Fun, Vis a Vis Sardonyx
Sardonyx is a lot of fun.
Not fun in the reckless, consuming way that Sugilite is fun, but the kind of fun that makes you laugh until your sides hurt. Innocent fun. Sardonyx delights in her own quirkiness, enjoys magic tricks, loves to laugh, takes pride in her work—she’s just an all-around happy fusion.
Is she conceited? Indubitably. And sometimes Sardonyx is also a bit too uppity, but if hard pressed she can figure out when it’s time to be serious. Sometimes.
Garnet enjoys being Sardonyx. She truly does. She’s so much more relaxed now that Steven is aware of Ruby and Sapphire and her future vision, but she knows her own personality will always trend towards the serious; it feels great to be goofy for once. After the horror of the cluster, and the anxiety caused by Malachite and Homeworld and Peridot, knowing that someone else fundamentally understands fusion the way she does—and then can help her become a part of someone so cheerful—is the breath of fresh air that Garnet needs. In hindsight, she clung to Sardonyx too. Sardonyx is so much fun to be, and she feels wonderful; she’s a great escape from everything that’s going on. That she’s actually useful to addressing the revitalized communication hub is just the cherry on top.
Pearl doesn’t think of herself like that, but she’s good at fusing. Amethyst has grown up a lot, especially recently, but she still becomes overzealous and unprofessional without guidance and supervision. Pearl does not. She’s mature enough to handle herself, and in a lot of ways fusing with her is so much easier because Garnet simply doesn’t have to worry. Sardonyx has never fallen apart the way that Alexandrite does; she always separates neatly and peaceably.
Looking back, Garnet is kicking herself for not realizing what was going on with Pearl sooner. Pearl unquestionably took Rose’s decision to have Steven the hardest, and she has struggled to recover from that, but in hindsight there has been something truly, heart-wrenchingly off about her since they found Rose’s scabbard.
Steven mentioned to Garnet once, briefly, that Pearl has accidentally called him Rose. He didn’t divulge all of the details because he didn’t think Pearl would appreciate it, but he also told Garnet about chasing after Pearl on the strawberry battlefield. That, along with the recent you-are-nothing indoctrination with Connie, should have tipped her off. She should have seen.
She should have felt it, when they were Sardonyx.
It really had been a while, though. Gem memory is fairly accurate, but time always, always smudges the finer details. If Garnet thought that Pearl felt odd, or that her giddiness over being Sardonyx was a little manic, then it was simply written off as a detail she misremembered from the last time. Maybe she should have realized that Pearl was embracing Sardonyx a little too eagerly—but there again, Pearl and Amethyst are always like that when they fuse with Garnet. She just figures they’re excited to interact with Sapphire and Ruby. While they’re never truly gone, it’s different when Ruby and Sapphire interact with the Crystal Gems as themselves, so fusing with Amethyst or Pearl can be a lot like a reunion.
Still, Pearl hides her loneliness well. Even as Sardonyx, Garnet couldn’t feel it. Or maybe Sardonyx filled the loneliness before she had the chance to sense it. Sapphire’s calm and Ruby’s passion tend to soothe and encourage simultaneously, automatically, because that’s just how they are with others. And Pearl is such an easy partner to work with—how often does that happen? Because Sardonyx is as silly as she is efficient, sometimes things get subconsciously ramped up to 11.
So maybe it isn’t hard to understand why Pearl’s loneliness was so well obscured.
Garnet knows that Amethyst and Pearl look up to her as a fighter and a leader—of course she does. Pearl reaches for her whenever she’s in need of reassurance, and when she’s compromised the typically rebellious Amethyst always looks to her for direction. Typically Garnet is contented with filling these roles that Rose left behind. After all, there are only three of them left, so who else can do it? Steven? He’s far too young for something like that.
She just… never realized that Pearl looks up to her as an inspiration for self-confidence, too.
Garnet loves herself. How can she not, when she is the literal personification of Ruby and Sapphire’s love? She doesn’t need to look outside of herself for validation, because her internal doubts tend to be soothed by Sapphire and Ruby by the simple virtue of their presence within her, being her. If that doesn’t work, then all she has to do is wake them up and ask; Garnet is never alone. In that sense, she is self-contained.
It never occurred to her that someone else might envy that, least of all Pearl. Pearl has singlehandedly reinvented what it means to be a pearl; she’s unbelievably resourceful and precise, her drive is indefatigable, and she’s one of the best damn swordfighters Garnet has ever known—and pearls are noncombative gems! Garnet always thought she was proud of that.
But Pearl is trying desperately to fill the yawning cavern that Rose Quartz’s constant support and encouragement left behind, and she thinks she’s worthless because she couldn’t protect Rose from herself. She’s trying, but she can’t fix herself like she fixes Greg Universe’s van. Pearl needs external help and affection and support in order to heal, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. But she’s been like this for years, and what does it say about Garnet that she’s never noticed until now?
Gems are too long-lived for their relationships to be easily defined as This or That, especially longstanding ones like theirs. Amethyst and Pearl are Garnet’s well-oiled team, her best friends, her sisters, her fellow mothers to Steven, and her wards—but they’re more than that, too. You can’t fuse with just anybody, you know? Fusion is the ultimate connection between gems—it’s powerful, but it’s intimate too.
Ruby and Sapphire’s relationship is straightforward; when they say love, they mean romance, and they happily accept all of the necessary trusts and commitments that come with it. They enjoy being intimate with one another—it’s all they ever want to be. It’s not complicated.
You spend five thousand years living in isolation with three other people that you occasionally share your entire being with, and you try to describe what they are to you in only a few words. Caring deeply for them comes with the territory, and in so many ways that love touches upon every subtlety it can. You would do anything to make them happy and healthy, just as you understand that you are, in fact, an integral part of their health and happiness, and it goes both ways. It’s not easy to explain. There is no word in any human language to describe it. Garnet’s bond with Pearl and Amethyst is multifaceted, and it is rooted in her far deeper than any human can manage in a single lifespan, and at this point she wouldn’t have it any other way.
All of which is to say, there are no words to describe what it’s like when the trust that inherently exists within such a bond is breached and broken. Can something so complex even be glued back together after it is shattered like this? Will it take another five thousand years?
Maybe, if Garnet had only noticed Pearl’s devastating emptiness sooner, they would have been able to avoid this.
Sardonyx used to be fun. Really fun. The kind of innocent, happy fun that makes you laugh so hard your sides hurt. Hopefully, one day, she will be again.