Till the End
Remus didn’t think he’d ever run that fast before in his life. But here he is, sprinting through the hallways like it's his job. The moment James pointed to the spot on the map where Sirius was, he felt himself stand up and start running. At that moment, the pain in his muscles and ache in his bones became not impotant, he was going to get to Sirius as fast as possible damn the consequences.
Remus was pretty sure his friends had started running after him, but he wasn’t thinking about that; the only thing on his mind was getting to Sirius. He was thinking about how he was going to hold the other boy and never let go.
The werewolf had never really appreciated how long his legs were until now as he ran out of the old castle toward the forbidden forest. On the map, he saw the Animagus was just east of the Shreking Shack, but he wasn’t able to get a more exact location than that, and finding Padfoot by himself when he was that deep in the forset was going to be difficult. Fuck he defintlly shouldn’t have have left James, Peter and Regulus back in the dorm.
“Merilin Mate, wait up!” James yelled after the lycanthope, the quidditch captain was running down the lawn towards where Remus was standing. Fuck he hadn’t even realized that he was being followed by them until now.
“I- shit sorry, I just.” Remus didn’t know how to explain it, he just needed to find him. He needs to find him so he can hold him as tight as he can while kissing him and telling him that everything is going to be ok. He needs to apologize for yelling at him and tell him just how truly sorry he is and how much he truly loves him.
“I know, moons, I know.” James reassured the taller boy as he hugged him.
“We’re gonna find him.” Regulus and Peter appeared on the other side, both of the other boys seeming slightly out of breath. “Plus, it definitely doesn’t hurt that we have a few people who know this forest better than they know their own common room.” he said with a bit more of his classic snark returning to him.
Remus smiled at his friends, he didn’t know what he would do without the other boys; they supported him through everything, the moons, his massive crush that he had harbored on Sirius for over two years, and now this. “Thanks, guys.” he responded wetly as he wiped a small tear from his face.
“Anything for you, moony.” James gave him another small squeeze. “It will probably be easier to find him as prongs, so I’ll lead, ok?” he said as he readjusted his glasses before making a quick check of his surroundings before deciding to transform into his animagus form.
Prongs's large form was now standing a couple of feet in front of the three other boys, it took a moment before he started to trot into the forest, toward the shrinking shack. The other three boys quickly raced after the deer in their egar an attempt to locate their missing friend.
The trek through the forest felt like it took ages, with each step through the woods, they didn’t feel any closer to the lost boy. For the past few minutes, the group had been standing in the woods just looking around, Prongs seemed to be at a loss, no longer knowing where to go next. Remus knew they were close to the older boy, but still, the longer they stood there, the more he felt the deep worry start to take him over again. What if they couldn’t find him, what if he hurt himself, what if….
“Wait over there,” Peter pointed, towards a small clearing a couple of feet away from where the group was standing. It took Remus a few seconds to realize what he was pointing to, but once he saw it, it was unmistakable. Just about 25 feet away from them, inside a hollow tree, was that familiar black dog.
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Sirius didn’t know how long he had been alone for, he had become familiar with the pain in his stomach from his lack of eating. Usually, as a dog, he found it easier to ignore that pain, along with all the thoughts that ran through his head. But this time, it wasn’t working. He had tried to hold out as long as possible, to ignore the thoughts in his head that yelled at him to bite and scratch himself till all he could feel was the physical pain that he knew deep down he deserved.
He heard his mother's voice yelling at him inside his head, telling him he's worthless, he's horrible, that he's her biggest regret, that he ruins everything, that he's unloveable. He agrees with her, of course; his mother was right. If his own mother couldn’t love him, then how could he ever think that anyone else could. How could he expect James, and Peter, and Regulus to love him when he was so rotten? How could he expect Remus to love him?
Suddenly, he heard the familiar sound of voices, not far away from him. Perhaps the lack of food and sleep was finally getting to him. He refused to believe that his friends had come to get him; they shouldn’t have, he didn’t deserve that. The animagus just curled in on himself a bit more, ignoring the way the scratches and bites that covered his body ached as he did so. As he wished, the tree he was inside of would just swallow him whole.
The voices didn’t stop, though, and they didn’t get quieter either. They got louder and more defined. He could hear his brother and Peter talking to one another, and he could smell them, too. He smelt Prongs, he could smell the unmistakable scent of his brother's French hair products, he could smell the ink that Peter always used, he could smell the faintest bit of chocolate that Remus always carried. He smelt it all, and that just made everything hurt more, it made him miss them even more, it reminded him just how much he truly didn’t deserve them.
Perhaps he had fallen asleep again and was dreaming because the next thing he saw was his boyfriend crouching down in front of him. Was he still his boyfriend? Sirius didn’t know if Remus would even want to be with him after this, and he wouldn’t blame the other boy if he didn’t.
“Oh, Padfoot.” The lycanthrope was reaching out to him, causing a small whimper to come out. “Sirius, please.” he was begging him now. Sirius didn’t like this dream at all, he didn’t wanna see Remus sad or hurt. That just made his own feeling in his chest feel worse.
“Love, we’re not mad at you. We know what Snape did.” Remus looked like he was about to cry now. “We know how he went in your head. And that isn’t your fault, ok Pads? Please, I need you to understand that.”
The only response he could give him was another whine as Remus reached towards the animagus once more, this time successfully pulling him out of the hollow tree and onto his lap. But as Remus ran one of his large hands through the deep black fur on his back, he accidently touched one of the deeper scratches on his back, causing Sirius to let out a painful whine.
“Shit.” the taller boy cursed as he pulled his away from Sirius body to reveal a bit of blood on his fingers. The animagus slilently mourned the loss of the comforting hand in his fur. “Padfoot,” Remus said, addressing the dog in front of him, “Love, I really need you to change back now so I can talk to you and make sure your ok.”
Sirius let out another whine, he didn’t want to change, he didn’t want to stop being held by Remus, he just wanted to stay like this.
“Sirius” Remus once again interrupted the older boy’s train of thought, “we don’t have to talk now, but I do need to make sure your alright and I can’t fully do that if your still a dog.” on the verge of begging his boyfriend to change back to human form.
Merlin’s beard he hated when Remus talked senes to him like this, he just looked up at Remus big brown eyes before he changed back in human form right in Remus lap. As the older boy transformed back to a human he braced himself for the scoling he assumed was coming, but never did. Insead what did happen was Remus wrapped his arms tightly around the smaller boy in his lap, as he pulled him closer to his chest.
“I’m sorry Pads, I’m So So Sorry, I promise I’ll never do something like this again, I’ll listen to you, I’ll let you explain, Ok. Please be ok though, I need you to be ok.” Remus was crying over the older boy, Sirius though couldn’t understand why. Perhaps it had to do with the reason of why his head had become all fuzzy after he turned back, and why everything was suddenly going dark.