Hell In A Blue Dress
Sapphire is a longtime witness of various deaths and destructions. It’s always been this way, ever since she forced her way out of the soil, lo those many centuries ago. She sees the worst of every situation so often that callouses have formed, and she can no longer be scared of the possibility of something going wrong.
Since she sacrificed her second eye, the visions have come in purer clarity: Less choppy, and with more sensory details. Still, those old mental fortitudes hold, and at the end of the day Sapphire can always establish a distinction between what is and what can be; she is unshaken, no less grim than she’s ever been. This is a trait she passes on to Garnet, and Ruby has never experienced what it’s like not to have it. She will never be so vulnerable and blindsided.
Good, Sapphire thinks. I’d never wish that for you.
When Garnet splits apart, she doesn’t die. She is the incarnation of an emotion, the physical manifestation of a bond between two beings. You can’t kill that by unfusing her. It’s not that simple.
Likewise, she doesn’t die when Ruby falls.
She doesn’t die when the war shatters the bright red gem, either.
Just because Garnet isn’t dead doesn’t mean she will ever form again. There are two halves to make her whole, after all, and if one of them is irrevocably destroyed…
Garnet might as well be dead.
Sapphire would have endured the same fate, were her Mohs not that teensy bit higher. As things are, she manages to escape, but just barely. The joys of being a rare corundum.
She didn’t have the chance to snatch up Ruby’s pieces. Not even a shard.
No use looking for them now. She can already See that there’s no way she’ll find them all.
There is no steady warmth within her anymore. She’s alone. Utterly, completely, irreparably.
At this point, Sapphire can’t remember the last time she was alone.
She looks around as the wind picks up, ruffling her tattered skirts and raking her bangs away from her face. All around her, gems are still fighting for the rebellion. There are poofs and flashes of light, retreats and advances. The cacophony of clashing weapons and shouts is loud, but more or less consistent. Perhaps it is her size, but no one has spotted the small blue gem in the dress that’s just… standing there.
Garnet isn’t dead—she can’t be dead, she can’t leave too, Sapphire is still here, she’s still here—but she can’t be remade, either. There is no Garnet without Ruby, and Ruby’s not here anymore. Ruby’s not here, she’s gone, she doesn’t exist anymore—
Shattered gems are just added to the great recycling of the universe, right? It’s only natural.
Only natural.
Garnet’s not dead. Garnet will only die when the love that she personifies is gone, and Sapphire’s still here, she’s still in love, she can’t give up, but she’s gone, oh stars, they’re both gone—
Ruby’s gone. Garnet’s gone. But Sapphire’s not. Sapphire’s not gone, so Garnet isn’t dead.
But Garnet might as well be dead, because Ruby’s dead. All that’s left is some tiny, asymmetrical gem in a flouncy, ripped dress. Shorn in two, half of a whole. She’ll be dead soon, too, because she no longer understands how to function on her own. She’s cold, she’s too fucking cold; she doesn’t know how to be warm anymore.
She hopes she’ll be dead soon.
It probably starts as a song—yeah, that would be like her, singing in a time like this—but it quickly dissolves into the sort of shriek that burns your throat raw (good, let it burn, something needs to burn for her). It immediately draws the enemy’s attention to her, and good, good, let’s fight, fight me, try and stop me, try and tear me apart.
Stop me.
She screams, and she screams. She can’t remember the spiked weapons appearing on her hands, but they sizzle with electricity, and the static builds up in the air. She’s too cold, it’s starting to take over—maybe if she pushes it away, just keeps forcing it out, she’ll feel warm again. Her skirts snap with the force of her motion as she moves fast, faster, fastest, trying to outpace it all (go on, catch me, stop me, use your pathetic swords and spears and axes, see if I care). She can’t, though, the notion is as fast as she is (how is that possible, nothing is that fast, she’s the fastest there is).
The ice that forms on the ground doesn’t bother her. She’s gliding over it anyway, pushing more and more of the cold out of her skin as she moves. She still remembers warmth (it’s got to be in her somewhere); she just has to move this chill away so she can find it.
The thick crack of lightning that pierces and scorches the land doesn’t bother her, either. Well, yes it does. It’s too cold for anything to catch fire, but something has to burn, something has to be warm. (Why is there no fire?)
Her opponents fall—sometimes in droves, sometimes as individuals. Lightning keeps striking vertical, but she is horizontal, and her touch is electric and so cold it burns. They’re both fast, too (fast, fast, faster). That’s close enough, right?
Is she still screaming? Probably.
Why is she doing this? She can See that nothing is going to end well here (is it going to end at all? She doesn’t want to find out, but she does, she wants this to end, stop me, make it stop, please). All she Sees is destruction. Devastation. Emptiness. Ice. What starts badly can never possibly end well. She’s going to self destruct. It’s inevitable.
Ruby’s gone. Garnet’s gone. All the best parts of her are gone. There is no warmth left in her; there’s nothing left but the cold sizzling of the swiftly encroaching future.
“Sapphire!”
Ever since she allowed herself to have only one eye, Sapphire’s visions have come in greater clarity. So clear and vivid, in fact, that there are moments where it’s very hard to tell the difference between them and reality.
“Sapphire, please.”
Sapphire is good at establishing a distinction between what is and what can be. This is a trait she passes on to Garnet, and Ruby has never felt what it’s like to be vulnerable and blindsided.
“I don’t understand what happened. She—you—Garnet was doing fine, right up until Sapphire collapsed. Has this ever happened before?”
“No! I don’t-I don’t understand it. Suddenly, she was just—pushing away. She’s never done this—Sapphire?”
And Ruby still doesn’t know what it’s like to be blindsided by your own visions.
Good, Sapphire thinks. I’d never wish that for you.
She takes in a sharp breath, what feels like her first in a while, and coughs to clear her airway. The sensory details of this world are simultaneously fuzzy and painful, compared to the vision. She can’t quite decide which feels the most realistic (oh, that’s probably not good).
Nevertheless, it’s pretty clear that she’s on the ground right now. Well, she’s mostly just in Ruby’s arms and lap. But Ruby is kneeling on the ground. That still counts, right?
It’s so warm here. Not too hot, not too cold, just wonderfully, beautifully warm.
“Sapphire!” When Sapphire opens her eye, she can see through her hair that her partner is freely weeping. Judging by how wet her face is, this has been going on for a while. “You’re okay,” Ruby half sobs. “You are okay, right?”
Sapphire winces. She’s in trouble, but it could be a lot worse. Ruby could have Seen. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you,” she in a voice that’s raspy like she really has been screaming this entire time.
No. She can’t have been, right?
Abruptly, Ruby is scowling. Her tears instantly volatilize. Pearl, hovering concernedly over her shoulder, startles and gapes at the steam that is suddenly in the air. “Sorry forworrying me? Is that all you can say?” Ruby shouts, her hot-handed grip on Sapphire subconsciously tightening. “Sapphire, if I wasn’t so relieved that you’re still alive and sentient I would be throwing you into orbit right now. What were you thinking? What in the cosmos could have ever made you—no, no, no, no! Don’t cry! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell, I was just so scared when you—S-Sapphire…?”
Ruby’s is limp with confusion as Sapphire presses a kiss to the whole, gently thrumming gem embedded in her broad palm. Her eyes widen with further perplexity when Sapphire sits up in her lap and hugs her hard, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. It wasn’t real, this is real, she’s safe, she’s fine, she’s right here.
“Err, should I go?” asks Pearl awkwardly. “I should go. Yes, I think I’m just going to—leave now…”
Sapphire scarcely notices the lithe gem speed walking away. All she cares about right now is the warm, precious being in her arms.
“You’re incredible, Ruby. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” she whispers into the crook of Ruby’s shoulder. She shuts her eye and presses in closer, drinking in the contact. The warmth. She never wants to feel cold again. “Thank you. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me.”
“Sapphire, I don’t understand,” Ruby says in a small voice. Her arms come around Sapphire anyway, rubbing between her quaking shoulder blades. “What happened? Why did you…” She trails off and stiffens, and Sapphire realizes even through her own soundless sobs that Ruby has a pretty good idea of what happened. “What were you protecting me from, Sapphire?”
Ruby, to her credit, doesn’t pressure her for an answer right away. She lets Sapphire get through the worst of her reaction before drawing back. Even then, though, she cups Sapphire’s cheek with her right hand and brushes her bangs out of the way with soft touches. “You saw something. What didn’t you want me to see?”
Sapphire purses her lips and shakes her head, but nonetheless holds that strong, broad hand against her cheek, presses in. Tears well up and spill over her chin. It was just a vision; it wasn’t real. It just could be.
“It had to have been bad if it made you leave Garnet,” Ruby continues. “I know that, but I don’t want to be protected, Sapphire. I thought the whole point of Garnet was full disclosure. Have you changed your mind? Do you not trust me with this?”
They stare at each other for one long minute, one earnest and searching, the other tender and shaken. Sapphire doesn’t want to relive that vision, but they agreed to take part in a rebellion against their home world. As much as she doesn’t like to think about it, the chances of getting more like it—or of getting the opposite scenario, of Sapphire being destroyed and Ruby remaining—are high. Inevitable, really. Is she just going to rip herself away from Ruby every time? That’s not practical, she knows it, but feeling the agony of that loss even once is more than enough. She doesn’t want to commit Ruby to feeling it even a single time, much less as often as they’re guaranteed to feel it as Garnet.
Finally, she whispers, “If I lost you, I’d fall apart. That’s what I saw. I don’t want you seeing that, or feeling guilty over that.”
“But you experienced that alone,” Ruby says. “How do you think that makes me feel? Would you have wanted me to see something like that without you?”
“No, of course not—”
“Well?”
Burning under Ruby’s expectant gaze, Sapphire eventually submits to the reality of what she’s saying. She softens as her arms go around Ruby’s ribs, holding on, bringing her in close. “I’ve never had a vision like that before,” she confesses. “Not of the aftermath, anyway. I mean, I always knew I’d be upset if I lost you, but that… it makes me wonder if I can stand being apart from you much longer than this anymore.”
“I know what you mean,” Ruby says quietly. “I don’t think I’d react much differently. Well, maybe with more fire.” She offers a tiny grin at Sapphire’s rusty little laugh, and reaches out with her free hand to gently wipe the rest of the tears away. “Did you destroy the enemy in my name, at least?”
Sapphire shoots her a dry look. “Do you even have to ask? Of course I was hell in a blue dress.”
“That’s all a gem can ask for, really.”
It’s really, really not funny, but they share a laugh anyway. Ruby nudges forward, and their eyes meet as their foreheads bump. “When we fuse again, is it okay if I look? Because I want to. I mean it, Sapph: I want to be a part of everything. I’m not afraid.”
Sapphire lets out a small, shaky breath before she nods. “You deserve to know. I just—wish I hadn’t seen it to begin with.”
Ruby offers a small smile, and even though they’re a lot farther away than they’re used to being with each other, Sapphire can feel all of Ruby’s emotions overlying and contradicting each other as acutely as if they were her own. “Yeah, I know.”
Sapphire is good at distinguishing what is from what could be, and she has the mental fortitudes to keep herself, Garnet and Ruby from being damaged by what they see.
Well, maybe that’s not entirely true. After all, she isn’t alone anymore, so it’s only fair that she takes her turn being the protected, as well.