore said softly and Remus’ eyes widened.
“Harry..? But I thought Harry already had relatives to go to?”
That’s when Dumbledore explained the horrifying events that young Harvey had been subjected to. How terrible the muggles were to him, how abusive and vile they were. They starved the poor boy.
After Dumbledore explained there was a few moments of silence. Remus couldn’t believe this! He couldn’t wrap his head around it. The last time he saw Harry was the night before Lily and James were killed. He was a happy little baby..who could hurt him? Why would anyone even dare! That was his friends’ son! The poor boy..
“I need you to be a nanny for the two of them.”
Lupin was determined now after finding out what had been happening to Harry. He felt obligated to help Minerva out with the two of them
“The boys are wearing him down I’m afraid .”
“Him?” Remus thought the children were left with Minerva. Who else? Flitwick? He was certain the children were taller then the half Goblin so they were probably running circles around him. Or Hagrid? Oh he hoped it wasn’t Hagrid. As kind as the half giant was he was extremely clumsy. He could crush one of the little boys in just one hug.
“Severus.” Dumbledore said offhandedly.
“Severus..” Remus repeated. Severus Snape! No! No! No! Remus internally groaned. How could Snape be put in charge of two young boys? The man was a right pain in the arse to adults how would he act when around children!
He hadn’t seen Severus in a few years sometimes he and the man would accidentally see each other at pubs but neither interacted with each other.
He did feel guilty feeling this way about Snape. He felt like a coward since he never defended the man from his friends back in the day but it wasn’t like the man was the kindest either. He made hexes to hurt him and his friends!
But why did he need to make those hexes?
He pulled himself out of his thoughts and looked at the Headmaster.
“They need a live in nanny. Severus has agreed to repurpose his attic so you’ll be sleeping there. I’ll be paying you, I believe 4,000 Galleons should suffice?”
Remus nodded but was still a bit uncertain about having to live with Severus. He knew the man hated him so much. It was hard to think this would turn out to be anything less then a disaster.
“He really needs the help Remus, he’s struggling. He looked as if he was about to rip his hair out today.” The headmaster murmured.
Remus nodded, he wasn’t doing this for Snape. Hell he could care less. He was doing this for Harry and Draco.. and the money…but mostly Harry and Draco. They needed help.
“I’ll do it.”
The headmaster smiled and handed Lupin a contract and he signed his name. “If you could get there in 2 days that’d be splendid.” Dumbledore said softly. Remus nodded and after a short while the headmaster left leaving Remus to himself and his overwhelming thoughts. He went to his cabinet and pulled out some wine. He needed it just to prepare himself. He laid back down on the coach and drank.
His mind started to drift back to his school days. He remembered it was almost the winter holidays of his third year and Snape had been sitting by the lake reading a book.
Remus was by himself and didn’t know where his friends were so he went to talk to Snape. He sat down next to him and the raven haired boy scowled. “What do you want?”
Remus didn’t know why he chuckled audibly. It was funny to him how Snape thought he was being intimidating but with that soft spoken voice he just sounded really- well Remus wouldn’t admit it anywhere besides his own head- cute.
Chuckling was something he shouldn’t have done though as that seemed to anger Snape. “Are you going to make fun of me now? Where are your friends?” The other boy’s brows furrowed as he scanned the grounds looking for the rest of the marauders.
“It’s just me. I wanted to see what you were reading.” Remus murmured as he looked over to Severus invading the other boys space a bit. He noticed the other boys face was a bit pink he assumed it was from the snow.
“Potions..” he whispered and Remus cocked his head to the side.
“I really have never understood potions. What’s so fascinating about it?”
Snape’s eyes softened and for once the boy looked happy. Someone was finally asking about something he was interested in.
“Well it’s pretty fun. Certain ingredients mixed together have certain reactions and you can make really cool potions if you know what your doing.” He explained and he seemed very excited about potions. It seemed it was the only thing the boy cared about.
That’s when James came by.
“Remus what are you doing with Snivellus?” Sirius asked and Lupin immediately stood up.
“Nothing much..” he murmured and that when the insults ensued. Snape’s shoes were a topic that the marauders really liked to make fun of him for. They were all beat up and dirty. Snape hated his shoes.
James then used his wand and one of Snape’s shoes went flying off his foot and into the Black lake. Meaning Snape would have to go through the cold water to get it as ‘Accio’ was a spell they were barely learning. Luckily it wasn’t too far. The water would only be up to his knees. The rest of the boys laughed as they walked away.
“C’mon Remus let’s go.” Sirius tugged on Remus’ sleeve.
“Yeah, yeah just a second.” The rest of the boys left and Remus went over to Snape. He was soaked and he shoved his shoe back on. He looked very upset. Remus didn’t understand why. Yeah soggy clothes were gross and annoying but it wasn’t worth it to get this bent out of shape about. Remus handed Snape his book and Snape slapped his hand away.
“Why don’t you sod off with the rest of your friends!” Snape shouted. (Which mean’t he raised his voice above its usual quiet tone.)
“You’re horrid, Lupin.” Snape frowned and stormed off.
Remus reflected on that day a lot. He liked talking to Snape even if it was for a few moments. He should have defended him.
Just another reason to hate himself. He was coward. A right coward.
He shook his head and drank his wine again. He was grateful for one thing about having Snape as a boss now. He knew he’d be able to keep his rules.
Because there was absolutely no way he’d fall in love with Severus Snape.