Under Pressure
★✫★
Sirius
★✫★
After Sirius’ birthday party, Sirius and Regulus decided they wanted to feel like brothers again for the first time in 5 years. They were sick of having their love for each other distorted by their parents and turned into resentment for what the other has. So every Saturday the two go to a cafe in Hogsmeade, not too far away from Hogwarts, that Regulus apparently frequents, for tea.
After one of their weekly visits, Sirius goes back to their dorm. James is out on some date with Lily he meticulously planned with Remus because he knows her best and James wanted it to be perfect because he’s gone for her.
So Sirius is alone, left to think about what they talked about with Regulus, about growing up in that house. Sirius didn’t miss the fact that Regulus refused to talk about having plans to leave. They stopped mentioning it once they noticed because they didn’t want to argue about it, that was how they got here in the first place.
So Sirius is sat on their bed, their eyes stuck on their phone with Andromeda’s contact staring up at them.
They bite the bullet, and press call. It rings approximately 4 times - Sirius counted - before she picks up.
“Hello, Andromeda Tonks speaking.” The voice rings out. She sounds so much more full of love, more soft than Sirius remembers her. They remember the angry Andromeda, the Andromeda that had been raised by hate like Sirius and was full of it for the people that raised her and the people she loved that way.
“Andy?” Sirius whispers pathetically and they hear a sharp intake of breath.
“Oh, Sirius.” She coos. Sirius doesn’t know how she recognises their voice, it’s changed since they were 11 with puberty and whatever else the world has thrown at them. “I’ve been waiting for your call. It’s hard but leaving is the best thing-”
“Leaving?” They ask. “No I just- I can’t leave Reg, I just got him back.” They whisper, flopping onto their back, staring up at the ceiling with their phone pressed to their ear. “I just wanted to talk to you again…”
“He doesn’t want to leave?” She asks.
“I think he’s too scared to even think about it. He always just lets them use him like a puppet.” Sirius sighs. “I take all his punishments for him but-” They take a deep breath. “I’m scared that if I leave they’ll push him too hard, I can take it because it’s my job but-”
“Being abused isn’t your job Sirius.” Andromeda sighs. “It’s not his either. Your job is to be stupid teenagers like everyone else around you.”
“I know but- if there’s a choice between me or him being safe I would do anything . He’s my responsibility.” Sirius whispers into their phone, their eyes tracing the swirled pattern on the beige ceiling hanging above them.
“I always thought you were more of a father to that boy than a brother.” She sighs fondly. “But Sirius, if you ever have the chance to leave, run and never look back. And call me. It’s relieving to leave but it’s devastating to realise how much of your childhood you lost, only someone who’s been through it can understand.”
“Ok… but I’ll always try to get Reg out before me if I can.” They say.
“I understand.” She whispers into the phone. “How have you been Sirius?” She asks eventually.
“Uh… lots has changed. I realised I was non-binary when I was 13.” They start. “I’m dating this guy… he’s great Andy.” They smile.
“Oh, who’s this mystery man?” She laughs and Sirius can’t imagine that look on her face, every smile was strained or faked for pictures and the public, they wonder if when they leave with Regulus that they’ll change this much too.
They hope so, they haven’t seen that real smile from Regulus since he was ten, and even that felt slightly forced, like he had to convince his face to cooperate.
“His name’s Remus.” They grin. “We’re not like official or anything but-”
“I suspect it will be soon?” She asks with an obvious smile which sounds foreign to her voice.
“I hope so.” They say, smiling dopily at their ceiling.
“Well… Alex told me he told you about Dora?” Andromeda asks.
“He did.” They smile. “What is she like?”
“She’s… a lot like you. She’s loud and funny and- well she’s only 2 but I can see you in her already.” Andromeda says fondly.
“Ah, your child’s already cooler than you already, Andy? That’s a shame.” They grin.
“Sirius Orion Black!” She gasps warningly.
“Ah, you know you’ve lost when you get your mum voice out on me.” Sirius laughs.
“Now what would you know about a mum voice?” She laughs.
“Andy!” They gasp.
It seems so easy to her. Just joking about the pain. It’s probably easy when you’re detached from it, when the punishments become a distant memory rather than a gaping hole in your skin, painful to the touch, hidden under the expensive clothes their maman expects them to wear.
They can’t wait for a day like that, a day where they can lay in a nicely decorated bedroom, laughing with Regulus while bathing in the warm sunlight the windows surround them in, joking about the horrors they’ve survived and they’re still together despite it all. It feels more possible now than it did before their birthday.
The call ends quite quickly after and Sirius stays on their back, imagining a life out of the clutches of the cold halls of Grimmauld Place like they did when they were younger. They’d live in a warm cottage with a black dog and a black cat for both of the brothers. There’d be a library for Regulus and his love of poetry - writing and reading it - they’d be sure to have as many art supplies as they could think of for Regulus in his room. They’d have a big garden where they could invite their friends over to play football with and have picnics.
There’s a knock on the door after they spend God knows how long daydreaming. “Come in!” They call.
Remus walks in, practically leaping into Sirius’ arms. After their birthday Remus had gotten much more affectionate with them like he wants to be as close to them as he physically can. It’s been 3 weeks of being very happy as… whatever they are and Sirius wouldn’t change it for the world.
“You ok?” Sirius asks, trying not to laugh as the tall boy tries to curl himself into their chest.
“This guy just…” He groans into Sirius’ chest.
“Ah… well what did Minnie say?” They ask, having a soft spot for the recently appointed coach who has to juggle both of the Gryffindor teams and she does it well. She may be strict but she loves James, Remus, Peter and Sirius when they’re not causing chaos whenever the opportunity presents itself.
“They’re too miserable in their own lives so they take it out on other people that they see as easy targets.” Remus imitates with his scarily good impression of her voice.
“Exactly, whatever they said isn’t important.” They whisper, pressing a kiss to his light brown curls. “Now what do you want to do right now?”
“Uh… can we just listen to music?” He asks.
Remus and Sirius have similar music taste - almost identical really - and the two spend lots of time thinking about the art. It makes sense that they listen to music together a lot. In fact, it should have been expected.
Sirius opens their phone. “What do you fancy?” They ask, scrolling through the music on their phone.
“Bit of Bowie?” Remus asks, looking up at Sirius with those beautiful honey eyes, a pleading look in them.
“Bit of Bowie it is.” Sirius laughs, pressing play.
Under Pressure rings out and Remus instantly perks up. “I love this one.” He smiles.
“Is there one you don’t love?” They ask, raising their brow at the boy curled up on their chest.
“Uh… don’t think so, but this one’s good .” He grins.
When James gets back a few hours later Sirius had just succeeded in convincing Remus to dance with them. He would step on Sirius’ feet constantly but they would just laugh it off and that’s how James found them. Holding each other and swaying slightly in a display of dancing but they were laughing too hard to hear the music to sway in time.
Sirius didn’t notice when James took their camera off their bed to take a picture of the two who were falling over each other and laughing. The candid picture just radiating the happiness the boys felt in that moment.
Sirius hung the picture up next to their bed a few hours later when Remus left with James’ help.
Their side of the room is starting to feel more like a home now thanks to James and all of their new friends, not friends.
Family.
✧✩✧
Regulus
✧✩✧
Regulus and Evan have to get up early for practice with their insufferable and abysmal team. The boys are the first to enter the changing rooms, not too far behind them is Severus Snape.
He isn’t too bad, his only problems are that he needs to wash more than once a month and his weird obsession with that Evans girl, always practically cornering her in the corridors when none of Sirius’ friends are around to fight for her so Regulus is sure she hasn’t told them.
He walks in in silence, leaving Regulus and Evan to mutter to each other about nothing important at all - they were talking about how Barty made a joking ship fanfic about Snape x Mulciber that he hopefully can’t hear them talking about. The Ravenclaws - their friends more like - are going to be watching them - Coach Slughorn approved it - so Regulus had something to look forward to, at least.
Then, their Captain Nikoli Mulciber saunters in like he owns the place, a smug smile on his face as he walks straight to Regulus and Evan.
“I saw you out with your brother yesterday.” He grins. “I thought you left him when he turned out to be a filthy fagg-” Regulus cuts him off by slamming his fist into his ugly little piggy looking face hoping he can flatten his nose into a snout like his nose should be, shoving him to the floor to hit and hit and hit until Evan eventually drags him off.
“Ok… he’s down… come on.” Evan whispers, pulling Regulus out to the pitch.
He can feel the blood and the split skin on his knuckles, Mulciber’s blood splattered across his face.
“Regulus!” He hears Barty gasp as soon as he spots his boyfriend, running over to him. “What happened? Who do I have to kill?” He says so seriously that Regulus knows he actually will if he asks him to - good thing he has two hitmen at his disposal now apparently.
“He already practically did that for you.” Evan says, laughing out of shock, running his hand through his blond locks.
“He was being a homophobic asshole.” Regulus spits, the anger not yet drained out of him but it scares him. He feels like his mother, cruel, lashing out at anything with uncontrollable and unending anger no matter what anyone did.
“To you? Because we were careful I-”
“No, he saw Sirius and Regulus together and was shocked that Regulus would be around someone who’s openly gay.” Evan sighs.
“Regulus Black!” Coach Slughorn shouts.
“I’ll be back.” Regulus nods, following Slughorn away from the pitch to the little offices each coach has. Regulus’ eyes flick over each one.
Coach Lupin.
The name has been messily chipped off in a hurry, the room obviously cleared up into uncollected boxes which you can see through the windows into each room.
He moves his eyes to another door:
Coach McGonagall.
Sirius has told him lots of stories about her, about how when they spat in one of Remus’ bullies faces she pulled them into her office and they spent the afternoon having biscuits with her. She told them to tell everyone that she really told them off when she actually praised them for doing what she wished she could have done when she heard him say what he said.
When he’s shuffled into the office he’s sat on a rickety plastic chair that creaks with every movement.
“Mr Black, you cannot be hitting your own teammates.” Slughorn says like he’s just said something Regulus didn’t already know and like he’s proud of it.
“Well my teammates shouldn’t be asking to be hit then, should they sir?” Regulus spits, the anger still ripping open his ribs and showing everyone the vile, black, rotten heart he gained from growing up in that house.
“Asking to be hit?” He asks in that pompous voice of his. “I don’t think anyone would ask for that, Mr Black.” He laughs like he thinks Regulus is stupid.
Oh how wrong he is.
“He walked into the changing rooms and called my brother a slur.” Regulus snarls. “So honestly I don’t fucking care what your punishment will be if it means I gave him what you and your obvious favouritism would refuse to. But be aware, he deserved it.”
“Mr Black!” He shouts, shock painting his face. “3 game ban!” He declares.
Regulus just laughs and he tries not to think about how it reminds him of his maman’s when she stands over him when he begs for forgiveness, for relief from the torture she inflicts on them under the disguise of punishment. He tries not to think about how he can practically hear the words “Maman please.” as he laughs, because this was justified.
Wasn’t it?
“Good luck.” He smiles bitterly, walking out of the office, he wants to go back to bed and sleep all of this ugly anger off of him. Though he doesn’t because the guilt of sleeping after 5am would eat him alive because of his mother’s training. So instead he goes to the library.
When he gets there he spots Remus Lupin. The boy who’s usually the main topic Sirius wants to talk about and Regulus lets them because he wants his brother to be happy, even when he can’t be.
“Lupin.” Regulus says, announcing his presence to the boy who’s bent over a book on history Regulus remembers reading in his first week here.
“Oh… Regulus.” He says with a smile and Regulus can’t tell if it is fake or not.
“Expecting someone else?” Regulus drawls, grabbing a book from the bookshelf closest to them before he sits down, hoping he exudes the confidence his mother expects from a member of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.
“Well, you do sound a lot like your brother and-”
“Trust me, I’ve heard more about your relationship than I’d like to have.” Regulus says, holding his hand up to shut Remus up before he says anything that would result in Regulus wanting to pour bleach down his ears.
“What do you mean?” He laughs. “We haven’t-”
“Trust me I know that too.” Regulus sighs, eyes moving up to the scarred boy in front of him. Regulus can definitely see what Sirius sees in him, holy fuck, but he has Barty so he doesn’t really care. “But don’t act like you’ve been innocent puppy angels when I cannot unhear what I’ve heard.” Regulus grimaces, scrunching up his nose in disgust.
“Ah… I guess you’re right.” He grins, a devilish look in those amber eyes.
“I almost forgot.” Regulus gasps, opening his phone to the messages from his maman.
“He’s dead.” Remus gasps. “Thank you.” Remus says with a smile of pure relief on his face.
“He is. When the news hits the papers, do remember to act shocked, will you?” He asks. “Maybe practice it in the mirror or whatever.” He shrugs, going back to the book which he notices happens to be a straight love story which definitely has more sex scenes than plot just by the cover - someone must have accidentally left their book in here.
“Why are you here anyway?” Remus asks. “Not that I don’t enjoy your… very sarcastic and insulting company but don’t you have practice right now?”
“I do.” Regulus nods. “But I have a 3 game ban for flattening Mulciber’s ugly little pig face.” He shrugs, pushing the book away from him - not wanting to have people assume that’s the kind of thing he reads, he would never choose something so… mentally unstimulating.
“Why exactly?” Remus asks, a worried look on his face.
“He called Sirius a slur and he’s just…” He pauses, trying to think of a word to describe the boy. “Vile.” He finally lands on.
“Seriously?” Remus gasps, anger painted all over his face.
“Not to his face but…” He shrugs. “Still called him that. I mean I punched him before he got it all out but the intention was still there.”
“Oh fuck…” Remus whispers.
“Uh-hu.” He nods. “So basically you’ve won your next game.” He grins. “And do know, I will be silently cheering for you.”
“What about Evan?” Remus asks.
“Neither of us care about the team. If we lose but both of us scored or did well then that’s all we care about. And Evan will score.” Regulus says with a cocky smile on his face.
“I don’t doubt that.” He smiles. “I’m lucky you’re out.”
“Don’t forget it.” Regulus smiles, eyes catching on Barty - who must have gone looking for him. “Now I have places to be.” He grins, leaving to go be with Barty.
𓆙
Dorcas
𓆙
On Sunday night, Dorcas and Pandora are invited to hang out with the girls in Marlene and Nichole’s room for the night.
Dorcas is glad to be involved in the group because at home she grew up in a primarily white area, full of people who refused to spend time with her because of their parent’s ideologies. They definitely hated her even more somehow after she came out as gay, making her more of the devil those people wanted to eradicate than she was before. Dorcas fed into it more than she should have more often than not but that doesn’t change that how they acted around a child because of something she couldn’t control was disgusting. Dorcas knows there are also people bullying Pandora for how they act as she’s eccentric but Dorcas luckily knows they’re a wonderful person. They’re both grateful for even being thought about.
The Gryffindor common room is more warm that the Ravenclaw and Slytherin ones put together. Warm and like a real home.
The boys - or Marauders Sirius told her they’ve called themselves now - are sat around one of the windows as Remus and James sit out of it, their legs dangling over the edge as Peter and Sirius talk loudly and proudly about something that means absolutely nothing to Dorcas.
Yeah, they named their friend group and refer to it as that, the losers.
Once they get to the dorm the other girls are already sat in a circle around the room.
When Pandora presents the wine bottle she got from Xenophilius on a discount - they refuse to tell her but Dorcas is convinced that they’re fucking - the girls cheer.
“Ah, finally!” Marlene cheers, grabbing the wine from Pandora’s hand, opening it and taking a swig from the bottle before handing it to Mary, who’s sat leaning her back against her bed. “Come sit, come on!” She calls, patting the spot next to her, which Pandora pushes Dorcas towards and she does.
“I want to do something stupid.” Marlene announces, swinging her arm over Dorcas’ shoulders.
“I’d actually say Dorcas is quite smart.” Mary says teasingly, handing the bottle over to Lily, who laughs heartily while Marlene kicks her lightly in the back of the head, her face a brilliant shade of pink.
“I was thinking I wanted short hair.” She says angrily.
“Oh, I’m quite good at cutting hair, I did it for me and my siblings growing up, Felix's hair's slightly curly rather than coily like me and Ev.” Pandora says, sitting next to Nichole on her bed.
“I was thinking about a mullet.” Marlene grins but it sounds more like a question of whether Pandora can do it rather than anything else.
“Oh, yeah I think that’s easy.” They nod. “Come on.” She beckons Marlene to follow them into the bathroom and starts to cut her hair.
“So, when did you say you liked mullets then?” Nichole asks, stopping Dorcas from standing up to follow the girls into the bathroom with a smirk on her face.
“What do you mean?” Dorcas asks.
“Darling, Marlene would 100% do something like this for you if you said you liked them so… when?” Mary asks.
“Fuck… I think I mentioned that all the women I’ve been with had mullets but I promised it was a coincidence.” Dorcas says with a look on her face because she's practically begging them to believe her.
“Sounds like Marlene.” Nichole laughs.
“You’ve somehow made our Marly more of a lesbian than before.” Mary laughs, lightly tapping Dorcas’ knee.
“And I thought it wasn’t possible.” Nichole laughs, swinging her arm over Mary’s shoulders and leading her to the bathroom.