Prologue - November 3rd, 1976
Dear Sirius,
Its been two hours since you left this house and I want you to know I don’t blame you.
Alright, I blame you slightly. Specifically I blame you for making me cry and mother break creatures arm, but I don’t blame you for running away from here. The truth is -and it’ll tell you the truth because you’re the only person I can tell it to- I was thinking about doing the same. I was trying to do it slowly, and maybe not as entirely, but I was going to escape…. Until I realised you were. Then I stopped myself short.
The thing is, Sirius, I don’t think it ever occurred to you that only one of us is allowed to leave. You were the heir, I was the spare and, though there most likely was a time where it would have been easier for me to be the one that went, the fact you left means I must remain. You won’t understand that, you were always disobedient. And you always thought you were doing it just to protect me, but I know why you really did it. You were creating a separation, one that meant your reputation was already so different from theirs that they wouldn’t stop you if you ran. I admired it, and it was generally a bonus when it just so happened to coincide with you helping me get out of their line of judgement.
Anyway none of that is why i'm really writing this. I just want you to know something now that you've left and I can say it without feeling threatened as to the consequences of being overheard: I love you. I've never said it, I've scarcely allowed myself to think it, but truly you were a great brother to me when you had the chance, and a great parent when I needed you to be. i cannot escape this house now that you've fled, but I need you to know that I wish I could, because I know what they intend for me, and that -after it happens- you may never love me again. I, however, will never stop loving you (my brother and my father). It is unusual to state these things aloud or in writing but it feels... needed.
I have to stop my rambling short but I wish you well brother, and I know you're who your with so Potter you had better take care of that boy. If you don't I can assure you I know the killing curse.
That's all for now. Write back? soon?
Affectionately,
Regulus.