Lessons in Self-Defence

Lisa was the first to arrive at the station Monday morning, after a well-deserved weekend off. It was early dawn, but then again it was always early when Lisa arrived to work. The quietness of the morning allowed her to gather her thoughts and reflect on the events of last week, yet she also couldn’t shift the weight of the lonely weekend that lay heavily on her shoulders.

Betsy, her daughter, stayed at Sabrina’s most weekends and so apart from Friday night where Betsy had insisted on staying home, worried about her mother - the house, for the rest of the weekend had felt overwhelmingly empty. The quiet solitude of home had been both a blessing and a curse.

To Lisa’s surprise, Betsy had been strangely overly loving on Saturday morning, following up on her caring nature that left Lisa feeling blessed the previous night. Lisa had wandered down to the kitchen to be greeted by a mug of tea and toast, made courtesy of her daughter. Betsy hadn't done anything like this at all since Bex had passed. 

“What’s all this for?” Lisa asked Betsy, touched by the soft, kind gesture from her daughter.

“I’m worried about you.” Betsy replied, matter-of-fsctly.

“Oh Betsy, there’s no need to be, honestly. Please don’t let it ruin your weekend with Sabrina, okay?” Lisa asked, pleadingly.

Betsy smiled sadly. She knew something was up though. She’d seen her mum flinch with what looked like a twinge in her side, the way she kept rolling her shoulder, thinking that she hadn’t noticed. The wincing when they’d hugged. It all matched up really to the pain relief medication that Lisa had left out in the bathroom last night. Lisa had spotted them this morning, quickly retrieving them and hiding them away in her en-suite, wondering why she hadn’t done that in the first place, but breathing a little sigh of relief in thinking she’d retrieved them before Betsy had spotted them. How wrong she was.

“Promise me you’ll ring me though if you need me, yeah?” Betsy had asked.

“I promise.” Lisa had pulled Betsy in for a hug. “I miss her too you know, Bets.” Lisa said softly, her voice slightly breaking as she tried to hold the tears back that threatened in her eyes. A mix of pain and grief, both physical and emotional.

“I know, mum.”

It hurt Lisa to think how their relationship had become fractured since losing Becky. Every day could feel like she was walking on eggshells, just waiting for whatever trigger word Betsy chose to pick at from Lisa’s mouth to start an argument at any said moment. But last night and this morning had been refreshing and she couldn’t help but want to bathe in the softness of her daughter. Part of her thought that perhaps she should be honest with Betsy about what had happened at work - but a bigger part of her still wanted to protect her. She shrugged the thought away and carried on, trying to get through the rest of her day.

After Betsy left, Lisa had envisioned a weekend full of distractions, catching up on some long-overdue reading, or perhaps binge-watching a load of box sets she had been missing out on, but instead she’d found herself reflecting on her choice words with Ryan and Kit last night, and with a lack of a person to talk it through with, she felt the loneliness creep back in, burying itself in the deepest, darkest corners of her mind. 

She missed Bex everyday, but as time went on Lisa learned to live around her wife's absence. As she got stronger, she learnt that she just missed company, missed attention, missed having a female around she could talk to about anything. Kit and Ryan were great, but truthfully, she even felt too deflated to reach out to them today. There was just something about that female companionship, female friendship that made Lisa feel whole.

Lisa’s mind was almost in overdrive and the pain was threatening to become too distracting again. Before she could reel any further, she decided a long walk would do her good. Clear her head perhaps.

About an hour into her walk, Lisa had found herself at Roy’s Rolls, staring out the window, nursing a hot cup of black coffee, watching the world go by. Lisa’s thoughts drifted back to Carla and her self-defence classes, or more so just Carla. The mysterious, tall brunette. Ryan’s aunt. Perhaps a weird subconscious part of Lisa’s mind had hoped she’d bump into Carla if she chose to roam the cobbled streets today, that’s how she’d ended up in the café to be honest. But after a coffee and a sweet slice of cake, she’d called it a day. Suddenly feeling stupid for waiting around for a stranger to pass by that she didn’t even know would appear or not.

Lisa, for a moment, contemplated heading to The Rovers, perhaps Carla would be there. But then fear and insecurity started to threaten in her mind. What would she even say? Realising how stupid the idea was, she decided a glass of wine, a takeaway, and a good old box set would be her best friend tonight.

Sunday, Lisa found herself revisiting Carla’s website she’d bookmarked from Friday night. After looking further into Carla’s classes, Lisa made the decision, before she could change her mind, that this could be good for her; it could be a step forward, towards regaining some sense of control in her life. So, without anymore thinking, she would endeavour to get to at least one session this week, perhaps sitting on the sidelines and just taking it in. I mean, there’s not a great deal Lisa could necessarily do at the moment, what with her pulled shoulder and extensive bruising, but Saturday and Sunday had certainly helped it feel a little easier at least.

“Mum, mum are you okay?” Betsy asked having come home from Sabrina’s.

“Yeah, yeah sorry Bets, I was miles away.” Lisa admitted, trying to shake off the doubt that had been creeping in, amongst thoughts of Carla. Questions tumbling around her head: What if I’m not good enough? What if I can’t do what’s asked of me? What if I make a fool of myself in front of Carla? What if she tells Ryan? Her mind racing a million miles an hour.

Betsy sat next to her mother. “Mum, what’s going on?” She asked tentatively, her voice shaking. Reminding Lisa that she was still her baby.

“Nothing sweetheart, just having a moment. I’m fine. Honestly.” Lisa tried to use her best reassuring voice, but it wasn’t working. Betsy didn’t buy it.

“Is something up? You’re hiding something, I can tell.” Betsy pushed. “Don’t think I haven’t seen the strong pain killers in the bathroom you left out on Friday night.”

Lisa closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath and preparing herself for the argument that could be brewing. Truthfully, she knew being honest with Betsy was the right thing to do. Since losing Bex, they had made a promise to each other to always be honest and both had failed miserably at that.

“Oh Bets-“

“Mum, I’m not a kid anymore. You can talk to me. I’m actually being nice.” Betsy interrupted. It was true, she was growing up fast. Lisa believed that she’d grown up quicker in these last three years since losing Bex than she had for the whole other thirteen years she’d been alive previous.

“I’m sorry, I’ve just got a lot on my mind. I got into a scuffle at work, I just got clipped, that’s all. The pain relief is just to help. The paramedics assessed me, I went to the hospital, the doctors assessed me, honestly please don’t make a big deal out of it Bets, I’m-“

“Fine. Yeah you said. But you can talk to me, you know.” Betsy pointed out, inviting her mum in for a hug.

“Look, you really don’t need to worry, okay? I’m thinking of joining a class…you know, just to get my strength back up after taking a knock.” Lisa admitted shyly, unsure which direction this conversation was going in. Lisa braced herself, after pulling away from Betsy’s hug, having yet to suffer Betsy’s blow up.

“You mean to say you’re actually doing something for yourself? Betsy asked, pleasantly surprised.

Lisa shrugged innocently, “why is that so surprising?” She asked, a hint of amusement in her voice.

Betsy smiled, before pulling her mum in for another hug. “I’m proud of you, mum.”

With that, Betsy jumped up and shot off to her room, leaving Lisa completely stunned. She’d half expected a load of shouting, screaming, a few choice words from her daughter before a slam of the front door, but in fact, it was the complete opposite. Lisa was still apprehensive though. Perhaps something was going on with Betsy, she thought, but she knew better than to push or pry right now. Instead, she allowed her heart to feel full at the exchange with her daughter, before trying to busy herself for the rest of the evening, thinking over how she was now going to make things up to Kit and Ryan. She was on a roll.

The atmosphere felt heavy as officers started to filter in as the early morning hours ticked on, and Lisa was no longer alone. She was filled with a mix of regret and determination following the events of Friday night.

Kit and Ryan arrived together and instantly she felt the warm familiarity of her friends. Something she’d deeply missed after spoiling their evening on Friday night.

“Ooh, something smells nice.” Ryan quipped as his eyes settled on a tray of sweet cakes that nestled neatly at the corner of Lisa’s meticulously tidy desk.

Lisa pushed the tray forward in the direction of the boys. “Call it a peace offering…and an apology for Friday night. To both of you.” Lisa smiled softly at the two, who felt her words deeply.

Peace offerings and apologies aside, Lisa had a lot of work to get through today, and so asked Ryan to accompany Kit so Lisa could have some peace from them both. Not that they were ever a nuisance in the workplace, but with the three of them sharing an office, she would just really appreciate the peace and quiet, if only for a few more hours.

Besides, she felt the lads appreciated their distance from her too at times. As much as they were all good friends outside the workplace, she was still their superior and still had to lead by example whilst on duty. All of them did.

While Ryan and Kit were out of the office tracking leads on a series of corner-shop robberies that were currently relentless, Lisa got down to it. Over the next few hours, she’d made light work of the stack of case files that had ended up at her desk and she finally finished yet another report on their latest call out of the domestic situation her and Kit had attended yesterday.

Lisa knew she was playing with fire, not disclosing her full injuries to her superiors and especially leaving them out of the report, but she just couldn’t risk being signed off work. Despite what had happened yesterday, work was her focus to escape everything else going on in her life that was falling apart. It was the one place where she felt in control, she felt free and she felt alive.

She could do good, make the streets a safer place for her daughter, no matter how much her daughter hated her for staying in the exact same job that killed her other mother. Lisa knew she had to stay for Betsy, and to keep Becky’s memory alive. But more importantly, she had to stay for herself.

Ryan and Kit had returned later that day, following a couple of arrests they’d made in connection to the latest spout of these robberies, but they were in and out the office for the rest of the afternoon, reviewing evidence, interviewing key witnesses, shop owners, and Ryan was leading the interrogations under Kit’s supervision.

Lisa and Kit hadn’t always seen eye to eye, but as their professional relationship grew, the more they worked together, the more they found common ground and had such a playful brotherly/sisterly love/hate relationship, although there was definitely more love there truthfully.

When Ryan had joined the force, and joined their team, they’d both taken him under their wing, although Kit and Ryan were closer in age, Kit still felt protective of Ryan, much like Lisa did too. The three of them over the last couple of months had formed such a formidable bond and had got to know each other pretty quickly in and out of work.

After a full afternoon of pulling teeth at several “no comment” responses from the arrests they’d made, Ryan and Kit had enough other evidence to charge the two men on six accounts of robbery, who were then both released on bail, their upcoming court appearance pending.

“Good work.” Lisa said, as both lads started to pack up after a successful day. “Reports to me by end of day tomorrow?” She raised her eyebrow convincingly, willing to let them go to their respective homes now if they promised to complete the paperwork tomorrow. Both weren’t keen on paperwork - hence the stack of files that Lisa had worked through this morning. She didn’t mind sometimes, but more often than not she had to coax the lads to complete the work themselves. 

“Got it in one.” Kit winked, before he left with Ryan, both saying their goodbye’s.

Lisa’s phone buzzes as she’s just catching up on some of today’s e-mails, and she glances at the text from Betsy, letting her know she’ll be staying at Sabrina’s again tonight. Lisa fires a quick text back, reminding her to be safe adding a quick “Love you” at the end.

Their relationship had shifted a lot, to friction and unease since the loss of Betsy’s other mother, Lisa’s late wife, but these small exchanges, like what happened at the weekend and then Betsy simply letting her mother know where she was going to be, meant the world to Lisa. Lisa didn’t want to get too excited, but a tiny part of her hoped that perhaps this could be a new journey for her and Betsy. That they might have actually found their common ground.

Checking the time, Lisa realises it’s 6:45PM. Not giving herself any time for yesterday’s fears to creep back in, she gathers her belongings together quickly and heads over to Carla’s studio, hoping she can make it just in time for the 7PM session.

Slipping in quietly, Lisa occupied a seat on the sidelines, immediately captivated by Carla. She exuded confidence and independence and Lisa saw a lot of herself in the other woman throughout the beginning of the session, upon first impressions.

Lisa was mesmerised by the tall brunette, who was slim and unmistakably toned. She wore her long brunette hair up in a messy bun and her make up was light, but just the right amount for the light to catch her face. Carla moved with an ease that was both graceful and powerful, and Lisa found herself unable to look away.

The thing about Lisa was that she was a good observer. Good at reading people. Perhaps that’s one of the many reasons she’s so good at being a detective, but it also helped in her everyday life when meeting new people, not just suspects. So as she continued to observe Carla, she felt at ease. She was warmed by the way Carla communicated with her clients. The way she commanded the room was almost effortless. Her voice was firm, yet held a hint of subtle softness to it and Lisa felt an unusual wave of warmth wash over her as their eyes locked for the first time across the room. Carla offered Lisa a confident smile, with Lisa returning a shy one of her own, a sign of acknowledgement and for a beat, Lisa felt as if they were the only two people in the room.

Carla broke eye contact first, having being called over to an individual who was struggling, and Lisa admired how Carla also offered individual support, instilling a sense of empowerment in everyone she came into contact with. Lisa witnessed her kind and attentive nature as she adjusted her clients stances, offering gentle adjustments and encouraging with continued words of affirmation.

Towards the end of the session, Carla had asked for a willing volunteer.

“Okay, so I want to step things up a bit next week and to give you a little insight into what we’ll be working towards, I’d like a volunteer.” Carla’s eyes scanned the room, falling teasingly on Lisa, still sitting alone on the sidelines. Lisa was sure that Carla had winked at her, but their moment was broken momentarily by one of Carla’s clients who went by the name Lily, who eagerly shot to the front.

“Okay, so before we go any further, please do not try this anywhere but in our safe space, here. Unless you really needed to put it into practice, of course. Lily, I want you to come at me as if you’re going to attack me, but nothing aggressive. I’m just going to take you and the group through the motions, okay?”

Lily had nodded eagerly. Lisa had seen this kind of excitement before. The woman obviously no idea what was coming as Lisa shook her head in amusement. Lily clearly thinking she could get one over playfully on her instructor in front of the group.

Lily lunged at Carla, a little too much if you ask me, but it served Carla well. Carla quickly slipped her arm out of Lily’s grip, remaining calm but acting with precision. Carla took Lily by surprise, asserting her dominance and in one swift movement had Lily in a soft, vice-like grip, her arm pinned behind her back. Then with one final fluid motion, Carla brought Lily to the floor. The room fell silent and once again Carla allowed her eyes to connect with Lisa who was shifting in her seat on the sidelines, looking a little flushed. Admittedly, Lisa had been blushing by a fleeting thought that passed through her of how she’d like to be underneath this goddess of a woman, but as their eye contact was broken by a ripple of applause that cascaded around the room, Lisa quickly shook away the thoughts, feeling the heat still radiating through her cheeks as Carla smirked, before releasing her soft grip on Lily and helping the willing volunteer to her feet.

As the session came to an end, the women said their goodbye’s to Carla and each other as they all packed up and left in dribs and drabs. The whole experience Lisa had witnessed had been a surprise to her. Lisa hadn’t known what to expect, but she certainly hadn’t expected such a soft, kind and attentive instructor. Perhaps a more assertive environment is what she had expected, but Lisa couldn’t have been further from the truth. It had been comforting to watch the women interact with each other, as well as Carla and Lisa had felt just a smidge of the unease leave her mind, but she still felt nervous and apprehensive about the whole thing. Although perhaps coming here was the first step. If so, that she had overcome.  

Lisa swallowed hard and shifted nervously to her feet as Carla came to approach her, now left alone together in the empty studio.

“Lisa?” Carla chanced asking, remembering how she’d seen the memorable figure and memorable face storm off in the street last Friday after a heated exchange with her nephew outside The Rovers.

“Hi.” Lisa breathed out, her voice small as she took the other woman in, noticing how she was so much more beautiful in the flesh, up close. 

“I’m Carla.”

“I know.” Lisa blushed as she realises how she sounds.

“I can’t help but notice you didn’t join in.” Carla stated, inquisitively.

“I’m intrigued.” Lisa admits, wincing slightly as the sharp pain seared through her ribs and shoulder, a sharp reminder that she’d missed taking her last dose of painkillers, rushing here.

“Intrigued or in need?” Carla teases, raising her eyebrow. A mischievous glint in her eye.

“Oh great, not you too.” Lisa replied, half-joking but her tone was a little sharp to say the least as she snapped back at Carla. Instantly regretting her tone. Still realising the effect the domestic incident was having on her. 

Carla raises her hands in surrender as she feels the tension sharp enough to cut like a knife. “Hey, I’m just teasing. Sorry, Lisa, I didn’t mean to overstep.”

Carla puts a hand to Lisa’s bicep, stroking absently with her thumb, offering a comforting touch to the woman who she’d just met, yet thought was a good idea to tease.

Carla knew there was always a story behind each woman who ended up coming to her for help and that sometimes those reasons were less than pleasant. Carla liked to try break the ice gently with some of the women she came to interact with, trying to assess and get a feel of what they could potentially be going through, before they were ready to share their story - if ever they’d be ready to share their story. She realised very quickly that Lisa was not someone who appreciated instant teasing, despite the fact that Carla felt like they’d made an undeniable connection of some sort across the room, throughout her session.

“No, I’m sorry Carla.” Lisa sighs, feeling defeated. “I’m not normally like this, just…” Lisa veers off, distracted by the feel of Carla’s touch through her shirt as her hand still lingers, her thumb still rubbing soft circles on the surface of the fabric.

“Fancy a drink?” Carla asked, a little brashly as she nervously removed her hand from Lisa’s arm, conscious she’d kept it there a little too long to consider it friendly. 

Lisa glanced at watch as if she had somewhere she needed to be.

“Got a better offer?” Carla chanced teasing one again, raising her eyebrow playfully.

Lisa blushed. “My daughter’s out for the night so no, actually, I don’t have a better offer.”

“Come on then.” Carla encouraged as she opened the door for Lisa, not giving her chance to even say no. Once Lisa headed out the door, Carla flicked the lights off and lock up behind her, before Lisa allowed Carla to lead the way. “I know somewhere quiet about this time of night.”