Consumption

Remus stepped into his office, silently closing the door behind him. The curtains of the large window were slightly open, allowing the low light from the stars and moon to illuminate the otherwise dark room.

As he walked to his desk, preparing to go through paperwork, he paused. His nose slightly twitched at the familiar scent.

“Hello Sirius.” Remus looked up to the balcony where, sure enough, Sirius sat in his obnoxiously orange jumpsuit. “How are you feeling?”

Sirius looked down from his perch among the bookshelves. “Self-aware.”

“You frightened Lily.” Remus made no move to join him, instead, leaning against his desk as he gazed at the man above him.

“She’s confused about who I am.” Sirius paused for a second, his eyes staying firmly planted in front of him, focusing on the dark wood of the shelves. “Which I can relate to. Are you confused about who I am?”

Remus paused for a minute, trying to search Sirius’ face for any emotion. “Not confused…just skeptical. Meaning I’m willing to change my mind should the evidence change.”

Sirius stood from the floor, moving to the railing and resting his arms on the wood. His face was slightly flushed from his fever and small splatters of blood were visible on the fabric of his jumpsuit.

“Do you believe I killed Abigail?”

“I believe it’s entirely possible, if not nearly indisputable based on how you discovered her ear.” Remus watched Sirius grimace at that.

“I know who I am.” Remus shook his head, walking around his desk and gently straightening his papers.

“All sense of who you are has been distorted by your illness.” He glanced back up at Sirius who was currently gazing out of the window, searching the dark sky for stars. “You know who you are at this moment. That isn’t always the case.”

“I didn’t kill any of them.” Sirius’ voice was urgent, the anger slipping through his facade as he moved towards the ladder. “And someone is making sure no one believes me.”

Sirius walked behind his chair, running his fingers along the soft fabric before letting himself sit down, his back hitting the familiar cushion. Remus slowly followed suit, sitting across from the man.

“Let’s think about this, Sirius.” Remus crossed his legs like they were back in therapy, like Sirius didn’t obviously have a gun strapped to his hip and like they didn’t both know what Remus was. “Mr. Szabina would’ve been your first. You said it was the copycat.”

“It was.”

“Well, imagine the scene. Let’s go back over this.” Remus waited patiently as Sirius stared at him until finally, the man closed his eyes.

“Eduard Szabina, the man with a harp in his chest.” Sirius said breathlessly, the image forming right in front of his eyes. It was an out of body experience, he felt himself move without actually moving.

He drifted towards the body, his hand gently brushing along the strings as they let out a ghastly sound. He could see the stitches holding the skin tightly around the gold of the harp, connecting them and holding them together as one.

A low growl caused him to turn his head away from the scene. The wolf from his dreams stalked towards him, slowly moving past Remus until he stood directly beside Sirius. He wasn’t scared, despite the giant beast baring his teeth towards the man. It was almost a reassuring presence.

“Dr. Podmore.” Remus continued. “You were the only one in his office that night. How could you resist?”

Dr. Podmore’s disfigured face formed in his mind, the man still slumped on his office chair, blood soaking the white collar of his shirt. The wolf growled again.

“Then we have poor Pandora Wesia.” A sigh came out of the doctor as he spoke. “She was so close to living a normal life, so, so, close.”

Sirius’ hand twitched as the girl's figure appeared. Her long blonde hair cascaded over her hospital gown, blood dripping down the side of her face and neck from where her ear was sliced off.

“Why would you do this to me Sirius?” She whispered, ignoring the growing sound of snarling and growling from the wolf standing next to Sirius. “You said everything would be okay.”

“Then Alex Terell. A pawn in your sick game.”

Sirius’ eyes snapped open, the images dissipating as he stared at Remus in front of him.

“I. Didn’t. Kill. Them.” His hands gripped the arms of the chair, his nails digging into the fabric.

“They haven’t found her body.” Remus ignored Sirius’ anger, his face the picture perfect of calm.

“Just the one piece.” Sirius said, holding back a gag at the remembrance of the feeling of the ear sliding up his throat.

“Perhaps you didn’t come here looking for a killer.” Sirius’ eyes darted across Remus’ face at the words. “Perhaps you came here to find yourself. At a time when other men first see and fear their isolation, yours has become understandable to you. You are alone because you are unique.”

Sirius felt bile on his tongue, “I am as alone as you are.”

“If you followed the urges you kept down for so long, cultivated them as the inspirations they are,” A sick smile was on Remus’ face. A smile that simultaneously pulled Sirius in and disgusted him. “you’d become someone other than yourself.”

“I know who I am.” Sirius stood from his chair, his hand reaching for his gun, quickly aiming it at Remus’ head. “I’m not so sure I know who you are anymore…But I am certain that one of us killed Pandora.”

“Are you a killer, Will?” Remus cocked his head, staring at Sirius with pure curiosity. His anger was beautifully intoxicating. At this moment, Sirius looked ethereal. The gun tightly gripped in his hand, aimed at Remus’ head. Any second Sirius could pull the trigger and Remus would die. It was exhilarating. “You. Right now. This man in front of me. Is this who you really are?”

“You’ve worked very hard to turn this into the real me.” Sirius gasped as he spoke, his voice slightly shaky. “Maybe it is.”

“Would it feel good to kill me now?”

“Are you a murderer, Dr. Lupin?” Both of them had morbid grins on their faces as they stared at each other.

“What reason would I have?”

“You have no traceable motive, which is why you were so hard to see.” Sirius’ hand gripped tighter onto the gun, his eyes wide and voice unhinged. “You were just curious what I would do. Someone like me. Someone who thinks how I think. Wind him up and watch him go. Apparently, Dr. Lupin. This is how I go.”

Sirius felt confused and betrayed. He had told Remus everything, everything he was too scared to tell anyone else. And he betrayed that trust. He used it against him. He pushed and prodded until Sirius was shaped into something unrecognizable. His finger tensed on the trigger; his gaze sharp on Remus as he levelled his hand.

Out of Sirius’ view, the door to the office slowly opened, Albus Dumbledore quietly creeping in until he stood behind Sirius, watching as the man prepared to shoot Remus.

Dumbledore raised his gun and in a second, a bullet was lodged in Sirius’ shoulder, blood lightly splattering on Remus’ face as the man fell to the floor. Dumbledore stepped forward, kicking Sirius’ gun away from his hand and staring down at the man in dismay.

Sirius locked eyes with Remus, a grin still on his lips as he looked at the doctor. A wolf howled in the distance.

“I see you.”