November, 1976
November 8th.
Dear Sirius,
I'm not angry you haven't written back yet, in fact I scarcely expect any form of contact for at least a few weeks, but we're both within Hogwarts grounds, and I want you to know that I wait sometimes by the Quidditch pitch for you to round the corner but you never meet my eye. Then again, perhaps i'm paranoid, we never really admitted to association in public and this would be a very odd point to change that. I understand too, that I do resemble the home you ran from, and that maybe my eyes are the worst part of my face in that respect. They have the steel grey of our dear miserable mother do they not?
Oddly, I believe I may have met Potter's eye a few times in the place of yours, and I would be lying if I said his presence wasn't starting to become a comfort to me. We sat in silence at the same table in the library just yesterday, and he seemed a lot more tolerable than i'd have previously thought. I'd quite like to talk to him about you actually, tell him your favourite meals so he can have them made for you over Christmas. I think, too, that perhaps he could help you catch up on the work you missed over the three days we spent at home instead of in school due to mothers "urgent health crisis" (your grand disowning parade). I myself very nearly fell short on a transfiguration essay as a result of the disruption to my routine, although a little help from Barty soon sorted that out. Still, 94% is far from my finest work and I refuse to ever get another mark below 95. Also I cannot overstate the humiliation that comes from being taught by Barty of all people, one remains baffled that he even manages to do any work himself, what with all the 'sleeping' he does with Rosier.
How is it now that you don't have to worry about punishment? Do you still try? I've often wondered whether I would, or if without mothers wrath I would simply focus on only what I enjoyed. Get an A in potions and divination and then just fail everything else for the thrill of it, leave school and become a confectionery maker- those are all dead dreams of course, silly things i think about when I can't sleep. I am to become a successful ministry official of some sort and rule over my peers like my father always said I would. I have some choice in what branch of the government I lead, which i am grateful for, so I might join the department of mysteries. At least that way a small amount of divination would come with the job. I often debated whether I could convince mother and father to let me retire once I find a wife so that I could move into teaching at Hogwarts instead, alas over the past week it has come to my attention -for reasons i won't go into in writing- that a wife might not be an option for me. At least not one procured through love.
I believe wholeheartedly that I am doomed to rotting away in isolation, even long after my parents have died (may their death be soon and savoured) and I inherit my wealth, and as such I have doubled down on my hobbies to fill this most recent gaping hole in my heart. I even used my hobby hours to finish that book you gave me for my birthday, the muggle one, Dorian Grey. I found it enlightening in many ways, though I'm sure mother would burn it if she ever found it. I gave it to Pandora for safe keeping. She informed me that there were "words for people who like this sort of book", which I ignored only because i have zero idea what she meant. Or maybe i do and just don't wish to admit it out loud.
I wanted to ask you something before you left home. It may be a silly question of course, but you and the Lupin boy.... are you together? As a couple? I don't disapprove of him don't worry, I just.... well, how did you know he was who you wanted to date? Is there a sign like they talk about in books, like butterflies or warmth. I ask only because a... good friend, a great friend really, saw someone in a new light only recently and they described it as dizzying. I wanted to know if that's how it goes. I hope it is, because that sounds wonderful, and it's what I would want for you with Lupin. Rest assured if that relationship ever ends I'm sure I could beat him in a duel, but for now I wish you happiness with him.
Now, I don't want to sound desperate, but I'm really looking forward to the day you write back. It feels odd knowing you won't be there for me to hide behind at Christmas while Bella tries to maim Creature with some new curse of hers, but knowing I can write to you is a great comfort. There are things i can't say in writing, but those can wait, and until then this is plenty.
Affectionately,
Reggie.
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November 15th
Dear Sirius,
I think this letter should be the last one sent before you get to writing back, though I know your year is most likely more crowded than mine and finding time to write meaningfully won't come as easy to you. It is one of the rare advantages to being lonesome and introverted, I can always find time. If anything I may have too much. That's not to say that Barty and Evan haven't been keeping me occupied.
On Friday they tried to prank Severus, but their pranks are a lot harsher than yours. They elected to throw his bed into the black lake, and they got away with it too! Well, sort of, It was Professor Slughorn who caught them as they dropped it in the water, and you know how he adores Barty for his smarts. A stupid notion really, Barty being smart. He can certainly get good marks yes, but I have personally seen that boy set his head on fire with matches to see how it felt. A true idiot.
Evan is not much better. He's an enabler, but he seems to love Barty in a way not many could. In fact, recently I've noticed a glint in his eye when he looks at the idiot, one I must have missed before, one that's reciprocated. I might ask them about it in some capacity, or maybe I'll ask Pandora to save the boys their embarrassment? What do you think? Actually no, sod what you think, you're my brother! We're not meant to listen to each other! Tell me the opposite of what you think so that I can disagree, the way you did when we were kids.
Speaking of our younger selves, I may have found an old broom of yours down by the black lake, at least it has your name on it. It doesn't look very much like any of the brooms we had bought for us, no sleek polish or solid oak, it's just.... well, just a normal broom for the floors really. I wonder were you were given it by a professor when you broke yours in second year? That seems the most logical explanation. Unless you've signed someone else's? I wouldn't put it past you to have marked your territory on Potter's broom, in fact I'd go as far as it say I bet five galleons you've signed at least two of his. Maybe I'll get close enough to check tomorrow during our match against Gryffindor. I am a far superior seeker so I should have a second to spare during which I could peek, although I'd hate for him to think I was staring. I am not some teenage fan-girl of that boy like every Gryffindor seems to be, though I do admire his flying skills. It's fortunate for me that the boy is as dumb as a plank otherwise he'd be a slight challenge to beat.
I passed you again on my way to practice, you didn't see. Pettigrew waved, but quite frankly I took it as an insult. Have you not been telling your little pack how intimidating and revered I am?! It's a scandal Sirius! Everyone must know how cool I am!!
....oh dear Merlin, I'm joking like Potter. I'm going to choose to blame that on the fact he sat at my table in the library again yesterday. Not that my attention was occupied by him. That would be preposterous. Although -and i'm sure i've heard you say this many a time- his eyes are really distracting. They're that greenish-gold way that makes you look twice. Not to mention the fact his eyes dart around like a puppy in a new house, looking from his book to the blurb of mine, to the back wall of the building, to- my hands, for some reason, appear to take up an enormous amount of his visual escapades in a way I don't object to but may like to address.
Is he usually this way? You know him best, is he always this concentrated on the people around him or is this just some type of strategy to get to me? I would like to know quickly, preferably before his oddness starts interfering with my ability to play against him in Quidditch.
Affectionately,
Reggie.
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November 22nd
Dear Sirius,
You're not going to write back are you?
That's fine. Really that's so fine i'm happy for you! You fuck off away from me and you cut ties!! It's great Sirius, it really is! You leave. I stay. Oh, and I bet you're telling all your friends how you 'gave me the choice' and I turned it down, aren't you? Well, you know what I don't give a damn! Or at least I wouldn't....
James Potter said hello to me today, and I said it back. It was odd, it felt like i'd never heard his voice before, though obviously I had. His tone was honeyed in a way I hadn't noticed before, and gentle. So gentle. Sirius I miss being talked to gently, and so for a while I just stared at him, and he seemed fine with that. And when I said hi he handed me a book. Advanced Astrology. The conversation -as far as I remember- went as follows;
"Hello Reg,"
Here began the eye contact.
"....hi...."
He slid me the book and I said "What am I to do with this?"
He grinned. He has annoyingly perfect teeth, have you noticed?
"The usual thing would be to read it." He stated "although, on you I suppose it could look cute as a hat?"
"Ha ha Potter, very funny. Why am I holding this book?"
He looked away first. I am quite proud of that.
"Sirius said once that you loved the stars." he told me "I saw it in Tomes and Scrolls at Hogsmeade. Thought you could do with it. It's a couple years ahead of where your class will be, which is-"
"Exactly where I am."
"Yeah."
And then brother, an odd thing. He left. He didn't sit down opposite me like he had the previous times, he just left. It occurred to me in the afterthought that he didn't need to be in the library, he came there just for me, and since you are clearly not reading my letters Sirius, I don't mind telling you that my heart missed a beat when I realised, and another when I opened the book that night and saw that he'd had it stamped with my initials. R.A.B. God knows as well as you and I do that I hate my middle name, hate having to admit I have one at all, but I actually like R.A.B. It feels neat.
That may be enough about James Potter for now. I don't need to think about him any more than I already seem to be forced to. Onto other matters. Pandora almost killed herself and Dorcas on Monday. It's her stupid penchant for creating spells, and her complete insistance that all those spells must be ones Evan can use to blow up half the dorm. Rest assured they're both fine, save for Pandora's missing eyebrows, but they both gave me and Barty quite a fright. I'm only telling you this because -if you ever do find yourself reading this- I know you have a soft spot for Pandora, as do we all.
I hope you read these, even if you don't write to me. They are the only place my thoughts will ever be, and i would hope -and hope hard- that at least some of my thoughts are worth the read. I love you.
Affectionately,
Reggie.
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November 29th
Dear Reg,
Hi. This is awkward but it's James (Potter).
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to read your letter but one of them got mixed in with mine this morning. Sirius says he doesn't trust you, he says he doesn't want to read them and hear you whining about how he's a traitor. I tried to tell him that in the one I saw there was none of that, but you know him. he's stubborn. I did actually read the other letters to try and prove to Sirius you weren't being a, well, he said you were being a 'Black' but I do muggle studies and that word doesn't mean what you two clearly think it does within your household so i'm just going to say bitch. He said you were being a bitch and I was trying to prove him wrong. That's the only reason I read your letters I promise.
Now, onto more interesting matters. You like the way I talk, you like that I'm 'gentle', and you think my eyes are pretty. Are you perchance slightly smitten? Because that's something really worth the owl don't you think? Forget Sirius for a minute and tell me how captivating my perfect eyes and perfect teeth are again? Although if you do want to talk about Sirius, I would be happy for you to tell me his favourite meals like you said you would, not that I don't already know most of them.
-James.
P.S. The broom you found, it's Remus' from first year. And no, for some inexplicable reason they're not dating yet.
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James,
First of all, never read my letters to Sirius again. Secondly, I am not being a 'bitch' as you put it and you can tell that sour faced 'bitch' that from me. Also I never called your eyes pretty, they are not pretty they just distract me which, for the record, is not a good thing. They're beady, Potter. Your eyes are beady. A terrible quality. Now, since I'm answering your questions let me ask one of you. WHY DO YOU KEEP STARING AT MY HANDS???
Yours regrettably,
Regulus.
P.S. He likes Coq au Vin, and he eats it on Fridays.
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November 30th, 1976.
Dear Reg,
I'll never read another letter to Sirius, you have my word (it's an awfully good word). I'll tell my mum about the Coq au Vin, although I have to admit I haven't the foggiest what on earth it means. He's doing well by the way, he just aced a super hard transfiguration test, I'm more of a potions guy I'll admit but if you're curious, I did pretty well too.
To answer your question, I like your hands, they're nice hands. You have good skin. Is that weird? Yeah that's probably weird. Oh! I forgot you can just scratch over bits in letters! It's not like I just stare at your hands anyway, i look at all of you. I'm particularly fond of your face. I don't suppose you'll admit to liking mine but I know you do. Otherwise why do I keep finding your eye?
How's the astrology book? Hope it isn't too challenging. Maybe you could teach me something from it? If so, meet me at that bit round the corner from the pitch where you lurk after practice on thursday.
Yours unregrettably,
James
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James,
I do not care about your test score, I absolutely do not have a fondness for your face, and the book is definitely not 'too challenging.'
I'll be there at 5.
-Regulus.