For weeks, Sirius and James had been watching with a mixture of bewilderment and growing irritation the strange dynamic that had developed between Regulus and Remus. It wasn’t that it was odd for them to get along. They had always shared similar interests, and, for some reason beyond the understanding of their jealous boyfriends, they seemed to thoroughly enjoy each other’s company.
“I’m telling you, they’re doing it on purpose,” James muttered, arms crossed and brow furrowed as he watched from a distance how Remus and Regulus laughed together in the library.
“Why would they?” Sirius huffed, twirling his quill between his fingers. He was clearly annoyed, though he tried to hide it.
“Because they’re bastards and they want to see us suffer,” James replied without a shred of doubt.
It wasn’t an entirely unreasonable theory. Regulus and Remus seemed to have made it their life’s mission to prove to the world (and their boyfriends) that they too could be the best of friends. And they were succeeding.
Study sessions had become a regular occurrence. Regulus, with his extensive knowledge of Potions and Astronomy thanks to his strict pure-blood upbringing, helped Remus with magical subjects. In return, Remus taught him about the Muggle world with a patience only he possessed—though he never missed an opportunity to make sarcastic comments whenever Regulus asked something seemingly obvious.
“What exactly are these ‘fuses’ for?” Regulus asked one day, frowning in concentration as he flipped through a book on Muggle technology.
“To stop devices from exploding—unlike wizards, who don’t have that luxury and keep reproducing despite their stupidity,” Remus answered with a mischievous smile.
Regulus blinked a couple of times before bursting into laughter, and James, who had been watching from a corner, nearly snapped his quill in frustration.
The final straw came when Amos Diggory spotted them together in the Great Hall and approached with his usual kind smile.
“Oh, you two make such a lovely couple. Really, I’m so glad you’ve found each other.”
There was a second of absolute silence before Remus burst out laughing and Regulus raised an amused eyebrow.
“We do, don’t we?” Regulus said mockingly, nudging Remus.
“Indubitably. I love our cover boyfriends,” Remus replied with a fake expression of adoration.
Amos nodded, satisfied, and walked away without suspecting a thing. But the consequences of that encounter were disastrous.
The rumour spread like wildfire. By the end of the day, most of the student body was convinced that Remus and Regulus were secretly a couple and that James and Sirius were only with them as a cover. The story was ridiculous, of course, but that didn’t stop the whispers from reaching their actual boyfriends.
“What the bloody hell did you do?!” Sirius exploded when he found Regulus in the Slytherin common room later that night.
Regulus, who was lounging comfortably in an armchair with a book in hand and a cup of hot chocolate for Remus beside him, didn’t even bother to look up.
“Me? Nothing. I’m merely existing. Is that illegal now?”
“Do you know what they’re saying? That you and Remus are together and that James and I are just a cover for you two!”
Regulus blinked with feigned innocence.
“And?”
“And?!” Sirius felt like he was about to combust. “Why didn’t you deny the rumour?!”
Regulus finally looked up, a smirk playing on his lips.
“And miss the chance to see you fuming? No, thanks.”
Sirius felt his blood boil. It was a mix of jealousy and frustration he had no idea how to handle.
James, for his part, had tried confronting Remus, but the werewolf merely shrugged and responded with complete composure:
“Well, James, if you can’t handle the competition, maybe you should try harder at being a better boyfriend.”
James was left speechless.
The following weeks were pure torment. Regulus and Remus took their friendship to the extreme just to wind them up. They sat together at meals, shared books with exaggerated closeness, and exchanged sarcastic remarks with an infuriating level of camaraderie.
James and Sirius were on the verge of despair.
“You know what?” James said one day, watching as Regulus handed Remus a piece of chocolate with a triumphant grin. “I’m going to prove that I can be a better friend to Remus.”
“And I to Regulus?” Sirius raised an eyebrow.
“Exactly. If they can do it, so can we.”
They tried. They really did. But Sirius quickly realised he did not have the patience to discuss literature with Remus without wanting to set the books on fire. And James… well, let’s just say that attempting to talk about Ancient Runes with Regulus ended in absolute disaster.
“And what does this symbol mean?” James asked, pointing at a drawing on a parchment.
“It means ‘wisdom,’” Regulus sighed. “I’m honestly surprised you can read.”
James decided that magical archaeology was not for him.
After multiple failures, they admitted defeat.
“They’re unbearable,” James muttered, watching as Remus and Regulus laughed together in the library.
“They’re doing it just to make us suffer,” Sirius sighed. “You know what? We deserve this for being such idiots.”
James nodded.
And so, resigned, they let their boyfriends enjoy their revenge.
Of course, not without reminding them every night that, no matter how much fun they had together, they were still absolutely theirs. And that would never change.
End?