Apologies
Fighting Sapphire is the worst.
Ruby’s not talking about sparring or defeating corrupted gems, either. Those activities are fun, and she and Sapphire can do them together. No, she’s talking about a contest of wills. Whenever she and Sapphire butt heads over an ethical or moral (or personal) issue, Ruby is painfully reminded of Sapphire’s obstinacy. She’s utterly indomitable, and that can get seriously irritating at times, because Ruby always loses.
Even when Sapphire is right, and they both know that Ruby knows she’s right, it still doesn’t make losing to her any easier to swallow.
It’s probably a bit obvious, but Sapphire can just be so cold sometimes. When Ruby’s lips are trembling, and her hand is outstretched, supplicating, seeing Sapphire’s back turned to her and hearing her voice so easily funneled into such a chilly, unwavering monotone is the ultimate shut down. It’s like Ruby’s not worth reacting to—hell, she’s not even worth looking at! It wounds, initially, but then Ruby becomes so infuriated that she burns her own tears away. If Sapphire doesn’t want to try, then screw it. Neither does Ruby.
Fighting inevitability is pretty useless. Even before they decided to be Garnet all the time, Ruby had an intellectual understanding of this. Nevertheless, it is the principle of the thing! Sometimes she convinces herself that the inevitable will only happen if she’s weak enough to give in to it. The universe will inevitably stop expanding and self-destruct, but that’s a long, long ways away. Ruby’s defiance can work like that, she thinks. Sure, maybe she will inevitably fall to Sapphire’s pitiless face, her generically icy factoids, her eternal smugness at always being right, eventually, but Sapphire’s going to have to work for it first.
When she’s really boiling over, thinking about how Sapphire is always right because she’s freakin’ psychic and she literally can’t be wrong only makes it worse. The fact that Sapphire talks like that’s supposed to cool Ruby down just adds insult to injury. It’s like she thinks Ruby has forgotten. She hasn’t forgotten, okay? She just doesn’t want to think about it right now—is that so bad? Sometimes a gem just has to be livid. Why can’t Sapphire let her have this? Why does Sapphire always have to be so hard on her? Ruby doesn’t have her self control, and she certainly doesn’t have her patience. Sapphire knows that—so why does she treat Ruby like none of that matters, like she has the moral high ground anyway? How is it even possible?
Ruby is the one who apologizes first, every time. A part of her hates it, but it’s true. Inevitable, some might say.
To be fair, the apology never comes out until Sapphire starts emoting. Seeing her vulnerable breaks Ruby down, makes her want to give something—anything, everything—to make the show of trust worthwhile. To make her smile again, or hear her laugh.
Ruby loves Sapphire’s laugh more than anything. It took her so long to hear it the first time that there’s no way she can take it for granted now, and the fact that she can inspire it so effortlessly is something of a personal victory for her.
Sapphire doesn’t understand how amazing she is. Ruby doesn’t know anyone else who has two elemental connections, the power of levitation, and ESP—who could she have been, were she symmetrical? Even as she is, Sapphire has been able to get away with so much more than your average gem. Certainly, no one else could have driven two different Containment Units into violence and chaos with only a minor slap on the wrist and a transfer for discipline.
Truth be told, Ruby thinks Sapphire is probably more powerful than her. Her innate talents are certainly greater, anyway. Without her own elemental connection being such a convenient foil for Sapphire’s ice, Ruby wouldn’t have been assigned as her handler. Brute force—her only other defining characteristic—is pretty easy to come by, after all.
Sometimes, in her lowest moments, Ruby can’t understand what Sapphire sees in her. She’s uncultured and argumentative, and she feels things altogether too hard; she flies in the face of logic and inevitability when she’s mad, simply to get a reaction. Who does that?
Nevertheless, in the grass outside of that generic pink diner in Keystone, Ruby sees Sapphire crying and can feel herself breaking in response. Her fury is suddenly gone, and the raw, stinging cavity that it leaves behind is quickly filled with culpability. Everything she knows she’s been doing, all of the responses she knows she should have said before, come tumbling out in an earnest, inadvertent plea. “No, no, no! This is all my fault! I didn’t want to look for a solution, I-I just wanted to be mad. You’re right! You’re always right! I was being stupid—”
“I don’t think you’re stupid!”
Ruby jumps, stunned. Sapphire’s voice is jagged with emotion, and the tears are still spilling over her lips. She’s miserable, and barely contained—but she agrees with Ruby, as she has this entire time. Why couldn’t she have just said that from the start? Wouldn’t that have made things easier for everyone?
Somehow, though validation is all Ruby wanted, this feels like too steep a price to pay for it. Abruptly, she feels like a fool for pushing this hard, for taking all of the blame onto herself, for not trying to understand the way Sapphire has been working to keep the peace amongst the Crystal Gems this entire time. (She’s terrible at it, but that’s not the point.) The point is that Ruby hasn’t been trying to be anything but self-righteously hurt and angry, and while those emotions are justified she also knows that keeping it up forever isn’t practical. It certainly hasn’t helped them.
“I’m sorry…” Just like always, she’s the first to apologize. She doesn’t mind, though. At least, not this time. Please don’t let me make you feel like this anymore.
Sapphire doesn’t flinch when Ruby reaches for her, gently parting her bangs so they can make direct eye contact.
“You honestly think I’m not upset about what happened?” asks Sapphire softly. Her entire being seems to radiate sadness and guilt and I can’t believe you thought that of me, but all Ruby can do is helplessly wipe the tears away. “I was just—trying to do the right thing.”
“I know.” Ruby’s voice is so small, because—oh, hell, she always knew. They’re both trying to do the right thing, by their team and by themselves, which is why this whole thing hurts so much. If she had maybe brought this up earlier…
Sapphire holds Ruby’s hand against her cheek and lets out a breath into her palm. She appreciates the contact, is taking comfort from it, but she’s listless. What are we going to do now?
You dedicate an eternity to someone, and you start picking up on the things they want to say, even if it never actually comes out. They separate so infrequently these days that Ruby forgets she can do that.
Sapphire is the loveliest gem Ruby’s ever known. Even now, she knows she’s so lucky they have this connection.
Ruby can feel her expression softening as her fingers flex against Sapphire’s cheek, and Sapphire’s hold on them tightens. When was the last time Ruby took the time to appreciate her?
“You know what’s nice about being split up?”
“What?”
The concern emanating from Sapphire, barefaced and coated in dread—oh no, what now?—prods Ruby to be even cheesier than she originally intended. Sapphire doesn’t know it yet, but she’s asked for it.
“I get to look at you.”
Once the first surprised laugh bubbles out, such a beautiful thing (“Be serious!”), Ruby knows things will be okay. She can’t help dropping the laughy Sapphy line after that; the moment is just too perfect, and Sapphire’s partially embarrassed, mostly pleased flush never, ever gets old. Ruby grins and holds her close, peppers her with kisses—we’re in this together, no matter what; I know you care, I always did; I love you, I adore you—without much concern for Steven’s young gaze. He’s seen worse on TV, and besides, Sapphire closed eye and continued giggling means that she doesn’t really mind. Right now, Ruby can’t be convinced that much else matters.
This issue is far from solved. The hurt is still there, and still mostly unaddressed. But Sapphire is her partner, her whole world, and just knowing that she’s on Ruby’s side is the first step towards the kind of reconciliation that can only make them all stronger in the end. She doesn’t need dumb old future vision in order to see that coming.
Fighting with Sapphire is the worst, but maybe giving in to the inevitable—that she loves Sapphire far more than she loves being angry, and Sapphire will never give up on her—isn’t always a bad thing.