Chapter 1
It was a cold night in October. Remus remained in the library, working on his transfiguration essay. Professor McGonnagal had not been easy on them, especially with their O.W.Ls coming up at the end of their year.
It was getting late, and Remus decided to head to the dormitory, mostly because he is perfectly aware of the fact that the common room would be filled with lustful teens, snogging each other everywhere. He might not have wished to admit this, yet one particular couple is what annoyed him the most. It is a Friday night after all.
Once he finally reached Gryffindor tower and climbed inside the portrait, he was blessed with the sight of Sirius snogging the one and only Mary. Remus felt a pang of guilt for carrying this hatred towards her, but he couldn't help himself. She was all Sirius would talk about. He had never been this jealous of someone. Remus also noticed that Sirius hadn't been spending much time with the rest of the lot anyway, probably locking himself with Mary in an empty cupboard. He shivered at the thought and pushed it away.
"Remus! Where were you? We need you to settle this for us, mate," said James, raising his arm around Remus and walking him towards where they sat, next to the fire. He was pulled into their conversation, much to his disappointment.
"Settle what?" asked Remus. He sat on the armchair next to the fire in an attempt to warm himself. Peter and James were lying lazily on the couch, and on the floor lied Marlene, with her back against the couch.
"Pete here reckons Lily won't go out with me this year."
"Well, then, Pete is probably right, Prongs. You've been chasing after her since our second year. About time you give up."
"Yeah, James, I'd hate to be the barrier of bad news, but as her best friend, I'm telling you there's no chance. Lily's the most stubborn person I know; I'm sure you're aware," added Marlene.
James groaned, "I know, but this year is our year. I can just feel it, y'know?"
"Pfft. You say that every year," Replied Peter, eyes fixed on some Herbology book. That was true. James had given them the same speech last year, as well as the year before that. He was clearly mental about her and refused to give up.
Remus then dozed off, his gaze locked on Sirius and Mary. His hands around her waist, her hands around his neck, as she plays with his long, beautiful black hair, displaying that charming smile of hers. She really was gorgeous. Remus understands why Sirius likes her. She's stunning, funny, smart, and most importantly, a girl. He knew he had no chance, especially not compared to her. I mean, he is a monster, for merlin's sake. He was drowned in flaws, both physically and mentally. How can Sirius ever fancy someone like him?
"Oi! Moony! Are you even listening?" Remus's line of thought is interrupted as he turns to James.
"I was asking about the halloween party next weekend," muttered Marlene, slightly blushing.
"Oh yeah. What about it?"
"Well, y'know, there's a dance... many others are going in pairs." James placed a hand around his mouth, trying to contain his excitement.
Obviously, Remus knew what she wanted to ask him. She's been dropping hints here and there, beating around the bush anytime she'd talk to him. Of course, Remus was too preoccupied. To be fair, he never was a fan of parties; he'd mostly make an appearance for his friends and then leave after a few hours. Although, on occasions, before a full moon, for example, Remus would have adrenaline rushing through his veins, and he'd end up drinking more firewhiskey than anyone else.
"Yeah, I might have to miss it. Flitwick is up my ass about the charms essay." He lied, dodging the question. Technically, he did have the charms essay, but he was finished with it ages ago. "I'm going to head to the library, actually. James, mind if I use your cloak?"
"Not at all," replied James, with a hint of disappointment in his face. Remus felt bad. Truly, Marlene was beautiful, and he enjoyed her company, yet he couldn't retain any romantic feelings for girls, let alone her.
"Should I tag along?" suggested Marlene, twirling her hair, seemingly anxious.
"Nah, wouldn't want to bore you. see you later," replied Remus in an instant, and left before she had the chance to say anything else.
He reached his shared dorm with his mates, and grabbed a jumper from his trunk. Just then, the door opens to reveal James.
"You alright, mate? you seemed a bit distraught back there," he asked worridly.
"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Dunno, you seemed off is all."
"You don't have to worry; I'm okay."
"You know, Marlene is interested in you. She was trying to ask you to the-"
"Yes, I know, Prongs," interrupted Remus. He really couldn't be bothered with any of this. James and the others have been aiming to find Remus a girl. He has repeatedly told them to bugger off and leave him alone. Them being the marauders, that's practically impossible.
They don't know about his feelings for Sirius. Frankly, they don't know about his feelings for boys. Remus had been too afraid to say it out loud; he didn't want anyone finding out, yet it was getting harder and harder to find an excuse as to why he doesn't want to snog a girl.
James stood there for a while, then broke the silence. "Alright, well, I'll leave you to it then."
Remus watched him leave and close the door. He sighed, not knowing what to do. They know he's hiding something from them; they're not idiots, but they believe he has some secret muggle girlfriend, which couldn't be further away from the truth. He didn't want to keep lying to them, but he didn't want them to know either.
Upon securing the cloak, Remus hurriedly left the common room without a second glance at Sirius. His throat was tightening, and he needed some air.
He wasn't actually going to the library. As of recently, Remus has found comfort at the astronomy tower. It was something about the stars that provided him with peace. (one star in specific.) Thankfully for him, no one ever goes up here.
He reached the tower and dropped the cloak on the side as he leans against the rails and stares at the breathtaking view. No matter how many times Remus had come here, he never got tired of it.
As the cold breeze collides with his skin, he looks up at the sky, admiring the constellations. One specific star was brighter than the rest. Sirius.