A Cry For Reaction, Part III
Maybe it’s her. Maybe she’s the problem.
After all, what else do Sardonyx and Sugilite have in common? The fact that these instances of fusion have both become disastrous for the wellbeing of the team and its members is something that Garnet’s been thinking a lot about recently.
Things weren’t like this, before Rose left. Perhaps that’s the catalyst, the spark, but it’s starting to feel as if Garnet herself is fanning the flames somehow.
How can Amethyst and Pearl be terrified of her disapproval, and yet so unreasonably excited about fusing with her? How does that even work?
Garnet wasn’t lying when she told Pearl she’s not as strong as everyone thinks. While it’s true that Sapphire and Ruby are a great support system, there are times when even they are not enough (particularly when they, too, are upset). When that happens—and it’s been happening with alarming frequency these days—Garnet doesn’t know where to turn.
She’s a leader. Leaders can’t show weaknesses—at least, not weaknesses like this. When everyone else is falling apart, it’s up to Garnet to stay composed and calm. She doesn’t have Rose’s talent of showing overflowing empathy while also retaining her image as a strong and capable warrior. Maybe she hadn’t wanted to lead at first, but allowing the power vacuum that Rose left behind to destroy her team any more than strictly necessary hadn’t felt like an option, either. Garnet has grown into the role now, but in so many ways it still feels like their first year without Rose, where Garnet seems to be the only one who is capable of functioning, despite everything.
And now these fusion disasters.
Maybe she’s not strong enough for this.
She has to be, though. If Garnet can’t do this, then who will?
Fusing while angry was a mistake. Yes, the communication hub needed to come down, but not like that. She’s still trying to wrap her mind around Amethyst’s enigmatic silence as Sugilite watched the jerry-rigged tower fall for good. Garnet had been too raw and betrayed and angry to notice at the time, but in hindsight it’s obvious. Acute.
Is Garnet really that intimidating?
Sure, she knows that her silences can unnerve strangers sometimes, but Amethyst and Pearl aren’t strangers. They know her better than anyone.
That makes their fear more powerful and meaningful, doesn’t it?
Steven isn’t afraid of her. Doesn’t that count for something?
Well, maybe not. Steven doesn’t seem to find Lapis or Peridot the least bit threatening, either.
We’re so much weaker than you.
It puts the pre-fusion giddiness into perspective, doesn’t it? Maybe she noticed before Amethyst brought it up, and maybe she didn’t. It seems so obvious now, though.
This was never a problem while Rose was still here. As far as Garnet knows, it hasn’t been a problem until just this recently. Has something changed? Has she changed?
Can this be fixed?
If it can, then Garnet can’t think of how, and her future vision is being frustratingly vague about the whole thing.
Fusing with you is our one chance to be stronger.
Garnet herself doesn’t really understand that sentiment, but Ruby and Sapphire do. Even with their Mohs and elemental advantages, on their own they’re actually less powerful than you’d think; it’s the whole asymmetry thing working against them. Even so, while combined they’re nearly twice as strong as the average. They’ve grown so used to Garnet’s standard, and to having control that level of power over the centuries, that they barely think about it anymore. Being separated on that Homeworld ship should have reminded them, but they were so absorbed with finding each other again that they scarcely noticed anything else.
Garnet’s power had once been intoxicating, remember?
So is it simply a matter of self-control? Responsibility?
Why now?
Garnet lets out a heavy breath. Sometimes, she really wishes she could talk to someone other than—well, herself. Good leaders don’t do that, though. Rose certainly didn’t, and she was fine right up until the end.
She’s not Rose Quartz (obviously), and she knows that. Still, Rose is the only example of good, solid leadership that Garnet knows, and even if she has no real hope of matching it she can’t help trying.
Maybe the problem really is her. Maybe the reason she’s become so scary to her friends is because she’s gone opaque trying not to worry everyone. She’s built up a legend of impenetrability that has made her appear steady and reliable, yes, but also utterly unapproachable. Pearl and Amethyst would have confided in her before, but maybe the reason they don’t know is because they don’t feel like Garnet cares anymore.
Maybe the problem is that she’s trying to be something other than herself.