I desire the things which will destroy me in the end
They arrived at the train station. As Regulus looked around he saw families hugging and kissing goodbye, friends running up to each other even though they probably saw each other one hundred times over christmas break. He sees a few pureblood families bidding their goodbyes to each other, at least they brought them to the station. Regulus is surrounded by people but has never felt so alone in his life.
‘I best be off Master Regulus’ Kreature states, bringing his attention back to the person who is here for him, Kreature has always been there for him, and Sirius.
‘Thank you kreature, hopefully she doesnt work you too hard while i'm gone’
‘It is my pleasure to work for the noble house of black’ and with that he vanished, leaving Regulus truly alone.
He looked around for Barty, if he could spot anyone in a crowd it would be him,always making a scene and drawing all the attention to him, evan would probably be hanging off his arm telling him to calm down. It was around two months ago that they realised that they have been in love with each other for the past 4 years. Regulus was happy for them, when he found out he wanted to scream at the universe and curse it for making everyone else lovable but him.
With no luck he decided to find a carriage, maybe they were already on the train. He picked up his trunk and headed for their usual compartment. It was then he saw him, Sirius, he could make out his brother from a mile away, from his breath, his presence. Seeing him now was different, he looked happy as he hung out of a large tan arm, regulus didn't have to guess who it belonged to, his new brother, james potter. They were laughing and chatting as they walked through the crowd, no doubt trying to find the rest of their gang “the marauders” is what they called themselves, very fitting. He picked up his pace and bolted into their usual carriage, he didn't want to face him, not yet.
As he approached the compartment he heard the familiar chatter of his friends. He opened the door and was immediately welcomed with a big hug from Pandora. He sat down by the window and sighed.
‘How was your christmas, i didn't hear from you, did you get my letter?’ Pandora asked eagerly, he hadn't been able to write to his friends, his mother wouldn't allow it. She didn't let him do much of anything after he left. He was watched at all times, petrified he would follow Sirius and betray her.
‘Yeah, i got it, sorry i couldn't reply, your painting was beautiful, i put it up in my room’ he replied with as much enthusiasm as he could manage. Pandora was too smart for her own good, he knew something was wrong, she opened her mouth but was abruptly interrupted by Barty storming into the compartment and slamming down next to him with a big thud. He had dyed his hair over the break, most likely as another act of rebellion against his dad. Regulus wondered if he had been punished for it, he'd say it was worth it but regulus knew deep down it never really was. Barty and him had a close bond because of the knowledge that both of their parents had distasteful methods of parenting. They always avoided talking about what these methods were but they both knew the bruise on the others rib wasnt from falling off their broom, or the scars on their backs couldn't have been made without magic.
‘Ooo, I love your hair, when did you dye it?’ Dorcas asked as she stepped into the compartment sitting beside Pandora, Evan behind her.
‘A few days ago, I thought the green brought out my eyes, don't you agree reg?’ he nudged him at this pulling him from his thoughts.
‘Yeah, looks great’ he responded with a tired smile on his face ‘what do you think Ev?’ He looked at the blond boy sitting next to Barty pulling out piles of sweets, where he got them from he had no idea, probably robbed them from the trolley.
‘Yeah you look good, or- em- it looks good’ he stuttered out, not making eye contact with them.
Barty flushed ‘ thanks Ev’
Dorcas and Regulus exchanged a look at this, Barty and Evan had been crushing on each other since they were in second year but neither of them wanted to admit to it at fear of their parents finding, Barty may want to go against his dads every word but this was something he couldn't just take a beating for. Regulus remembers meeting him for the first time during the sorting, they got on almost immediately, later that year Barty would go on to tell Regulus how he begged the hat to not put him in Ravenclaw, like his dad wanted.
They soon arrived at the castle and hurried into the hall for the welcoming feast. As Regulus walked towards the Slytherin table a large wheezing cackle echoes through the crowd, Regulus knows who its from almost immediately, he turns to try find the location of his brother instinctively, his eyes landing on the group of boys pushing each other off the benches, Barty quickly grabs his arm and pulls him down into the table, ‘arrogant assholes’ he mutters under his breath.
After Dumbledore's long welcome back speech the tables fill up with food, Regulus watches as his friends dig into their plates, he optimistically grabs a few potatoes, takes a bite and regrets it almost immediately. The food was scraping his throat and clawing at his insides, it was unclean and unnatural to be there. His hairs stood up as this pit of doom started to rise back up.
‘Sorry guys, I just need to go to the bathroom, I'm not feeling well, I'll see you back in the dorms’ He rushed off before he could wait for an answer.
Once he made it to the bathroom he locked himself in a stall and sank to his knees throwing up almost immediately. The pit wasn't gone, he shoved his fingers down his throat wishing to throw up again, he hadn't eaten anything else all day so all he could do was gag dryly. His breathing started to quicken as he felt sweat drip down his face, he felt dirty and weak.
‘look at you, so weak, Sirius would never do this, that's why he was the heir, such a shame he left us with you’
He heard his mothers voice echo through his head, he clamped his hands over his ears in hopes to drown her out, it didn't.
‘Oh Regulus, get up off the floor this is disgraceful behaviour for a Black, I should lock you away for this, or would you prefer my wand, Sirius is no longer here to help you, he doesn't love you anymore’ Regulus let out a sob ‘he does love me’ he pleaded as he raised his want to him arm muttering spells that left rivers of crimson pooling around him.
‘No he doesn't, that's why he left you, he thought he was better than us. He knew it would hurt us more leaving us with you, he was right’
Regulus sobbed into his hands as he tried to calm himself down. Pulling his sleeves down he walked over to the sink to try to clean up, he stumbled forward trying to grab onto the shelf, missing he went down with a thud, darkness washing over him.
When he woke back up he was met with a pounding in his head, where was he? He tried to sit up but was promptly pulled back down.
‘Sorry Mr Black we can't have you moving around, you concussed yourself last night’
Last night? He thought to himself. Is it the morning? Did I hit my head? Dread washed over him as he grabbed his arm wincing but luckily his sleeves were still pulled down.
‘Mr Black can you tell me if you remember how you fell, did you eat dinner yesterday?’ Madame Pomfrey asked calmly.
Regulus cleared his throat ‘ yeah, i ate, i think i was just tired i fell over, really it's not that big of a deal’
‘Yes it is!’ a voice beside him shouted startling him, he snapped his head over groaning at the pain it caused to be met with none other than beautiful golden eyes framed by golden glasses, he scanned James’s face worry written all over it. This might be the first time he's seen him not smiling.
‘What are you doing here’ he demanded
‘Well Mr Black you have Mr Potter to thank for finding you, he was doing his prefect rounds and found you lying unconscious in one of the boys bathrooms, blood on you head, i guess you must've fainted and hit it on your way down’
Regulus glared at James ' "I want him to leave, please" before James could argue Poppy was ushering him out of the infirmary and started asking Regulus so many questions he lost count. He was discharged but suspended from training and given a potion for pain.
Regulus walked back to his dorms just to be bombarded with questions from all his friends.
‘We asked Pomfrey if we could stay but she turned us away saying she'd let us know when you woke up’ Evan explained quickly obviously worried that Regulus might feel upset they weren't there when he woke up.
‘She let Potter stay’ Barty grumbled ‘something about him saving you or some shit, he probably got house points for that’
‘How did you pass out? Pandora asked genuine worry behind her voice.
‘I think i just got dizzy, fell over, i think when i hit my head that's how i passed out’ Regulus knew it was probably blood loss and the fact he hadn't eaten in a week.
‘I'm going to sleep, I was allowed the morning classes off’ He explained to his friends before quickly making his way up to his dorm, on his bedside table was a vase of flowers with a card signed from Dorcas, wishing him a quick recovery. He smiled weakly at this before getting into his pajamas and crawling under his covers.
Potter had saved him, ‘why would he help me, he hates me, Sirius made sure of it, oh god i hope he doesn't tell Sirius’ he whispered to himself. He took a sleeping draught he made a few days ago and fell asleep quickly after.
Potter had saved him.