I'm not an angel
Friday
8:55pm
No. There’s no way she was looking at you. You were certain. But you cant really argue that theory when you both seem to have locked eyes. Why? Why was Carmilla looking at you of all people and so.. Intensely. You can’t really deny the girl is down right jaw dropping gorgeous in her leather pants and grey and black flowy top. That being all the more reason to question as to why she would even glance your way. You're just some small town provincial girl who’s way to tightly wound, that studies journalism and barely knows your way around your own campu-
“Hey Laura? Did you even hear what I said?” Laf interrupts with an eyebrow raised causing you to jump out of your long train of thought. “Huh? What? No sorry it’s a little loud in here” you respond with a slightly nervous twitch in your voice.
“Yeah … Sureeee. Anyways I said, Why do you think Carmilla would be performing here of all places? Doesn’t she like hate Silas?”
“That’s what everyone say’s. Apparently she’s to good for Silas and would rather start her solo career as a musician instead of study and get an education” Danny shot out before you can even form words. “Her mom’s the dean correct?” Perry adds.
“Yeah and she’s got a brother too, Will. The guy who made the announcement. He’s actually a Zeta.” Kirsch responds. “Wait , wait.. So her brother attends Silas but she doesn’t? That’s fucking weird, Who does she think she is? Some god or something?” Danny raises her voice and rolls her eyes.
You continue to just sit there not being able to get a word in while the group goes on about why or why not Carmilla hates Silas. Frankly your a tad bit busy staring at the smirk Carmilla just gave you. Wait-- was that a smirk? Nope. No way. The crowd starts to get silent as Carmilla starts to strum her guitar. You can't find it in you to look away, It was like you were a magnet trying to find its base.
Friday
9:00pm
It's Now or never. You begin to strum out the cords of the first song you have decided to start off with.
You made a mistake
On the day that you met me and lost your way
You saw all the signs But you let it go
You closed your eyes I should've told you to leave
Cause I knew all the time you couldn't handle me
But you're hard to resist, When you're on your knees begging me
You take in a breath as you slowly move into the Chorus
I tear you down I make you bleed eternally
Can't help myself From hurting you and it's hurting me
I don't have wings so flying with me won't be easy
Cause I'm not an angel, I'm not an angel
You look up across the crowd and happen to meet eyes with that tiny brunette again.
I hate being that wall
That you hit when you feel like you gave it all
I keep taking the blame
When we both know that I'll never change
I wasn't always this way, I used to be the one with the halo
But that disappeared when I had my first taste and fell from grace
It left me in this place Now I'm starting to think maybe you like it
I'm not an angel.
You finish the song as it's quickly followed by loud claps and cheers. Could these drunk idiots get any louder? You had decided a long time ago to always start off with a darker song before moving into your more emotional ones. This next one you happened to write after the fight with Ell. You'd be lying if you said it wasn’t one of your favorites, and had the smallest hope Ell would hear it and understand just how hurt you were. You start into the melody slowly. Your eyes shut the entire time.
Oh I got nothing, oh I got nothing left to give you
Oh I got nothing left to give you
I got the devil on my breath, and an angel on my back
Telling me no, but the words fall away For you
And that stupid smile, Biting your lip while I swing my hips For you
You take in a shaky breath.
But I got nothing, I got nothing else to give you
Oh I got nothing, I got nothing left to give you
The sun is starting to rise, and we're on the kitchen floor
Empties everywhere I lose my mind for you, and that stupid smile
So unforgiving I make bad decisions For you
'Cause I gave it all away, and now there's nothing Oh there's nothing
Yeah, I threw it all away And now there's nothing Oh there's nothing
Oh I got nothing, oh I got nothing, oh I got nothing For you
Oh I got nothing, I got nothing, Oh I got nothing for you.
As you roll out into finishing the chorus you open your eyes and look up across the crowd to once again lock eyes with the tiny brunette. You should really figure out her name. The last song you have prepared was a little more hopeful in your eyes.
I can hold my breath I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days If that's what you want
Be your number one
I can fake a smile I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part If that's what you ask
Give you all I am, I can do it
You pause before going back into the chorus
But I'm only human And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human
I can turn it on Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds If that's what you need
Be your everything
Cause I’m only human.
You look out into the crowd once more, only to your surprise, that tiny brunette is right in front of the stage just looking at you. It takes you a bit back with shock. Why was she staring at you this- intensely ? Why did she move so close to the stage just to get a better view? You tilt your head slightly while your mind races until Will cuts in to end your performance with a speech. You waste no time snapping out of the trance that you seemed to be in, stand up, swing your guitar across your shoulder and make your way back stage.
--
Just as you are about to leave you hear Will running up behind you “Hey kitty! Where are you going? You did amazing I’m so proud of you!”
“Thanks brat but I’m gonna take off. Hope your boss is satisfied with the gig you chose” As you reach out to grab the door handle you feel your wrist being grabbed and suddenly you're turned around facing him. “Carmilla please.. Stay. Have a drink, talk to some people. You got a lot of fans out there.. It’s worth the shot” You let out a small groan
“William you should know me well enough by now to already know the answer to that question” You reply while silently laughing at his effort.
“Okay I’ll give you drinks on the house all night. Please kitty, for me.” How can you say no to that? Free booze? Ha. Sold.
“Fine loser I’ll stay for a little, now get me a beer” You say with a smirk. “Coming right up kitty!” Will utters while trotting off like he just won a prize. He was so needy. But deep down you and him both know you would do anything for him. Even though you weren’t blood related.. He was the closest thing you ever had to a Family, let alone friend. You loved him, and there was no denying that.
You are completely star struck. You hadn't even notice you walked up to the front of the stage once Carmilla led into her last song. It’s like you weren't in control of your own feet. You feel like the front of the stage- In front of the raven haired girl, is exactly where you were supposed to be. When the girl lifts her head from her guitar to lock eyes with you, your heart does a flip. Woah, that was weird. you both stay like that- looking at each other- for what feels like forever until Carmilla drops her gaze and makes her way backstage. After the Raven haired girl is no where in site, you seem to snap right out of that weird trance, to realize exactly where you are and what just happened. This was all so very weird. What was this feeling? You can't find any words to describe it. So you turn around and walk through the obnoxious crowd of people, back to the booth your friends had still been at.
“Yo where did you go frosh?” Lafontaine shouts looking half amused and half concerned as you make your way up to the table.
“Yeah Laura I was looking for you everywhere! What happened are you alright?!” Danny starts to say in a panic. “Guys, guys I’m fine. I was just by the front of the stage.” You can tell by the smug look on Lafontaine's face and the anger starting to rise in Danny's gaze that you probably shouldn't have said that.
“Why? It’s Karnstein. She’s a stuck up bitch” Danny states, raising her eyebrow at you. “Well I guess.. But she’s got some talent in her. I don’t know I guess I just wanted to hear better instead of being behind the screaming drunks”
“Yeah yeah .. Crushes on musicians” Lafontaine mocks with a laugh and a smirk. “I do not!” You raise your voice a little as you plop yourself down next to Perry who rubs her hand on your shoulder as if to say 'Don't let them get to you'. You give her a gentle smile.
“Oh don’t look now, the pretentious singer is sitting at the bar” Danny mocks with complete sarcasm. You glance over at the Raven haired girl who is now sitting by the bar and feel like you need to say something- Anything - after that moment you both shared. Was it a moment? Whatever, you don't have time for your run along thoughts right now, you wanted to talk to the girl. As you stand up to make your way towards the bar you hear Lafontaine let out a silent "Mhmmm". You roll your eyes at that and a small smile appears on your face, but as soon as you are about a foot away looking at Carmilla, you get a sudden flutter of butterflies in your stomach. Why? Why am you so nervous? In the middle of your internal freak-out, Carmilla turns around and caches a glimpse of you just standing there staring at her.
“Are you gonna stand there all day or you got something you wanna say cutie?” She says with a smirk as she sways around on the bar stool to face you. “Oh uhm.. Yeah uh,” You are at lost for words all of a sudden when you notice Carmilla getting up to stand in front of you. “I just wanted to say you did amazing. Your lyrics really drew me in. You’re very talented” You bite your cheeks to refrain you from blurting out something like 'You're also very attractive and we made eye contact for what felt like forever and your lips look super soft.' Woah. Okay, Enough Alcohol for you. “Well thanks cupcake. I could kinda tell when I looked up and you were right in front of me” She states as her lips form into a smirk like she can read your not so innocent thoughts. That makes your stomach flip.“Yeah you really brought the emotion out in me I guess.”
Carmilla raises her eyebrow at that. “Well cutie, I don’t write my music so others can relate but thank you for the complement” Now she's smiling at you. “And hey since you obviously know mine, What’s your name creampuff?”
“Well it’s definitely not creampuff.. Whats with all the nicknames?” You ask. “Well maybe if I knew your name I wouldn’t need to use them” Carmilla steps a bit closer to you and runs her right hand through her hair. “Ha very smooth… It’s Laura, Laura Hollis.” You say with a giggle and watch as Carmilla runs her index finger across her bottom lip. “Well Miss Hollis , Would you care to join me for a drink? Or is your tall body guard that’s eyeing me down gonna pounce?” You turn around to see Danny standing up and giving Carmilla a death stare. Sometimes she was just too protective.. Reminded you too much of your dad.
“Yeah I’d love too, and oh don’t worry about her she’s just a little protective.” You bite at your cheeks again. “Whatever you say cupcake” Carmilla shoots back with a smirk across her face.
“So I have this feeling the nicknames aren't going to stop then?” You respond with a laugh as your teeth start to tug at your bottom lip. “Not a chance” She looks you dead in the eye and gives you a small wink as she makes her way back to her seat.