As a rule, Regulus gets everything Sirius ever wanted. It's always been this way since he was born. Sirius wanted attention, Regulus took it the moment they found out Walburga was pregnant with him. Sirius wanted love, Regulus got all of it for being the perfect son. Sirius wanted academic validation, Regulus could do it just as well as him and even better. Sirius was prevailing in French, so was Regulus, and so much faster. Sirius learned to play piano and guitar, Regulus learned to play violin and piano. Sirius was good at sports, so was Regulus, no big deal. Sirius can cook, yeah and so can his little brother, just as great.
It was always a comparison between them, and the time between their birthdays was a big playing factor. 'You're older, you're meant to be able to do these things' when Sirius learns something, and 'You're accomplishments are high for your age' when Regulus does. It didn't make sense to Sirius. He was older, yeah, but he wasn't an adult. He was a kid just like Regulus, so why does his age make all of his accomplishments less than? The five hundred ninety-nine days that made Regulus superior. One year, seven months, twenty-two days, twelve hours, seven minutes, and forty-one seconds (yes, he did the math) that made him other.
Regulus said he felt as if he were living in his shadow once, and Sirius was baffled. The shadow was Regulus' and Sirius felt like he'd never feel the light again if he wasn't already drowning in the dark. After a while, he did understand though, Regulus was under the expectation to be just as good as his older brother, and after Sirius started rebelling, even better. If Sirius could do something new, then he needed to as well. It wasn't just Siri, and it wasn't Reg's fault. It was their families. They expected too much of their children, and Merlin was Sirius happy when he finally left for school to be his own person. There was no Sirius and Regulus, no being put against each other, no more shared envy and anger towards the other, he could move past that.
Sirius made a name for himself quickly, even after the disappointment and shame he gained the moment he was sorted into Gryffindor. It was another thing that would separate him from his family, his baby brother, he wasn't a disappointment, he would be Slytherin. Sirius has hated himself for a long time for thinking this way and for wanting to be separated from his brother so distinctly. If his family hadn't ruined everything, he would've loved to be Sirius and Regulus, the power duo, not Older and Younger brother the rivals. But then he got friends like James, Nicolus, Remus, and Peter who validated his feelings and helped him learn that it's okay to feel the way he did after being put into that mindset.
He learned things about himself he never would've, like how James playing in his hair and hugging him and sitting close and smiling at him made his heart flutter. That wasn't normal, and his family surely wouldn't have liked it at all. He loved it even more. He found that James Potter was quite attractive and that if he held onto him too tight or cuddled with him after his nightmares, his heart would swell with so much emotion. Then he learned that that wasn't a normal "friends" feeling. He had a crush on his best mate. Shocker, he would do anything for the Potter.
When James started openingly crushing on Lilly he experienced his first heartbreak, of course James wouldn't return his feelings he wasn't a faggot-... That thought sounded too much like his father, so he corrected it immediately. James wasn't a homosexual. This slightly comforted him. James doesn't like boys, so it's not Sirius. It's just not an attraction he has. If he did, then Sirius thinks he would have a solid chance, and that realization that year made him happy. He was jealous of Evans, but after a bit, he was endeared to her, too. He became friends with her, and James was clearly slighted, but it was all in good fun, no hard feelings. Then Snape and yeah, that falls apart a bit.
It was good being away from his brother that first year. He felt like he finally had some self to him after a while, and then when Regulus would come, he would be happy that he'd get to share this with his brother. They didn't have to be pinned against each other here with their parents not around to dictate and judge everything they did. Sirius found himself looking forward to going home. As outrageous as it was, he couldn't wait to tell Regulus all about James and the things he had learned about himself. But Regulus was different when he returned home that year, he didn't want to talk and shut him out completely. Even at school, he didn't let him in. Sirius had just thought it was because of his family, but Regulus wanted nothing to do with him after his failure.
This broke Sirius more than he could've expected. His brother hated him, just like his family. He was the last person he'd expect to leave his side. It was always them versus their family, even when they were pinned against each other. Now, Sirius was alone. Regulus was just like them. He wanted to hate him for betraying him like this, but he knew he couldn't. He avoided him too, didn't do so much as look in his direction. His friends tried to help him through it, but James and Peter were only children, they'd never understand. Sirius appreciated the effort, James was a lovely first love to have, he thought, as he tried to help fix his relationship with his brother. Remus and Nicolus were the closest to understanding.
Remus had a little sister, Luna Lupin, though their family situation was much more loving than the Blacks. Remus tells him one night that they both stayed up together after nightmares that she used to be jealous of him. After they found out about his chronic pain secret, he was much more comfortable telling them things. With his condition, his mother and father, Hope and Lyall, were very coddling with him, especially during bad times of the month. Luna felt neglected and told him in anger one day. He argued that she was normal and didn't have to constantly be doded on by them and have to see their parents pity them. She wanted the attention he got, and he wanted the lack of a worrying eye she got.
Nicolus had a brother, Timothus, the same age, but Timothus was adopted. He was the favorite child just outright. There was no forced competition, Nicolus wasn't placing in the first place, and there was no condition that Timothy needed more attention for. Nicolus didn't care at first, he just thought he would have a brother now, but then his brother treated him just like the rest of his family. They were never close, so it didn't destroy him. His hope was crushed. "I honestly should've expected it." He told me one day when we escaped from everyone else. We had the most in common family-wise, and it was comforting. We'd vent to each other more than anyone else because of it. It was safe to say he knew more about the details of what they put me through than anyone else.
Our friendship grew closer as Regulus and I grew farther apart. James was still trying to help through 3rd up to the 6th year when I finally ran away. He backed off after that. I didn't want anything to do with that house anymore, and if Regulus was okay with that family and everything that they had done, then he didn't want anything to do with him either. James and Remus were more opposed to this than anyone else, Remus having befriended his brother some day. They were getting close, they read together in the library sometimes, and Remus mentioned he was teaching him French. That started in 5th year, and Sirius appreciated it greatly. Remus always updated him on how his brother was doing, and he was a good influence, no matter how little they interacted.
Sirius wasn't sure when it happened when he fell for Remus. It wasn't like his little crush on the unattainable James when the realization washed over him. It was like an ocean, he was floating in the waves. Remus understood him, and he understood Remus. They spent hours talking to only each other, days being closer than anyone else, weeks sharing little moments, months comforting each other, years being each other's.
He was sure Remus felt the same, going out of his way to be close to his brother, asking him about the things he used to like, telling Sirius the new things that he did. He was grateful for Remus in a way he couldn't comprehend. His heart beat in a feverish rush whenever they got close, when they laughed and joked, when he looked at him like he was someone irreplaceable, like he was someone. His heart raced just being in the same room as him, just at the mention of him, just at the thought that he had someone who felt the same way he did about them.
He gushed to Nicolus about him forever before he pointed out how much he talked about Remus. How he talked about Remus. Just like with James all those years ago, but this wasn't a crush. He felt it when he woke up in the morning and smiled knowing he'd see Remus today, then smiled falling asleep knowing he'd see Remus tomorrow. Felt it whenever he was reminded that Remus picked him over anyone, felt it when Remus reminded him he was worth it, felt it when Remus brought him coffee the exact way he liked it before classes. It was in everything they did, every word they spoke, every glance they shared. Three little words hanging in the air like a sprinkle of angel dust.
Now that he knew, he didn't plan to keep it to himself for long. He wanted to scream it from the rooftops already. I wanted to ask Remus to be his and tell everyone, "This one is mine, and I'm his," when he said yes, because he knew he would. Sirius knew it, and that understanding made life worth living. He didn't think he'd ever have something like that when he was a kid. Someone he wanted to know what he didn't or did, could or couldn't, wanted or wouldn't do. Someone who didn't want the better choice because he was the only one in their eyes. He didn't realize that another felt that way about him closer than he knew.
It was the 8th year when he had this realization, and it was also the 8th year when Regulus left home and moved in with his friends, Barty and Evan. When he tried to contact Sirius again and rebuild their relationship. He explained that he hated them just as much as Sirius, and though he didn't regret staying, he did regret losing his big brother because of it. This shocked Sirius to his core, and he didn't know whether to be filled with joy or skepticism. He hadn't shown any signs of being bothered by their separation. He was as indifferent as ever when he told him this, too. But, Sirius didn't care at that moment. If he could have his brother back, then he would accept anything. As long as he finally left them. It didn't matter that he didn't leave with him anymore, that Sirius begged him to come, and he refused adamantly. He came around because he wanted his brother back so he'd have him.
He put his confession to Remus aside for now, he'd been pretty busy the past year anyway with some secret thing he wouldn't tell him about, no matter how much he asked. It didn't matter when he asked him, he knew the answer wouldn't change, not like he was going to find someone new in the time he spent rebonding with Regulus. Their friends were happy for them, specifically James and Remus, which made sense. They were working for this reunion more than anyone else, after all. He liked that Remus and James were the closest people he had (besides Nicolus) and were so invested in helping him fix such an important relationship to him. It just shows how much they loved him.
Everyone warmed up to Regulus, and eventually, it was like he was always a part of the group. Soon enough, his friends were our friends, too. The Skittles weren't so bad, and the Marauders got along well with them. Regulus became more enthused, reconnecting with his brother, and Sirius figured the lack of enthusiasm before was due to fear of rejection. All in all, Sirius was happy he had everyone he loved in his life now, and once he got Remus, things would be perfect.
"Nikki," Sirius bursts through the front door of Nicolus' house, the ladder still hadn't shown any regrets giving him keys so he's been doing this since he got them. "Honey, I'm home~"
"Welcome home mon chérie, library." And Sirius skipped to the location, finding Nicolus in his usual place at the bay window, covered and glasses on, hair up, and book in hand. "So what's the plan?"
Sirius quickly got comfortable under the cover, cuddling into Nico's side and peeking into the book he held. He missed the blush on the boy's face the same way he has for the past four years as he laid his head on his shoulder.
"Things have been going well, and I think it's time. I don't need to focus on repairing things with Reggie anymore, now that everyone loves him. So it's time. I'm going to ask him out on his birthday, and I have a whole date planned. I'm taking him to that animal cafe that opened, and after that to the art museum. Then we'll go to a library and read together, and I'll take some homemade fudge brownies for him to snack on. After that, we'll have sandwiches and sit in the park, he loves feeding the birds there. After lunch, I'll take him to the theater to see Clue, it's his favorite, and I got tickets to the show. For dinner, I'll bring him back to my place and make Paella, and we can just talk for hours like we usually do. It's perfect because you know he doesn't like parties. He's gonna love it, I've been planning it so long, he'd better. What do you think?"
Nicolus hummed, having put his book down a long time ago to listen to Sirius ramble about the date he wished Sirius was also taking him on. He smiled at him fondly, "It's perfect. If he doesn't love it, he's an idiot. But I know he will." Sirius smiled up at him, he had no doubt this would go perfectly, he'd been ready for this for a long time, and all he had to do was do it. Nicolus was proud of how far he'd come from a boy torn up by the world the moment he came into it to this fearless man who had the world at his feet.
"I have news, too."
"Oh yeah, what is it, rusé?"
"I'm going to America in three months." There was a pause before Sirius jumped off the bay onto the floor. "OMG, WAIT, YEAH?!"
"Yeah."
"YEAHH??!!" Nicolus laughed, standing up to join him.
"HELL YEAHH!" Sirius hugged him tight, practically jumping in his arms.
"You're touring in America, oh my God I'm so proud of you, Nico!! Wait, how are tickets selling?"
"Sold out in at least ten places already."
"AHHH, why did you wait so long to tell me!?"
"You were hanging out with your beloved baby brother, I couldn't interrupt." Sirius pouted at this, making Nico pinch his cheek. "Don't pout. You're the first person I told." This cheered him right up, and he danced around the room, pulling Nico along with him.
"I'm so proud of you. You deserve it!! Finally getting the recognition you need."
Nicolus couldn't contain the smile on his face, and he didn't want to, but he had one more important thing to say. The last time he waited to ask Sirius a question, he fell in love with the other person he loved, and just him. "I wanted you to go with me if you want. I'm still kind of nervous. I've never played outside of home, and you're so experienced. You don't have to, of course. it's in three months, after all. I still wanted to ask. Honestly, I'll probably be fine on my own, and Marlene is going to come so-" his rambling was stopped by Sirius cupping his face, giving him duck lips.
"Don't talk as if I'd ever want to say no to you. I'd love to, honestly, but it may be hard once I get in a relationship with Remus. I mean three months, and then I leave the country for a six-month tour. He's used to me working like that as friends, but in a new relationship, it might be too soon. Hey, don't look so heartbroken, rusé. I didn't say no, let me think about it. I'll ask Remus, and we'll see. I want to. I love singing with you, and you've been my best opener since I started. I wanted to return the favor for some time now." Nicolus nodded, face still in Sirius' hands, and the ladder smiled. "Okay, now we must eat. I'm sure you've had nothing all day, and I know because I gave you that book last night, and you're at the final chapters." Nicolus sighed, defeated, and let Sirius lead him to the kitchen.
"Are you sure this is going to work?"
"Come on Moony, you know Pads just as well as us. When we tell him he's going to blow up. He's been in love with you for years. You know, we know, the world knows. And the fact that he is the only one who doesn't know you feel the same is quite frankly depressing. He's clearly not going to confess and I'm tired of you not doing it as well. Especially since you know his feelings, you have less to fear." James reprimanded making Regulus chuckle.
"Remus, my brother is an idiot, case and point. Don't make me think you are one, too."
The taller let out a frustrated sigh, falling back on the chair, they were currently at the Potter's place, the library to be specific, where they usually came to plan things. And by things he meant this. "We've been planning this for a year now, you can't seriously be second-guessing the day before. This will be the best prank yet, and then you'll finally be together."
"Plus you get Sirius' attention off the fact that the two of you have actually been dating behind his back for a year."
"Plus we get Sirius' attention off the fact that we have been dating behind his back for a year." James chirped sheepishly and only a bit ashamed.
Remus wasn't judging, he understood their reasonings, he did at the end of the day understand Sirius as much as them. Giving their relationship a chance without him knowing to test the waters was a pretty good idea, so if they decided it wasn't what they wanted things wouldn't go to shit. Remus still didn't think Sirius would believe the three of them were together, did he even know about polyamorous relationships? Not likely, maybe Nicolus could've told him he was sure she knew, but other than that he doubts it. Then again, "What if he believes us."
Gaining their attention again, Regulus tilted his head at him, a trait he shared with his brother, "That's the point, Remus."
"Yeah, but what if he believes us and doesn't do anything. He'd literally do anything to make us happy, what if he just accepts it."
"That's not going to happen, selfishness and possessiveness runs in our blood, even against each other, especially so. Things won't go so simply if anyone takes what we see as ours. We can take from anyone, ruin whoever dared try and take it, we don't care. We are terrible people to outsiders and each other if we see it fit. Unfortunately, it was how we were raised and something therapy hasn't saved us from."
"Wow, so if Sirius was like madly in love with me, to the point of wanting to die if he couldn't have me, you still wouldn't give me up?" James questioned in awe completely uncaring of how terrible a way of being that is. Regulus looked him right in the eye seemingly not needing a moment to think it over.
"No, you're mine Jamie. No one else can have you. Can you handle that?"( Oh the irony, am I right dear readers?) His brow raised and the look he was giving James felt private, examining his every moment and reaction for a hint of disgust or discomfort.
"I can, I'm yours, I like being yours like that. You can be possessive of me all you like." He was too in love to see the danger there, Remus thought, but then he was thinking of Sirius being the same with him and could see the appeal.
"Good," Regulus said, returning to Remus. James' eyes didn't leave him for a moment, and Remus could see the smile he was trying to suppress at the notice.
"So are you still in or do you want to confess normally, either way you're doing it tomorrow, prank or not. I don't care for the laugh as much as you and Jamie here, as long as it gets done. I'm tired of hearing about him from you."
"We'll do it. I want to feel this possessiveness for myself." And the honest truth was he has seen and felt it before. His selfishness is hard to miss most of the time, and his possessiveness for James when we were younger, then for me, and then Nicolus, but that was just as friends. I want to feel him be like that as a lover.
"Good," Regulus smirked, "you two better not back out once you feel the heat. We'll set you on fire too." and then Regulus was leaving James trailing behind him like a lost puppy. Remus chuckled thinking about all the ways tomorrow could turn out. He just hoped it would end with him and Sirius together.
And so came the day, March 10th, the day everything would come together for Sirius Black.
Everybody was at James' place waiting for him to arrive with Remus. They were quite late, as they were meant to be here at eight am, so they could spend time together until Sirius swept Remus off at ten for their breakfast. Remus ate his late. And James went to pick him up along with the cake. It was currently nine forty-five am, but Regulus was also late, so I guess that was good, hopefully, he'd get here before them.
Sirius sat upstairs with Nico, reading a new book while they waited, and then he heard the door. His head snapped up, and his eyes locked with Nicolus', the two smirking at each other. "Go get your Moony Pads," and Sirius was off with a wink. He didn't question why Nicolus wasn't coming with him, too, into the new book he'd given him to part from it. That wasn't the reason though, Nicolus just didn't want to experience the heartbreak of watching the loves of his life start a relationship without him a part of it. That's why he got up and closed the lounge door behind Sirius, he'd come down after Sirius ran up here to celebrate with him and drag him down for cake.
Sirius raced down the stairs to see that James, Regulus, and, most importantly, Remus had all come in together. Everyone was hugging and giving their birthday wishes and gifts, so Sirius waited patiently for his turn. He had a hand-made sweater to give Remus this year, one he ruined his hands learning to make for him. He was a quick learner, but that didn't stop the struggle at first. He stole Remus' favorite sweater for the perfect measurements and made it a beautiful mismatch of colors the way Rem liked it. Adding a wolf howling at the moon on the back and my Moony to the front to personalize it.
Once it was his turn, he gave a bright smile, excited jitters practically jumping off him when he passed the bag. Remus smirked, rolling his eyes, and Sirius' heart fluttered. Once he pulled it out, his mouth gaped, and a few others in the room followed when Sirius exclaimed that he had made it himself. Remus was in shock, but Sirius knew it was a happy one when he pulled him in for another hug. This one wasn't as nervous as he noticed the first one he gave him was. He went to ask about it, but Remus beat him to it.
"I was nervous today. I actually have something to confess to you, and I was nervous about how you'd react, but this only proves that I needn't do that." Sirius gasped internally, a professional at hiding his feelings by now. Was Remus planning on asking him out today, too?! He wanted to be the one to do it, but if Remus wanted to, he'd be selfless this one time and let him. Either way, things were going his way today.
"I, um, I've been keeping this from you for a long time. It's been hard. Actually, I'm sure everyone here knows by now but you," he chuckled awkwardly, and Sirius felt his heart start to race. He was sure everyone could see clear as day how much he loved him, for a long time. AAAAAA- okay, calm down, calm down. "It's been hard for all three of us, actually." All three of us? Confusion colored Sirius' face for a second, and then James and Regulus were standing next to Remus in front of him. He now notices their equal nervousness, well maybe nervous wasn't the right word for it. The two seemed a bit smug and expectant of what Sirius didn't know. Had Remus asked their permission to ask him out, and they've been sworn to silence about it, that would be cute, but he could tell he was missing something.
Suddenly, the air in the room was heavy, and everyone was in on something he hadn't known. It didn't feel like a nice surprise he was about to get. "What do you mean?" he forced himself to ask, his eyes not breaking from Remus. Had something bad happened? Maybe he'd have to ask Remus out later; this seemed serious.
"We, James, Remus, and I-" Regulus started, was that a flush on his cheeks? Slowly the realization started to crawl in his veins, but no, he was overthinking. Listen to what he's about to say, and you'll realize how stupid you sound. "We're dating, have been for a year now." Sirius' face didn't fall, but these three were some of his closest confidants, they noticed the shift in his mood.
James was quick to jump in, "and it's not- we didn't want to start something publicly that may not have worked, considering our relationships with you. I mean, I see you as a brother. Regulus is your actual brother, and Remus is your best mate. We knew if this fell apart it would've been shit for you so we waited."
"We've known about each other's feelings for four years now and started dating properly for a year to give it a test. We are sure that this is going to work out. I'm in love with your brother's Sirius, and we wanted you to know once we were ready. Now we are." Remus smiled, fixing Sirius' hair behind his ear, a gesture before Sirius thought was romantic, but now it was being scratched away. He was just being friendly, of course, James, and he did that all the time without it having an ulterior meaning (except that first year when they met for Sirius.) Why wouldn't Remus?
"They wanted to wait until you and I made up when we started dating a year ago, and I was reluctant at first, but they convinced me. I wanted them to be happy, and if that meant making up with you and leaving that hell hole we grew up in, then I'd do it." He chuckled, completely expecting that line to sober Sirius' shock and for him to start screaming at them. It didn't. It became awkward, and the air was cold, Regulus realized what he said sounded a bit too much like 'I'm only hanging out with you again because of them' and jumped to correct himself. Making him question Regulus' return was not a part of the plan, he had to get his mind back on track. "I'm happy I listened to them, though! I really did miss you. I didn't do it just for them. I wanted to, and they just convinced me and gave me the confidence to take that step. And now we're together better than ever.-" He shifted the conversation back to the important thing. We're together, Sirius, what are you going to do about it?
Sirius thought finding out he had a crush on James was like jumping into a lake. Falling in love with Remus was like floating in the waves in the ocean. Reconnecting with Regulus was like swimming in a river all on a summer day. But now, he was thrust into a harsh winter, drowning under the ice that froze above him in each of those places. The three were rambling, but words weren't reaching his brain, ears clogged with the water surrounding him. Everyone knew? That's what they knew. I- wow I was so far off. This is stupid, I'm stupid.
Of course they would want Regulus, who wouldn't? His family always preferred him. Of course, his friends would keep that secret for him even with how obvious Sirius made his feelings for Remus, Regulus is the best friend anyone could ask for. Of course, his first crush ever would fall for Regulus, but never him. I thought he was into girls, but nope, all he was missing was a Regulus in his life to realize. And of fucking course the man he was head over heels in love with was in love with Regulus, he's perfect in every way, why have Sirius when they could have the better brother.
Why? Why! Why did I believe he could fall for me? That Regulus would've come back on his own out of his love for me. That James was straight just because he wasn't in love with me. Stupid fucking idiot oh my God this has been happening for four years?! Four years without him knowing but apparently everyone fucking knows. I'm crazy hahahah- fuck. I should've known because, as a rule, Regulus gets everything I want.
He wanted to scream, cry, plead for them to tell him this was just a joke they got Regulus in on, but his head was under water. The more he panicked and lashed out, the quicker the water would flood into his lungs and out through his eyes for everyone to see. He composed himself, his stomach in knots, but he wouldn't ruin this for them. The people he loved most were asking his permission to be happy together, and how could he deny them that?
"Ha- how funny. You waited till you're birthday to ask if you can fuck my brothers Remus, you sly dog. What do you think I won't snatch them from you just because it's your big day? You'd be wrong, they're mine." I pulled both behind me, giving my best 'overprotective brother' glare I could muster with the state of my heart, and then everyone laughed awkwardly. The three squinted their eyes, but he could see the relief as their shoulders sagged (actors getting back into scene). James was the first to crush him in a hug, thanking God and saying how he knew he'd understand. Then Remus, although a bit more nervous than before, thanked him for trusting him to love his brother and Sirius wasn't going to be able to keep up the protective act after those words left his lips, the ones he would be saying to him right about now, left his lips for Regulus. He just nodded his head and smiled. Remus was almost ready to call cut.
Last was his baby brother, the person he wanted to give the most happy life the moment he was told he'd have a sibling. How could he say no to his happiness? He couldn't. He told himself it didn't matter if all it took was Remus and James wanting them to make up for Regulus to try and be brothers again as they hugged. Told himself that it didn't matter that he got James and he got Remus as he kissed his head and called him by the nickname he'd given him when they were toddlers. Told himself this would be okay and he'd get over this as he ruffled his short black hair, a mirror of his own but infinitely better, and told them to be good to each other. Regulus was staring at him weirdly and it was obvious to Sirius he was expecting a fit, Regulus didn't try to hide this emotion so Sirius just smiled at him, earning a scoff. He probably thinks I'm going to get him when we're alone, I won't.
Remus announced they would be back to hang out and have cake later as they had a date planned, and with Lilly's questions, he learned it was fairly similar to the date he'd planned for them today. The date that would never happen. How ironic. The date Regulus planned for them was so similar, but it was still better somehow. Always better he was. He felt eyes flicking to him from everyone, especially the three. They were all waiting for him to blow up, he knew, he just didn't know that was a part of their plan that he would, and by him not acting as he normally would, he was messing it up. They shared hugs again before heading out the door, looking at him longer than necessary before closing it and immediately, it was quiet. All eyes were on him, waiting for something. Tears, a scoff, a complete breakdown, maybe. He couldn't blame them, that's what the waves crashing inside his heart screamed for, but there was always a calm before a storm. He wasn't going to storm on their sunny day, if he could help it, he wouldn't even let the rain drizzle on them.
What he didn't know was that the three waited outside the door for him to storm out for a minute before sharing confused looks with each other. Getting into Reggie's car, they pulled off a little farther from the house, waiting for him to appear. They needed a new plan quick if he wasn't chasing after them. Inside the house was at a standstill, and he knew Peter was going to try to break the silence, but the sounds of someone coming downstairs beat him to it. "Did he and James forget something? I didn't even see them. Aren't we cutting the cake? Sirius-" he felt his eyes study him. "How did it go? Did you tell him?" His heart finally sank into the thrashing waters, and he shot into Nicolus' arms, who caught him with ease, though startled. It broke as he held him in his arms, and when Nicolus felt the flood run from his eyes, his grip tightened, trying to hold back the dam. He didn't say anything else, didn't look at anyone, picked Sirius up and carried him out the door, placed him in the passenger seat of his car, and drove them home.
When they got there, he pulled into the garage but sat there with him, humming and holding his hand until he was ready to move. Eventually, they moved to Nicolus' bed, and he lay on his chest, breathing together. He appreciates that Nicolus isn't going to say anything unless he starts because he doesn't think he can show him the ship's wreckage just yet. It's silent, but it's comfortable, one of Nicolus' hands in his hair, the other drawing flowers on his back, and a kiss on his head every so often. His heartbeat silenced the turmoil in his chest, and when he began to hum, it did the same to the torture in his head.
The would-be breakfast part of his date passed by seamlessly, and then Nicolus is carrying him around the kitchen, not willing to let him go as he cooks them lunch. This is great because he was just as unwilling to pull away. He expects it to be sandwiches, so his mind could say how ironic, but Nicolus is too thoughtful for that, it's chicken fries and mozzarella sticks. He sits down on the back porch as they eat, and Sirius eats most of it. He's sure Nicolus planned for that. Having put everything on, Sirius ate a lot when he was sad. Once they finished, they sat out there for a bit, Nicolus humming the same tune from the car and the bedroom. Sirius joins this time.
The next time they relocate, it's on Nicolus' couch, and a random movie is on, neither pays attention to it. It's later dark outside, and Sirius knows the play he was meant to go to is over now, and he's glad he texted Lilly about the tickets being up in the lounge with some brownies. He told her to take Pandora, and she said thanks, knowing not to ask about them. He hoped they enjoyed it, that they ran into Remus, James, and Regulus and laughed about the coincidence. They're probably having a double date now, eating dinner, having the best night of their lives.
"Mon cherie, the foods here come on. I'm hungry again," Nicolus orders his favorite because he's a sweetheart like that. He makes sure the dessert isn't cake or brownies or anything chocolate at all. It's banana pudding. Sirius likes banana pudding a lot. They eat in silence, and then Nicolus' phone rings. They both know who it is, James, to ask where they are. Nicolus sends him a text, probably along the lines of 'I'm feeling sick. Sirius is taking care of me,' one of their most definite excuses when they escape together. No one questions it, no one tries to check on them because Nicolus hates being around people when he's feeling sick, except Sirius. It was perfect. He thought this day was going to be perfect, too.
He finally feels the words coming to his mouth, and he spills everything that happened out on the table. The tears and self-condemnation come soon after, but the storm doesn't roar as he's in Nicolus' arms and he is sheltered from the rain in whatever was left of his heart. Nicolus is upset for Sirius and himself. He preferred knowing if Sirius was going to be taken, it would be by Remus and the other way around. Now they weren't even with each other and Sirius was in love with him, so was Nicolus.
And so passed the day, March 10th, the day everything fell apart for Sirius Black.
That day, the trio went on the date they had planned, waiting for Sirius to crash it at any moment. The longer it went on, the more shocked they were, Regulus in fact, was so astonished that he couldn't function properly the whole night. Was Sirius really willing to give him Remus just like that, was he not going to be furious at the idea of him dating James and Remus behind his back? Did he love him that much, want to keep things so cordial as to not even bat an eye? Burn down Regulus' life?
No impossible, they just needed to wait, the signs will come, the destruction will follow. He told Remus and James so by the end of the night, when there were still no signs of Sirius, though he apologized to Remus, who wanted to spend his day with Sirius. He thought the reaction would be immediate, but no of course, he would have to torture him for this. It was the family way, it'll come, Regulus knew it would. Now they just had to play along until he couldn't hide it anymore.
Things after that are terrible- well, on Sirius' side of hell, where the world has ended. He tries his best to treat this like a small thing that has happened, like every other little problem he's pushed away. The problem is those problems were small, and they still came back to eat him alive. The PDA wasn't helping, seeing the three so close, so touchy, so in love. These things he wanted, the things he still wants. It's only been a month, after all. No matter how much he wills it into reality, he can't make years of letting Remus carry his heart disappear. He still has it, but it's somewhere under his bed, collecting dust. He has Regulus' and James' to keep close now.
He is the right amount of sweet, teasing, and disgusted as he should be for their relationship, so no one suspects anything is wrong. But they do, everybody can see it, everybody can feel it, and it's only going to be a matter of time before someone has to say something. Because they will, and it won't end well. Until then, Sirius pretends to be happy and lets his heart sink deeper into the void of the ocean. He writes. It keeps him grounded. After the second month, he knows he needs space from everything here. He accepts Nicolus' offer to tour with him. Nicolus announced his tour a couple of weeks ago, and Marlene is indeed coming. Not many others can, though, but they say they'll try.
The more he was around, the more depressed he got. Seeing James smile at him as he talks about the dates he, Regulus, and Remus go on. Hearing Remus confess how much the two of them made him love himself more during their night talks. Regulus being so openly happy and in love when they're around. Sirius wanted to jump off the roof of the building to show how much pain he was going through. Maybe that would break them away from each other long enough to make them realize he was miserable. And if he were dead, he wouldn't have to suffer the pain of hating his loved ones' happiness. He also wouldn't have to explain why he was suffering in the first place.
Sirius hadn't had such dark thoughts in a while, and he wanted to be scared, but the only emotion he had been feeling recently was heartache. H told Nicolus, and the kind-hearted person he is kept his mind busy and away from those thoughts. We were singing, writing, dancing, and reading on repeat. And on nights when nothing could distract my mind from the distress I was in, he'd hold me close until I had no tears left to cry. Until my shaking stops, breathing matched his, and the headache left for a bit. Even after, he never let me go. If it weren't for him, I honestly don't know if I'd still be here. That's how bad things felt.
In the third month, he knows he's been caught. James is asking how he is because Sirius started making up excuses not to do their usual hangouts. He can't just openly say to his best mate that he's sick of hearing him rant about his relationship with the supposed love of his life and his brother. Remus is asking why they don't have their small talks at night anymore, but he can't just tell him that he's in love with him and can't stand to hear how he loves his brother and best mate more than he ever will him. Regulus is asking why he's being so weird toward him when they have their bonding days (now few and far in-between their usual weekly outing), and Sirius cannot tell him he's tired of him getting everything he wants. He just needed one more night of excuses, and he'd be far from here, they'd be out of face, out of mind. But Regulus can't let it go, and the dam breaks.
"Oh my God Sirius what the fuck is wrong with you!?" He hisses in French when Sirius tries to sit at a different table than James, Remus, and Regulus the third time that night. They kept saving a seat for him at each place they visited, but he politely declined, instead sitting with Nicolus, Marlene, Lilly, and Pandora. Regulus didn't understand, there were no signs of Sirius trying to get back at him, but it was so obvious how torn up he was about this. Why didn't he take what was his, why was he waiting, why did it seem like he was putting himself through something horrible for Regulus' happiness? None of it made sense and he was tired of whatever form of manipulation Sirius was doing to him, trying to guilt him to death or something. They were at a private karaoke room, currently celebrating Nikki's tour starting tomorrow, and so the place quickly got quiet. Sirius needed anything but this right now.
"Nothing is wrong with me. I'm trying to celebrate Nicolus' tour with him, same as everyone here." He replied in French, acutely aware that though most people here didn't know what they were saying, Nicolus, Pandora, Evan and Remus did (damn those French lessons). Evan would tell Barty, Pandora Lilly, Remus James, and then the news would continue to spread.
"This isn't about that, and you know it isn't. You're acting weird, and you've been treating us all differently. So what, you thought we wouldn't say something? Do you know how sad and worried you've made James and Remus with your bullshit? Do you care?!" He was keeping up the act as well as he could but he wanted answers and he needed them now. Sirius is supposedly leaving tomorrow, this had to be his plan, drawn out guilt tripping, Mother did this one well, he thought bitterly. He wouldn't fall for it.
"You're overthinking, I've not been- I'm just busy with the tour. If you don't remember, it was a last-minute thing for me to decide to go."
"Oh, it's one excuse after the other. Next, you'll say you haven't been avoiding James when you see him, ignoring Remus when he texts you, and sending me to voicemail when I call because of this. You've never acted like this when you were touring. You're a terrible liar, you know that. You can probably fool anyone else with that, but you can't fool us."
"Regulus, let it go-"
"Why should I!?" He stands, and everyone tenses, ready to stop a potential fight as Regulus makes the short walk to his brother. "What is the problem? If you don't like us together, just say so. Don't torture us by saying you accept our relationship when your actions clearly say otherwise."
"Regulus, you should really drop it. It's not how you're making it sound."
"And you would know, wouldn't you? You're the one he's been replacing us with. How many times has he canceled on us because oh you're working on songs and choreography together, oh Nicolus isn't feeling well, oh Nicolus this Nicolus that!"
"Regulus, watch yourself!" Sirius warned.
"Oh, so you're defending him but not yourself. Just tell us you don't like us together, or that you're jealous, or that you don't want us happy-"
"Regulus Arcturus Black."
At this point, James and Remus had stood trying to calm him down, but he wasn't having it. "Tell me that you hate that I'm dating your best mates and you wish I never came back into your life, say it!! Say that-"
"SAY WHAT?!" And just like that, the storm thundered, and that certainly shut him up, but Sirius was sick and tired. He couldn't stand to hear these accusations from his brother anymore. "SAY WHAT, REGULUS?! What should I say, huh? Say that in the years that our family chose you over me, I lost my sense of self trying to be good enough for them. That in the one year I had where I felt more than just the worthless heir, I had my first crush on James and experienced my first heartbreak. How, when I came home happy to tell you about this self-discovery, you had apparently decided to choose our family over me! Me who loves you more than myself, me who took every punch, every terrible word, every punishment for the both of us?"
"That's different, I had to do what I had to do to survive-"
"And so did I, Regulus, and yet you blamed me when I left as if I wasn't the one experiencing the worst of the abuse. You didn't leave with me when I begged, you chose them once again! So when I ran, I had every fucking right. I didn't leave you in that hell hole you chose to stay! I wanted you in my life, you're the one who discarded me like I meant nothing! What do you want me to say, Regulus?" I see him trying to process the information, but I can't contain my anger any longer.
"That I fell hopelessly in love with Remus for years and didn't get to tell you that either, because my brother and I weren't on speaking terms anymore? That both James and Remus chose you over me, and for years I didn't know because we weren't talking, so they kept it a secret. So now I've thought I'd had a chance with Remus and was going to ask him out on his birthday only to find out you've been together for basically all those same years. So now I have to sit and act like I'm not still in love with another person who picked you over me! Act like the fact that all of our friends found out before me, but you didn't let them tell me because, yet again, our relationship was ruined. Act like it doesn't tear me apart when they kiss you with the lips that were the first to make me feel like an actual person."
The tears were falling, and I had given up on wiping them when Regulus' started to fall as well. I didn't want to make him cry, to tell him like this, to tell him at all. At best, it would've been a funny story to tell at their wedding. 'My brother who got both my gay awakening, best mate and the love of my life, best mate.' It was too late now, he wanted to know why I was acting different, why I was so weird around them, why I kept making excuses. He was getting what he asked for.
"Say that from the moment you were born everyone, EVERYONE, picked you over me, loved you more than me, wanted you more than me!! That I had to sit back and be okay with it because I was your older brother, and I hated myself for being jealous. For wanting to hate you but never being able to. For never being able to step out of your shadow, because as much as it seems like I'm a star, you're the sun, and you outshine me in everything I do. Do you even know how hard it was to not have at least you on my side, not once, when I would've done anything for you? I'd given you all the stars in the sky if I could."
His voice broke every other sentence, and he hadn't even realized he was speaking English again. "And now you say all these things that I hate you and I don't want you to be happy and that I'm jealous, and it's all true. It's all true, and it's all a lie. I wish, I wish I was just jealous this time. I wish I didn't want you to be happy with them, I wish I hated you for this. For taking everything I've wanted just by simply existing. But I can't. Because you're my baby brother, and all I want is your happiness, your peace, your safety.
And you told me the only reason you could finally work up the courage to talk to me again was because of them! Do you know how much that hurt? I tried for years to convince you to leave with me or at least on your own. I tried to be a brother to you no matter what our family said or did. I tried Regulus for years to stay a part of your life, and you're telling me it simply took you wanting them to be happy. Fuck my happiness huh- you can do it for them but me only wasn't enough, seeing how destroyed I was wasn't enough for you to try in the slightest. Again, I am never enough. Again, you pick someone else over me. Again, I'm the last choice.
Do I care? All I've ever done is care. Care about you, about how our family is treating you with me gone. All I ever think about is that if you're happy, then I should be too. That if they love you, then why should I be hurt, why should I stop them, why should I care about how I feel when you're clearly doing better than you have in all your life. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm avoiding James, I'm sorry that I'm not responding to Remus' texts, and I'm sorry I'm not answering your calls. I'm sorry that I'm being weird and acting different and that I'm jealous and that I don't care enough to completely throw away my broken heart to make sure yours is comfortable. I'm sorry that I can't hate you, and so I hate myself."
The storm was slowly, and Sirius was wiping at his eyes, trying to calm himself down. He felt like he'd been the one struck by lightning. "I'm sorry okay, Regulus I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't want to hurt you, so I bottled all my feelings up and threw them to sea without realizing the only thing that would sink was all of my hopes and dreams. I'm sorry I tried to accept something for you that was torturing and killing me. I'm sorry that you got the one thing that I wanted, the one thing I thought I had."
The room was too quiet for a karaoke room. Too cold for the fact that it was the middle of June. Too somber for a celebration to go on. Before Sirius could fall to the floor as he'd already fallen apart, Nicolus caught him glaring down at a tearful Regulus. Sirius wasn't mad at him, not really, and neither was Nicolus, but he'd probably kill Regulus if he said one more thing to Sirius. Sirius hugged him like an anchor and he'd be damned if he let him float back into harsh waters. Picking him up, he grabbed their bags. Everyone else was still too shocked to say or do anything to stop them, and he left holding Sirius together once more. He was sick of him getting hurt.
The tour started the next day, and the two were on a plane to America before anyone could reach them, Marlene being the first to snap out of it that night and catching up to them before they pulled off. No one came to any of the shows, and Nicolus extended the tour another six months, giving Sirius as much time as he needed away from the chance to drown again.
Remus and James called and texted the three of us with only responses from Marlene, they'd talk to her about casualties for a bit, ask about the shows, ask about Nicolus, and every time without fail, nervously queried about me. Marlene gives the same answers each time: "he's doing good' 'His voice is as stunning as always' 'Writing songs every day, it feels like." They'll ask to talk to him, she'll say he's busy, they give up for the day, but try again the next day.
Sirius felt so terrible about it, to the point that Nicolus suggested that Marlene take all her calls in a separate room and not tell us anything of those two. She complied happily, not wanting to make things worse for him. The pair had already explained themselves to her and she was furious, no way was she going to help them. Let them rot in guilt for all she cared, they were her friends and she wouldn't cut them off, but if Sirius didn't want to speak to them he wouldn't. They explained to all their friends and got the same reactions. Sirius believes that he will talk to them after the tour ends, but just not yet. He isn't ready. He wrote and wrote, and it was about them each time. Writing songs had always been his better therapy.
During shows, he debuts a few songs for the fans: Lacy, Burn, Chasing, Fools, Everything I Wanted, and We Hug Now. The fans love them, which makes Sirius happy. At least when he's depressed, he can make beautiful art. He knows his friends are listening, watching, and reposting his music, showing their support. They know who the songs are about, and they still support him. He feels loved. They do care about him, of course, because he has the best friends in the world.
James is posting with these songs all the time, he learns when he finally can brave himself to look at his page. Nicolus had blocked the three on his everything as Sirius cried every time he saw them in his feed. He was sure he had ruined their relationship. Remus is posting his stuff the same way he always did, they don't hate him. They are still his closest mates. He doesn't know the shame they felt each day, the blocking had them thinking they ruined everything just as much. Regulus has posted nothing. He isn't surprised, but he wishes he was.
Regulus doesn't call. Not once, not even a text. James does his best to comfort him, Regulus also tried to comfort, they're both overwhelmed with remorse, but it was different for Regulus. It's like when Sirius ran away from home all over. He felt so guilty he didn't go, but he could never do it. Now he'd just been happy with his brother in his life again, and he ruined it. He was going to give him everything he wanted, he can't believe it. Selfishness ran in their blood. The fact that Sirius readily gave up Remus to make him happy shocked every cell in his body. He knows he couldn't do the same if this happened with him and James. James is his, he wouldn't give him up, not even for Sirius.
Regulus is washed in gratefulness that his brother would not have tried to take James or Remus from him. That he tried to be happy for them and tried not to ruin things for them. His big brother was really the best he could ask for. When Sirius told him he'd give him the stars in the sky if he could, he just laughed. He was four then. Now he's eighteen and his brother was going to let him have the sun and the moon.
He can't call, he can't text, he can't even write a letter. Not when the underlying words said, "I thought the worst of you." Not when he's taken everything Sirius wanted, and Sirius kept it to himself. It's weird, he'd never wish he'd never talked to Remus that day in the library, but would things have been different if he hadn't? Would Remus have gotten Sirius, and he gotten James just like that? Would things have been easier had this prank never happened, he knew Sirius would accept Remus' confession, prank or not, but if he came to him about James? He thinks things would be better now. He regrets everything. He's never felt more like their family, their mother. He felt horrid and rotten and unforgivable. It wasn't just his fault though, it was a three person dance and they all salsaed their way into this mess.
Things did get better for him, he had his boyfriend after all. He was caring, gentle, and understood because he was in the same boat. Trying to keep their minds away from the situation. It never left their mind, but when he was being held in James' arms each day, it was put to the back of it. He had everything he needed in life. Even if he didn't have his brother, he had everything else. Life would get better, he's lived without Sirius before, he can do it again. Sirius wouldn't want him there anymore, and he'd learn to be okay with that. But he knows James wouldn't be okay with that, he'll do his best for him. He hears it now, him picking their happiness over Sirius'.
To say Remus was a wreck was, well, it wasn't wrong but wasn't correct either. Remus was hardly human these days, he didn't know why he thought it was a good idea, why he went through with it after all his doubts, why he couldn't just confess like a normal human. He couldn't have Sirius Black here in his arms, now writing songs about how he broke his heart all the way in America with Nicolus, who he knew was in love with Sirius. Everyone knew that too even though he'd never say anything. Remus had come to him thinking they were together at one point and Nicolus told him they weren't. In fact, Nicolus was the one who officially confirmed that Sirius was hopelessly in love with him all those years ago. He didn't tell Remus how those feelings extended to him, of course that would be silly. And for that reason, he wouldn't act on those feelings because he knew they loved each other and he'd never get between true love.
Or well that's what he said then. Now he had nothing stopping him, Remus ruined everything and he could swoop in and be Sirius' hero. Get the boy. Except he knew Nicolus wouldn't do that, he was too good a person and the only thing he'd be focused on was making Sirius feel better and moving on. He didn't tell him it was a prank, couldn't get him on the phone, and after what Marlene told them that first night, she definitely didn't tell him. Nicolus would've fixed everything if she did, given them an easy way out. Nikki would scold the three of us, tell Sirius, let him decide what to do, get them to America if Sirius decided he wanted to see us, and leave the rest to us. He knew he didn't deserve it, Marlene was right. He was grateful for Nicolus, glad Sirius had him, the two deserved each other. Nicolus was perfect, so was Sirius. Remus was the monster howling at the moon each night.
Not that he was even outside to do so, he's not left his house since Sirius blocked him on everything. After that everything felt wrong, the scars on his body, his skin, his bones, the cells that made up his body, everything was just slightly off without him, the worst way to be because he knows the problem was simple but he couldn't fix it no matter how easy it seemed to be. The people in his life, it felt wrong to call them his friends, tried to get him up, but he pushed them out. Took James', Peter's, and Lilly's spare keys after they let themselves in a few times, tried to block them out but they weren't having it. Sooner than later, everyone was breaking into his house and moving him in with James', monitoring him. They lectured him, saying how if Sirius came back to see him like this it would only make things worse for him. That if he wanted any chance to fix what he (James and Regulus because they got the talk too) had done then they had to get their shit together. For themselves, and if not that for Sirius.
That got them out of their pool of self-pity and hatred as they tried to piece themselves together. They deleted every message and sorry attempt to apologize to him over the phone before he could see it, if he ever unblocked them. He did to their shock, and instead of rushing in like they would've if he'd unblocked them anytime sooner, that didn't send him one message. They would do things in person. They were just happy he did it, they were making progress just like he was, this can be fixed, will be fixed.
Remus had to come to terms with the fact that even if Sirius lets him explain that doesn't mean he will forgive him, a year is a long time, and if he has moved on with someone else, Nico, then he needs to accept it. It didn't work, but over time he grew into the idea of him and Sirius together, thought about it every night actually. Even though Nicolus wasn't the kind of person to put the moves on Sirius, that only adds to the appeal of him. He was there for him the whole way through, extended his tour for him, got him out of his slump from how much better he looked every time they saw him on the internet, he was perfect honestly. Having him as a best friend only furthered that fact, he knows them so well, if Remus had been in this situation and Nicolus did all of this for him, he'd fall in love too. He fell in love with just the idea of being so cared for. He couldn't blame Sirius.
That didn't make him feel any better because now he was having dreams of being in a relationship with both of them. Nico saving the day for Sirius and swooping in to save Remus as well. Mending their broken relationship and opening their relationship to him. It was insane, Remus was going insane, it felt like it at least. But he was sure that Nicolus knew what poly was before, and if he didn't, surely he looked it up after their 'confession' and knows now. Wouldn't that just be lovely, him letting someone else fix all his fuck ups, he didn't deserve this dream, and so he woke up. He'd fix this himself, and if Sirius decides they can still be friends he'll be over the moon. Talking about the moon, he hadn't taken off this sweater in forever, it fit perfectly. He missed Sirius, and now he missed Nicolus so much too.
When the tour ended and Sirius returned home, he was a different person. Regulus was the only one who steered clear of any videos, articles, live shows, posts, songs, he didn't want to see any of it. He almost didn't come to their welcome home party, but James and Remus wouldn't have that. So when he saw Sirius again for the first time in a year, it was like he was cemented to the ground. He'd grown a mustache and little beard, his hair now fell to his mid-back, new tattoos on his arms and through his open shirt on his chest too. His eyes aren't the storm they were when he last looked into them, and he's smiling, though awkwardly it was there.
Hugs and 'I missed you's went around until it was their turn. Marlene and Nicolus hugged them first, and then it was just Sirius. They just stand there, not knowing what to do, and Sirius breaks this standstill with a roll of his eyes. "Well, what are you standing there for? I don't bite." He pulled James into a hug, and the man visibly relaxed in his arms, squeezing him tight. "I missed you too, Prongs." Sirius chuckled as he was squeezed to death.
The plan was to let him get settled in and then later pull him aside and tell him the truth, all of it, but of course James broke under the warm welcome. "Paddy, I missed you so much, you don't understand. I'm sorry-"
"Don't apologize. Life goes on, right? Let's let all those bad feelings go, you're my best mate."
James, the big teddy bear, was crying on his shoulder. "I never realized you- with me-"
"Because I never told you. Look, it seems you've got the wrong idea. You weren't my one and only true love or anything. I mean, we are soulmates, but it was just a crush. I was in and out of it in less than a year, Prongs. Don't cry over old milk." This seemed to get through to him as he pulled back and smiled at Sirius.
"Heh- I'm just that irresistible, huh-" Sirius wacked him upside his head, and they were laughing like nothing happened at all. But that wasn't all he had to apologize for.
Before James could open his mouth again, Remus stepped forward, and Sirius had mentally prepared himself for this for the past three months. Looking into Remus' eyes, he knows he could've never been ready, not for the pity and sadness that looked back at him. Not for the light he still saw in them. Not for the heartbreak in knowing they'd never look at him the way he wanted them to. He tried a smile. It didn't reach his eyes, but it wasn't fake either. "Hey, Moony." He noticed the sweater he was wearing. 'My Moony' oh, how foolish he was.
"Hey Pads, you've been missed. You look well."
"I know I'm stunning, you don't have to tell me you'll get Reggie jealous. He'll think I'm trying to steal you~" Sirius teased, and around the room everyone tensed up. He forgot they had an audience. Straightening up, he pulled Remus into a tight hug, trying to convey all of his feelings, his love and need for him to be happy no matter what. His acceptance and genuine joy for him to have found his people. He wants to stay friends when this passes by. He hopes Remus feels it all as he pulls back and looks away from him. He couldn't stand to look into those eyes anymore. Marvelously, Remus didn't break as fast as James, things were going as planned for the better this time.
Regulus is last. He tried for impartialness, but anyone with eyes could tell he was the most nervous here. The brothers look at each other, a mirror of that night, known feelings hanging in the air between them. Everyone is sure they will crack, and either tears will be shed or fists will be thrown. When it seemed Regulus was about to get the first punch, Sirius pulled him into his arms, and Reggie froze. "I care mon petit," Sirius murmured in French, placing a kiss on Regulus' head and rubbing his back. Regulus broke, tears falling all over again as he held on to Sirius for dear life. "And I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, frère!"
"I know love, I know."
A collective sigh of relief was let out, and everyone's nerves fell away, the first part was done, now they just had to wait for the next part, but no, Regulus was the weakest of the three, who could've known. "No, you don't know!" Panic was evident in everyone's face, but they weren't as fast as with James, Regulus had already said it. "Remus, James, and I aren't dating!" The silence was loud. Sirius stood stuck in place. "We were never dating to begin with. Only James and I are together, the Remus part was a lie, a cruel prank to get you to confess to him. One that went on way too long because I only thought the worst of you. I thought you would crack and try to steal him from me, I never for a moment thought you'd try to give him to me. This is all my fault, I was the one who convinced them you would confess in the end. I shouldn't have agreed to it."
"That's not fair, I'm the one at fault, I came up with the idea and suggested it to y'all. If it weren't for me, it would've never happened. All because I thought it would be funny to see you jealous and maybe get away with the fact I was secretly dating your brother for a year. I didn't stop to think that your feelings would go beyond that. I was selfish, and if you should hate anyone, it should be me. I'm sorry, Sirius, I ruined everything, though it was never my intention, you shouldn't forgive me." If Regulus already jumped off the bridge, then James wasn't going to let him fall alone. He was crying along with him.
"No, I was the one who decided it was okay to do. At the end of the day, it was up to me for the plan to go through and I said yes. I also wanted to see how you'd react, if you'd get possessive and that was horrible of me. I shouldn't want you to feel such disgusting feelings because of me. I should've just confessed my love for you like a normal person. I second and third and fourth guessed myself all the time, and for the year I spent hanging out with them, and talking about them to you, and generally setting everything up, I never stopped. I kept going until it blew up in my face, and for that I deserve, but you didn't, you didn't deserve to feel how I made you feel. They aren't the ones solely to blame, I played my role just as much as they did. If you can never forgive me, and if you've moved on from me with Nicolus, I understand completely. It's selfish of me to ask, but I want to remain friends, if we can grow from this, I'd like to stay a part of your life, Sirius, please."
Sirius hadn't moved an inch during this back-to-back confessional that he was shoved head first into. He could hardly process it with how much information had been thrown his way. But no one else moved either, and he was given time to think, when his mind caught up to him, he was even more lost. He'd come home ready to apologize and earn their forgiveness, but here they were doing the same thing but for him. What the hell even was the world? He didn't have enough time to feel hate or anger or even sadness, he spent all this time forgiving them, for them to tell him the whole thing was a prank? He could laugh, he was laughing.
The sound of it shook everyone back into the moment. "What! You have- got- oh my God- you've got to be kidding me!" No one knew what to say and soon enough Nicolus was chuckling as Sirius stumbled back and held onto him for support. "You're telling me I spent over a year mourning the loss of three relationships because of a prank. You guys are sick and twisted!" I wish I could will myself to be more angry about this outcome, but at this moment I laughed and laughed. "All those tears and nights I wished- all for a prank, Remus, is this you finally getting back at me for that thing in high school?!"
"I- no! No, of course not, I'm over that. Sirius, why are you laughing?"
"Because this has to be the most hilarious thing I've heard. Did you all know about this?"
Everyone nodded their head except Nicolus, but then explained they didn't know until after. He looked at Nicolus, and the pair were hysterical with laughter, that's the thing when you're close like this you can make each other laugh at anything with one look. The pair would be quite pissed the next few months but right now tears fell from their eyes full of mirth. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?!"
"You weren't answering our calls Sirius!" James whined and couldn't help but laugh too. "We've left message upon message but then you blocked us without reading them."
"That's on me, it was dampening his mood, my bad," Nicolus added.
"It's fine, better we talk to him in person anyway."
"Reggie, you didn't reach out not once, what's your excuse?"
"Well, I'm sorry I had just been told how I ruined your life so I did my best not to push myself back into it. I was, okay yeah it wasn't for your protection I was just scared. I didn't want to mess things up more okay! I spent that whole time believing you were trying to manipulate and guilt trip me into leaving James, and Remus too I guess. I was a shit brother and I couldn't get past that Siri."
"Oh, you've always been a shit brother mon petit don't get self-concious about it now." Regulus punched his arm and Sirius pulled him into a chokehold. "How about this, I forgive you for ruining my life over a prank for today, but I'm entitled to feel my feelings after that." They agreed with this and as laughter died down, Sirius remembered something. "Wait, what did you mean by 'if you've moved on from me with Nicolus, I understand completely.'"
Remus and Nicolus both flushed at this and Remus felt bad, he'd basically outed Nikki's feelings trying to apologize. Their eyes met in a dire exchange and he could see Nicolus resist covering his face as Sirius followed his eyes to him. So they didn't get together, he wasn't shocked, again he knew Nicolus, but he was pleasantly relieved. That wasn't a nice thought, knowing the feelings Nicolus still carried, and then he remembered the situation he was in. He could still save this, "I was spiraling, I must admit I was thinking the worst. Not that you and Nico dating would be the worst, it's- I'm sure it would be lovely, he'd make a good partner for you!" He was fucking this up. "I- just saying that I was thinking you moved on- and maybe you did haha not saying you didn't. Just it made sense that you'd move on to Nicolus because he's perfect and took care of you and he's your best friend besides me and James and Peter and- haa so yeah." Bloody hell.
"I- yeah Nico is perfect huh, rusé you're perfect," Sirius said kissing him on the cheek, a usual Sirius thing, physical affection. Another reason he thought the two were dating years ago was because this was always followed by... Nicolus' cheeks flushed a lovely red and his eyes landed anywhere but on the people around him. He looked like he wanted to curl up in a ball and die, Remus felt the same. Sirius was off with Peter, having made him a cake that he was ready to eat now. It seemed he was already over the whole ordeal and had decided to just ignore the nonsense Remus was spewing. Ouch, the look on Nico's face only made Remus feel worse. Marlene pats him on the back and pulls him away before Remus could apologize.
They'd be okay, the storm has passed. Nicolus was glad to be here for Sirius as he took his time to take this step forward. He knew Sirius was still in love with Remus and in time they'd find their way back to each other, that was how it was always meant to be, it didn't hurt. No, it didn't hurt.
After a few months, the storm truly does, though it rains some days, the thunder never returns. James and Sirius were the quickest to fall back into place. They were soulmates, after all. Sirius and Regulus are not on edge with each other as Sirius already accepted his relationship with James. Don't cry over taken milk and all that. Remus and he eventually fall back in tune, too, as he loses those hurt feelings. A part of his heart once belonged to him, and it once belonged to James, but it was always going to find its way back to Remus again. His Moony.
Forget lakes, rivers, and oceans, he was in a controlled indoor pool that was always peaceful. Life was sunny as the clouds broke away, to think Sirius thought the world ended. It was just nature taking its course. The clouds will come, the rain will pour, the air can be cold, and the water will freeze over. They will melt, though, the weather will warm, and the rain will stop, leaving behind a rainbow. That's all that mattered. Nothing lasts forever, and all things end. New things also begin.
Sirius didn't realize when he started getting flustered by Nicolus' closeness. After what Remus said that night he couldn't stop thinking about it though, about him. When his pet names began to make him blush. When he smiled and laughed, it made him want to exist in those moments with him forever. But it happens, and he doesn't know what to do with it. Why does he keep falling for his best friends? This could ruin everything again, he should wait these feelings out. Wait to see if they will last, but the last time he waited he almost lost everything. He wouldn't lose Nicolus, he'd do it right this time.
He was still in love with Remus, though, and he didn't know what to do about that. He learned a lot about poly relationships after the prank of March 10th, as they were calling it now, from Nicolus, and he knew that Nikki was okay with it, but what about Remus? His relationship with James and Regulus wasn't real, he might not be into sharing. He knew his friends were obviously accepting of it as well, all he could think about was could this work? Could he have them both? Maybe he was getting too selfish, just because things ended up working the first time doesn't mean they will continue to. He was overthinking that for a while.
His friends had this realization sooner than him and were chapters ahead, they had different plans. "So, Remus and Nicolus hm," James said as Sirius strummed something random on his guitar.
"Hmm, what about them?"
"I don't know, mate, you tell me." James smiled at him, and Sirius reddened.
"What are you talking about, Jamie?"
"Oh, nothing. Just they're both quite pretty, aren't they?" James watched his friend look over to the boys in question, who were reading a book across the room with Regulus. Then, he felt a little mischievous. "Maybe I should actually ask him out this time. He and Nicolus, if you're over Remus, then I don't know maybe we should give it a chance. They'd make a good part of our relationship, don't you think? We all get along so perfectly after all." Sirius glared at him with the intensity of the sun.
"Like hell they would." Standing up, Sirius put his guitar down, taking quick strides over to his friends, not noticing the smirk on Regulus' lips when he noted him approach. Not noticing the pinched breaths everyone around them was holding in as James held a thumbs up. He stopped just before Nicolus and Remus, they both took a second before looking up at him curiously. Sirius flushed, this wasn't his well thought out plan but fuck if he was going to let Regulus or James try anything with them.
"Yes, mon cherie, did you need something?"
"Yes, why are you just standing over us like this, Pads?"
"I, this is so stupid- ugh fuck it." Speed walking back to his instrument, he took it and ushered Regulus out of his spot so he could sit there. Regulus smiled at him knowingly, and Sirius gave him the same glare as James. He didn't know what they were playing at, but they weren't going to win.
"Look, me and you two okay?" he was shitting his pants because he wasn't so sure of his ability to make people want him as he was before, let alone two of them. Maybe this would become the worst decision of his life in a few seconds but he had to take the chance. They put their books down, giving their full attention to Sirius. He liked that feeling before, but he loved it now. Yes, look at me and only me.
"You and me." They answered, and the ravenette smiled.
"Good. This is for you, both of you, how I feel for you, that is."
Strumming a melody he'd been working on in secret, he began to sing. "He was brown-haired and dark-skinned with a timid look and damaged hands." Most of his friends were sad that it was French, as they wouldn't know what he was saying, but it was even more beautiful that way. Nicolus and Remus might as well have been placed under a spell. Completely entranced with Sirius. "He was proud, why are you laughing? No, don't judge him, you who don't know the heights and the labor. You are falsely happy, you swap your values." Was this really happening? This wasn't another one of his dreams? He needn't pinch himself though as he knew the difference between dream Sirius and his Sirius' eyes looking into his. The shiver was different, the beat of his heart was faster, the hitch in his breath came sooner.
"He is my whole world and much more than that. Alone, I cry out his name in the disarray. And everything crumbles when he's not here anymore. I'd love to tell him so much, but I don't dare. Lui qui me fait tourner dans le vide, vide~" Sirius smiles as Marlene starts clapping with the melody, with everyone else following along. This was Sirius Black, the hopeless crush of his lifetime, confessing to him and Remus. He returned his feelings. Oh, Nicolus could cry, he probably was. Standing, Nico couldn't help but dance to the beautiful song made with him in Sirius' heart, and he pulled Remus right along with him. Sirius and Remus are left with no other choice but to follow his lead, Sirius standing to serenade and sway with them. God, he was already a puppet on Nikki's strings and it seemed Remus was too.
"Who can tell me what happened? Since he's been gone, I haven't been able to get back on my feet. It's just a memory, a tear from the past Stuck in my eyes that doesn't want to leave." How didn't Sirius see it, he's been blind to his feelings to Remus once, to his feelings to Nicolus too, but he usually could see so simply the love his friends shared for each other. Sirius wasn't building a good track record because Remus was looking at Nicolus like she held the sky in her hands. And Nicolus was dancing with Remus like it was the answer to the secrets of the world. "They're superficial, they know nothing about the heart. He was my entire world and even more than that. I hope to see him again here, not in heaven. Help me, everything crumbles when he's no longer here. Do you know, my love, my beautiful soldier?" Closing the distance, he leaned into Remus, letting their foreheads rest together as he smiled at him. This was the best answer he could get.
Before he could let the moment wash over him and press his lips to Remus, he pulled back and continued on. "Que tu me fais tourner dans le vide, vide~" Remus spun Nicolus around, his arms in the air, eyes falling closed, but the bright smile never left his face. How could Nicolus have been there with him for so long and he never realized how beautiful he was? Yes, he was always pretty and perfect, but Sirius was finally seeing him in the right light with clear vision and his eyes completely open. He had everything he needed holding him in their arms every night and didn't know it yet. A fool he was, his fool he would be.
The others started to join in as well, no one leaving them to dance alone. James dragged Regulus along with him, the latter unable to say no to his Jamie as much as he hated dancing. "Il me fait tourner dans le vide, tourner dans le vide. Tourner dans le vide. Il me fait tourner dans le vide. Tourner dans le vide. Tourner dans le vide, tourner dans le vide. Il me fait tourner. Tourner dans le vide~" Singing with Nicolus was always something Sirius adored, playing an instrument while Remus sat with him, he loved, but singing to him, playing for him? He'd hold this moment close to his heart for the rest of his life.
When the music slowed to an end, Nikki took the guitar from him, mindlessly handing it off to whoever was closest to him, Regulus. He pulled Sirius into his arms and just looked into his eyes, searching. The ocean on a sunny day lived inside of them, the waves big and beautiful as they ran to meet the shore for one kiss after the other. He smiled, finding his lips but met his eyes again, "You, Remus, and me, mon cherie?"
"Me, Remus, and you mon amour." And his lips were on his, a gentle touch at first, but the second one was less nervous. They held onto each other, anchored to this moment, not caring for the cheers and claps that came from their friends as the world drifted away from them. Nicolus pulled away, finding Remus and pushing him into Sirius' arms, the two laughing and then they kissed as well, passion flooding the room. Nicolus was in the middle of cheering but then Remus turned to him, gently taking him by the back of his neck and pulling him into a long steamy kiss too. Nikki squeaked in response but moved in to kiss him properly.
'Finally's and 'Took you long enough's were shouted with some wolf whistles, but that wasn't distracting them. Sirius finally had what he wanted. Nicolus and Remus were his and he was theirs, they wanted him and that's all Sirius could think about. He heard Regulus say to take it to the bedroom when his lips met Nico's again and was still conscious enough to flip him off, earning laughs. Nicolus did pull away properly then, so Regulus got another glare. Remus chuckled, giving him a peck for the loss, and he was the happiest boy in the world. He finally felt like his namesake because no one in the world shone brighter than him after this day. Life was perfect now.
August 23rd, the day everything finally came together for Sirius Black.