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Regulus looked around the room. There were three beds, each with an office desk at the end. He had seen it before; her parents spent an ungodly amount of money on the dorms, so Regulus’ mother had insisted on inspecting it beforehand. 

They had settled her into her room, and Walburga made sure everything was in place as though Regulus wouldn’t turn the place into a wreck within two days.

One of his roommates, Pandora, was also in med school with Regulus. Despite never having met before, their fathers had been friends once upon a time. They were from the same city, born in the same village, and even had baby photos taken together. The coincidence was exciting—Regulus loved that kind of cosmic alignment, even if she knew what their parents had been up to when they met.

In Regulus’ opinion, though, their personalities didn’t quite match. Regulus needed to rehearse possible conversations ten times before socializing, while Pandora was a social butterfly—a fact Regulus learned after watching her make ten phone calls with friends in just one hour.

The week at school wasn’t that bad. Regulus stuck close to Pandora and watched her make friends. Some people talked to Regulus, too—apparently, Regulus was funny. 

“I was waiting for some teacher-student gossip, but they beat us to it,” she had said after learning that there was, in fact, an associate professor and a student dating, which caused a lot of drama since the professor couldn’t grade papers anymore. 

She wasn’t sure if people were laughing with her or at her, though. Up until that point, the only person who thought she was funny was Barty, her best friend—maybe more—and he wasn’t exactly a great reference point. 

There were events, usually hosted by progressive organizations. If Regulus’ parents knew what they were forcing Regulus into, they would have a heart attack. She explored the city with the group, visiting all sorts of places.

Troy was a beautiful city with carefree people. It wasn’t what Regulus was used to at all. People didn’t care about what others did; there were no judgmental gazes coming from every corner. Maybe living by the sea did that to people—or maybe it was the ungodly amount of alcohol they consumed.

A guy named Xenophilius Lovegood, a representative from a student organization focused on human rights, froze the moment he saw Pandora. Regulus was barely holding herself back from laughing.

After a movie night organized by him in coffee shop reserved for just a handful of people.  they stepped outside. They had watched And The Band Played On, and Regulus’ eyes were still red from crying, Regulus lit a cigarette, but Pandora didn’t smoke, so Regulus invited her along just to help Xenophilius out. Xenophilius was trying to chat Pandora up, but her head was in the clouds—she didn’t pick up on it, and Xenophilius wasn’t particularly skilled at it either.

Pandora and Regulus went back to the dorm together and gossiped with Emmeline, their other roommate, about the classmates she hated. Later that night, Xenophilius messaged Pandora about the pack of cigarettes Regulus had left behind.

“I think he’s flirting with me,” Pandora said, blushing. Regulus just rolled her eyes. For someone as unhinged as her, the innocent reaction was unexpected.

The school was fine, she guessed. She was never interested in biology or chemistry—or humans in general. Well, except their minds; that was interesting. 

She just did what she had to do in highschool and studied. She planned to keep doing just that now. Except she couldn’t. The first exams didn’t go well. Med school was worse than high school: an exam every month, eight hours of class every day. It wasn’t like her university dream, she never 

She was free, in a way—with her parents away—but she just wanted a bit more academic freedom. She went out a lot and made more friends, thanks to Pandora: Mary, Marlene, and Lily. They were fine with the academic load; Lily even loved it. Though, they were the kind of people Regulus’ parents wouldn’t approve of in a million years. They weren’t conservative, they weren’t modest, and Regulus wasn’t even sure if they believed in God at all.

A year ago, Regulus wouldn’t have even talked to them. Barty was like that too, but he was a special case. He came from an important family in their circle, acting like a good boy whenever it was convenient, using it to his advantage while doing whatever he wanted in private. Regulus just turned a blind eye, not wanting to lose another important person. But then it became more than that.

Regulus wanted—everything. The clothes she was never allowed to wear, the alcohol, the parties, the concerts—loud and alive, the men… the women, the life she was free to live. The want had burned inside her since she first learned what a sin was. But that was the point, wasn’t it? You could want, but you couldn’t have.

She was having it now—not the men… or women, she wasn’t ready or willing for that, but the nights were hers. Pandora and Emmeline had amazing clothes, and at first, she wore them just to try. Then she started buying them herself, though she never took them home. She looked good—incredible, even. She felt beautiful. She went out with her friends, got drunk, flirted with guys. Barty and she never talked about after the kiss after all, Regulus was pretty sure it didn’t mean what it was supposed to mean.

But there was something gnawing under her skin, screaming wrong, wrong, wrong. Maybe it was because it felt wrong to reject God like this. Or maybe… maybe it was because of the same reason she had covered her body in the first place, lying to herself that it was what God expected of her. Or maybe it was the want—the worst of them all—the reason for her sleepless nights when Sirius was at home. Watching him grow up, feeling wary, angry, and helpless as she noticed every single facial hair he didn’t even want. But now wasn’t the time to think about that. Maybe not ever.

By the time the second round of exams rolled around, Regulus’ legendary downfall began. It didn’t seem like that at first. Regulus felt good. Better than she had in a long time. But she couldn’t study. The words on the page turned into a scrambled mess, her memory fading the moment she looked away. Even the sound of someone’s breathing in the library—someone she shouldn’t have been able to hear—felt like it was deliberately trying to ruin her focus.

Bless their hearts, Marlene and Pandora tried to help. They handed her notes, made memory cards, but nothing worked. Lily was buried in her own studies, and for the last two weeks, no one had left the library.

All Regulus could see in the library was the scenery. It was on the edge of a cliff, near the sea. She watched the waves, the ships, the sun, and the stars if she felt silly enough to stay at night, even though she wasn’t studying. The girls were there, and Regulus was available when they took a break.

“Xen says we should study the brachial arteries. Flitwick’s asked about them for the last three years,” Pandora said, flipping through her notes.

“Flitwick will ask about everything,” Mary groaned, while Lily muttered the names of arteries to herself before moving on to muscles.

“I wouldn’t trust a guy who repeated first year three times,” Marlene muttered, lighting another cigarette she’d stolen from Regulus.

Pandora’s face reddened, and she let out a sharp huff, clearly offended.

“Don’t get mad, I’m joking,” Marlene said with a fake pout. “We should do something after the exams. I’m calling Leaky.”

“Leaky’s too crowded,” Lily chimed in.

“We’re partying. We want it to be crowded,” Marlene rolled her eyes.

“She’s just trying to woo the bartender,” Pandora said with a smirk. “What was her name?”

Mary made a choked noise, and Regulus handed her the bottle she was holding. Her eyes were as wide as Mary’s. Lily, indifferent and seemingly invincible to drama, murmured something like, “How do you even find time for flirting?”

Marlene raised her hands in mock defense. “Woah! I didn’t know I was friends with homophobes.”

“I didn’t know they didn’t know, sorry,” Pandora muttered under her breath.

“That’s not—” Mary started.

Regulus pursed her lips. Who was she to judge at that point? “I was just surprised,” she murmured.

The tension Regulus hadn’t noticed before, hidden beneath sarcasm, left Marlene’s body. She turned to Pandora, who was looking extremely guilty, and nudged her with her shoulder.

“I actually thought all of us were queer,” Marlene said. “My gaydar usually works,” she added, mostly to herself.

“I am,” Pandora said.

“Yes, we all met Xenophilius,” Regulus said, laughing a little.

Pandora’s gaze hardened. “Him dressing like that doesn’t mean he—”

“I know,” Regulus cut in sharply, huffing. “The guy preaches about how gender is a spectrum and a construct every time we talk.” That was starting to get under Regulus’ skin, honestly; it felt like it was targeted specifically toward her. Pandora sulked and pressed her lips together.

“I’m not,” Lily said, probably to break the tension. “Unfortunately.”

“Reluctant heterosexuals,” Marlene said with a smile. “Always getting in the way of my record.”

Regulus stiffened as silence settled over them. “Me too,” she murmured, just above a whisper. Mary remained silent, as she always did, and Regulus felt shame burning her cheeks.

“I knew it,” Marlene cheered. Pandora gave a slight smile and squeezed Regulus’ arm. “We’re going to talk, and we’re going to figure this out.” Marlene lifted an eyebrow. “Can I shoot my shot?”

Regulus shook off the shame. “What kind of girl do you take me for?” she retorted playfully. To be honest, Marlene was an extremely attractive woman, but Regulus wasn’t ready—she wasn’t sure she’d ever be.