Consumption

When Dumbledore entered the hospital room, he was almost shocked to see Remus Lupin sitting in one of the chairs surrounding the bed. The doctor looked up, nodding politely in greeting as Dumbledore took a seat on the opposite side.

“They did a brain scan. The right side of his brain is completely inflamed.” Remus sighed, looking at Sirius with pity. “They put him in an induced sleep and have him on a variety of medications.”

“Is he responding?”

“More or less.” Remus felt Dumbledore’s unwavering gaze on him, urging him to speak. “I believe I’ve failed to satisfy my obligation to Sirius, more than I care to admit.”

“Well, he’s not your victim, doctor.”

“Nor is he yours.” But, in a way, that was a lie. Dumbledore ignored very obvious signs of mental illness. He continued to push Sirius into Remus’ warm embrace, allowing him to completely submerge himself in the darkness; yet everyone had ignored it. James, Peter, Marlene, Dorcas, Lily…No one was there for him.

“You know, in my time, I’ve seen a lot of people broken by the world. I’ve seen them broken in a handful of hideous and awful ways.” Dumbledore deeply inhaled before he spoke, staring at the injured man on the hospital bed. “But never like this.”

“No one in this room will ever be the same.”

The platter was heavy in his arms as he rang the doorbell, waiting patiently on the front step.

“Good evening.” Remus smiled politely as the door opened.

“Helllo, Remus.” Minerva’s eyes paused for a moment on the dish in the man's hands. “Please, come in.”

“You’ve constantly refused invitations to my dinner table,” Remus walked into the house, setting the plate gently on the kitchen counter and pulling off the wrapping. “So, this was the only way I could cook for you. Thank you for indulging me.”

“You seemed like you needed to talk.” Minerva moved slowly as she reached for the plates and cutlery. “What’s on your mind, Remus?”

The doctor didn't answer until the food was dished out and the pair sat at the dining room table, glasses of a savory red wine in front of them. “I’m going to visit Sirius tomorrow.”

Minerva paused, the fork of food hovering right outside of her mouth. She slowly took the bite, staring at him but almost looking through him, past him.

“As a patient or as a friend?”

“As a farewell of sorts.” Remus had thought a lot about it, he knew that he had to play the waiting game. “Who I know Sirius to be was just an illusion.”

McGonagal hummed, swirling the wine around in her glass before taking a sip. “I thought Mr. Black would finally be the patient who cost you your life.”

Remus didn’t answer, focusing his eyes back onto his plate. Minerva was a sense of relief to Remus. He knew that, to an extent, he could say what was on his mind. He didn’t have to worry about her getting scared and going to the police because in some form, she understood him.

“You have to be careful, Remus. They’re starting to see your pattern.”

Remus looked up at her, eyebrow arched. “And what pattern would that be?”

“You form relationships with patients that are conducive to violence.” Remus’ eyes paused on her face. “That pattern.”

Remus fell still, his knife hovering over his food as he sat in thought.

“Under scrutiny, Jack Crawford’s beliefs about you could unravel.”

“Tell me, Minerva.” Remus fixed his gaze on her, his eyes gazing into her soul. “Have your beliefs about me begun to unravel?”

“I’ve read some of your work…Didn’t find it too interesting.” Snape’s voice droned on in Remus’ ear, the man biting back a snarky comment about how it may have been above his reading comprehension level.

“There’s many views in the psychiatric world.” Remus opted for instead, impatiently standing in Dr. Snape’s office. Denoaks State Hospital for the Criminally Insane was a dreary place. The stone walls gave it a cold and imposing feel, the head administrator enhancing the feeling tenfold. Remus had access to Sirius, considering he was technically still his patient, he had every right to go visit him. Snape however, wouldn’t let him go on until he finished his rant about his life achievements and how he would be famous for his work at DSTCI one day. The whole exchange was irksome, and Snape’s voice was grating on Remus’ ear drums. “Doctor, if I could see my patient now, that would be great.”

Severus snapped his mouth shut, his gaze hardening but reluctantly, he stood up, leading Remus down the hall. “You’re not allowed to hand or receive anything from him. Keep a distance from the bars. Every room under this hospital is under video and voice surveillance except for the private meeting rooms which I am legally obligated not to record conversations. He’s refused to talk since he got here…So, good luck.”

They stopped in front of a room, a large man on the other side with a variety of computer screens showcasing the inside of the cells. Snape continued, “This is Barney. He will open and close the gates for you. Shout if you need anything.”

Snape walked quickly back to his office, leaving Remus in the hallway with Barney. He gave the man a polite smile, Barney motioning him towards the gate. A loud buzzer went off as the metal bars slowly pulled back, welcoming Remus into a long hallway with barred off cells along the left wall.

His eyes fixed onto the metal chair set up at the end, slowly approaching it as he ignored the grabbing hands and crazed shouts of the prisoners around him.

It was slightly strange to think about Sirius in a place like this. Even when he was overwhelmed by these dark thoughts, he always radiated some kind of brightness, some light that was just pure happiness and warmth. Now, that warmth was bottled, stuffed into the dark and cold cell.

Remus kept his footsteps light, trying to be as quiet as possible as he got closer to Sirius’ cell. His hand finally lightly brushed the cool metal of the chair standing about four feet from the bars.

Sirius was sitting on the thin mattress, his back to Remus as he stared blankly at the stone wall. Remus didn’t say anything as he sat down, he knew Sirius was aware of his presence, the slight tensing of his shoulders gave that away.

“Hello, Sirius.” His voice came out a little more breathless than he had intended. It was overwhelming to see Sirius once again. His hair was still long, just slightly more knotted than usual. The navy blue of his jumpsuit worked well with his complexion, making him appear even more pale, but in an ethereal angel-like way. Sirius’ head slightly turned to the side, allowing Remus to get a better view of his face.

“Hello, Dr. Lupin.” Remus felt his face drop at the formality. He knew Sirius would be upset with him, that was a given, but he had hoped that they wouldn’t have to start all the way over; that Sirius still harbored some feelings for him.

“Are we no longer on a first name basis?”

“First names are for friends.” Sirius continued facing the wall, refusing to turn around. “I don’t consider a friend to be someone who framed me for four murders.”

There was no point in arguing with him so they sat in silence. Remus didn’t realize how much Sirius’ words would affect him. This was his doing, this was a part of the plan, he shouldn’t feel guilty. Yet he does.

“They won’t let James visit.” He sounded like he was on the verge of tears, Remus’ frown deepening.

“I’m sure we can work something out with Snape.”

“Fuck Snape,” Sirius practically growled, his muscles in his back tensing. “I feel like a lab rat in here, he’s always trying to get in my head.”

“I tried to get in your head.”

“Yeah but,” Sirius sighed, preparing his next phrase like the words physically hurt him. “I wanted you to get inside my head.”

Remus felt his breath catch, quickly trying to hide the small sound as he spoke, “Why? You are so averse to psychiatrists, why me?”

Sirius spoke quietly, the disdain in his voice evident. “Because you understood me…And I understood you.”

“We are one in the same.”

“No.” Sirius’ face finally turned, his body slightly shifting, allowing Remus the full view of his beautifully angry features. “I’m nothing like you.”

“You understand me.” Remus had a small smile on his face. “Only someone with your mind can do that.”

“I didn’t ask for this mind.”

“No, neither did I.” Remus went to stand, satisfaction building in his chest. “But you have it. Now it’s your choice on what you decide to do with it.”

He straightened out his jacket, gently pushed the wrinkles out of the fabric. Sirius stared up at him from his place on the bed, his eyes wide and lips slightly parted. Maybe he hadn’t lost him after all.

“Goodbye, Sirius.”