Dislocated

"You should get home." Josh says stiffly.

They're on their second mission in Gears of War 3. Chris has died twice because he's been distracted by Josh's chittering. It's a side effect apparently. Just because it's gone doesn't mean there aren't lingering traits. Josh says they’re kind of annoying but Chris imagines it’d be cuter if they were still kids.

Chris checks the time on his phone, startled by just how early in the morning it is. He has two missed calls from Ashley and a couple of texts from their other friends.

"Yeah. I guess I should."

"Not that you have to, Cochise. But I know you have a lady now." Josh gives him a wink, the surgical mask crinkling.

Chris wonders what kind of smile Josh has now. He wonders if it's more crooked than before or of the edges have finally evened out. Or if it’s even a smile. He had known Josh long enough to understand when he was trying too hard- trying to be supportive and friendly. Chris can see the fine edges of exhaustion. Josh turns away from him, staring down at the controller in his lap.

"I can stay."

Josh clicks his tongue. "Won't get to the bone zone with that attitude, man." He teases.

Chris' face heats up and he's rubbing the back of his neck, uncertain. They were best friends. Are best friends, yet Chris felt a certain level of dread in telling Josh that he and Ashley had indeed made it to the bone zone.

"Well..." Chris trails off.

"Don't hold off my account, bro." But there was something in Josh's eyes that made him drop it, some deep intensity that reminded him of the Josh from his dreams. The Josh that kept hunting, capturing, devouring his girlfriend. Chris clasps him on the shoulder gently.

"Gotta leave some things to the imagination, my man."

"Ahh shit." Josh snaps his fingers, round eyes dripping with relief. His phone makes a loud chirping noise from inside Josh's jacket and he checks it wordlessly.

"I'll be back, kay?" Josh leaves without an answer, his footsteps quiet. The door closes behind him. Chris sits in soft silence, deciding to text Ashley while he waits. She misses him.

From: Ash Ketchum
How is he?

From: Christopher Walken
He’s thin. Like really thin, Ash. I want to buy him pizza and make him eat the whole thing.

From: Ash Ketchum
Lol. How did they find him? Was he…

Was he human when they found him. Chris already knows the answer but it’s not his place to give out other people’s business.

From: Christopher Walken
Not sure. He makes noises sometimes. Like a bird. It’s cute.

From: Ash Ketchum
Cuter than this?

:img:0899: do you wish to accept?

Chris clicks yes. A picture of Ashley pops up in her Pikachu onesie. Her hair is down, collecting elegantly around her shoulders. Mouth pouty and pink and god, Chris wants to go home to her. But he’s had a year with Ashley. A year he missed with Josh.

From: Christopher Walken
DAYUUM GIRL

From: Ash Ketchum
;) come home soon and you can take it off me.

Chris’ face heats up. He glances around the room out of habit before shooting back a quick reply.

From: Christopher Walken
Wat r u wearing, hot mama

From: Ash Ketchum
You get a hint. Lace. Lots of lace.

Chris thanks God for Victoria secret. He’s glad he can’t produce sudden nosebleeds. Chris checks the time and realizes Josh has been gone a bit longer than he was anticipating. He wanders out of the room in search for Josh. The faint sound of music flows from the lobby of the Washington home, something his brain is registering as some composer from Germany that Bob Washington fell in love with. Soft clicking comes from one of the closed doors, pans clinking together softly from the kitchen.

He finds Josh sitting on the counter with three pills in hand, a tall glass of water sitting beside him. Malia is standing in front of him, whispering soft words, coaxing the pills in his hand softly to his mouth.

"We can't lose you again, Josh."

Josh looks up at her, eyes sunken and dark, his lips twisting into a painful grimace and Chris realizes he's crying.

"It's okay, baby. It's okay."

Josh nods frantically, popping the pills in his mouth. Chris can see more sharpened teeth, watches the way Josh's throat works the pills down with water. He's stepped in on something awfully private so Chris takes a soft step back before turning away.

Malia's soft voice follows him back to the room. Josh shows up shortly after, looking more tired than he had before. He's holding a smoothie in his hand. It's bright pink with yellow lined through it.

"It's mango and.. I don't really know." Josh sniffs it. "Strawberries. Maybe a beet. Good shit though. Want to try?"

Chris shrugs. "Yeah man, sure."

He reaches out to take the glass from Josh.

"When will you eat normal food?" Chris takes a sip. Its sweet, sickeningly sweet. He must make a face because Josh is laughing at him. Josh sits beside him on the floor, dragging a controller in his lap.

"I can now. I had a bunch of fruit before you popped up. I don’t like the taste of animal products anymore. Its hard. Because of reasons."

Josh trails off and Chris immediately understands.

“So you’re a vegan now? Got any cool powers.”

“Power to kick your ass and sound like a canary.” Josh shoots him a knowing look. "Saw me with my mom, man. How embarrassing is that shit." He snorts out a laugh.

"I didn't mean to, ya know," Chris began. "Sorry, man."

"Nah, dude. It's whatever. Play one more with me before you go."

Chris feels he can't really deny Josh anything. One more becomes two and that becomes the entire game. The setting sun makes an appearance through the trees, leaving Chris wondering how much time has exactly passed.

According to his phone and Ashley's panicked messages, it's been three hours since he last considered leaving. Josh is texting on his phone, grunting out 'Sam' when Chris stares long enough.

"Have you talked to the others?" Chris asks quietly.

Josh tenses next to him, fingers trembling around his phone. His hand clenches into fists. Josh sighs. "No. I don't know what to say. I... They've moved on? Right? So I mean there's nothing to say."

But there were things to say. Chris had seen them, after the interviews were over. They had piled into Chris' apartment the first night. Emily starring idly out the window while Jess curled around Matt. Sam holding Ashley close as she sobbed. Mike cried too, silently, in the guest bathroom. Everyone pretended they didn't hear.

It didn't end there. It didn't end when the sun drew down, didn't end when Matt suggested they all stay because he didn't want to go back to an empty apartment. They all packed into Chris' tiny room, the girls took the bed while the guys curled into each other on the floor. He remembers mike telling him how sorry he was. How Matt cried into his shoulder when talking about how Emily wouldn't even look at him now. He could hear Jessica above them, whispering softly as a gross choking noise occurs.

It's then that Emily calls for Matt, her voice broken and lost and suddenly they're all in his bed and Mike keeps telling Chris how sorry he is Josh isn't with them.

"You should call them." Chris tells him.

Josh turns to him. He studies his face, eyes moving rapidly. Chris doesn't know what he finds, what he sees but Josh looks away and stares into his lap.

"I have to see Sam tomorrow. Will you be there?"

"If you want me to. Anything you want."

"Your girlfriend won't mind?" Josh glances at him out the corner of his eye.

"No. I don't think so. She told me to tell you hi."

Josh barks out a laugh. "Right. Well. Ok. You should go, man."

Chris makes moves to protests but Josh is standing and he's walking towards the door. Chris scrambles after him. He reaches for Josh, who snaps around and there are tears in his eyes.

"I'm on five different medications, Chris. Five! I can't... I can't. I'm so tired. You should go, please go." Josh begs. "I can't even hear Hannah and Beth anymore and they say that's good, that it's good that the only connection I have left of them is gone. They buried them months ago, actually placed their bodies in the ground. They're gone, Chris. They're gone forever and I'm on five different goddamn medications!"

Josh sinks to the floor, nails digging into the hardwood floors and he's sobbing. Watching this is worse than watching Ashley. She cries quietly and holds herself so tight Chris thinks she may break. But Josh, Josh sounds wrecked and the way he trembles reminds him so much of the boy they left tied up in the shed.

Chris gathers him in his arms, holds him close to his chest as he rocks them together. Josh fights him, his strength surprising and he's snarling and angry and then as if all at once he stops. Chris presses their foreheads together, securing Josh to him. He watches his best friend's eyes squeeze shut, the way his jaw locks up, the tight grip he has on Chris' jacket.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Chris."

"No. Don’t you ever apologize to me." Chris tells him firmly and Josh's eyes meet his, red with tears, milky white edges slipping into the irises. Chris is scared, feels scared- of losing Josh again, of losing everything and having to start over.

“Please stay.” Josh whispers.

He tells Ashley he can't come home just yet.