Chapter 5
Beth had lost track of how many times she and Viv had gone out by now. Dinners, casual lunches, quiet nights at home. It felt easy—natural. Even if things were still moving slowly, even if there was an unspoken carefulness to everything they did.
She had been to Viv’s house, Viv had been to hers. Every time, it was just them, tucked away in their own little world. And so far, the only thing that had happened between them was kisses.
Beth didn’t mind the pace. She liked the tension, the slow build-up of it all.
Tonight, she had invited Viv over for pizza, already knowing exactly how the night would go. A simple plan. Some wine, a takeaway, and an episode (or a few) of Love Island. Viv had been reluctant the first time Beth made her watch, but now, she didn’t even argue.
They had settled onto Beth’s couch after eating, the bottle of wine still on the table, half-full. Beth had instinctively taken the corner of the couch, stretching her legs over the cushions, while Viv—like always—sat beside her, not too close, not too far.
Beth could feel the warmth of her, just within reach. It was something she was used to by now, something she had learned to deal with.
But then she caught herself reaching for Viv’s hand, absentmindedly tracing her fingers along the lines of her palm, playing with them between her own. She didn’t even know why she was doing it, just that she wanted to touch her.
Then, a few minutes later, she was twirling a strand of Viv’s hair between her fingers.
Viv turned to look at her, brow raised slightly in silent question.
Beth smiled softly. “Come closer.”
Viv hesitated for a second before shifting toward her. Beth opened her arms, and Viv moved into them so easily, tucking herself against Beth’s chest like she had always belonged there. Beth wrapped her arms around her without thinking, her chin resting lightly atop Viv’s head.
This was better. This was perfect.
Viv was warm, her body comfortably pressed against Beth’s. She felt relaxed, content. Meanwhile, Beth felt… not entirely relaxed. She wasn’t sure why—not yet.
But then, after a few moments, Viv tilted her head up slightly, looking at her.
Beth didn’t have time to think before Viv leaned in, kissing her.
Viv kissed her softly at first, the way she always did. The kind of kiss that felt sweet, unhurried—like something she gave without thinking too much about it.
Beth responded just as softly at first, letting herself get lost in the familiar feel of it. The slow press of their lips, the way Viv's fingers lightly held onto her hoodie, how close she was. So close.
But Beth had her hands on Viv’s waist, holding her gently against her, and she could feel everything. The warmth of her, the way her body fit so easily against hers, the way her breathing had shifted just slightly.
Without thinking, Beth’s fingers flexed against Viv’s waist, pulling her in just a little closer as they kissed, just enough to feel the weight of her fully pressed against her.
And for the first time, Viv did something she usually didn’t.
She let Beth lead.
Beth felt it in the way Viv’s lips parted just slightly, in the way her hand gripped at her hoodie with just a little more urgency, in the way she kissed her back—not harder, not rushed, just… more. Like she was feeling it, like she was getting lost in it, just like Beth was.
And God, Beth wanted.
The need hit her fast, deep in her stomach, curling up her spine, pressing insistently into her chest.
She wanted more.
More of this, more of Viv’s weight against her, more of the way her fingers twitched against Beth’s hoodie like she didn’t even realize she was doing it. She wanted to kiss her deeper, longer. She wanted to let herself sink into it, let herself take.
But she couldn’t.
Not when Viv had no idea what she was doing to her.
Not when Viv’s kisses were still so slow, still so sweet, like she didn’t realize the way Beth’s entire body was buzzing with how much she wanted her.
So Beth forced herself to ease up.
To keep her touch light, to keep her breathing steady.
Even when it was so, so hard.
They kissed for a while—just like that. Not rushed, not urgent, but still building, still pulling Beth deeper into something she wasn’t sure she could control for much longer.
And then, suddenly, Viv pulled back.
Beth swallowed hard, forcing herself to stay still, to keep her breathing even as Viv settled back against her, her head resting on Beth’s chest like nothing had just happened.
Beth blinked at the ceiling.
Her pulse was pounding.
She barely had time to catch her breath before Viv, still pressed against her, sighed softly and tilted her head toward the TV.
“That was a bad move,” she murmured.
Beth had to take a second to process what she was saying.
“…What?”
Viv gestured lazily at the screen, voice soft, relaxed. “He should’ve picked the other girl. He’s obviously gonna regret it.”
Beth exhaled sharply, trying to suppress the wild mix of emotions running through her. She let her head fall back against the couch, fingers still absentmindedly playing with a strand of Viv’s hair.
They had made it through a couple more episodes, the warmth of the room and the quiet comfort between them settling in like something tangible. The pizza was long gone, the wine bottle sitting mostly empty on the table, and the only sound was the low hum of the TV.
Beth could feel it—the way Viv was getting sleepier, her body heavier against her side, her breaths slowing slightly. She glanced down and saw Viv fighting it, blinking a little too long before forcing her eyes open again.
“You’re exhausted,” Beth murmured, voice quieter now that everything else had settled.
Viv hummed softly, her head resting more against Beth’s shoulder, but she didn’t move.
Beth smiled, tilting her head just slightly. “You should stay here tonight.”
That woke Viv up a little. Her eyes blinked open fully as she shifted beside Beth, her posture suddenly a little stiffer. “I—”
Beth felt the hesitation before she even saw it, so she quickly added, “Not like that.”
Viv’s lips parted slightly, still hesitating, and Beth shook her head.
“I’ll take the couch. You can have my bed. I really don’t mind.”
Viv exhaled, pressing her lips together, still looking uncertain.
Beth softened, reaching out to gently nudge Viv’s knee. “It’s late, and I just don’t want you driving home alone. Just stay.”
Viv studied her for a long moment, as if weighing her options, and then—finally—she gave a small nod.
Beth let out a quiet breath of relief and pushed herself up from the couch, offering her hand. “Come on, I’ll get you something to wear.”
Viv took her hand, letting Beth pull her up before following her toward the bedroom. Beth rummaged through her drawers, pulling out a pair of loose, comfortable shorts and one of her older, softer T-shirts. She placed them on the bed and then stepped away for a moment before returning with a toothbrush.
“You can use the bathroom,” Beth said, handing it over.
Viv took everything quietly, nodding before slipping inside and closing the door behind her.
The second she was gone, Beth exhaled deeply, rubbing the back of her neck.
She wasn’t sure why her stomach was twisting, why her heartbeat was just a little too fast.
Maybe because it was Viv.
Maybe because she wanted to be closer.
Maybe because she didn’t really want to sleep on the couch at all.
She shook herself out of it, changing into her own pajamas—loose sweatpants and an old hoodie—before sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for Viv to finish.
She wasn’t even sure why she was waiting.
A few minutes later, the bathroom door opened, and Viv stepped out, her hair a little damp at the ends. The shirt Beth had given her was slightly oversized, hanging off her frame in a way that made something flutter deep in Beth’s stomach.
Beth pushed herself up from the bed. “I’ll be in the living room. If you need anything, just call me, okay?”
Viv hesitated in the doorway, shifting slightly on her feet.
Then, softly, she said, “You can sleep here.”
Beth froze for a second. “Viv—”
“I mean it,” Viv cut in gently, voice quiet but certain.
Beth ran a hand through her hair, shaking her head with a small chuckle. “I would never make a guest sleep on the couch.”
Viv looked at her then, something unreadable in her expression. “You could sleep here with me.”
Beth’s breath hitched.
Her throat dried up.
She swallowed. “You don’t mind?”
Viv shook her head, tucking some of her hair behind her ear before glancing at the bed. “No. I mean… It’s a big bed.”
Beth swallowed, feeling the warmth creeping up her neck. “You sure?”
Viv nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah. I mean… I just—I don’t really like sleeping alone.”
Beth exhaled, something deep in her chest aching.
“Okay,” she murmured.
She moved slowly, walking around the bed before slipping under the covers. Viv hesitated for a second before following, settling on the other side.
And for a long moment, neither of them moved.
Beth could feel the warmth radiating from Viv beside her, their bodies close but not quite touching, like they were both aware of the space between them but hesitant to do anything about it.
She turned her head slightly. “You okay?” she asked softly.
Viv inhaled, like she was steadying herself. “Yeah,” she murmured, then hesitated before adding, “I’m just… not used to sharing a bed with—” She cut herself off, like she wasn’t quite sure how to define them. Like she wasn’t sure if she should say you or something else.
Beth swallowed. “With someone who’s not just a friend?”
Viv glanced at her then, and Beth could see the slight uncertainty in her expression. Like she didn’t know how to define them either.
“Yeah,” Viv admitted softly. “That.”
Beth hummed, unsure what to say to that. She wanted to tell Viv that she wasn’t exactly used to this either. That despite everything, despite the weeks of kisses and soft touches, this still felt new. A little uncharted.
Instead, she reached out slowly, brushing a strand of hair away from Viv’s face. The air between them shifted, thickened.
Viv’s eyes flickered down to Beth’s lips.
Beth’s breath caught in her throat.
She hesitated—just for a second—but then she leaned in, unable to stop herself.
Viv met her halfway.
The first kiss was soft, careful, like neither of them wanted to push too far.
But then Beth felt Viv shift slightly against her, her hand coming up to rest lightly against Beth’s side. And that small, simple touch made something deep inside Beth snap.
She pressed forward, kissing Viv deeper, her fingers sliding into her hair, the weight of wanting her suddenly too much to hold back. Viv let out a soft, surprised sound against her lips, but she didn’t pull away—she kissed her back, slow and steady, like she was savoring it.
Her hand trailed down, fingers brushing along Viv’s back, then lower, gripping her waist instinctively. The moment her grip tightened, Viv let out a tiny, breathy gasp that sent a bolt of heat straight through Beth.
Fuck.
She kissed her again, just a little deeper this time, her free hand finding Viv’s waist, fingers curling slightly around the fabric of her shirt. She was trying to take it slow, trying to keep herself grounded, but it was so easy to get lost in the way Viv felt against her, in the way she kissed her back, soft but certain.
Beth moved her lips to Viv’s jaw, pressing a kiss there, then lower, just below her ear.
Viv tensed slightly—not pulling away, not pushing her back, just feeling it.
Beth did it again.
Viv’s breath hitched.
Beth was losing control.
She knew she needed to stop before she pushed too far, before she let herself take too much—but then Viv kissed her again, slow and warm, her fingers slipping under the hem of Beth’s shirt, just barely skimming her skin, and that was it.
Beth let out a soft, quiet groan, gripping Viv’s waist just a little tighter as she deepened the kiss, as she felt herself tip dangerously close to the edge of something she wasn’t sure she could reel back from.
Viv was the one who pulled away first.
Beth’s breathing was uneven, her forehead still pressed lightly against Viv’s.
“I—” Beth exhaled, realizing how fast her heart was beating. “Shit. Sorry.”
Viv shook her head quickly, swallowing. “It’s okay.” She hesitated, then, her voice quieter, shyer. “I just think we should probably… calm down a bit.”
Beth let out a breathy laugh, pressing her lips together as she nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”
They lay there in silence for a few moments, their bodies still close but no longer tangled together.
Beth stared at the ceiling, trying to steady herself, trying to push away the way her skin still felt too warm, too electric.
Viv shifted slightly beside her, hesitating for a long moment. Beth could feel it—the way she was holding something back, the way her breaths were just a little uneven.
Beth turned her head slightly, catching the way Viv’s lips parted as if she was about to speak, only to hesitate again.
Beth swallowed. “What is it?” she asked gently.
Viv exhaled softly, then, still hesitating, said, “Can I ask for something?”
Beth’s heart jumped immediately, her mind racing through possibilities, her body tensing slightly as she rushed out, “Of course. Do you need water? Another blanket?” Then, as another thought hit her, she quickly added, “Do you want me to go to the couch?”
She was already shifting slightly, ready to get up if Viv wanted space, when Viv suddenly spoke, voice quick and insistent.
“No. No,” Viv said, shaking her head just slightly.
Beth froze, watching her.
Viv’s gaze flickered down for a second, fingers curling slightly around the hem of the blanket before she lifted her eyes again—softer this time, a little hesitant.
Then, quietly, almost too softly to hear, she asked, “Can you hold me?”
Beth felt something in her chest ache.
For a moment, she didn’t move, just took in the way Viv’s voice had barely been above a whisper, the way she had said it so carefully, like she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to ask.
Beth’s expression softened instantly.
Without a word, she shifted, lifting her arm slightly in invitation.
Viv hesitated for only a second before slowly moving closer, tucking herself into Beth’s side.
Beth exhaled as she wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in, feeling the warmth of Viv’s body pressing against hers. Viv let out a small breath, barely audible, as she settled in, her head resting against Beth’s chest.
Viv sighed, something almost content in the sound. “Thank you,” she murmured.
Beth’s hand moved in slow, steady strokes along Viv’s back, grounding her, keeping her close. She could feel the way Viv had relaxed against her but also the way she still held some tension in her body, like something was weighing on her. She hesitated for a second, then, voice barely above a whisper, asked, “You okay?”
Viv took a breath, uneven and hesitant. “…I feel a little anxious,” she admitted, her voice small, like she wasn’t sure if she should say it at all. “Sorry.”
Beth immediately tightened her arms around her, her thumb brushing against Viv’s spine in slow, soothing circles.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Beth murmured, tilting her head slightly, hoping to catch even the smallest glimpse of Viv’s face. “It’s okay.” She hesitated, then, softer, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Viv exhaled softly, her breath warm against Beth’s collarbone. She wasn’t tense anymore, but Beth could feel something lingering—something unspoken.
Then, Viv spoke, her voice quieter than before. “I know you’re ready for more.”
Beth blinked, her fingers stilling against Viv’s back.
Viv hesitated before continuing, like she wasn’t sure she should say it. “I know you, Beth. I know that usually by now, with anyone else, this wouldn’t be all we’ve done.” She swallowed, fingers gripping lightly at the fabric of Beth’s shirt. “And I know you want more.”
Beth’s chest ached at the way Viv said it, like she thought she was holding Beth back, like she was somehow failing her.
Beth pulled back just enough to look at her, her voice impossibly soft. “Viv…”
Viv shook her head slightly, as if trying to find the right words. “And I know,” she continued, her voice small, careful, “that we’ve already done it. That this shouldn’t be new. But somehow, it feels like it is.”
Beth stayed quiet, letting her speak.
Viv sighed, her grip on Beth’s shirt tightening slightly. “I don’t know why I’m like this. Why I can’t just…” She trailed off, her frustration evident. “I think about it too much. I overanalyze everything. I get in my head, and suddenly, I’m worrying about what happens after, about what this is and if I’ll mess it up somehow.” She let out a quiet, nervous laugh. “And I don’t even know what I’m scared of.”
Beth’s heart clenched. She lifted a hand, tucking a strand of Viv’s hair behind her ear before resting it against her cheek, her thumb brushing softly along her skin.
“Viv,” she whispered, “it’s okay.”
Viv frowned slightly, like she wasn’t expecting that.
Beth let out a quiet breath. “Do I want you? Yes. Have I thought about more? Of course, I have. But not because I need it. Not because I’m waiting for you to catch up or whatever you think is happening in your head.” She shook her head gently. “I just… I want you. In whatever way you’re ready to give. If that’s this—just us, like this—I’m happy. I swear I am.”
Viv didn’t look entirely convinced.
Beth softened further. “And yeah, with someone else, maybe it would’ve been different by now. Maybe things would’ve happened faster. But Viv…” She brushed her thumb along Viv’s cheek again. “They weren’t you.”
Viv’s breath hitched slightly, something shifting in her eyes.
She was quiet for a long moment before whispering, “I just don’t want to disappoint you.”
Beth’s expression softened. “You could never disappoint me.”
Viv hesitated, and then, so quietly Beth barely heard it, she admitted, “I don’t really know how to do this.”
Beth’s heart ached in the best, worst way. “Then we’ll figure it out together.”
Viv looked at her, something vulnerable in her gaze. “Yeah?”
Beth smiled. “Yeah.”
There was another pause, then Viv exhaled, long and slow, like she was finally letting go of something she had been holding onto.
Beth pressed a gentle kiss to Viv’s forehead before whispering, “You don’t have to rush. We have time”
Viv exhaled slowly, closing her eyes briefly before nodding. Then, after a beat, she mumbled, “Okay.”
Beth smiled, pressing another lingering kiss to her hair. “Okay.”
Beth kept her arms around Viv, her fingers tracing slow, steady patterns along her back, grounding her. She wasn’t thinking about it, just doing what felt right—what felt like the only thing she could do.
Viv exhaled, soft and steady, her fingers lightly gripping Beth’s shirt. She wasn’t holding her tightly, but she wasn’t letting go either.
After a long moment, Viv whispered, “I really like this.”
Beth’s hand paused for a beat before she resumed her slow caresses. She tilted her head slightly, her voice gentle. “Yeah?”
Viv nodded, shifting just a little against her. “Yeah… I don’t think I ever realized how much.”
Beth smiled, something warm curling in her chest. She pressed her lips lightly to Viv’s hair, holding her just a little closer.
“I’m glad,” she murmured.