Narcissa Black considered herself an expert in the art of bulge-gazing.
It started in school, and continued on into her adult life, a habit impervious to even her greatest efforts to stop it. Any time she found herself in the vicinity of a good trouser bulge, her eyes seemed to move of their own volition.
Really, who could blame her?
She was just a girl.
As a connoisseur of sorts, she’d grown familiar with the way a bulge presented. While size varied, the shape was always relatively the same.
Tubular, if you will.
Which is exactly why, in the present, she found herself perplexed. She leaned in her chair at the Leaky Cauldron, where she’d taken to meeting Andie for drinks after the war now that her prat of an ex-husband was gone for good, her eyes tracking the movements of one James Potter as he moved about the room.
James had always had an impressive bulge, but there was something different about it tonight. It was too wide, a curious shape.
She watched him through the night, felt his eyes as he watched her watch him, and as Tom yelled out the words ‘last call’ she decided she couldn’t take it anymore. She rose from her seat with purpose, stalking across the room to grab James by the arm, and dragged him down the hall to the bathroom.
“Well shit, Nissa. Revisiting sixth year, are we? You know all you had to do was ask,” James murmured as he crowded her against the sink, dragging his nose down the side of her neck.
“Shut up, James,” she ordered, wasting no time as her hands found his waistband.
“Fuck, baby, still feral for me after all these years?” James trailed his hand up her side, lightly skimmed her breast, then cupped her by the chin, tilting her head back to look up at him. “I knew it was only a matter of time, once that cuck was locked away.”
“Shut up James,” she repeated, “I’m not here for sex.”
“Oh? Could’ve fooled me,” he snarked, casting his eyes down to where she’d begun to unbutton his trousers.
“I’m not–what is it?” She ordered, furrowing her brow in confusion as she grabbed his cock through his pants, finding only… cock.
“What is what?”
“Your… your bulge, it's different tonight.”
“You’d know, wouldn’t you?”
“James!”
“Nissa, I don’t– ohhh,” he pulled away, laughing, then reached into his pocket, pulling out…
“What the fuck is that?”
“It’s a lightsaber.” James punctuated the words by pressing a button, and the offending muggle toy extended as it began to emit a blue glow.
“Why the fuck are you carrying that ?” She barked out.
“I like to pretend I’m a jedi.” James shrugged.
“Salazar fucking Slytherin, twenty years and you haven’t grown up a bit, have you?”
“Does this mean we’re not about to fuck?”
“Shut up, James,” she rolled her eyes again as she reached down to hike up her skirt, “get on your fucking knees.”