Chapter 1
Drowning isn’t supposed to feel peaceful. it’s supposed to hurt. He is supposed to feel suffocated and terrified and his life was supposed to flash before his eyes and show him all of the things he’ll miss when he’s dead.
Twenty feet under the water, as his body gives up, Regulus feels at peace. This is where he was meant to be; this is his destiny. There are no second chances for Regulus Black. No redemptions or personal growth. All he can do after what he caused is take himself out of the equation permanently. It’s better for everyone.
Maybe they will mourn him. Maybe they’ll celebrate as his body is lowered into the ground. Maybe they’ll dance and kick dirt over his dark coffin, congratulating each other for dealing with him for so long. Maybe he wants them to celebrate. It’s easier to be hated and laughed at than to be loved and mourned for.
Sirius will be free from the curse of taking care of his younger brother. There will be no more petty arguments and misdirected insults. No late night phone calls he and Remus had to decipher because Regulus can’t stay away from the drugs and the alcohol.
If there is anyone who will mourn his death it would be his parents. Not because they’re losing their precious son, but because they’re losing the only person who would carry on their legacy. Sirius was dead to them the moment he came out as gay. There was no hope for them now. They were all doomed. Orion, doomed to have a family with morals and humility. Walburga, doomed to marry a man who only cared about keeping their reputation high. Sirius, doomed to being born into a family that couldn’t care less about his personal needs. And Regulus, doomed to constantly disappoint every single person he ever met.
There was no one to call. No one to warn. He hopes that the news of his death will bring great relief to the world. He hopes there will be an annual holiday on the anniversary of his death, where everyone parties and thanks the universe for getting rid of him.
As the pounding in his chest grows stronger, Regulus opens his eyes. Dark water that fills all of his senses burns into his eyes. There’s nothing around him. No big white light shining above him, coming to rescue him. The only sounds are his own struggles as he forces himself to stay under. Physically, everything in him screams to go back up. To empty his pockets of the weight and swim up to the surface. Even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t be able to. Numb, limp limbs will do no good at escaping.
Despite the screaming and terror of his body, Regulus’ mind is calm. He is finally at peace, like he should’ve been for all those years. Relief washes over him as he feels himself finally give up trying to be freed. A deep exhaustion overcomes him, and he closes his aching eyes once again.
The ocean will keep him safe. Away from others and away from himself. His soul will separate from his body and move onto better things. Regulus can almost feel himself being lifted as he separates from his body, floating into the constellation-filled sky. He will become one with the world, a small star speckled in the endless void of space. He’ll watch over everyone, and smile when they continue living without him.
A final breath breaks through his body, water filling his lungs. There’s nothing left to do besides wait for everything to end.