As I walk, As I bleed, I wanna take you everywhere with me. As I cry, As I weep, I want you to know that you’re a part of me.
☼𐂂☼
James
☼𐂂☼
James sits with Sirius, Peter and Remus. He turns to look at Remus sitting next to him, practically basking in the moonlight.
“You alright Moony?” James grins.
“Moony?” Remus asks, opening his eyes to look at James.
“Well, me and Pete have nicknames and you’re one of us so… you needed one.” He shrugs.
“Oh.” Remus says, his eyes looking slightly misty before he closes them and basks in the gaze of the crescent moon once again.
“So…” James grins, eyes moving over his shoulder to Sirius who’s currently wrestling with Marlene over some pages of Lily’s homework she made a point of talking about doing while everyone was around in the common room. “You and Sirius.”
“What about us?” Remus asks, opening his eyes and turning his head to look over at them as they laugh heartily while Lily tries to bat them away from her homework.
“What are you?” James asks. “I mean, they definitely like you.”
“I like them too.” He shrugs, watching as they roll off of Lily’s homework the second Mary walks down the stairs from her dorm, knowing too well that facing Mary’s wrath isn’t worth it. “But I don’t wanna weigh them down by making them be with a guy who can’t give them what they want… even if they don’t care now they will eventually.” He sighs, sadness in his honey eyes as Sirius flops next to Frank and Alice, talking with the two older teenagers who are sat a lot closer to each other than they need to be - James feels happy for Frank though of course.
“What if they don’t.” James shrugs. “It’s obvious they really like you, maybe that’s enough.”
“And if it isn’t?” Remus asks, eyes finally leaving Sirius to look at James next to him.
“Then they aren’t it for you.” He sighs. “You’ll find someone who doesn’t care. Love means a lot more than just sex, Moony. I’m sure you’re more important to them than pleasure.”
“I hope so.” Remus whispers.
“You are, trust me.” James smiles, leaning his head on Remus’ shoulder in an attempt to give him comfort.
“Thank you.” He whispers eventually.
“I didn’t do anything but tell you what I’m seeing.” James mutters.
“Just take it.” Remus laughs.
“Fine, fine.” He grins, holding his hands up in surrender.
“Sirius needs a nickname now.” Remus decides after a short pause.
“They do, every Marauder needs one, hey Moony?” James laughs. “So what’re you thinking?”
“I dunno… where did Prongs come from anyway?” Remus asks. “I know where Wormtail came from and Moony is just because I like the moon, what about you?”
“I was obsessed with deer growing up to the point that whenever I opened my mouth it was probably going to be about football or deer facts.” James says with a fond smile, reminiscing on the days. “My grandparents realized if they wanted me to get better at Hindi they’d have to send books about deer in Hindi to get me to care.”
“Really?” Remus laughs.
“Yeah.” James grins, moving away from Remus to look back out onto the dark grounds below them. “So I found out this fact about antlers but I forgot the name of them because well… the two languages were confusing my 5 year old brain so I called them Prongs to Peter, Frank and Marlene and they just started calling me that to take the piss I think.” He shrugs.
“Ah…” Remus grins. “Sounds about right.”
☼𐂂☼
The Slytherin versus Gryffindor came on the first day of December and James was hyped. On the way out onto the pitch he was talking Sirius and Remus’ ears off about some gossip none of them really cared about, James just wanted to talk and the two let him.
The game was a breeze, their only real opponent was Evan who - though he’s an excellent player with a long career ahead of him - cannot carry the other ten players to victory on his own. Especially without Regulus who is practically telepathic with him, instead he has some scared 13 year old who loses the ball the second it’s passed to him every single time.
Evan manages to score two goals once he realises passing to anyone else is useless, just barreling past Peter and the Prewetts to score two goals in two minutes with barely any celebrations for either goal but a smile and a thumbs up to his friends - respectable - but James could never.
James manages to get three past Goyle, Sirius and Alexander both get one goal in too and James feels on top of the world.
The boys make their way off the pitch, talking amongst each other.
“I mean it Moony, I’m sure even you could bloody score against him, he's so clumsy!” Sirius laughs, going on their tiptoes to swing their arms around his shoulders which causes Remus to pity them and wrap his arm around their shoulder instead.
“I saw.” Remus grins. “Some of our bench players are better than that.” Remus grins.
“Only one goal?” A voice calls out. “I can’t believe that was the best you could do against ten incompetent players.”
James turns to see Regulus with an unimpressed look on his face, Barty leaning into him with Felix, Evan, Dorcas and Pandora all standing a few paces behind them talking amongst each other.
“I felt bad scoring any more.” Sirius smiles. “I don’t want to make your goal difference that shit.” They grin.
“There’s only four teams.” Regulus says snottily, crossing his arms over his chest. “Trust me, I don’t think goal difference can save us.” He says, his stormy eyes moving to James. “You’re not as shit as I thought you’d be.” He says before turning on his heel and leading the others away from the group.
“Jesus, I think that’s the nicest thing he’s ever said.” Sirius laughs. “Impressive.” They grin, slapping James on the back before the group turn to the changing rooms.
☼𐂂☼
After the win they decide not to have a party. James and Lily sit up in his dorm watching some Christmas film she picked out for the two. She tasked him with plaiting her hair after she found out he knew how from Marlene when they cut her hair last Sunday.
“How did you learn?” Lily asks, popping some popcorn into her mouth while her eyes stay on the laptop screen.
“I have some cousins on my maa’s side in India and they’re all girls that are a lot younger than me so I got my aunt to teach me.” He smiles.
“That’s cool.” She smiles. “I don’t have any cousins, I wish I did though.”
“Well, they come over here for Christmas and sometimes summer so… if you want to visit…” He trails off waiting for a fast rejection.
“That sounds nice, my sister will be coming over for new years.” She says, dropping the hint.
“Great!” James grins. “I’ll tell my maa when she calls tomorrow.” He says as he finishes tying one of the plaits at the end, moving to the second, unplaited half of hair.
“What are your family like?” She asks, still enthralled by whatever’s on the screen.
“My parents are very loving… they wanted loads of kids but they ended up only having me so they have lots of love to give.” James smiles, looping one strand of hair over the other again and again. “They practically see Frank, Marlene, Peter and Nichole as their kids too. I mean they practically grew up at my house, Frank especially.”
“Sounds… busy.” She says, plopping another piece of popcorn into her mouth from the bowl next to her.
“Yeah… it was fun.” He smiles. “What was your childhood like?” James asks, closing his mouth around the piece of popcorn Lily held out for him, ignoring the guilt he feels, letting himself eat it because he felt rude to refuse.
“Quieter I guess.” She shrugs. “Me and Pet got on well when we were younger until she started going on this whole “women have to stay at home and men have to work”. I didn’t care until she started shaming me for wanting to be a doctor. Me, Remus and Sev were good friends until… well let’s just say Sev changed a lot.” She says solemnly.
“Growing up in a village probably makes it harder to have a large group, huh?” James mumbles, fully focused on her ginger hair folding over itself over and over again.
“Yeah, but I think that’s made me appreciate all this more, you know?” She asks, turning to look at him with a soft smile.
“Yeah.” James grins. “There are lots of people here I could see staying friends with for the rest of my life, hopefully.”
“Friends?” Lily asks with one of her pale eyebrows raised teasingly. “Has my own boyfriend just friendzoned me?” She laughs.
“Yeah, I actually don’t see this working out and I hate you actually.” He laughs, pressing a quick peck to her lips before moving back to finish plaiting her hair.
★✫★
Sirius
★✫★
Another Saturday morning brought another cafe visit with Regulus for Sirius Black.
They’re the first to get there, sipping a hot chocolate - something Remus introduced them to a few days ago and they couldn’t get enough of them. They take to watching the world out of the window, seeing Regulus stroll into the cafe with his billowing black coat trailing behind him - Sirius is starting to think the flair for dramatics is a genetic thing at this point.
“Sirius.” Regulus says in a greeting, sitting down and placing the black tea - yes he drinks black tea because the Black madness has already gotten to him apparently - on the table. “How are you then?” He asks, not even waiting for Sirius to respond to his greeting.
“I’ve had a good week.” They smile. “I called Andy after our uh… whatever this is last week and we’ve been talking a lot recently.” They don’t miss how fear clouds Regulus’ eyes when Sirius mentions their estranged cousin before he quickly restores his emotionless facade.
“Wonderful.” Regulus says slowly, very obviously thinking it’s the opposite, sipping his tea with his eyes locked on his brother’s.
“She was talking about us leaving… obviously I wouldn’t without-”
“I’m not abandoning our family Sirius.” Regulus says, quickly shutting all hope Sirius had down. “You can do that but they won’t just accept both of their heirs running into the night.”
“So you’re saying one of us needs to stay to be the heir?” They ask, cursing themself for not thinking about that even once in their fantasies they had of running away and taking down The Black family and living happily ever after.
“Yes, Sirius.” He nods. “Which is why I’m saying we should both stay put. It will be easier for us to stay there if we have each other.” He says matter of factly, circling the rim of his mug with the tip of his finger mindlessly.
“There has to be another way!” Sirius practically shouts - glad for the first time that Regulus is drawn to the establishments that are lifeless and old looking like a copy of Grimmauld Place because there’s no one but the workers to stare at the brothers.
“Unless you want to… I dunno commit a few murders then we’re staying put, well…” He laughs humorlessly. “I’m staying anyway.”
“If you stay then I stay.” Sirius nods, looking down at their hot chocolate instead of Regulus’ intense eyes.
★✫★
“I don’t know what to do Andy! He’s right and- I can’t force myself to go back there but I can’t leave him!” Sirius gasps, pacing the length of their dorm.
“I know darling.” She coos. “Maybe you running will be what gives him a push, maybe if you run me and you could try to start a case with Uncle Alphard, he has proof of their dodgy dealings with many of their clients.”
“Maybe but… I don’t want Reg to have to go down with them.” Sirius sighs, leaning against the windowsill, they look over to James’ side of the room, littered with photos of James and his friends from a young age to some pictures from recently with Sirius’ camera.
“He won’t, he’s a minor and from what Alphard’s telling me, neither you nor your brother are on any incriminating documents. Though it would be best for you to run before the fallout starts, just in case.” She warns.
They stop talking about running away after that, moving onto talking about lessons or friends, Remus, gossip or anything they can think of to tell her before she has to hang up to pick Andromeda up from some club Sirius doesn’t remember the name of.
☽☾
Remus
☽☾
Remus and Sirius are sitting alone together in Remus’ dorm again. Peter has some plant club thing he wanted to go to with some girl named Sybil from Ravenclaw. Meaning the two boys were all alone so they decided to lay together and play some music while sharing some of Remus’ chocolate stash.
“What are we?” Remus asks after some silence, breaking Sirius’ little trace that Love Song by Lime Garden had put them in.
“Uh… I dunno. I didn’t think you cared about labels to be honest so I didn’t ask.” They shrug, turning to look at them.
“I didn’t think I did until you.” Remus mumbles, eyes flicking down to Sirius lips, the song starting to build, adding to the emotions swirling around the room.
“Well…” They grin, slightly revealing those pearly whites. “Then I’d be happy being your boyfriend, if only you asked.”
“Uh…” Remus starts awkwardly, famously bad with his words. “Will you uh… be my boyfriend?” He asks, cringing as he says it, realising how lackluster it is.
“I’d love to.” They laugh, smiling into his lips as they kiss.
As I walk,
As I bleed,
I wanna take you everywhere with me.
As I cry,
As I weep,
I want you to know that you’re a part of me.
☽☾
One of the best things about being in school at Christmas time was the fun Christmas themed lessons they do every year.
Remus was sat in English with Lily, Nichole and Peter and their teacher had started playing some quiz on who knew each Christmas song from only a second - they were bound to win because Remus spent all of his time listening to either alternative music or older songs and Lily and Peter have a very good grip on recent pop music.
After they won the group got a small box of Heroes, meaning the group were swarmed by the rest of their friends when they came from their lesson to the common room after the school day had ended.
Remus and Lily decided to get a start on homework while eating from the box occasionally while Nichole was drawing something, occasionally getting Lily to chuck her something. Peter and James were having some kind of fight over who had to eat the Eclairs because it had become evident that everyone in their group hates them. Sirius jumps to sit next to Remus, resting their chin on his shoulder as he continues his history essay that’s due in two days.
“Andy just called me.” They whisper, obviously not wanting Lily to hear their conversation.
“What about?” Remus asks, still working on his essay.
“I’m scared Reggie won’t ever want to leave. I mean… what if he agrees with everything they stand for?” Sirius asks.
“I mean… you could ask.” Remus suggests.
“But usually talking about running away always ends in an argument and I hate arguing.” They sigh.
“Well, I didn’t say you had to do it now.” He smiles, turning to look at his boyfriend, handing them a Dairy Milk from the box.
“Thanks.” They say, plopping the slightly melted chocolate into their mouth with a wide smile.
“You’re welcome.” Remus grins, pressing a kiss to their forehead, enjoying the way their smile gets all dopey.
“As cute as this is, you need to finish that essay.” Lily says, bursting the little bubble the boys had made for themselves.
“Ugh, fine.” Remus groans, going back to his sheet of paper, ignoring Lily as she laughs at him.
☽☾
After Remus is settled into bed, scrolling through his playlists until he finally finds the right one, only to be disrupted by a phone call from his mam. 9 pm is a late time for her to call but Remus picks up nonetheless, quickly making his way out of the dorm so he doesn’t disturb Peter.
“You ok, mam?” Remus asks, wandering the halls of the boy’s dorms, tracing the gaps in the brick with his finger.
“You may have to find another place to stay for Christmas.” She says, sadness evident in her tone.
“Wha- why?” Remus asks quickly, stopping all movements to really pay attention to her words.
“Without your father we have nothing, Remus.” She sighs. “I’ve tried to find a job but I realise why he never let me ever get one. He always wanted that control, the dependance I had on him for us to live.” She whispers, pain painting her words.
“Fuck!” Remus shouts, slamming his fist into the wall in front of him.
“Remus, cariad please-
“No! No he- he planned to ruin our fucking lives!” He shouts, not caring who hears him at this point. “He tried to kill me and now… now he’s going to fucking kill us by- by making us lose everything because he’s a manipulative bastard!” He shouts, slamming his fist into the wall again, it doesn’t do anything other than hurt his knuckles but he decides not to care. “I can’t believe I tried to make him love me! Why would I ever want someone like that to love me?!”
“Remus! Please-” She begs.
“No mam!” He screams. “I’m not fucking leaving you on the streets to die because of me! This is my fault and I- I need to deal with the consequences of my actions!”
“Remus…” She cries. “Please don’t- go stay with a friend, I’ll find a job or something for us to live off of… please.” She begs.
“If I’m going with a friend then why can’t you?” Remus asks, slumping against the wall he’d just smashed his fist into repeatedly, realising how much pain his knuckles were currently in.
“Oh cariad…” She sighs. “I need to find a job and I can’t do that in England can I?”
“Well… why do we have to stay in Wales?” He asks.
“Because…” His mam stops. “It’s our home Remus.” She says but her voice isn’t convincing in the slightest.
“Our home where everyone hates me for being gay, mam. Everyone wanted me dead there like, a year ago.” He sighs. “Won’t living somewhere else be easier on both of us? A clean slate?”
“I’ll think about it, now find a friend to live with and then we’ll go from there.” His mam orders.
James heard all of the conversation, offering for the two to stay for however long they need because apparently his place is huge so they can fit them. Remus told his mam and they had their plan set out.