Dislocated

It's easy to remember the time before Mt. Washington, easy to fall back into the flow of routine they always had. He forgets what it feels like to be at ease, to sit down and actually relax. Sam has told him constantly that yoga helps her but he’s definitely not going anywhere in spandex especially where his chub is concerned. Regardless, Chris probably hasn’t taken a load off since the day they left for Mt. Washington because of Ashley, because of his own nightmares. But with Josh it feels easy, too easy, like wadding through warm, clear water during spring. He had forgotten what staying up late playing video games felt like- Ashley could only play for so long, forgotten watching movies in the theater room downstairs. He’d forgotten a lot of things.

Chris watches Josh change, brow furrowed in annoyance when Josh changes shirts a fifth time. He watches Josh move back towards his closet, all sharp angles and bones than before, but Chris still hasn't seen the real story underneath the dark undershirt Josh kept wearing.

"It's Sam, Josh."

“It’s another person who gets to see how fucked I am. Better be dressed nice for the occasion.” A shirt gets sent across the room, then another and eventually Josh settles on a maroon long sleeved crew neck. The chittering noise is back which Chris registers as close to ‘tsk’ as Josh can get.

Their eyes meet in the reflection of the mirror but Chris can't make out Josh's expression. The surgical mask covers most of his face, drowning out the full effect of whatever emotion Josh manages to muster up. But for what he can see, Josh just looks exhausted.

"You can do this, bro. I'll be right here." Chris assures him. "It's Sam, ok? Plus she's been blowing up my phone since she woke up this morning."

Josh's laugh muffles against the mask. "She's probably mad I'm not texting back."

Chris checks his phone. "She might've mentioned that."

Chris gestures to the surgical mask. "Why are you even wearing that? I figured after the hissing last night we'd be past that."

He can see the rising blush and Josh's head snaps towards him. "I don't hiss."

"Yeah, sure, whatever bro."Chris huffs. Josh did in fact hiss. Especially when Chris managed to startle him after only being gone two seconds.

“Is this okay?” Josh slides the crew neck over his head with practiced ease.

It doesn’t hug him quite as nice as it used to but it’s cute. When Chris doesn’t respond immediately, Josh bristles, reaching for the edge of the shirt ready to rip it off like the five others. Chris holds up his hand quickly.

“It looks good, bro.”

Josh eyes him skeptically and faces the mirror, poking at the slouch in the sleeve. His voice is quiet. "Do I look sick?”

Their eyes meet again. Chris chews the inside of his mouth, unsure of how to proceed. Josh looked sick. Was sick. But he wasn’t a monster, wasn’t eating people or dying in a cave somewhere. He wasn't dead. Josh didn’t look healthy but he looked-

“Better. You look better.” Chris told him.

Color was coming back to him, slipping along his skin like a faded tan and the twitching in his left eye stopped. He wasn’t Josh completely, but his body was trying to be.

 Josh tucks his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Okay.”

But he’s not looking at Chris anymore, instead fixing his gaze on his feet. His shoulder shakes a little. A quiet ding echoes through the room followed shortly by the familiar chirp of Josh’s alarm. "You look good, babydoll."

Chris winks at him.

"Shut up, Chris." Josh mumbles, the part of his face Chris can see a deep red. "Be back, Kay?" Again Josh leaves before he can respond, phone in hand and Chris knows its time for his second dose.

It had been startling at first being woken up so early by the knocking on Josh’s door because of his medication. But Josh was nowhere to be seen. Chris had panicked for a good two minutes before Malia pressed a finger to her lips and told him quietly to listen. There had been a soft purring noise coming from underneath Josh’s bed. When Chris had looked, he found Josh and the source. Josh was curled up, wrapped around a dark quilt and Chris’ embarrassing Anime club jacket, purring quietly. His lips were parted around noiseless words, fucking purring. It had been the second most mortifying thing he had ever seen.

 And also something he’d never admit to being absolutely adorable.

 Chris checks his phone, noticing a message from Matt. He swipes it unlocked and opens the message. They hadn’t talked as much lately, but Matt had a full course load and football while Chris had Ashley and one class.

From: Matt Damon
Hey man. Talked 2 sam.
She said they found josh?

From: Kristofferson Fox
Yeah. They did.
I’m with him now.

A couple of minutes went by before Matt replied. The ‘…’ icon popping and up and disappearing before Matt actually sent a response.

From: Matt Damon
Why didn’t Mrs. Washington call me?
We were friends to.

Chris stares at the screen, mildly surprised. He wasn’t sure how exactly to respond seeing as Matt and Josh weren’t as close as he and Sam were to him. But it warmed something deep inside him, knowing Matt was concerned and annoyed with not being next on the list of “kin”.

From: Kristofferson Fox

Ha.
He's not doing too good with the whole idea of meeting anyone. We'll see when he's ready.
I’m happy you want to see him

The response is immediate.

From: Matt Damon
Duh, dumbass. We were F-R-I-E-N-D-S.
How many of us have them?
We could have died, man. I mean the prank was bad.
But at least no one died like with..
Yeah.

Chris works to respond but the ‘…’ icon is still blinking.

From: Matt Damon
Jess is pissed. Srry.
If the mountain didn’t make us tight
I don’t know what else will.
Vampires? Zombies?
Maybe zombies.

From: Jessie :d
HEY ASSHOLE YOU CAN’T JUST KEEP JOSH TO YOURSELF
TELL HIM I SAID HI
NONE OF THAT OH I FORGOT BULLSHIT
I KNOW wheRE YOU LIVE BINCH

From: Jessie :d
Also Emily wants to know if Josh is working that back from the dead look.
Ah. That’s insensitive. Srry, boo! :x
How is he?

 Chris laughs loudly, staring fondly at the screen just as Josh walks back in. His actions earned him a raised eyebrow and a slow slip of dark green smoothie.

“What’s up, Cochise?”

Before Chris can respond Josh is holding up his hand as if to say never mind. He chucks the smoothie down, throat working rapidly. Chris chuckles softly, watching the look of disgust Josh makes as he finishes.

"Shits nasty, bro. It's asparagus and spinach. It tastes like orange juice. My senses are confused." Josh whimpers. "I told Sam I was vegan and she clowned me. Totally ripped apart my self confidence. Chicks don't respect a man who respects life anymore."

There is an edge to his voice Chris can't quite place. Josh sits beside him on the floor, knees bumping, shoulders touching and he inhales slowly.

"What if she freaks out?" Josh fingers the inside of his empty glass, smearing dark green liquid along the rim. "What if I'm not what she's expecting? Do I look sorry enough? Am I sick enough? I mean, I... I don't need her to forgive me because I've done shitty things but is this enough for her to know how sorry I am?"

Chris wraps an arm around him, thumb circling the edge of Josh's shoulder. He presses him mouth into Josh’s crown and sighs. It's been a year. A year of not knowing, a year of acceptance and mourning. But Josh is no longer dead, or thought to be dead- he's beside Chris with his head pressed against his shoulder.

"I think she's already forgiven you." Chris considers telling him about the text messages but he doesn't want to overwhelm him. Josh's sense of guilt seems never ending.

"We don't have to talk about what happened on the mountain. We can eventually. But not now."

"Not now." Josh agrees.

The sound of the doorbell cuts through the house and Josh shoots up, hands clenched into fists. His spine is bent upwards looking too much like a spooked cat than a human being. Chris lightly touches his ankle, earning a startled yelp.

"Just the doorbell, man. You'll get accustomed to it again."

Josh looks at him, giving him a small crooked smile before moving to put on his surgical mask. Chris grasps his wrists gently, halting the movement. He can feel the heat of Josh's gaze.

"Let her see. We're friends, Josh. She's our friend. I'm here with you. But if it's too much you can put it on, ok? Just consider for a second."

Josh seems to, sharp teeth chewing at his bottom lip lightly. Voices ring from the hallway and Chris eyes the door expectantly.

"I can't see her. Can we reschedule?"

"Josh, she's here. She-"

Josh grips his arms tightly. "I'm not ready. I..!"

The door pops open and just like that Sam is there, in Adidas and fucking yoga pants. The smile that spreads across her face brightens with each movement. Chris lifts his hand to wave but Josh is frozen in front of him, eyes locked on an unknown spot on Chris' shirt.

"Josh. Josh it is you!"

Josh peers over his shoulder slowly, the hair on his arms rising. Chris watches the exchange, the way Sam slowly approaches them, her smile ever bright and steady. She looks so damn happy to see him.

Josh quickly turns back to Chris. "She's happy to see me." He says, confused. "She's happy. To see. Me."

He turns back to Sam, only barely moving to fully face her and she's in his arms, hugging him tightly to Chris. Chris grunts at the sudden weight and steps to accommodate them. Josh is pressed to Chris' chest, Sam's arms wrapped around his neck and shoulder as he stares wide eyed ahead. His arms tremble, unable to move as Sam whispers in his ear.

"I've missed you so much. So much, Josh. I'm so pissed Chris saw you first."

And just like that Josh is hugging her close, rubbing tears into her shoulder. Sam’s fingers caress the skin on his neck, repeating "it's okay" over and over. Chris wraps his arms around both of them and Josh only seems to cry harder, his entire body shaking.

Chris knows they stand there long enough for the sun to have moved lower, long enough for his legs to actually begin to cramp. So he pries himself away suggesting they watch some dumb old movie. But Sam doesn't let go of Josh and he's unsettled in the way Josh presses his face into the side of her neck.

His phone buzzes in his pocket.

From: Ash Ketchum
Will you be home tonight?
Mamas makin' pasta.
Mama as in me.

He reads the message over and over, unable to respond and he's looking up at Sam and Josh, looking at the way Sam holds Josh's face in her hands, the slow beginning of a teary smile crawling across his best friend's face. Chris feels a pang of envy and he wants- wants to be included, wants to be the one who can touch the scars on Josh's face without him flinching away.

But it's not him. It's Sam.

And he hates it.