How Cold Love Is
☽☾
Remus
☽☾
“We should probably let Peter know he can come back.” Sirius whispers into Remus’ ear while stroking his hair.
The two have just been listening to music from Sirius' phone - thank God they have a good music taste - while eating chocolate and talking about everything.
Sirius told Remus many times that they don’t care about his condition, that it won’t affect them if they’re careful enough but Remus still feels fear in the back of his mind. What if something goes wrong? What if they get sick of having to be ultra careful?
“A few more minutes… my mind isn’t as loud with you.” Remus sighs, burying his face in Sirius’ shoulder.
“Remus…” They sigh. “You can’t just avoid what happened this morning. It will affect you - trust me it does - but it gets… easier.” They sigh. “I know it isn’t what you want to hear but-”
“All I’ve heard today is people talking about it. I just… want a break.” Remus whispers into their neck.
“Sure.” They nod.
“Your birthday’s in two days.” Remus whispers.
“Yeah.” They laugh. “Let’s hope it’s better than the past few days have been, hey?”
“The full moon will have stopped ruining everything by then.” Remus mumbles.
“Full moon?” Sirius asks, their eyebrows raised. “And I was confused as to why James called you a werewolf.” They laugh.
“He does what now?” Remus asks, sitting up and looking at those silver eyes in confusion.
“He realised that you love the moon and you watch it all the time.” They shrug. “He hasn’t said it a lot. Though I can see it.”
“Do I look furry to you?” Remus asks with an unimpressed look on his face that causes Sirius to burst out into laughter.
“No, of course not.” They manage to say between chuckles. “You just kinda give me that vibe.”
“Right…” Remus says slowly, trying to pretend that he’s actually offended by that.
A few hours later, the door swings open and Peter has Scabbers resting on his shoulder as he uses his hands to shield his eyes. “Are you decent?” He asks, peeking through his fingers and sighing with relief when he sees them both fully clothed.
“Can I hold him?” Sirius asks, quickly reminding Remus that the group almost never spend time in his and Peter’s dorm, usually either hanging out in Sirius and James’ or the common room.
“Uh… sure.” Peter smiles, placing the little brown rat into their outstretched hands. “Just be aware he probably will bite you, but it’s affectionate.” Peter grins.
“Ah… so your rat’s a freak.” They grin, wiggling their eyebrows at Peter who just looks confused.
“Sirius, what the fuck?” Remus laughs. “It’s a rat!”
“Yeah, rats can be freaks too.” Sirius says like that’s obvious. “Justice for the freaks!” They start to chant.
“Ok… come on Scabbers.” Remus tries to say soothingly to the rat as he crawls onto his hands but he can’t stop laughing.
“Ugh, trying to ruin my fun.” They pout.
“You only had him for 5 seconds!” Peter gasps, taking Scabbers and placing him in his cage, feeding him a strawberry before locking it.
“Ugh, a guy can’t bond with a rat anymore, jeez.” Sirius gasps, flopping back onto Remus. “This is against my freedom of speech.”
☽☾
School started again after the day off the kids had after halloween and Remus was dreading it. Not only did he share his darkest secret with the whole bloody school, he’s sure they all found out about his dad and if they haven’t yet, they will soon.
His first lesson is English, which is one of his best.
Remus, Lily, Peter and Nichole all have the same class for it so they walk to it together, sitting in their normal places at the back.
“Ew! No! I don’t wanna sit next to him! No, Ella!” A girl named Willow that Remus barely knows shouts, pushing her friend who pushes her back lightly, her back hitting Remus’ shoulder.
Remus doesn’t care, these things happen and whatever they’re arguing about is none of Remus’ business, so he ignores it.
“Ha! You touched it!” Ella shouts and Remus feels everyone looking at him and the girls who are shouting next to him.
“Ew!” She shouts, practically jumping away from Remus. “Ew I’m gonna be diseased too!” She shrieks and that’s when it hits him.
All of this was over him.
“Do you actually know how that stuff works or are you just being a prick because that’s all you know?” Nichole asks, anger evident in every word.
“Come on!” Willow laughs. “It was funny! I mean the school should have told us someone like him was among us… can you imagine what could have happened.” The girl says with an over exaggerated shudder.
“I could only give it to you if I fucked you pretty much, and trust me when I say I’d rather die than just touch you, so unfortunately sex with me is off the table for you.” Remus spits.
“I wouldn’t want to fuck him! I mean, to make sure everyone’s safe he should have been put down like the rest of the sick dogs.” Willow spits.
“What the fuck did you just call him?” Lily snarls, standing with her fists ready.
“You heard me.” Willow spits and Remus can’t deal with it anymore.
“I mean it’s obvious someone had the same idea with the marks on his neck.” Ella shrugs. “Whoever they are, they're a hero, trying to save us from…” She pauses, looking at Remus like he’s below her. “It.” She spits.
Remus doesn’t care if he gets a bloody detention, he just needs to get out. He stands, grabbing his bags and marches out of the room, ignoring his teacher - who just watched the whole interaction happen without a complaint - who’s now trying to make Remus go back into the room.
Not happening.
Remus runs and runs through the halls before he makes it to the courtyard where Regulus comforted him that night.
Remus’ eyes catch on Dorcas - who Marlene obviously has a crush on. She seems nice so Remus approaches her.
“Can I sit?” He asks, worried she’ll be like those girls back in his lesson.
“Of course.” She smiles. “I don’t think you need me to tell you that I can guess why you’re here?” She asks.
“Nope, it’s kinda obvious.” Remus shrugs, sitting on the bench next to her.
“People are such assholes.” She sighs, her eyes going to the sun as it shines on her dark skin. She’s beautiful. Even Remus - who is definitely gay - can admit it.
“Yeah… why are you here?” Remus asks.
“Oh uh… I was meeting Marlene… she said she’ll be here soon.” She says, smiling nervously as if she’s worried that Remus will say anything.
“Ah… I like Marlene, she’s a bit… odd but, well I suppose they’re the most fun to be around.” Remus smiles, turning to see the relief on her face.
“Yeah… you’re friends does she-”
“She talks about you a lot.” Remus laughs. “I know a lot about your eyes.”
“My eyes?” She asks, the corners of them creasing as she laughs, just as Marlene told him and Lily one day when they were studying in the library.
“Yeah, and your smile.” Remus grins. “She truly likes you so… I’ll find somewhere else to hang out because I do not want to get in the way of love.”
“Remus it’s-”
“It’s ok, be gay. In fact, I encourage you to be so.” He smiles, leaving the courtyard. He spots Marlene walking through the door he just left and he tries not to laugh at the good timing.
★✫★
Sirius
★✫★
Sirius and James were lounging about in the back of their English, playing naughts and crosses on James’ arm under the table, not paying any attention to the book they were meant to be reading.
The door swings open with Remus’ teacher and Lily leaning against the doorframe looking livid and Sirius feels a pit in their stomach.
“Can she sit in here?” The teacher asks.
“Oh of course.” Their teacher, Professor Flitwick - a small but kind man - smiles, indicating for her to sit on the table on the row across from James and Sirius.
He should know that was a mistake.
“Lils.” James hisses as the girl looks up from the sheet she was handed from her teacher to do. “What happened?”
“After.” She mouths, then looking directly at Sirius she mouths: “Please go find Rem for me.”
“Shit.” Sirius hisses.
“Go.” James nods.
Sirius manages to get Flitwick to let them “go to the toilet” so they can find the tall boy but Hogwarts is huge and Sirius is only one - slightly below average height - person so it takes them a while to find him.
They eventually make it to the Astronomy tower and find Remus sitting over the edge and letting his legs dangle over the drop like he loves to do in the common room like a lunatic - James joins him sometimes and Sirius doesn’t understand the appeal.
“Beau?” Sirius asks, causing Remus to practically jump out of his skin, whipping around to make eye contact with Sirius.
“Fucking hell Sirius!” He gasps, clutching his chest like that will stop his heart from beating out of his chest.
“Lily told me to come find you.” Sirius explains, dropping down onto the floor but keeping their legs away from the ledge.
“Lily?” Remus asks. “She’s in my lesson though.”
“Well she got sent out into mine.” They shrug.
“Oh…”
“So what happened?” Sirius asks, placing their hand over Remus’ which are clasped together in his lap.
“Just some girls…” Remus sighs. “I should have known people would be… people.” He says, leaning his head on Sirius’ shoulder.
“What did they say?” Sirius asks, already angry before hearing what they said.
“They were having this kind of play fight over me, I didn’t think anything of it. One of them got pushed into me and started talking about how she was diseased now…” He sighs. “Then one of them said I should be put down like the rest of the sick dogs.”
“What the fuck?!” Sirius spits, standing up to pace as a method to stop themself from charging into that room and finding whoever said that to him and making sure they regret it.
“She said that whoever already tried to save everyone was a hero…” Remus whispers, hugging his knees into his chest.
“What the fuck?” Sirius spits, hitting the wall in anger.
“Yeah.” Remus laughs dryly. “Exactly.”
★✫★
After that James, Lily, Peter and Nichole all found Remus and Sirius, the group all refusing to go to lessons for the week - it was a Thursday so they’d only be missing the rest of that day and Sirius’ birthday. They all sat around on the astronomy tower talking.
Finally, it turned night on Sirius’ 16th birthday.
They’d gotten ready with James, Remus and Peter, leaving to go to the common room where the girls, Frank, Alexander, the Prewett brothers and Kingsley all sit on the sofas with gifts in their hands. After Sirius opens them all they’re going to have cake and then they’ll get the party started.
Sirius sits on the single seater in the middle of the circle the group has made of chairs, Remus sitting on the arm next to them.
“So… who first?” James asks with a smile, sitting next to Lily, swinging his arms over her shoulder and kissing her temple.
“I could.” Peter shrugs just as a knock sounds on the common room door.
“I’ll get it!” Lily shouts enthusiastically, jumping to her feet and opening the door to Regulus, who’s standing with Barty, Dorcas and Felix, holding a gift in his hand.
“Uh…” He starts. “Happy birthday?” The boy says with so much uncertainty that Sirius feels a pain in their heart. Regulus used to be so comfortable saying and doing anything with Sirius but now… well he’s nervous just giving his brother a fucking birthday gift.
“Reg.” Sirius smiles. “Come in.”
Regulus does, looking awkward at the lack of seats.
“Oh.” James grins. “Some of us can sit on the floor for our guests.” James says, sitting on the carpet, Lily and Peter following so the three can all sit together.
“Thank you.” Regulus says, bowing his head like their mother drilled into them, holding the gift out to Sirius before sitting down.
Sirius opens it to see a drawing of Sirius with a black dog and Regulus sitting next to them with a black cat.
Fuck that hurts.
When Sirius and Regulus went on their last outing to see Mary, Sirius mentioned that one day when they get out the two would live together with a black dog for Sirius and a black cat for Regulus.
He remembered.
“Thank you.” Sirius smiles, not sure how to properly show how grateful they were for him just showing up, let alone spending time on making a gift for them.
“Well, I was invited by Evans.” Regulus says, nodding his head towards Lily. “I had to give you a gift.”
“Really?” Sirius asks.
“Yep, happy birthday Sirius.” She smiles.
“My turn!” Felix sings, handing them a messily wrapped gift.
“I tried to help but uh… he was beyond help with the wrapping.” Barty smiles fondly at the blonde boy as he goes back to sit next to him.
“Yeah… sounds like Felix.” They smile, unwrapping the present to see a little sculpture of a shark.
“It was the coolest one they had!” He smiles.
“Thank you.” Sirius nods, placing the gifts on the table in front of them.
The rest give them their gifts before Frank and James leave, coming back with a cake with 16 candles on top of it.
The group starts singing the song - Sirius doesn’t really know it but it’s sweet nonetheless. Sirius sees Regulus start to mouth it after Barty elbows him lightly to prompt him to.
“Make a wish.” James smiles.
Sirius does, blowing out the candles with just a little difficulty.
♜♔♜
Peter
♜♔♜
A few hours at the party had passed and everyone was relatively drunk. James was sitting rambling with Marlene, Mary, Remus and Frank while Lily was dancing with Sirius, Dorcas and Alice, the group spending most of their time looking at the dancing people, watching their partners - or crushes - sway on the dancefloor. Regulus is talking awkwardly with Alex while Barty practically hangs off of him like a monkey. And Peter’s sat drinking on the stairs to the boy’s dorms alone.
That is until Gilderoy approaches him.
“Peter.” He grins, sitting next to him without warning. “How are you?” He asks.
“I’m good I-”
“I don’t care.” He says with a false smile, holding his hand up in his face. Gilderoy snaps a picture with him, uploading it to his Snapchat before closing his phone.
“So what did you want?” Peter asks bitterly, his night being ruined.
The problem with Gilderoy is that he will either make Peter feel the best he ever has or like dirt under his shoe. It’s always a guessing game as to which one he’ll make him feel when he next sees him.
“This.” He says, kissing him.
Peter suddenly feels sick. Does he want this? He’s been crushing on Gilderoy for ages now, so why doesn’t he want to kiss him?
“You’re a good kisser for such a loner. I bet that was your first.” He laughs after he pulls away.
“It was…” Peter mumbles.
“Your first kiss was at 15!” He laughs. “Jesus, Peter! I knew nobody liked you but I didn’t think it was this bad.”
“I thought 15 was normal…” He whispers, eyes on the drink in his hands.
“No Peter, that’s so late!” He laughs. “But don’t worry darling, your secret’s safe with me.” He grins, kissing him again.
“You promise?” He asks.
“If you leave with me then, sure.” He grins, the look on his face is a sick one but Peter doesn’t want everyone to think he’s more of a loser than they probably already do so he follows him, a pit forming in his stomach.
✧✩✧
Regulus
✧✩✧
“Come on Reg.” Barty says, green eyes wide and locked on him. “It’s just red velvet, the single best cake flavour. I promise.”
“Fine.” Regulus sighs, taking a bite. “Oh…”
“Good right?” Barty laughs. “See, I’m always right.” He grins, kissing Regulus, he tastes of that cake but that might just be the taste of it still on Regulus’ tongue.
Regulus doesn’t care either way.
“Should we do this here?” Regulus asks in fear, breaking away from him.
“No one’s looking.” Barty says, indicating to the people around them, all caught up in themselves.
“Ok… but we won’t be doing any more of that here.” Regulus says sternly.
“Yes sir.” Barty laughs, mock saluting him.
♜♔♜
Peter
♜♔♜
Peter was happy when Gilderoy rolled off of him to jump up and get dressed immediately.
“You know, Peter?” He starts. “Having vermin in your room is weird.” He says, opening Scabbers’ cage and picking him up. “This thing should be terminated.” He says as he examines the harmless brown rat who - for the first time - looks terrified.
“Get off of him!” Peter snaps, taking the rat out of his hands. “He’s my pet, just like that ugly little chihuahua you showed me the other day.”
“I think dogs and vermin are different.” He shrugs, starting to dress himself.
“Well oddly enough I think you could fit into both of those categories.” A new voice says, sounding bored.
Peter panics, wrapping himself in the duvet as Scabbers sits on his shoulder while his hands are busy.
“Get out of here Lockheart.” The voice - Remus - says, rolling his eyes as Gilderoy starts to splutter at him. “I think you forget people who you aren’t talking to can hear you, and trust me I heard you say you were using my friend for popularity.” He spits. “Only because you think he’d fall for it. Now get the fuck out of my room before I make you!”
“What? Gonna infect me?” Gilderoy spits. “Oh no, you’re gonna tell daddy on me… wait you can’t, can you.” He snarls getting in Remus’ face - a mistake.
A fist goes straight into his face but it wasn’t from Remus but the person standing behind him, Sirius.
“Get the fuck out of my party.” He snarls, actually spitting in Gilderoy’s face before the boy scurries out of the room.
“Are you ok?” Remus asks.
“Fine.” Peter lies. “He was a knob anyway.” He says, sitting down on his bed, feeling the tears build in his eyes.
“Pete…” Sirius sighs, hugging him. “What happened?”
“Nothing, it’s fine.” He lies, not wanting to tell them how much of a loser he was, his first kiss was tonight. How fucking late.