Road Trip

I throw another shirt into my backpack. And then another. ‘Why are we even doing this,’ Peter questions. ‘Because James can’t fix his mistakes himself,’ Sirius groans and throws a pair of pants into his backpack.

‘But can’t we just go to the post office and ask them if they already mailed it,” Pete asks. Remus chimes in: ‘Because James has to tell Lily.’ ‘How are we even going to travel? It’s not like I’m made of gold,’ Peter complains. Remus shrugs. ‘I don’t know. I’m trying to be spontaneous. Maybe we’ll borrow a car. Or Sirius and James could loan us some money.’

Loan them money? No matter how much I am be willing to loan them, I can’t. I had a fight with my parents over Christmas because they were always trying to babysit me. I told them I wanted to be more independent and so they cut off my money source. I had to get an actual part time job besides uni and earn my own money. ‘I can’t,’ I try to explain. ‘What? You always swim in money,’ Sirius scoffs. ‘Like last month? When Peter’s car needed a checkup and Pete couldn’t afford it but you really wanted to use the car to visit your parents over the weekend and so you paid for it.’ Remus turns around.

‘Sirius, you smart bastard!’ Sirius just looks at him confused. I sometimes think he just isn’t that quick. ‘What?’ ‘Pete’s car. It’s as good as new and just had the checkup last month!’ Pete looks at Sirius, then at Remus and at last at me.

‘My mother will kill me if she finds out I’m using my car to skip college.’ ‘Calm down, Pete. We’ll be back before the next exam.’ Peter still seems to hesitate. ‘The finals are in somewhat three weeks.’ Now I am the one to defend our journey: ‘If we drive non stop, it only takes about a day. We’ll stay in Rome until Lily comes back in two weeks and just do tourist stuff. I’m sure we will still have enough time to get back in time for our finals. And we can just study on the road.’

‘I don’t know. What if something happens,’ Peter asks. Now Sirius chimes in: ‘I’m sure we could split the costs between all four of us if something happened.’ I nod. I don’t know why, I mean I still don’t have infinite money. But I need the car. I need it to make right what I totally messed up. Because maybe Remus is right and I have to start fixing my own problems.

‘Alright. We can use my car. But if anything and I mean literally anything happens, then you have to explain it to my mother.’ Sirius is the first to agree. Then, Remus nods. And the three of them turn to me. ‘Okay,’ I finally exclaim. Peter grabs his keys off his table and throws them at me. I catch them in the air. ‘You’re driving,’ he says.

I know I cannot say no. Peter doesn’t like to drive, especially not long routes. I know he is more the guy to go anywhere by bike, I think we all are. And especially Pete’s car is uncomfortable to sit in for longer times. But right now, I don’t care. I don’t care about any of this because all I care about is making things right with Lily. I throw the last pair of boxer shorts into my backpack and close it.

Then I grab the tape. The one that was meant for Lily. I put it in the pocket of my jacket. ‘Are you guys finished,’ I want to know. Sirius quickly throws a pile of clothes into his backpack and then zips it. I wonder. I didn’t even know Sirius had that many clothes, nor that he is bringing them on a two week road trip. I am convinced that my two T-shirts and two pairs of pants will be enough. ‘Let’s leave right away,’ Sirius suggests. ‘That way we’ll arrive there probably exactly when the tape arrives and we can replace it with the right one and James can tell Lily everything.’ Remus shakes his head.

‘We should get all our money from our piggy banks.’ While saying that, he looks at me. I still keep most of my cash in an old piggy bank that I got for my sixth birthday. I never open it. It is one of these piggy banks that you don’t have to break. I think otherwise, I would refused to open it even now. But over the years, I must have saved a lot in there. All my birthday money and the money I got for mowing my parents’ friends’ lawn went in there and never came out again.

‘All right,’ I agree. ‘Let’s butcher the pig.’ I open my wardrobe. At the bottom, one of the boards is a little bit loose. I hide my money underneath it like in one of these movies where the drug dealer hides all his cash underneath a loose floor tile. Except I am not a drug dealer. I carefully take out the piggy bank. Now I just need the key. I lift my mattress. ‘What the fuck are you doing?,’ Peter wants to know. ‘Getting my money,’ I reply.

When I still lived with my parents, that was where I hid my piggy bank keys too. When I was younger, I saw a movie where someone hid something by carving a small hole into his furniture. And so I also carved a hole into my bed frame that is just big enough to fit the little key that belongs to my piggy bank.

I take it from the hole and quickly open the piggy bank. Years of dust and birthdays come out of it. I sneeze. I shake the pig so even the last pennies come out of it. The money forms a small pile on the floor. ‘Geez, how much money is that James,’ Remus gasps. Peter doesn’t say anything. He just stares at the money as if he is hallucinating a fairy to be there. I scrape all the money off the floor. The pile is too big to fit into any wallet. But as if Sirius is able to read my thoughts, he hands me a small sack. ‘Put it in there. That seems way more safe for that sum than your pockets,’ he suggests. I nod and quickly put all the money into it. It actually seems more safe. Then, I put the small sack into my backpack. ‘We can stop at an ATM and get the rest of our money there,’ I throw into the room.

‘But we cannot pay with pounds everywhere, right?,’ Peter considers. ‘I mean, we’ll pass through a lot of countries with different currencies and Italy for example has the Lira.’ ‘Good point,’ Remus notes. ‘Let’s just take James’ cash and use our bank cards for the rest. I mean you can pay with card in Italy, can you?’ I shrug. I didn’t even know that Lira was the currency in Italy. So why should I know whether you can pay with card there. ‘Yes you can. At least with Visa card. But I mean it’s still just as common or maybe not common as it is here.’ Peter is a mastermind. Maybe not at everything but at least at geography. And medicine. I would trust him with doing any operation on me. ‘Great,’ Sirius shrugs. ‘Then there’s nothing in our way. Let’s leave.’ I nod. Remus nods. Peter doesn’t nod right away. He looks at Sirius and then at Remus. Then, he looks at me for an eternity. ‘Okay. Let’s do it,’ he finally agrees. I high-five him and then, the four of us make our way downstairs.

On the stairs, we bump into Regulus. Sirius immediately turns cold. I throw a glance at Remus and he knows what I mean. We should get out of here as quick as possible before it escalates. ‘Where’re you going,’ Regulus questions. ‘Your classes start in an hour which is too long to be going there now and too short to drive to the lake.’

‘None of your business,’ Sirius replies cold as stone and grabs my shirt and tries to pull me away. ‘Why do you look like you’re about to go on a trip,’ Regulus wonders. ‘None. Of. Your. Damn. Business,’ Sirius hisses.

‘We’re going to go down to the river to study a bit,’ Remus quickly throws in. I look at him. I didn’t know he was such a good liar. ‘All right,’ Regulus seems to believe Remus. I don’t want to stay and so Sirius pulls me down the rest of the stairs. ‘Nice save, Remus,’ I compliment him as we walked out of the building. ‘Didn’t know you were so good at lying.’

Remus shrugs. ‘Ever wondered why I have study group five days a week?’ Remus asks. I shake my head. ‘I just thought you were an ambitious learner. Actually, you really seem like someone who would do study group five days a week.’ ‘Yeah but didn’t you wonder why I only invited you to join my study group once a week?’ ‘Honestly, no,’ Sirius replies. ‘I know that we are annoying.’

Remus lets out a laugh. ‘I am with Maggie. Four days a week in the evening, I go on dates with Maggie.’ I didn’t know he likes her so much. I always thought he is kind of annoyed by her. I mean, she is annoyed by him. But I would have never guessed that he ditches us for Maggie that often. ‘But why don’t you just tell us you are going on a date with Maggie?’ I wonder.

‘Why? Sirius hates her! All the time when I mention her, he gets all pissed. He says she’s just not a good fit for me and also super annoying. He says she’s just using me to get better grades. And I don’t want to have to listen to that crap all the time.’ I know he is right. We all hate her. I think Peter is the one who likes her most. And he still doesn’t like her. I don’t want to admit it to Remus’ face. I never like to admit that someone other than me is right. So I just switch topics. ‘So where are we going first?’ Remus looks at me for a second and seems to consider switching our conversation back to Maggie but then he responds: ‘Dover. We’re taking the ferry from there to Calais.’ I nod.

Then, we stop walking. We’re standing in front of Peter’s car. It’s a Mercedes 250 S Kienle. It’s a pretty car. Pete’s mother spent her whole savings on getting it for Peter. ‘Dover it is then,’ I reply. ‘Do you know the directions,’ Peter questions. ‘Or should we buy a map on our way.’ I shake my head and point at my temple. ‘It’s all in there. All the navigation. Trust me.’ I open the trunk of the car and we all put our backpacks in it.

Then, we sit down. Sirius calls shotgun for the first drive. I am driving of course and Peter and Remus make themselves comfortable in the backseat. Of course, Remus doesn’t trust me and so we have to stop at the next bookstore and buy a map. It is a pretty huge map. I throw it onto Remus. ‘Hey,’ he complains. ‘The map is there for navigation. Sirius should take it.’

Sirius shakes his head. ‘That damn thing is way too spacey. You wanted to buy it so you can keep it back there.’ Remus sighs and starts folding it again. I put a tape into the car radio and Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen starts playing. The tape is a mixtape that Sirius gifted me last Christmas. He gave it to me so that when I am listening to it, he can enjoy his good music too. And I have to admit, it is actually good music.

‘MamaAAaAa oOOOOoooh,’ Sirius starts singing along. A loud sigh comes from the backseat. It is Remus who was probably hoping to find some time to study. Sirius continues to sing along to the music.

‘You need to take a left turn next and get on the A2,’ Remus chimes in. ‘I know. I told you I know the way,’ I reply. Remus lets out a scoff. I knew he is just trying to help and maybe it’s been better that he is giving me the directions. But I have been a stubborn guy all my life and so I don’t like to admit that maybe at some point, I need the directions. But I actually knew that I needed to take a left turn onto the A2 next. We pass the sign that tells us to go left and I take a left turn. I could make it without Remus. He knows that and I know that. But it is nice having him around all the time and having him care about me.

The next song on the tape is about to play. Sirius gets ready and when the first few chords of ACDC’s Highway to Hell start, he pretends to play air guitar and sings along to the guitar part. ‘For god’s sake Sirius can you please be quiet,’ Remus groans. ‘You don’t have to come with us if you don’t like the music,’ Sirius counters. ‘It’s not the music, I like the music. It’s you singing along to it.’

‘James can you please pull over and let Remus out. He can walk to the next train stop. I don’t want him in the car with me,’ Sirius complains to me.

‘Just shut up and don’t be such babies,’ I snap.

‘Yeah. Sirius, maybe try not to sing along to the songs that loudly and Remus, try to live with it,’ Peter suggests. I agree. Sirius and Remus are always fighting. And it’s always about the smallest things. Like last week, they were fighting about whether Starman or Space Oddity by David Bowie was better. Most of the times, I side with Sirius. But it is just so their fights would end. Sometimes, I actually agree with Sirius. Like liking Space Oddity more than Starman. It is just a better song. And if Remus doesn’t agree with that, I don’t mind. I listen to both of the songs.

‘James,’ Peter suddenly asks. ‘Who did you make out with at the party?’ Sirius abruptly stops humming along to the music and Remus puts down his book. I feel the three boys staring at me. I gulp. ‘I told you before, I don’t know,’ I answer. I don’t. I don’t know. I want to. But I don’t. ‘Yeah, you say that. But you had the tape. You could have watched it. Maybe you’re just embarrassed. What if it was Alice? Or Mary,’ Remus wants to know.

‘Alice was with me the whole night,’ Sirius chimes in. ‘And why would I hide it from you if it was Mary? I would tell you and then apologise,’ I explain. ‘But why apologise to us? You’re not doing anything wrong in regards to us,’ Peter says.

‘Because I know you like her.’ Peter doesn’t reply. He turns quiet. ‘Can we just please not talk about that anymore,’ I request. ‘But you’d tell us, right? If you remember,’ Sirius asks. I nod. ‘Of course. I don’t have any secrets to you.’

I don’t. At least I don’t think so. Well, I mean other than the fact that I kissed a dude. Maybe I just forgot to tell them some things. But we tell each other everything. All the time.

I turn the music volume up and the chorus of Highway to Hell blasts through the car. Sirius sings along and I join in. I look to the backseat and Peter and Remus have joined us. ‘I’m on the Highway to Hell,’ the four of us shout from our lungs. It’s a nice feeling to know they got my back. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. The song ends and I turn the volume down again.

The next songs starts playing quietly. It’s so quiet, I can hear my thoughts again. And all I’m thinking is

Why James? Why did you cheat on Lily?

I shake my head to clear my thoughts. But it doesn’t work. The words hammer against my skull. Why did I do it? I can’t even explain it to myself. I’m thinking of turning around and driving back but I remember what it’s for. It’s not for me. It’s for Lily.

I hear the pages of a book turning in the back. It’s probably Remus reading or Peter studying. Right. The exams are in about two weeks. I should study too. But not right now. Right now, I’m driving. I assemble my thoughts and bring them back to the road. Sirius is staring out of the car window. I look down the road. Barely any cars. Right, it’s not summer break yet. People must be wondering what four boys are doing driving to Dover right before summer break starts.

I pull over at the pull-in. ‘You guys have ten minutes. I’m staying at the car. Sirius, can you bring me a coffee?’ We get out of the car. ‘I wanted to go to the restroom and then have a smoke,’ Sirius groans.

‘I can get you a coffee,’ Peter offers. I accept the offer and Sirius, Remus and Peter go off. I watch them enter the small shop and my gaze follows Peter to the counter. He talks to the employee and pays. Then, he waits. The guy hands him two coffees and he comes walking out again. I smile at him as he approaches me. He hands me the coffee and we lean against the car.

‘Thanks mate,’ I smile. Peter grins back. ‘No problem.’ I take a sip and there’s a silence between us. ‘What are we going to do in Italy for two weeks,’ Peter asks. I shrug. ‘I mean we could’ve just left next week,’ he continues. He’s right. We left spontaneous and maybe it was a bit too spontaneous. ‘Maybe she’s coming back from rehab a bit earlier,’ I suggest.

‘Yeah. Maybe.’ I take another sip of my coffee and then look at Peter again. ‘You have a nice car, you know that?’ ‘What?’ Pete seems to be a bit startled by my compliment. ‘It’s a nice machine. I never told you that before, right? But it’s actually really nice. It’s got 130 hp, right? I mean it’s not as much as my family’s Rolls Royce but still. I like it.’ Peter grins at me. ‘I didn’t know you were that much into cars,’ he admits.

‘I’m not. But I like pretty cars with a good engine.’

My gaze drifts off to Sirius and Remus. They’re standing in front of the store smoking and chatting. ‘It’s going to kill them one day,’ I scoff. Peter follows my gaze and nods. ‘Yeah. It’s not good.’ I look at my watch. We’ve been only driving for about an hour. Which means we still have about an hour until we’re in Dover. And then another eternity on the ferry with our car. I don’t really like ferries, they make me sea sick. But I’m still doing it. For Lily, I remind myself. For Lily, for Peter, for Remus and for Sirius. Because they believe in me. They believe that I can do this.

A ringing takes me back to the parking lot. It comes from inside the car. It’s a phone lying on the backseat.

I take the call. ‘Hello, James Potter here,’ I answer it. ‘Oh, James it’s you. Is Remus anywhere near you,’ the voice greets me. It’s the voice of a young woman, probably around our age. I can’t identify who it is. Maybe it’s a friend of Remus.

‘Uh, yeah. He’s just having a smoke right now. Should I give him a message?’ There’s a short moment of silence. ‘I thought he didn’t smoke anymore. Uh, no can you give the phone to him?’ ‘Yeah. Who should I tell him wants to speak to him?’

‘Maggie.’

Shit. Maggie. She’s a pain in the ass. But after all, she’s Remus’ girlfriend. I walk over to him.

‘Hey Remus. Maggie’s called. She wants to talk to you.’ I hand him the phone. I can tell from his face that he’s not pleased to talk to her.

‘Yeah hi Maggie,’ he starts. ‘Uh, no I’m not at campus right now… Err, a family emergency… James’s just driving the car… No, just the two of us… Cardiff, Wales… Only a couple days… Okay, I’ll call you later.’ Remus hangs up and glares at me.

‘Why did you have to tell her I’m smoking,’ he wants to know. ‘I didn’t know it was her,’ I reply. ‘What did she say?’ ‘She’s mad that I’m still smoking. And she wanted to know where I was because she was waiting for me on campus. I just told her there was a family emergency and you’re driving me to Cardiff.’ ‘Sorry, mate,’ I tell Remus. ‘Don’t worry, it’s alright,’ he replies.

‘We should really get going,’ Peter throws in and I agree. We walk back to the car and get in. This time, Remus is sitting in the front next to me.