Happy New Years!
DECEMBER 31ST, 2012
The muffled music traveled all through the room, and the vibrations through everyone, making their spines rattle and hearts spark. Remus quickly scrambled to find where he put the rest of the champagne glasses on the tray and carried them out through the saloon doors, to a nearby table. The annual New Year’s Eve party was the same, just like every year: a game of beer pong, someone locking themselves in the bathroom to avoid being here, or maybe a couple eating each other's faces.
The countdown had reached the ten-minute mark, and everyone was already starting to herd themselves to the living room and plant their eyes on the television.
Remus walking in between people, trying to make it to the kitchen for more drinks. There, he found a moment of silence. The music and sound of people talking were muffled enough for his senses to take a break. His ears felt a sense of relief, and he was no longer fighting the urge to run to his bathroom, lock the door, and hide in the tub as he covered his ears, desperately trying to drown out the sound.
He leaned against the counter for a moment, trying to collect himself, and grabbed another box of canned beers along with some trash bags.
Gliding in and out between people as they gathered around, watching the countdown with 30 minutes left. He leaned underneath a table to grab some cans that had been thrown underneath. The tables had been covered in foil-like tablecloths that glimmered in the light above. Remus hated this, every last bit.
While it was nice to have company and people around for social interaction, he didn’t like the mess, the noise, or the feeling of being in the presence of more than one person at a time. Multiple voices to focus on and the inability to know what they will do next His therapist thought it would be a good idea to get him out more; he thought throwing a party would mean social interaction and the ability to stay inside, but instead he was less likely to interact with anyone after this.
Nearly running into someone on his escape route to upstairs to make sure no one was passed out in his bathroom; his skin was pale, and he had a cold stone look.
Remus quickly apologized once again and headed upstairs, away from the stranger.
The mystery person wiped just underneath his lip line, wiping off the excess blood onto their finger and walked into the kitchen. Remus quickly shrugged it off since he was in a rush.
Remus walked into his bedroom to a couple making out on his bed.
“Get out…” He cringed and turned sideways in the doorway and waited as they grabbed their clothes and walked out the room in a rush.
“Sorry.”
“Just go!” Remus turned his gaze upwards to not make eye contact with anything.
He grabbed the stash of analgesic he kept in his side drawer, popping one in his mouth along with some water from the day before. Not the best but it will do.
Remus quickly rushed down the stairs back to the party and the torment of his next door neighbor. He was a pre-med student on his way to be a neurosurgeon. How he loved to rub that into Remus’s face. They attended school together as children. Got along pretty well for someone who was as snobby as they come. Their friendship ended right after graduation when Remus’s mother fell ill, father went quick after. Left him nothing but his name, reputation, and of course, the house.
I got that devilish flow, Rock and Roll, no halo, we party rock
Yeah, that's the crew that I'm reppin'
On the rise to the top, no Led in our Zeppelin (hey)
Music pumping loudly through the walls, people singing along. What’s most to ask for in a time like this? Almost everyone on the block was throwing a party. It looked like a rave party under the night sky with all the LED lights.
“Would you look at that? Remus Lupin finally making a name for himself,” mocked Severus.
Remus rolled his eyes in his cup, taking a sip of whatever liquid was inside, “Well not everyone got to be as lucky as you and make it out of this shithole.”
Remus never did know nor understand why Snape decided to come back to the city. He could’ve gone anywhere he wanted and yet he decided to come back home. If it was still home to him.
“Well I have my reasons; you seem to be enjoying yourself particularly, with being back and everything.” Snape’s ragged breathing started to seep with signs of discomfort.
“Left for a few months and people pretend it was the end of the world,” Remus stirred the drink around, pretending as if he saw something in it.
“Your mother died, Remus. If you aren’t okay, I can contact a friend. She’s a therapist and she can get you the help you need.” Snape stopped as Remus threw his drink in his face.
He had a slight smile as he resisted to not make a scene. A few people glanced over in a concerned manner, but left it at that.
“Enjoy the party, Severus.” Remus dismissed himself, brushing their shoulders against one another.
He was fed up with people in his life treating him as if he was a bomb, ready to explode and destroy everything all around him. With not much place to go, he headed to the kitchen.
Remus walked into the kitchen and stumbled a bit as he reached for the countertop. His hip has been bothering him more than usual lately. Must be all the movement in the past week. He tried his best to apply pressure on the joint to try and soothe the pain but stopped once he saw there was someone else in the room. He was anxiously rubbing at their top and mumbling to himself. At first Remus thought he might be just drunk and spilled his drink on his shirt by accident, but getting a closer look he didn’t seem very drunk. He looked over his shoulder and stopped teasing at his shirt after realizing he was noticed.
“Do you need help? I have stain remover in the pantry if you need it.” He tried his best to not let his rapidly beating heart get to him.
The mysterious person turned around and revealed a slightly stained bloodstained ring around the collar of the neck.
“Oh?” Remus was a bit taken aback but didn’t question or hover, “Hydrogen peroxide then?”
He limped his way to the person causing him to tense up a bit.
“It’s behind you, under the sink.” Remus said in his ear, gesturing to the cabinet.
He was embarrassed, moving to the side to let Remus grab the peroxide and close back the cabinet. He grabbed the towel he was using to remove the blood before.
Remus handed it to him, at first he was a bit unsure but took it anyway. With the first swipe the blood started to bubble and the more he soaked the shirt, the more the stain started to uplift.
“It’ll probably be best if you took the shirt off.” Remus said in a hushed tone as if he had one too many drinks.
The person looked him up and down with a raised eyebrow, “Are you always this friendly?”
Remus leaned a bit in, “No,” he said with a bit of a laugh, looking down a bit ashamed.
The person let out a laugh as well and held it with a smile. Exposing the one dimple on his face and two very sharp canines.
“You have a nice smile,” Remus leaned against the counter, taking pressure off the troubled leg.
“You have a nice…” The person looked him up and down and continued taking off the bloodstain.
Remus tried his best to focus on the shirt but couldn’t help but sneak looks to the persons body. He had moles that aligned their should perfect, as if they were stars connecting to make a constellation. The ones on his face were no better. The way the one by his eye moved as he smiled.
“Do I know you?” Remus slurred the last word, clearly intoxicated.
“No, just a friend of a friend.” He continued scrubbing.
5 minutes till New Year’s.
“Are you sure?” His voice went up a couple notches as the time passed.
“No, I think I would’ve remembered you,” The person looked at him and looked as if he saw a ghost. Maybe he did remember him.
“Well then, I’m Remus Lupin, your host for the night, or the last bit of the night there still is.” He really just couldn’t pull his gaze away.
“I’m Sirius Black, your temporary guest.” He turned the faucet on and let the chemicals, along with the blood, wash away down the drain, leaving the shirt semi stained with now a yellowed white shirt.
“Sirius…” Remus mumbled the name that would forever linger from his lips.
“It was worth a shot, thank you.” He turned fully to Remus a sat there as his stare filled the room with nostalgia and the sense of competency.
“Happy New Year’s!” The living room shot with excitement and laughter.
Fireworks lit up outside through the kitchen window.
Pink. Green. Blue. White.
It illuminated his face beautifully. The color shinning off of his star clips in his hair.
The sound of confetti poppers went off as well as the pops of champagne and cider. Even with all the noise in the background, Remus just couldn’t pull his eyes away from him. Felt like this is what he was missing, who he was missing. Sirius Black.
The moment ended pretty quickly as those sounds of excitement and laughter turned to blood wrenched screams of horror. Remus quickly pulled his gaze away and stopped himself from leaving Sirius in there who looked as if they’d been caught in the act of something. Remus pulled a button up flannel from the back of the kitchen door and handed it to Sirius to put on and quickly left the kitchen without a goodbye.
The coffee tables tablecloth had caught on fire with a few people attempting to put it out. A lot of the crowd had spread out to keep distance between them and the flame. Remus grabbed a blanket that laid on the couch. He began to beat the flame until it was just smoke that carried throughout the air.
He turned to the shocked crowd, “Happy New Years!” He cheered sarcastically. The crowd of people cheered and the music queued back on the iPod. The party continued like before as if nothing happened.
Sirius leaned against the doorframe between the kitchen and main room. Remus sighed in disbelief of what he put himself in.
Spotting Sirius he smiled in acknowledgment and walked off and back to the kitchen, passing Sirius who followed him back.
“That was very heroic.” Sirius said smiling slightly.
“Yeah, I didn’t want anyone to get a paper cut.” Remus said awkwardly.
Sirius glanced sideways in confusion. There were a lot of references in the big year of 2012. Remus was the one to make them, his peers found them awkward and fairly weird, even tasteless.
“Twilight? New Moon?” Remus desperately tried to get Sirius on the same page.
Sirius shook his head slightly, “I never finished past the first movie, I find them pretty inaccurate. I’m surprised you take interest in them.”
“I don’t take interest, my mother used to like crappy movies like that.”
“Used to?” Sirius’s smile faded slightly.
Some things never change.
“Besides the movies aren’t that bad and vampires aren’t real. So, there’s not really much to prove if it’s inaccurate.”
Sirius shrugged his shoulders, “Do you really think they glitter though?”
Remus shook his head. That is a silly observation but greatly pointed. Though true there was something comforting about living beyond the after life for Remus.
***
Hours and hours had passed between the two, just talking for hours. Sirius sat on the counter and Remus had pulled a chair to lean against the counter. A small beam of light had caught Sirius’s eye and he immediately jumped off the counter.
“I have to go.” Sirius’s voice and oddly panicked.
“Go?” Remus realized the sun was starting to rise, “You can stay longer I’m sure, unless your carriage is going to turn into a pumpkin.” He laughed.
Sirius looked confused and mouthed “What?”. Walking to grab his blood stained shirt from the sink and head out the kitchen. Remus following behind, nearly tripping over cups and left over confetti tassel. Sirius walked flawlessly, maneuvering through the miniature obstacle course without flaw.
Sirius opened the door and began descending down the stairs. The crisp air hit Remus’s face and goosebumps began to infest his skin. He didn’t know whether to say goodbye or thank him for coming to his miserable party. By the time he made his mind up, Sirius was gone. In a blink of the eye he was just gone. Remus knew he was probably still drunk and the endorphins that flooded his brain from Sirius’s mere existence have already began to wear off. Closing the door quietly and taking in the silence of his house. The sunlight began to leak through the windows and have a golden ambient light that glittered off the tinsel and tin cans that lay scattered on the floor.
Remus’s eyes began to grow heavy as he stood there longer. Making his way up the stairs and down the familiar yet long hallway. Just to the right, Remus walked into his childhood bedroom. It hadn’t changed much from his teenage years. The same skateboard that sat collecting dust on the wall and the shelves that held what once were prized possessions now sat and were dusted.
He stumbled to his bed and as his face seemed to merge with his pillow he could only think of the doll like face that was once in front of his. The way each curl laid perfect without a single stray directly as his shoulders. The way each feature was sharp yet soft. Almost like the dead, the last thing that crossed Remus’s mind was Sirius. He tried to stop thinking about him as he didn’t want to get too worked up and possibly fall in love. Love…Remus wouldn’t want, he doesn’t need it. Not at all time like this. Sirius faded from Remus’s mind as he fell into a deep dark sleep with funny or confusing dreams.
***
The first thing that Remus thought of when he woke up was Sirius. When he brushed his teeth, he thought of Sirius. When he drove to work on only five hours of sleep, he thought of Sirius. When he clocked into his job, everything he did even breathing was centered around Sirius.
The light no longer shined through his window and into his face. Three-Thirty One the clock read, the whole day had passed. Opening his eyes to the faded sunset and a dark room. The house was silent and cold.
As he sat up the ache in his hip grew more. Gripping on the side table to help himself up and reaching for his cane, Remus walked out the room. Limping slightly to the bathroom down the hall. The sink was shorter than he remembered, it always seemed taller but as a kid things to appear bigger…scarier.
Turning on the light to the bathroom Remus was welcomed by the mirror and his own reflection. Looking at himself, the bags that hung under his eyes.
Kissed by the moon.
Running the faucet of cold water and leaning his cane against the counter. Cupping his hands to collect some of the water and leaning over to let it wash over his face. As he looked back up to the mirror to fully wake up. There was a long day ahead of him and not a single idea of where to start.
Turning off the faucet he stared deeply into his own eyes. How did he manage to get here? Asking that question every morning with no response from anyone let alone himself was not going to help him.
Drying his hands off and grabbing his cane to head out the door. The clicks of the cane echoed against the hard word floors. Not much had changed, maybe the color of the curtains or a new vase but his mother liked to keep things around the house the same. Remus wasn’t always as interested in interior design when it came to his person space. He was more of a collector that he expressed his interest in where he stayed.
Walking down the stairs and into the kitchen past the mess that was yet to be cleaned. He was welcomed by the hydrogen peroxide on the counter still and a small splatter of blood. Remus was dumbfounded at the sight and knew where his work would begin.