Your Strength

Neither he nor Jared won a Golden Globe. Jensen wasn’t at all disappointed for himself, but felt rather cheated when the Best Actor, Motion Picture: Drama category came around (finally) and Jared wasn’t called to the stage. Jared grinned and shook the winning actor’s hand who they were sitting by, like a true gentleman, and Jensen could see that Jared’s smile was completely sincere. Jensen managed to smile and shake his hand too, but when they sat back down he scowled at Jared, whispering ever so quietly, “That should’ve been you.”

“Okay, Grumpy Pants,” Jared chuckled, leaning over and kissing Jensen on the cheek. “Again, just happy to be nominated.”

Jensen rolled his eyes, knowing that Jared truly meant that—he really was simply happy to be there, which Jensen saw as both adorable and a little naïve. Once Jared started doing more serious movies, and was nominated for more awards, Jensen thought he might begin to lose the adorable excitement for the simple nomination in and of itself. Though, if Hollywood’s affect could completely surpass one person, it would be Jared.

Luckily, though, Felicia took home an award for her directing, and the film won Best Motion Picture: Drama. For the film as a whole, the night was a success. They didn’t have another awards show until the SAGs at the end of the month, then after that, the big one: the Oscars, halfway through February.

Jensen and Jared went to the bar after the Golden Globes, sending Felicia and Gen to the after party to make excuses on their behalves. When they arrived, Chad, Danny, and Chris had already begun the party.

“We thought it would be a fun to play a drinking game for your ritzy little awards show,” Chris laughed as Jensen and Jared sat. Jensen snorted. “Well, we thought you’d win more than just two awards…It turned into a pretty lame drinking game, so we changed it to taking a shot every time Jensen was caught frowning on camera.”

“Was that more lively?” Jensen scowled at them.

“No, sadly,” Danny pouted. “I don’t know if you’re just a much better actor than we know, or if it had something to do with Jared constantly leaning over to whisper in your ear, but you didn’t frown that often. I think we all took the most shots right after Jared lost Best Actor.”

“Yeah, Jensen was a lot more irritated about that than I was,” Jared laughed.

“Well, you deserved to win!” Jensen argued. “That bastard that somehow beat you out didn’t nearly have the range you displayed in our film, didn’t have the emotional background, the interplay of expressional work with vocal complexities! Biases aside, you really did deserve to win.”

They all stared at him for a minute before Jared leaned in, kissed him, and then said, “You’re going to make a great director.”

“Oh, hey, speaking of your upcoming director gig…” Danny raised her eyebrows and was barely suppressing a full-on grin. “You’ll soon be writer, director…and actor?”

Jensen sighed but nodded, and Danny clapped before throwing her arms around him.

“Will you calm down?” he pleaded. “Be cool, Danny.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Danny deadpanned, pulling away from Jensen. “I’m cool. Don’t worry. I’m cool.”

“Good,” he smiled at her. “Anyway, how does it feel not to be in prison?”

“Pretty damn good,” she laughed.

“Agreed,” the boys said in unison, then laughed, clinking shot glasses that Chris had filled for everyone.

They drank and laughed, and Jensen was finally relaxed. The weeks leading up to the trial, even Christmas before that—everything had been quite a strain. He had been comforted endlessly by Jared’s presence, but even so, Jensen was damn happy that everything was going to return to general normalcy. After a few hours hanging with the crew, Jared gave Jensen what Jensen had started calling, only in his head, ‘the fireplace eyes’. They were similar to bedroom eyes in theory, but promised so much more: the kind of heat that an impromptu romp in front of the fireplace in a cabin at Christmas time aroused, the kind of heat that inspired pros on passion and love to flow chaotically behind Jensen’s eyelids, something Jensen had never before experienced. Jensen bit his lip to get a handle on the flood of blood that went to both to his head and to other regions less easily concealed as he met Jared’s eyes again, hoping they portrayed the matching degree of love that Jensen felt. Immediately, Jared smile coyly and yawned.

“You know,” Jared said through the yawn. “It’s been a long day, I think Jensen and I should head home. Ready to go, babe?”

“I am a little fatigued,” Jensen added with a shrug that he thought added just the right touch of nonchalance.

“God,” Danny rolled her eyes. “How either of you plan to make a career of acting if that’s the best you can do is beyond me. You’re going home to have sex. We all saw the look. You two are disappointingly unsubtle.”

Jensen was embarrassed for a moment before he broke into a grin, which he flashed at Danny. “Oh, are you jealous, gorgeous? You’re certainly welcome to join us.”

“Uh, that’s…that’s my girlfriend?” Chris pointed out with a laugh.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Jared grinned mischievously, winking at Chris. “You’re invited too, big boy.”

Jensen leaned in to the kiss Danny’s cheek, kissed Chris on the lips, grabbed Jared’s hand, and departed. Jensen and Jared grabbed a cab and hard core made out all the way home before dragging each other into the house, nearly ignoring the dogs’ greetings, pushing and pulling into the bedroom. They had left the Golden Globes and went immediately to the bar still in their tuxes. Jensen liked slowly gyrating the silky tie from Jared’s neck, pulling his jacket off and spending absolutely no time ripping his tight white shirt that had been mocking Jensen by covering his favorite human being all night. Jared stilled Jensen’s hands after essentially ruing Jared’s shirt, and returned the favor in kind by yanking off his coat and throwing it behind him, pulling Jensen’s shirt over his head without even trying to bother with the buttons and flipping them so he straddled Jensen’s waist, leaning over him and kissing his forehead a million times.

“Jared, I love you, but if you don’t kiss me on my goddamn lips right now, I will have to fuck you until you can’t walk.” Jensen laughed breathily, his voice rough.

Jared pulled back with a grin and very slowly leaned down until their lips were barely brushing, whispered, “Promise?”

Jensen let out a low moan in the back of his throat as Jared returned to plant one last kiss on Jensen’s forehead. “Promise,” Jensen replied as he wrapped his strong arms around Jared’s waist and flipped Jared over onto the bed, ripping open Jared’s belt after some angry man-vs.-object struggling, and managed to pull Jared’s pants off without much more hindrance. Jensen began to take his pants off quickly, but Jared sat up, stilling Jensen’s hands again and leaning in to kiss Jensen’s stomach a few times.

“Take your time, babe,” Jared grinned up at Jensen.

Jensen laughed and kissed Jared’s forehead as he slowly undid his button and zipper, shimmying out of his pants with a few hilarious hip wiggles. Jared laughed and pulled him close again to kiss each of Jensen’s protruding hip bones. Jensen cupped Jared’s face for a moment, kissing him deeply before going to the bedside table and pulling out lube.

He returned to Jared and got on his knees in front of Jared’s seat on the bed. Jensen slid a hand up Jared’s thigh, which he was pleased to see made Jared tremble just slightly, up to the hem of Jared’s boxers and tugged them, Jared lifting his hips a little to aide Jensen. Jensen immediately went to work, swallowing Jared’s cock almost all the way down, making Jared gasp and moan. While hollowing out his cheeks, Jensen squirted a bit of lube onto his hand and began fingering Jared open with gentle precision. Jared carded a hand through Jensen’s hair, moaning out and slurred “I love you” as he did; after only a few moments, record time for Jensen, Jared was opened wide enough to take Jensen. Jensen stood and pulled off his own boxers slowly, and lathered his cock with lube before pressing against Jared gently. Jensen leaned his forehead against Jared’s, cupping the back of Jared’s neck lightly with one hand as he guided his cock into Jared with the other. Jared let out a low sigh-gasp as Jensen pulled out and reentered a couple time, adding lube to the perfect slickness. Jared rested his hands on Jensen’s hips and kept them there as Jensen began thrusting slowly but roughly into Jared, pushing Jared farther back on the bed for a better angle. Jensen groaned into each thrust and Jared nearly whimpered as Jensen’s cock hit his prostate with every groan. They writhed as they fucked, switching top and bottom and nearly falling off the bed—and nearly killing the mood for laughing so hard at it. It was lazy and hot and comfortable and passionate and Jensen loved Jared with his whole being. Finally, after forcing themselves and each other to hold out as long as they could, they both came, exploding inside and against one another with ecstatic release. They fell against each other and farther onto the bed, tangled in sheets. Jared grinned at Jensen.

“I’m rather stupidly in love with you,” he murmured against Jensen’s cheek and Jensen laughed.

“What makes it stupid?” he inquired.

“I don’t know,” Jared shrugged. “The fact that no one who so wholly loves someone else as thoroughly as I do you has to be stupid, for whatever reason.”

“I disagree,” Jensen kissed Jared’s nose. “Because I too am so wholly in love with you, and it’s the smartest thing I’ve ever done—love you. The easiest, the smartest, the best thing I’ve ever done.”

“You’re such a sappy romantic,” Jared breathed against his lips as he went in to kiss Jensen deeply and for a very long time. “Alright, I have to pee now.”

“Ah, romance,” Jensen laughed.

“Not peeing after sex results in UTIs,” Jared pointed out factually and Jensen laughed.

“Go pee, babe,” he encouraged.

“I will,” Jared confirmed. “But first, my customary knock knock joke.”

“Go for it,” Jensen grinned.

“Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Cash.”

“Cash who?”

“No thanks, I’d rather have a peanut.”

Jensen stared at him in silence for a moment before snorting and chuckling. “That was ridiculous.”

“Now, to pee,” Jared stood and threw on boxers, making Jensen laugh a little mockingly.

“Hey, don’t laugh! I don’t want to corrupt my poor doggies’ eyes,” Jared defended and Jensen rolled his eyes as Jared threw open the door and went across the hall, not even bothering closing the bathroom door. As Jared left, Jensen crawled to the edge of the bed and retrieved a small bag he’d placed behind one of the legs of the bed, against the wall. He heard the toilet flush and the faucet turn on.

“Hey, Jay,” Jensen called with a huge grin. “I have a better knock knock joke. Knock knock!”

“Who’s there?” Jared called back, the faucet turning off and Jensen could hear him start to pad back towards the bedroom.

“Will,” Jensen yelled just slightly too loud in his excitement.

“Will who?” Jared replied as he walked into the hallway, but paused at the threshold of the door to the bedroom as he saw Jensen, sprawled on his stomach, naked and grinning like, as Jensen could only assume, a maniac.

“Will you marry me?” Jensen pulled an intricate, thick silver wedding band from the velvet bag he’d retrieved from under the bed, holding it up to Jared, who looked awestruck.

“Did you…just…propose to me…” Jared stammered.

“Well, I’d hoped it would go without asking, but yes,” Jensen replied.

“…propose to me…with a knock knock joke?” Jared finished.

“I thought it appropriate…” Jensen felt a little nervous, suddenly. But he needn’t, for Jared broke into a huge grin, vaulting the rest of the way to the bed in one leap and jumping on Jensen, showering him with kisses.

“You’re perfect,” Jared commented in between kisses. “That’s perfect. Dear lord, that’s the most perfect thing you could’ve done.”

“Actually, originally, I was going to do it when we were down in Texas, on the drive to your parents’ house, where you told me your dad proposed to your mom,” Jensen confided. “Still with the joke, but under the same cherry tree.”

Jared stilled above Jensen’s face where he’d been about to kiss Jensen on the lips.

“You…I…” Jared paused for a very long moment. “Jensen Ross Ackles, I don’t know what the fuck I did to deserve you.”

“You were you,” Jensen laughed.

“Well, if it’s that easy,” Jared kissed Jensen for a long moment.

When they parted, Jensen said a little hesitantly, “You know…you haven’t actually officially answered.”

“God, Jensen, yes,” Jared laughed. “Yes. Of course, yes. I wouldn’t come tackle you if I was going to say no. Why the hell would I say no?”

“Okay,” Jensen sighed happily. “Okay.”

“I love you,” Jared said unnecessarily but Jensen liked hearing it, would never tire of hearing it.

“I love you too,” he replied.

Obviously, Jensen thought, they had to go for round two after that, and their celebrations lasted all the way into the wee early hours of the morning. As the horizon brightened almost imperceptibly with the promising kiss of an awakening sun, Jensen and Jared fell asleep in one another’s embrace.

Very late the next morning, Jensen stretched out and sighed happily again, rolling over onto Jared a little, who was already up and simply watching the sun play across the back of Jensen’s hand.

“Morning, To-Be-Hubby,” Jensen greeted sleepily, feeling a bit of a thrill run down his spine as he said it. Jared grinned at him, pulling him against his warm chest.

“Morning,” Jared kissed along the top of Jensen’s head. “So, when did you want to tell people how you’re stuck with me for eternity?”

“Whenever,” Jensen shrugged and then sighed a little resignedly as he considered, “We should probably tell Steve soon.”

“I could text him real quick,” Jared offered. “He’d probably be the easiest to tell, he wouldn’t make a big deal.”

“Sure,” Jensen agreed, sitting up a little more as Jared grabbed his phone and jotted out a quick message about the engagement, sending it to Steve. Jensen turned and smiled at Jared. “Okay, now people know. You can’t back out.”

“Why would I back out? I just trapped a fucking Greek god into marrying me,” Jared laughed. “I have this perfect specimen of a man crazy enough to love me. It’s you that should want to back out.”

“Can we just agree that we both want to marry one another?” Jensen suggested and Jared laughed, nodding.

“Okay,” Jared agreed, and was stopped from saying more as Steve replied:

‘Fuck yeah.’

Jensen and Jared laughed but then Steve followed up immediately with, ‘We’re not going public until after the Oscars so tell your fucking friends and family to keep their gabby fucking mouths closed until then.’

“He’s so…” Jared began, drifting off.

“Brash?” Jensen offered. “Belligerent?”

“Yes,” Jared nodded with a laugh. “Damn, it just takes so much effort to swear that much when texting. That’s some serious determination.”

“He’s probably just talking into his phone,” Jensen provided.

“Yeah, probably,” Jared agreed, then looked at Jensen meaningfully for a long moment before starting, “So, speaking of friends and family…who do you want to tell next?”

“Maybe we should start with friends? Since they’re here in the state…then…we could maybe fly down and surprise our families?”

“You want to fly down again?” Jared smiled at Jensen, who looked a little sheepish.

“I kind of already booked our tickets,” Jensen admitted. “We leave this weekend.”

Jared laughed, hugging Jensen against his chest for a moment. “You were very sure I was going to say yes, weren’t you?”

“Plane tickets are easily cancelled,” Jensen shrugged with a chuckle.

“Let’s invite the gang over for dinner tonight,” Jared suggested next without even spending time on the tickets comment.

“Sure,” Jensen smiled. “If you want.”

That night, they managed to gather everyone around the table: Chad and Misha, Chris and Danny, Felicia and Gen, along with baby Camille who was having a blast making faces at the attentive dogs beneath her. They all sat around the dining table covered with food Jensen had whipped up and Jared kept casually scratching his face with his left hand, to no avail. Jensen thought it’d be funny if someone just happened to see the ring, but no one seemed to be paying too close attention to Jared’s left ring finger. Finally, after a great story Felicia told about a particularly funny situation regarding their nanny, Jared laughed and piped in with,

“Oh my God, Felicia, that’s so funny. That’s so you. Ha! I wish I’d been there.” Felicia laughed with him and he added after, “You know, Jensen did something funny too last night.”

“Oh God, if this is a sex story, there’s a reason we didn’t join you, Jared,” Danny groaned playfully.

“Kind of,” Jared laughed too. “But no, you’ll like it.”

“Okay, well, spit it out, man!” Misha prodded and Jared looked at Jensen, who rolled his eyes and waved him on.

“Yeah, funny, funny,” Jared laughed. “You’ll love it, it’s a great story.”

“Jared,” Jensen prodded and Jared laughed, flashing Jensen a special grin as he finally revealed it to the group.

“He proposed.”

The table went silent, all but Camille freezing and staring at Jared and then at Jensen in a quiet shock for a few moments until Jared clarified, “And, I mean, obviously I said yes.”

The table erupted after that with praise, Danny nearly bursting into tears and Camille giggling beautiful little baby giggles at the sudden commotion. The following weekend, Jensen and Jared flew down and gathered both their families together at Jensen’s family’s house. The reaction was quite similar, both of Jensen and Jared’s sisters getting angry with Jensen for not consulting with them. They flew home later in the week, and before Jensen knew it, the SAGs were upon them. Jensen was going as Jared’s date, and was glad that there wasn’t a possibility for him to have to make a speech. They went without event, and Jensen felt overwhelmingly happy when Jared won. He felt far happier than he’d ever been to receive an award and when Jared thanked him in his speech, he was a little embarrassed to realize he was a little teary. Afterwards, Jared grinned at him.

“Did I make an idiot of myself? It was kind of a daze, I don’t remember what I said.” Jared laughed and Jensen rolled his eyes.

“Of course you didn’t make a fool of yourself,” Jensen laughed. “You were composed and very thoughtful.”

“Damn,” Jared lamented. “Guess we’ll have to get drunk at the Oscars, make that shit exciting.”

“Yes, because I’m such perfect evidence of why to do exactly that,” Jensen laughed.

The weeks in between the SAGs and the Oscars flew by for Jensen as he worked and fielded constant wedding texts from his sister and mother that he wasn’t even going to start thinking about until after the Academy Awards. The Sunday flew around the corner and, as if he had blinked, Jared was straightening his tie and looking nervous as all hell.

“You’re going to win,” Jensen told him, and Jared shrugged a little, pouring all his concentration into Jensen’s tie. “Jay, don’t be nervous. You’re going to win.”

“I don’t care if I win,” Jared replied and Jensen knew he was being honest. “I’m nervous for all of us.”

Jensen cupped Jared’s face and kissed him slowly. Jared moaned into it a little bit, pulling away.

“Don’t get me all riled up,” Jared laughed airily. “I cannot arrive at my first Academy Awards with a boner.”

“Hey, you wanted to liven it up,” Jensen pointed out, winking.

“I changed my mind,” Jared shook his head and cringed when they heard the car pull up to the curb with a honk.

“Come on, babe,” Jensen grabbed his hand, feeling both nervous, yet calmed with Jared at his side. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

When they arrived, they got through the red carpet melee fairly unharmed. Jared refused to take the wedding ring off, but Steve was very vehement it not be seen, so Jared had his hand either in his pocket or obscured by Jensen’s for the entire walk. He and Jensen had decided to buy Jensen’s matching ring after the ceremony for the exact reason of not adding to the difficulties of the evening. When inside, they waited and talked with Felicia, Gen glittering on her arm, and Misha, who had wanted to bring Chad, but had decided against it, as Chad had made no public statement regarding his sexuality as of yet. Jensen didn’t even want to deal with the argument he could make in Misha’s favor, since Chad had yet to hide their relationship from prying eyes either.

Jared met almost all the Hollywood royalty and was convinced that no matter the outcome of the awards, he would be happy just for that. When they finally went into the large theatre and took their seats, Jared could only look around with awe.

“All of our categories are towards the end,” Jensen explained. “So if you need to leave, they’ll replace you temporarily with a sit-in. There’s a drink service available, if you’re so inclined.”

“I love how much you know about this,” Jared laughed.

“Well, I have been here before,” Jensen winked.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Jared laughed.

“You’ll get bored,” Jensen warned quietly. “Sure, the host keeps it lively, but it’s still just a bunch of people getting awards for a bunch of stuff for a very long time.”

Jensen saw he was right as the show started and after only 45 minutes, Jared’s attention was wondering. They people watched silently, murmuring almost incoherent comments to each other about the people around them, almost making one another laugh at very inopportune times. Finally, towards the end, Jared perked up.

“You’re almost up,” Jared murmured and Jensen shrugged.

“I won’t win,” he said solidly.

“…and now…” the pauses were excruciating for Jensen and he felt stupid crossing his fingers that he wouldn’t win. Just so long as Felicia, Jared, and the film itself was honored, he didn’t need an Oscar, he didn’t need to embarrass himself again. “…the award for Best Original Screenplay…goes to…Jensen Ackles, Trauma!”

“Fuck,” he muttered and forced a smile, and Jared leaned in to hug him, stifling a laugh at Jensen’s anger. Everyone stood and clapped and Jensen had no clue why so many beaming faces seemed so sincere. Many people slapped him on the shoulder as he walked up to the podium and he could feel his heart beat throughout his entire body. He took the small statue from the actor that he knew but couldn’t name for his suddenly blurry vision. He turned to the podium and cleared his throat, forcing his smile further.

“Hi,” he began and sighed immediately. “Last time I was up here didn’t go well, but this time I’m sober, so I’m going to try this again. This is a huge honor, and I want to legitimately thank the Academy. And I only have a limited time, which I am aware of this time around, so I’m going to keep the rest of my list short. I’d like to thank Felicia: she’s a visionary director and a wonderful human being. And above all else, I’d like to thank Jared Padalecki who brought the entire movie together flawlessly. Thank you!”

Jensen turned and felt like puking. He hurried into the curtains, urged on by ushers into a waiting area that would hold him until his predecessor was done with the press junket. He heard tremulous applause, a joke at his expense, and on to the next award. After this, they would choose best director, then actor, then motion picture of the year. He wanted to hear them all and he hoped more than anything that the questions would go quickly so he could get back and hear whether his friends were getting the acclaims they deserved. He won, which didn’t bode well for one of the remaining categories, and he hoped, even a little guiltily, that Jared didn’t lose.

The ushers pushed him into the press room, where he belted out half hearted answers to everything. Eventually, they let him go and he returned to his seat silently just as they called Felicia’s name. He stood and hugged her, as did Jared. Gen was in tears and Felicia was simply grinning. Her speech was spunky, as was expected, but Jensen barely heard a word as his stomach twisted into knots waiting for Jared’s category. Finally,

“The award for Best Actor in a Motion Picture goes to…” the pause on this one was more excruciating than any other. It was as if the actor couldn’t read, or couldn’t manage to open a simple envelope. But finally, finally he concluded, “…Jared Padalecki, Trauma!”

Jensen turned to Jared with a grin to see his fiancé’s face blank—utterly stunned.

“I actually won,” he murmured in a rush to Jensen, and Jensen threw his arms around his neck.

“Told you,” Jensen whispered, kissing Jared for a moment before gently pushing him down the aisle and towards the stage. Jared mounted the stage, taking the solid gold figurine from the presenter. He looked out to the audience with huge eyes that shone with happy bewilderment.

“Man, this is surreal as hell,” Jared told the audience, who laughed. He joined after a moment, grimacing. “Sorry, probably shouldn’t swear. But…wow. Thank you, Academy Awards, for giving me the most expensive action figure ever. And thank you, Felicia Day, for watching whatever she saw me in and thinking I might actually make a serious actor one day.” Jared’s grin was contagious and Jensen couldn’t help but join him, fairly tearfully. “And, of course, I’d like to thank the immensely talented writer of Trauma, my fiancé, Jensen Ackles.”

Jensen froze for a moment before letting out a startled laugh that was a little too loud. Jared seemed to hear it and realized his blunder. However, instead of covering it, he grinned. “Yes, my biggest thanks to my fiancé. Jensen Ackles, thank you so much for everything that you’ve given me. I’m immensely grateful, and extremely excited to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Jared nodded and ducked behind the curtains where the ushers motioned him. Jensen stared at where Jared had disappeared and laughed quietly again. Felicia, who sat directly behind him, leaned forward and whispered, “Well, guess that cat’s out of the bag.”

Jensen laughed again and rolled his eyes. He couldn’t even feign anything other than elation. His Jared had just won. Jared—who deserved more than the world could give him, who deserved a million Oscars just for breathing—won. He let out a long, happy sigh. He didn’t even care about the metal statue that Jensen held, rather he cared about the one that would match it. He thought, with a smirk, they’d make great bookends.

He was forced to take the stage a final time when, above all odds, Trauma took Best Motion Picture of the Year as well.

“We won all four!” Felicia squealed in his ear and he looked around for Jared, knowing that he probably wouldn’t be able to make it back to the stage for their final bow. However, he was mistaken as he saw Jared shoo an usher back into the dark mists of the curtains as he reappeared on the stage, hugging Felicia and everyone as they gathered in front of the microphone. Everyone pushed Felicia to the microphone again to speak their gratitude and Jared sidled lastly to Jensen himself, pulling him into a long embrace.

“Steve is going to kill you,” Jensen laughed into Jared’s ear.

“I don’t care,” Jared laughed. “I wanted to thank not just Jensen Ackles, but Jensen Ackles, my future husband.” After a moment, Jared added, “So now we have some great matching bookends.”

Jensen blinked up at Jared with a mixture of surprise and adoration. “God, we’re kinda perfect for each other, you know that?”

“Yeah,” Jared agreed, kissing his forehead. “I do know that.”