Let me in

Erin couldn’t say she was surprised when she didn’t see Ella at the coffee shop the next morning, however she was surprised to not find her at school either.

“Hey Erin do you know why Ella isn’t here?” Kealia asked during art.

“No, why would… why would I know.” Erin asked hesitantly, afraid that Ella had told K what happened.

“I was just wondering, you guys seem to be becoming pretty good friends.”

“Oh um.. well I’m not sure why she isn’t here, she never told me anything.” Erin said quietly, turning back and focusing on her project.

“Okay…”

Ella never missed a soccer practice, especially when it was only a week from their first game. so when she didn’t show up there either, Erin began to worry.

The keeper was driving home from practice when she saw a familiar figure sitting on a park bench a few blocks from the school. The keeper pulled over and got out of her car, as she got closer she could see that Ella was crying.

“Ella?” Erin spoke hesitantly as she approached the forward.

Ella jumped, frightened by Erin’s hand on her shoulder.

“Are you okay? Why are you crying?” Erin sat next to Ella, but the forward quickly stood, wiping away her tears.

“Erin please just go.” She pleaded, but the keeper could tell she didn’t mean that.

“Ella why won’t you talk to me.”

“Leave me alone!” Ella shouted, she ran out of the park and down the street, while Erin just stood frozen again. She wasn’t giving up this time, she would not let Ella go.

The keeper jumped in her car and drove off down the street.

After a few minutes of driving Erin finally spotted Ella walking towards a small, worn down old house, it almost looked abandoned. -Meghan said Ella lived on the other side of town, who’s house is this?- Erin wondered as she pulled over, and quickly got out of her car.

“Ella!

The forward stopped at the sound of Erin’s voice.

“Why did you follow me?!” Ella asked turning to look at the keeper, she had tears in her eyes yet again.

“Ella did you lie about where you live? Who’s house is this?”

“Erin… please leave.”

“Ella I just-”

“Go! Stop trying to take care of me! You think I can’t tell that’s what you’re doing? I don’t need that from you Erin! I’m not like you okay!? I’m not gay, that kiss meant nothing to me, I don’t know what I was thinking!”

Ella’s words hit the keeper like a ton of bricks, Erin turned quickly running back to her car, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Erin drove home as fast as she could, but didn’t go inside, she sat in her car, letting the tears fall freely.

Back at her house, Ella just stood on the sidewalk, paralyzed with the thought that she may have just lost the one person in her life that seemed to genuinely care about her.

“Fuck!”

After about three hours, Ella was sitting on her front porch, it had now been twenty four hours since her mom had been home. She often left for the night, but would always be back by morning. The forward had grown accustomed to finding her mom passed out in the park by their house, but today she was nowhere to be found. -Why did this have to happen- Ella thought, she knew why her mom became the way she did, but she still couldn’t understand. Since her father’s death nothing had been the same. Her mom immediately started drinking heavily, and doing god knows what else with a lot of bad people. Ella tried her best to keep track of her mother, but it was hard with school and soccer.

With one look at their home, one would assume that they had next to no money, however that was not the case. Ella’s father had a great job and they had a very large savings account that would be able to support Ella and her mom for many more years. They had always lived in the small home however, as it was Ella’s mom’s childhood home and she had always refused to let Ella’s father buy a new one.

---------------

She didn’t know how it happened, but somehow Ella found herself standing in front of Erin’s home late that night. She was just standing frozen on the porch, too scared to knock. The forward saw the living room curtains move before the door opened, revealing Erin’s mom.

“Ella dear what are you doing standing out here?” Ms. McLeod saw the girl’s tear stained cheeks and immediately ushered her inside.

She lead Ella to the couch, giving her a glass of water before going upstairs to get Erin.

Sharrell knocked lightly on the keeper’s bedroom door before entering.

“I don’t want to talk right now mom.”

“Sweetie Ella is here…”

“What?”

“She looks like she has been crying quite a bit, I know you are upset but I think she needs you.”

Erin rose quickly from her bed, throwing her sketch pad aside and walking quickly down the stairs.

She had barely stepped into the living room when the forward crushed her in a hug.

“I’m sorry” Ella breathed out.

“So am I… I shouldn’t have pushed you so much.”

Ella eventually pulled away, sitting on the couch again. Erin too, but not too close.

“I’m not used to this… no one has ever tried so hard to get to know me, aside from K and Kling, but things weren’t as bad back then. I haven’t told them how bad things have gotten.”

Erin moved a little closer, and placed her hand hesitantly on the forwards.

“Ella... you can tell me anything, you don’t have to be afraid of me.”

The forward shook her head. “I’m not afraid of you… I’m afraid of losing you.”

“You’re not going to…”

“You can’t say that!” Ella cut her off, she was on the verge of tears once again and Erin didn’t know what to do. “You have no idea who I am Erin, you can’t tell me that you aren’t going to leave if I tell you everything because you have no idea what it is, you don’t understand! Nobody does!”

“Then help me to understand Ella!” Erin shouted back. “Why can’t you understand that I’m not leaving! It doesn’t matter what you tell me, I am going to be here for you, don’t you see how much I care about you, you can’t just push me away because you are afraid. Let me in Ella, help me to know you, to understand you.”

The forward broke down then, collapsing into Erin’s arms and letting out everything that she had been holding in for years. For once in her life, she really felt like she could trust someone, something about the keeper just made her feel safe.

Erin just held the broken girl in her arms, rubbing her back soothingly, she whispered in the forwards ear, “I’m not going anywhere Ella… I promise.”

“I didn’t mean it you know, what I said earlier… about the kiss not meaning anything to me.” Ella sat up straighter, trying to compose herself. “I don’t know what it meant, but it was something new, something that is really confusing and a little scary for me, but still something that I can’t just forget.”

“I do want to talk about that, but something tells me that there is something more important that you need to talk about, and Ella I promise you, no matter what you tell me I am not going to leave, I will be here and I will listen. I’ll hold you while you cry if that’s what you need, I just need you to let me in Ella… please.” Erin pleaded, she looked at the beautiful girl sitting beside her, it didn’t matter to her if Ella ever liked her as more than a friend. All she wanted was to be able to help her, and be close to her.

The forward looked up into Erin’s dark eyes, she took a deep breath and for the first time she told the truth. She let out everything that she had always been too afraid to share, Ella told the keeper things that no one knew, things she had never told Meghan, or Kealia, or anybody else.

The whole time, Erin held her hand, and she never took her eyes off the forwards, she watched as her expressions changed, from sad, to hurt, to heartbroken, to confused, but finally relief. Ella finished and let out a deep breath, after looking into the keeper’s eyes for a moment Ella curled into her side and almost immediately fell asleep, mentally exhausted from everything she had shared.

The forward was gripping onto Erin with everything she had, even in her sleep, afraid that Erin would leave.
Erin just watched Ella while she slept, the whole time whispering to her, “I’m not going anywhere.”