Road Trip

Remus drives the car off the ferry. I walk. I walk because I think that if I am in a car right now, I’ll throw up. The ferry did make me seasick. And I threw up two times into the water.

We agreed on not continuing our drive right away. We’ll just stay in Calais for a few hours. I think it’s better that way. Remus parks the car somewhere and then comes back to us. He says something about the city hall here in Calais. But I don’t feel like walking five kilometers. That’s over an hour.

We decide to sit down in a small café near the beach. You can see the tourists bathing from the window front. ‘Bonjour,’ the waiter greets us. I turn around. ‘Bonjour,’ Peter replies. ‘Nous sommes d’Angleterre. Parlez-vous d’anglais?’ I don’t understand a word of what he’s saying but the waiter switches to a strongly accented English. ‘Do you want to order something or do you want to see la carte first,’ he wants to know. I look at the guys.

‘I’ll take a diet coke,’ Remus replies. Sirius orders an espresso, Peter takes an orangina and I order a water. I think if I drink something sweet now I’ll just throw up again. Honestly, if I do anything other than sitting or walking, I think I’ll throw up.

‘Is there any way that we don’t have to take a ferry on our way back,’ I want to know. Peter shakes his head. ‘You’d have to be Jesus and be able to walk over water for that,’ he jokes. ‘Or Moses and part the water for us so we can drive through it,’ Remus adds. ‘Why can’t there just be a tunnel connecting England to the rest of Europe,’ I sigh.

Peter shrugs. ‘Go build one,’ he suggests. ‘Blow off your EDUC degree and become an architect and build a tunnel from here to England.’ I laugh. ‘When I say I don’t know if I really want to be a teacher, I don’t mean I want to blow everything off and just start a whole new career,’ I chuckle. ‘Why not,’ Sirius wants to know. ‘You’re constantly complaining about EDUC. Maybe you should just do something different if you’re not happy with what you’re doing.’

I shake my head. ‘You guys also always complain about college,’ I argue, ‘but that doesn’t mean that you’re quitting, right?’ Sirius shrugs. ‘I never complain,’ Peter says. ‘I only complain about how hard it is. And never about how boring.’ I agree with him. He’s the one who probably likes his major best. I mean, Sirius likes Astrophysics and Remus loves literature but the three of us all expected something different from college.

The waiter comes and gives us our drinks. ‘Est-ce que c'est possible pour payer avec les 'pounds' d'Angleterre,’ Peter wants to know. The waiter seems to think for a second. Maybe he’s trying to figure out what Peter just said. ‘Bien sûr,’ the waiter replies.

He rushes to the back and comes back with a calculator. He calculates what we have to pay in pounds and shows it to us. I take out the sack of money and give the money to him including a rather generous tip. The waiter leaves and we go back to our conversation.

‘I don’t want to quit college. It’s just all so overwhelming sometimes,’ I groan. ‘I get it. I mean I have to study the laws of physics but if you understand it once, it’s easy. And you… you have to do something with kids. And kids honestly suck,’ Sirius explains.

‘Do you really hate kids that much,’ Remus wonders. ‘Don’t you ever want to have kids?’ Sirius scoffs. ‘I believe it’s Regulus’ responsibility to continue the Black family bloodline. I would never in my whole life get myself a kid. They’re only useful if you let them work for you and sadly, that’s been restricted by some useless law.’

Peter seems to get ready to throw something back at Sirius. ‘Useless? If child labor was still allowed, I would have probably been working all nights long besides school. I would have never had the chance to go out partying because I would have wanted to help out my mother financially. And I would have never met you guys.’ ‘Pete’s right,’ Remus chimes in. ‘Child labor is not good. A child should be able to have free time and hang with friends.’

‘But children work cheaper which would ultimately lead to all products that are produced through child labor being cheaper. And technically it’s liberal. You don’t have to work if you don’t want to. Some kids might not want to go to school from a certain age and that way they can earn money if they want to. It prepares them for their working life too. I mean child labor isn’t just bad,’ Sirius tries to explain.

I look at him and Remus and Pete look at him. Basically everyone in the café who knows English turns to him. ‘That came out wrong, didn’t it,’ Sirius asks. I nod. ‘Whoops,’ he exclaims. He awkwardly smiles into the round and slowly, the other tourists get back to their own conversations. Sometimes it’s really hard to be friends with Sirius.

I finish my water and then turn to Peter. ‘Hey, could you help me study a bit for my exams later,’ I want to know. ‘Sure,’ he replies. ‘I’m always happy to help. And maybe you could go through a list of questions that I have to know for my exam and test me.’ I nod. It’s a fair deal. At least for me. Peter probably doesn’t know what he just agreed to. I am not a quick learner and I think he will lose his nerves if he studies with me only one day. 

I carry my shoes in my hands and feel the hot sand burning underneath my feet. ‘Aren’t you dying of the heat,’ Remus wonders. He also took off his shoes because he didn’t want them to fill up with sand but immediately put them on again after he felt the hot sand underneath his feet. ‘It’s not even that hot,’ I say. ‘In the mid summer months in Spain, that’s where the sand feels like melting away your feet. And we’re just in northern France’

Sirius laughs. ‘I think the nerves in your feet are already burned off and you just don’t realise how hot the sand is.’ I shake my head and let the sand run through my toes. We stroll over the beach. There’s no goal that we set us, we just want to walk a bit. The beach is crowded but at least the cold breeze from the sea cools our heads off a bit. A few men are walking around the beach with trays. ‘Mojito,’ I can hear one of them yell. Oh how I would love to have a mojito right now. But I agreed on driving.

I can see that Sirius also wants one but he doesn’t seem to continue that wish. The further we walk away from the port, the more crowded the beach gets. Of course. No one wants to swim right where the ferry is. ‘We should really not be spending our whole day on the beach,’ Peter suddenly notes. ‘We could visit the Notre-Dame church here. It’s still being renovated but it’s almost finished. And it’s only a short drive.’

Sirius groans. ‘Do we really have to do that touristy sight seeing stuff,’ he wants to know. ‘I think it’s a good idea,’ Remus says. ‘It’s a beautiful church.’ I think for a moment. But if it’s really just a short drive, I think I can handle it. Peter seems to have read my thoughts. ‘We can also walk. It’s only about half an hour or less.’ I nod. ‘It actually sounds nice. And I mean it’s not every day that you’re in Calais, right?’ Sirius groans again but I think he knows that it’s three against one and so he basically has no say. We decide to walk the half hour because it would take almost as long if we walked back to our car first and then drove. The sand gets hotter as the sun rises and eventually even I put my shoes back on.

The church is stunning. It seems a bit incomplete but Peter already said that.

‘Did you guys know that this is the only Gothic Tudor church in whole France,’ Peter started his lecture about the church. Whenever we are anywhere, either he or Remus gives us a lecture about the history of wherever we are. ‘And in 1921, the French President Charles de Gaulle got married here to his wife Yvonne Vendroux. And in 1944, when Calais was freed from the German occupation, the church and whole Calais suffered under bombing which lead to the destruction of parts of the church.’ I look up.

Then I smile at Peter. ‘You’re really a nerd,’ I joke. ‘Maybe I’m a nerd but at least I didn’t fail history. Twice.’ He gives Sirius a glance who immediately knows he’s being offended. But he doesn’t seem to care. ‘Can we go in,’ I wonder. Remus shrugs. ‘Sure.’

The entrance is a great wooden portal in a Bordeaux colour. We enter. The inside is even bigger than it seemed from the outside. There are candles lit up in the corner. Peter walks over to a little table and throws two pounds into a small box. Then he takes a candle and lights it. He folds his hands as if he was praying and finishes with a gesture cross and ‘Amen.’ In the meantime I walk down the aisle and to the front.

I kneel down behind a bank. I’m not really religious. But my parents were. And so I was raised as a catholic hispanic boy and went to a catholic primary school. Which was also where I met Peter. Who at that time was rather religious. I fold my hands.

‘Dear Lord in heaven above. Please let the Leicester Tigers win the John Player cup. Also, please let me stay healthy and not get any injuries on this road trip so I can continue playing in our college’s rugby team. And let our team finally win. Please. In the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit. Amen.’ When I was younger I always prayed for my favourite sports teams to win. It didn’t work all the time but back then I was pretty religious and I thought I had misbehaved and that was God’s way of punishing me.

I turn around. Sirius seems to have followed me. ‘Are you serious,’ he wants to know. ‘Praying for sports?’ He chuckles. ‘It’s kind of a ritual,’ I say. Peter is still standing at the candle table with Remus. He has taken out the map and traces something with his finger. ‘Should we see what they’re doing,’ I ask Sirius. He shrugs. ‘I’m just going to look around for a bit. But you can go talk to them if you want to.’

Sirius goes up to the front to the altar and looks at something really close. I turn away from him. Suddenly, I feel a tap on my shoulder. An old lady is standing behind me.

‘Excusez-moi. Je me demandais si vous étiez le fils de Claude. Comment va Claude d'ailleurs ? J'ai entendu dire qu'il avait divorcé l'été dernier. Apparemment, sa femme l'a trompé avec un Italien. Julienne m'en a parlé. Mais tu sais que je ne fais pas confiance à cette fille. Elle a ces faux seins et je pense qu'elle ferait beaucoup pour attirer l'attention.’

I look at her in confusion. I didn’t understand a single word she just said. ‘Uhm. Sorry. Je ne parles pas français,’ I scrap together everything Peter ever told me. I don’t speak French. Ironic that that’s the only thing I know in French. Because technically, that makes it untrue. The woman looks at me and mumbles something in French again. Then, she goes away.

Where was I? Oh, right. I was just praying for this rugby season to go well. talking of rugby, I forgot to cancel today’s practice. Shit. I quickly rush out of the church so I don’t disturb anyone when calling. Then I take the phone out of my backpack.

I dial our coach’s number. I’m the team captain, I should really be more responsible. ‘Hi, it’s James Potter,’ I begin when he finally picks up. ‘Oh, James. I didn’t expect you to call. Is everything alright?’

 I quickly think. Then, I use the same excuse as Remus. ‘Yeah, I just have a family emergency at the moment and so I’m going to be in Spain for the next two weeks. And since I don’t have a drivers license, Sirius is driving me. So he won’t come to training too.’ There is a short silence and when my coach starts talking again, he seems a bit upset.

‘I hope whoever the emergency is about is going to feel better soon. Just please next time, give me notice in advance so I can adjust the training plans.’ ‘Thank you and see you soon,’ I say and then hang up.

I sigh in relief. That could’ve gone worse. I just have to tell Sirius my lie so he won’t accidentally say something different to our coach. Peter comes out of the church. When he sees me, he smiles. ‘What are you doing out here? Last thing I heard you were praying for this rugby season to be good.’ I grin. So Sirius told everyone about that already. ‘I called the coach because maybe I forgot to cancel the practice for the next two weeks,’ I reply. Pete lets out a laugh. His laugh is soft and I think I’ve never really noticed it before.

‘Since you study EDUC, I have a question. Do you perhaps know about the little Albert experiment,’ Peter quickly changes topics. I nod. ‘Yeah. We’ve talked about it a few times when we talked about how human beings work. Why?’ Peter seems to process my words and then continues: ‘I’m just super confused. Why did they do that to him? Like he must be traumatised for life now.’

‘Yeah, I guess. But the people don’t even know who the baby is anymore. They have two kids in mind but one passed away at the age of seven and the other one cannot remember anything from his childhood. And they did that experiment because they wanted to figure out how fears develop in children’s minds. They wanted to reverse it though, because that’s possible. But since they had taken Albert from a hospital without his mother’s permission, they couldn’t control when he got out of the hospital. And so before they were able to reverse the conditioning, he was released and never really found again.’

Peter looks at me in disbelief. ‘People actually do that kind of shit?’ I nod. ‘It’s sick, I know. But I guess you can’t change the past. And we learn that not only to understand the theory but to also remember that something like that shouldn’t be done anymore.’ Peter shrugs. ‘But hey, you remembered it so I guess that’s one less thing to practice for your final exam, right?’ I nod. Pete’s right. Even though that is just one of many examples I have to know by heart.

‘What touristy thing have you planned next,’ I want to know. Peter shrugs. ‘Honestly, I thought we might just continue the drive. Unless you don’t feel better yet.’ ‘I feel better. Just maybe Remus could drive now. If that’s okay with him.’ Peter nods. ‘We’ll just ask him when the two lovebirds get outside.’

I frown. ‘Lovebirds?’ ‘Sirius and Remus. Mary and I like to call them the lovebirds because they always fight like an old married couple.’ ‘Ah.’ I get what he means. The two of them could easily be my grandparents because they also always disagree about the most stupid and simple things. I’m about to say something funny to Peter about that name but in the same moment, Remus and Sirius come walking out of the church while laughing about something stupid. At least I think it’s stupid because neither of their jokes are funny.

‘Remus,’ Sirius gasps, ‘Remus just told me the funniest joke of all time. Let me tell you. What’s red and bad for the teeth?’ I shrug. ‘Candy?’ Sirius shakes his head, still laughing. ‘No, it’s- it’s a brick.’ I look at Peter and then at Remus. ‘I’m sorry. We got kicked out of the church because Sirius just randomly started laughing.’

Okay that’s something new. Being kicked out of a church wasn’t on any of our bucket lists for this summer I suppose. ‘Yeah, they told us if we don’t get out immediately, they’ll ban us from all churches in France,’ Remus explains. ‘Wait, so you actually got kicked out of a damn church for telling Sirius one of the least funny jokes I’ve ever heard,’ Peter wants to know. Remus nods. Sirius is still trying to catch his breath. How can somebody laugh that much about such a stupid joke.

I look at Peter as he mouths the word “LOVEBIRDS” to me. I grin. Lovebirds. They sometimes really act like an old, married couple.

But I like them all the way they are. I like Sirius for never being serious, I like Remus for being a literature and history loving nerd who cannot live without a good smoke and I like Peter for being a huge nerd about everything.

I take out my camera and take a photo of the church. Then, I have an idea. ‘How about we take a group picture,’ I suggest. ‘For the memories.’ Remus just shrugs but Peter seems very convinced. He takes my camera and goes over to a woman. He says something to her in French and then gives her the camera. The four of us pose for the picture and the woman snaps a few pictures of the four of us.

I thank her and she gives me back the camera. I’m curious how the pictures turned out. As soon as we’re back in London, I will develop them. ‘Would it be okay with you if one of you drove the car for the next few hours,’ I want to know. ‘Sure,’ Remus tells me. ‘Where to?’ ‘Paris,’ I smile. The city of love. Well, in our case we’ll probably be eating croissants and drinking fancy overpriced wine.