Chapter Seven
They sit in silence and watch the TV but Taylor's insides are starting to crawl again. She isn't sure what it is. The food should have helped and if she could just lose herself in the episode of Friends it would take the edge off a little bit. If only a small amount. But it seems like they're beyond that point now. The numbness has loosened a bit giving way to panic.
The change in emotions wasn't quick exactly, the best way to describe it would probably be going from a pure white cloudy sky, deviod of all color, to a sky full of dark grey storm clouds. She isn't sure if Karlie noticed the shift. She once would have but it's been years, they need to re-learn each other. She tries to just sit there, accept the feeling coming over her. It's to be expected. Though that doesn't mean it can be ignored. She wants to write the feeling away. Since the break up it's honestly been her main outlook to expess how she's feeling. Try to scrub it out, in a way, the same way she would with a stain. It's sort of why she started writing originally. She'd felt so alien and had needed a way to express that, so even though it was a different emotion the concept was the same. It is, however undeniable that she's been relying on it way more than she used to, evident in how much music she has released since 2019. It's hard to determine whether it's because things are getting harder or because she got so used to having karlie to support her that now she has to overcompensate. Maybe it's both.
Eventually she just decides enough is enough. What they are doing isn't working. So she stands and starts to walk out the room.
"Where are you going?" Karlie asks. Taylor keeps walking, knowing that karlie will follow and not wanting to have to use up energy by answering. She grabs a notebook deciding to work on lyrics as she's still too burnt out to play the guitar or sing.
"Tay no. You need to rest not work. You're burnt out as it is."
"It helps, writing songs."
"Not when you are burnt out from work like you are."
"I'm only burnt out when it comes to performing."
"We both know that is a lie Taylor. It is wasn't then you wouldn't have called me or been too exhausted to eat or feed the cats."
The singer just gives karlie a look. Which the model ignores dragging her ex out of the room, away from the notebook and pen.
"Talk to me Taylor. Was Friends not helping?" She gets a head shake from the blonde. "Ok. Do you want to try something other than watching tv."
A finger is pointed at the door they just walked through in response.
"What did I tell you." Karlie tries to keep calm but it's proving difficult because Taylor seems pretty set on working. Which surely is only going to tire her more and make this burnout worse. When they first got together that might not have been a problem because she was stronger than Taylor. But now she's pretty sure that she wouldn't stand a chance at restraining her.
"Please. It will help. I promise." Taylor begs.
"Listen, there are things that will help more, baby. Like eating some more and sleeping. So why don't you tell me what you want to eat and I'll sort it out for you. Then you can get some sleep."
Taylor ignores her and pushes her way back into the room, then grabs her notebook once again. All Karlie can do is watch as line after line is written and then crossed out. Eventually tears of frustration start falling out of blue eyes and the pen gets thrown across the room. Karlie has to hold back her own hint of anger. She knew Taylor's brain is too tired to come up with coherent lyrics and trying to write despite that would end like this.
But anger won't solve anything. She has to use the skills she learned as a parent to remain calm and handle the situation.
"Come on." Karlie says helping Taylor up. They walk to the bedroom. "Get in."
She tucks Taylor in and strokes her hair.
"This ok Tay?"
She nods.
"Good. Do you want me to talk to you? Until you fall asleep?"
"Yeah." Blue eyes close and the model sighs. Then she starts talking.
"I've missed you. Remember when you took a step back from music in 2017. At first it was burnout just like this. But slowly you returned to the girl who had to prove people wrong. You had so much fun writing your new record and even if we were having to keep a low profile things were never better for us. We would laugh, drink together, watch movies, dance. We were happy. The life came back into you. It was incredible."
She didn't even say much but when she looks down Taylor's breathing is deep and even. She fell asleep already. She should really have realised, seeing as if she was awake Taylor would have told her that this isn't 2016. Her own tears start to fill her eyes. Why does everything have to be so complicated for them?