Chapter 3
The rest of the week passed similarly, each morning, Erin would drive to the same coffee shop where she would meet up with Ella, they would talk, drink their coffees, and drive to school. Most of their conversation revolved around Ella asking questions of Erin, never really giving the keeper an opportunity to ask questions of her own.
They would spot each other in the weight room, and smile across the pitch to one another at soccer practices.
Even though Erin had yet to really get to know anything about the forward, she was not going to give up. So after practice on friday Erin decided to try and spend some time alone with Ella.
“Hey Ella you want to work on some pk’s?” Erin knew that Ella never turned down an opportunity to get shots on net.
“Yeah sure!” Ella grabbed a few balls and jogged over to the penalty spot while Erin stretched out a bit in her box.
“Wanna make this a little friendly competition?” The keeper smirked , Ella was just as, if not more competitive than herself.
“Sounds good, what’s the winner get?”
“How about loser buys dinner after?”
“Deal.”
After three rounds Ella wished she hadn’t agreed, Erin had only allowed one of her shots by the whole time.
“How did you stop so many!?” Ella wined, tossing the soccer balls back into the back.
“You look to the opposite side that you are going to shoot every time.” The keeper replied nonchalantly.
“How did you notice that?”
“It’s kind of my job to notice that, try keeping your eyes on the ball, don’t look up at the keeper or odds are they will be able to read where you are going.”
“Well I guess this is why you’ve been called up to the National team.” Ella chuckled as she pulled off her cleats. “I guess dinner’s on me where do you want to go?”
“Well, we are both a little gross, so how about I let you off the hook for this one and we can go to my house, I’ll cook.”
"Oh um, are you sure that's okay?"
"Yeah it's fine really, my mom will be glad that I'm bringing a friend home." Erin chuckled.
"Hey mom, is it okay if Ella stays for dinner?" Erin asked as she walked inside.
"Sure honey, but it's still your night to cook."
"I know, do you like spaghetti Ella?"
"Sounds good."
"Hi Ella it's lovely to meet you."
"It's nice to meet you too Mrs. McLeod." Ella reached out her hand.
"Oh please call me Sharell dear."
Ella just smiled at how welcoming Erin's home felt, she couldn't remember the last time she felt so comfortable around somebody.
"Here let me take your bag." Erin offered carrying Ella's and her own bag over to the living room.
"Thank you, do you need any help with dinner?" Ella asked quietly.
"No it's fine." Erin pulled out her laptop and put in some music as she began preparing their food.
After a moment the keeper began to sing along and Ella once again was engrossed in her soft voice.
"You're an amazing singer."
"Oh thank you." Erin blushed, "music has always kind of been something that calms me down and just makes me feel better."
"I know what you mean, it's something that can't leave, it's always there for you if you need it." Ella said in almost a whisper.
The keeper looked over to where Ella was seated, the girl was clearly deep in thought once again and didn't even notice when Erin walked over to her.
"Ella?" The keeper reached out hesitantly placing her hand a top of the forwards. "Are you okay?"
Ella flinched a little at the contact but had a warm feeling shot up her arm at the light touch of Erin's hand.
"Yeah um I'm fine, sorry I just kind of zoned out, uh, could I use the washroom?"
Erin gave a light squeeze to Ella's hand before releasing.
"Yeah of course first door on the right just down that hall." Erin pointed, the keeper may have stolen a look at Ella's butt as she walked away, and unfortunately for her, Sharell McLeod was very observant.
-what is going on with me?- Ella asked herself as she stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Something about the keepers presence made her feel genuinely happy for the first time in years, and she couldn't figure out why. Sure she felt safe around Kealia and Meghan, but this was different. Something about the sparkle in Erin's eyes when the talked, and listening to her sing, the crinkle between her eyes when she was focused during practice.
The forward was suddenly very aware of how much she paid attention to Erin. She got lost in her thoughts when she found herself picturing Erin's abs that she caught a glimpse of when the keeper had shown her her tattoo. -why am i thinking about her like this?! She's a girl, why can't I get her out of my head? I haven't thought about anyone like this before I'm so confused...- The forwards mind was running at a million miles an hour.
While the forward was freaking out in the bathroom, Erin was a having a talk with her mom.
"I can see why you like it here so much." Sharrell winked giving the keeper a little nudge.
"What?"
"Erin I'm not blind, but I definitely approve, she is very pretty and a really nice girl."
"Mom! That is not... We're not... She's just a friend mom." Erin stumbled over her words.
"Oh please honey, I saw the way you looked at her, and the way she looked at you when you were singing, you'd have to be blind not to see it."
"Mom please don't do this right now, Ella doesn't even know I'm gay, and she definitely is not." Erin turned away, and focused on finishing their dinner.
Sharrell sighed, she knew that she was right, it would only be a matter of time, but she obeyed her daughter's wishes and left it alone for now.
After they ate and washed dishes, Erin and Ella went up to the keeper’s room.
“Who this?” The forward asked as she picked up a picture frame, that held a photo of Erin with another girl hugging her from behind.
A sad smile came upon Erin’s face as she saw what picture Ella was holding.
“Oh um.. that’s uh me and my ex girlfriend Kate…”
“Oh..” The forward spoke in almost a surprised tone.
“That doesn’t bother you does it? That I’m gay?” Erin asked nervously, looking down at her feet.
“No! Uh… no it doesn’t bother me. How uh… how long were you guys together?”
“A year and a half… she was too scared to come out, and It was fine for a while, but it just got to hard, I was trying to accept myself and be who I am and that was hard when I couldn’t even hold my own girlfriend's hand in public.”
“So you ended it then?” Ella asked curiously.
Erin bit her bottom lip as the memories flashed through her head.
“Um no… I wanted so badly to make it work, she meant the world to me and I really loved her, but we had a big fight one night and then she uh.. she cheated on me.. but I didn’t find out until almost three months after she ended things.”
“I’m sorry I brought it up, I didn’t know that..”
“It’s fine really.” Erin smiled, walking over to the collection of pictures that Ella was admiring.
“Is this your dad?” Ella asked, picking up another photo, that appeared to be Erin around twelve years old, with a man who had the same smile.
“Um yeah… he and my mom got divorced about two and half years ago, so he still lives in Toronto, at least I think he does…” Erin tried her best to keep in the tears, but she could feel that they were coming.
“You think…?”
“Yeah um… I haven’t really talked to him since he left… he um kind of left because of me.” The inevitable tears were falling fast down Erin’s cheeks, she tried to wipe them away before Ella noticed, but the forward turned then, taking in Erin’s sad look.
“Oh my god I’m so sorry… I didn’t… I should just stop talking…” Ella rambled, with an apologetic look. The forward took a few hesitant steps closer to Erin and pulled her into a gentle hug, rubbing soft circles in her back.
Erin immediately felt a spark at the feeling of Ella’s strong arms embracing her, and for a moment, all the sadness left her. The keeper hugged Ella back tight, she was a few inches taller so she placed her chin a top Ella’s head, while the forward's face lightly nuzzled into her neck.
“It’s okay really, I just haven’t talked about it in a while.” Erin whispered. “I think it’s good to talk though sometimes…”
“You can tell me if you want, but you don’t have to.” Ella said pulling back a little to look up at the keeper. Erin immediately missed the slight tickle from Ella’s breath against her skin.
“I came out to my parents when I was thirteen… I was so scared, but even though I was young I knew that’s who I was. My mom has always accepted it and been nothing but proud of me… but my dad kind of freaked out. He yelled at me, my mom yelled at him, and then he left. He wouldn’t even talk about it, he left that night and three months later he sent my mom the divorce papers. He never said goodbye to either of us, after 21 years of marriage he just walked away without a goodbye because he couldn’t accept that his daughter was gay.”
Ella stared at the keeper with wide eyes, sure she had never really understood those kind of relationships, but she couldn’t imagine leaving her family behind because of something like that.
“Erin I… have you seen him at all since then?”
Erin took a deep breath before continuing. “Uh I saw him once, It was about a year ago, I was at a park with my friend Ali when I saw him. I was still dating Kate then, but we were fooling around and I guess we kind of looked like a couple… he came over and started yelling at me to take my disgusting lifestyle somewhere else.”
Ella was about to cut in, but Erin went on. “ I didn’t stay quiet this time though… I guess I had a lot built up in me since he left and I just sort of let it all out. I yelled at him more for leaving my mom than me, how he always talked about family being the most important thing, but all it took was me coming out for him to walk away after all those years with my mom, not to mention his three daughters. I don’t really know how long I yelled at him. When I stopped he just turned and walked away without saying anything, and I haven’t seen him since.”
"You have two sisters?"
"Yeah, Meghan and Cara, they're 21 so they both have their own places in Toronto.
“I know how you feel by the way… not the leaving part, but the not having a dad around anymore.” Ella paused when she realized what she was about to share.
Erin looked over at her questioningly, she reached out and put her hand over the forwards encouraging her to share.
“Um he died about two and half years ago in a car crash.”
“I’m so sorry Ella.”
The forward tried to control her tears but they fell automatically, as they always did when she thought about her father. That was when everything changed.
Erin realized that this was the first thing Ella had really told her about herself, and her life, so she decided not to ask any questions, she could see how hard it was for Ella to open up about this.
The two girls sat in silence for a little while before Ella realized how late it was getting.
“Um.. I should uh probably get going, before it gets too dark.”
Erin walked her down, grabbing the forwards bag from the living room.
“Thank you for dinner.” Ella stood in the doorway, playing with the hem of her shirt.”
“It was no problem, I liked having you over, we should do it again.” The keeper smiled, handing Ella her bag, the girls fingers brushed each others and Erin could feel a slight blush creep up her cheeks.
“Are you sure you don’t want a ride?” Erin offered one last time.
“No it’s okay really, I like to walk, so I’ll see you tomorrow?” Ella asked shyly, almost as if she thought Erin was going somewhere.
“Yeah I’ll see you in the morning, have a good night Ella.” The keeper looked up from her feet to find Ella staring intently at her.
It felt like hours that the two gazed into each other’s eyes, like they were discovering one another for the first time. Before either girl knew what was happening Ella took a quick step forward pressing her lips to the keepers gently.
Erin had just comprehended what was happening when Ella froze, she turned quickly and ran out the door.
“Ella! Ella wait!” Erin shouted, running after the forward, but it was no use, she disappeared into the dimming night. Erin didn’t know how long she had been standing in the middle of the road, eventually her mom came out and got her back inside.
“Erin, sweetie what happened?”
The keeper stormed up the stairs without a response. -What did happen?- She asked herself.
Ella ran as fast as she could, she had no idea what just happened, and was more confused than ever. When she finally got home, Ella quickly opened the door, but before she had even stepped inside the forward was struck hard in the stomach, falling to the ground.
“Who are you!” Ella’s mom shouted, holding the baseball bat above her head, ready to strike again.
“Mom it’s me! It’s Ella!”
“Oh Ellllla you sil- ly goose, you scared me half to death b barging in like that, where were you so late?”
Ella clutched her side, she could already feel the bruise forming. “I was… with a friend” The forward huffed out between deep breaths.
“Oooh a boyyyyfriend?” Ella’s mom laughed, which turned into a coughing fit.
“No mom.”
“Here.” The forwards mom shoved a bottle at her, “Have a drink with your mom.”
“I don’t drink mom.” Ella sighed, they had done this too many times.
“Fine then, I’m going to go find someone who’s funner than you.” Her mom stumbled past Ella who was still struggling to catch her breath.
Ella closed the door after her mom, leaning forward and pressing her forehead against it.
-I have to keep her away from me.- It was going to kill Ella to distance herself from the keeper, but she was not going to let her get dragged into her mess.
Ella didn’t sleep a wink that night, her mind kept taking her back to her lips on Erin’s -I kissed Erin.- She repeated over and over in her head. -Am I… no I can’t be. My faith is all I have… It’s the only thing I can trust.-