Chapter 53
The Grounder that took the bullet meant for Clarke died. I didn't know his name. It's strange how his fate resided in the hands of someone who never even knew his name. Both Emerson and me. I try to tell myself that I did good, that I've saved Clarke's life. But somehow, it feels like a hollow victory. I need to do better.
Emerson they put in an airlock. Catching him was a good call; we really might get something out of this guy once he wakes up. I can't be dealing with any of that right now, however. Octavia and I are sitting in Raven's workshop, over-looking the radio in oppressive silence. None of us really says anything for a long while, until Octavia breaks the silence.
''Lincoln's not back yet.''
And that's what's worrying me, I think, but I don't say. What if they never made it into the mountain? What if- No.
''I'm sure he knows what he's doing,'' I say instead. It's not the best answer but it's the only one I can give right now. She doesn't say anything back.
''Any news?'' Raven asks the moment she comes back.
''No,'' I stand up, ''You?''
''Emerson's still asleep,'' she says, ''I was just checking on his airlock. No one's gotten much out of him besides his name.''
''Crap,'' I sit against the edge of the table, ''Why do I have a feeling this isn't gonna go so smoothly?''
''Because it won't,'' Octavia says, head resting against the wall behind her.
''Well, he'll wake up soon,'' says Raven, ''So we'll know soon enough.''
*
Kane interrogates Emerson, but the man's loyalty doesn't exactly waver even at the prospect of torture. And when Kane threatens him, Clarke decides to swoop in all righteous and noble, standing firm against torture. To me it's ludicrous, after everything we've done. I'd think she has no problem with it at this point. She argues that torture doesn't work, but I don't bloody care. I'd at least give it a shot. I couldn't care less about this man. I never thought I'd live to see the day I actually agree with Marcus Kane, but apparently that day has come. Kane storms off in a rage when he realizes his hands are tied, and Abby puts Emerson under twenty-four hour surveillance.
I find myself rushing, almost running after Kane before I can understand what I'm doing.
''Is that all?! You're just not gonna do anything?!''
''It's out of my hands,'' Kane says, walking on. So I speed up and stand in front of him to cut off his path. He finally stops and meets my eyes.
''Are we going to just go by anything Clarke says around here?!''
''This isn't about Clarke-''
''Let Indra in there, let any one of the Grounders, they're gonna get every last thing out of him!'' I insist, ''Let me!''
''It's out of my hands,'' he repeats, before he puts a hand on my shoulder and adds: ''And that's final.''
I can almost physically feel my blood boiling as I'm listening to Kane's footsteps getting further and quieter behind me. And then I remember what Indra's told me. All this anger, it will kill me. I need to breathe.
*
"This is Jasper Jordan. We need help. Forty seven of us are trapped inside Mount Weather."
The message needs to play out because we can't shut down that frequency, but I find myself barely able to listen to Jasper's voice. I almost shudder at the thought of what could be happening over there right this moment. He wouldn't find a way to record this if he wasn't desperate.
But I also feel proud of him. He's done more than we could have expected, if Clarke's stories of Mount Weather are anything to go on.
When Clarke walks in, I stiffen. I don't want to talk to her. I know most of my anger is probably misplaced, and I know on some level that Clarke is doing the best she can come up with, but I absolutely do not care. You can't speak reason into someone who breathes anger.
''Can you do it?'' Clarke asks.
"Yeah,'' says Raven, still inspecting the Mountain Men's device that we took from Emerson, ''I can totally replicate this frequency."
"Good. If we can neutralize the Reapers, the tunnels are an option. Get on it."
Wow. She's really into it.
"You don't need to give me orders, Clarke,'' Raven retorts, ''I got this."
"Raven, any word from Bellamy?" Octavia appears at the door.
"Nothing yet,'' I say instead.
"Lincoln is still missing, too. He should be back by now!"
"They'll be okay,'' says Clarke, trying to calm her.
''And you would know that,'' I say, venom in my voice, and I almost immediately wish I'd held it in.
''No, I don't,'' she replies, ''But I believe in him. He can do this.''
''You believe in him?!'' I almost screech, forgetting all about Raven and Octavia, ''You beli-?! How dare you?! Bellamy would go above and beyond for his people and all you have to do is just say the word! But you - you play us like on a God damn chessboard, and you no longer care who you fucking sacrifice! But you believe in him?!''
''T-,'' I hear Octavia warn, but I don't care.
''No, how does it feel, Clarke?'' I spit, ''How does all this power feel?''
I'm too angry to really realize she's not arguing back. She's holding herself together the way I can't.
''I do what I must,'' she says, almost too calmly for my liking, and I find I want to throw a good punch at her.
''Then I guess you must dispose of some of us from time to time,'' I sneer, ''Okay. Any orders for me, heda?''
''If you think this is easy for me, think again!'' she steps up to me, speaks more passionately now, like her composure threatens to crack, ''But I can't let myself be weak. And your feelings for Bellamy? Right now they're making you weak.''
''I don't even know you anymore,'' I shake my head, take an instinctive step back, ''Weak? Is that what you really think? It makes me human! With all the God damn blood on my hands it's the only thing that does.''
''What makes us human makes us weak,'' she says, and she sounds so much like Lexa I almost shudder.
''Well, that's good for you, commander. Real good,'' I nod, ''But yeah, as long as you believe Bellamy and Lincoln are okay.''
"They better be,'' Raven says to Clarke, biting, ''Your whole plan rests on Bellamy getting in."
"He will,'' replies Clarke determinedly, and I'm about to leave because the two of us can't both be in the same room together right now, but I'm saved by the bell.
"Councillor Kane and Clarke Griffin, please report to the south airlock immediately,'' a voice sounds on P.A.
"We'll finish this later,'' Clarke says before she storms off.
''Yeah, we'll finish it,'' I mumble to no one, Clarke long gone. I feel an arm around my shoulder in a half-hug, before I realize it's Raven's. I give her a lousy excuse for a smile before she sits down and gets to work. I sit next to her, lift my feet on the edge of the table, and try to breathe. Octavia finds her spot in the corner, resting her head against the wall. We sit in silence for a while, as Raven works. It soothes us. And I have a feeling more than one person in this room is scared shitless. But all three of us like to play tough.
*
"We're too late. They're already bleeding them."
Clarke is standing at the door, and neither of us looks up immediately. It's just Raven and me now. When it sinks in what Clarke's just said, we both jump on our feet.
''What?!'' my voice reaches new highs.
''No,'' Raven says.
And then, like summoned, Jasper's voice comes on the radio in another recorded message.
"They've taken Harper and she may already be dead. We don't know how much time we have left."
All of my insides sink into my feet. This can't be happening. We have to act fast!
"It's over,'' Clarke says, weak, ready to break. She looks like she's given up. And the thought of it makes me want to get my hands around her neck. It can't be over! I need to do something with all of this anger.
"No!'' Raven argues, ''You don't get to give up, Clarke! You killed Finn, and I didn't give up! I'm building a damn tone generator! You do your job!"
Oh, crap.
"What is my job?!"
"I don't know, to come up with something!"
"I have tried."
"Camp Jaha, this is Mount Weather. Can anyone read me?"
Oh my God. That's Bellamy. That's Bellamy's voice.
"Holy crap,'' Raven says, but I'm on the radio before either of them can move.
"Camp Jaha, this is Mount Weather. Can anyone read me-?"
"Bellamy?!" I call, but my voice is so weak and shaky, I hate the way it sounds.
''Tasha?''
''You're alright,'' I breathe, more to the heavens than to him. Tears are stinging at my eyes and I take a deep breath and swallow them back quickly.
''For now still kicking,'' he huffs, ''Listen, we don't have much time. Is Clarke there?''
''Yeah,'' I give the radio to Clarke.
"Clarke?"
"Are you alright?" she asks him.
"I'm fine. That's it for the good news. We have to talk fast. Something has changed. Jasper, Monty, everyone, they just locked them in the dorm."
"But they're alive, all of them?"
"I think so, for now. Maya says that they're already using their blood, and things are gonna get ugly in here real fast."
"Maya is with you?"
"She helped me escape. If not for her, I'd be dead. And, Clarke, there are kids in here. We need a plan that doesn't kill everyone. Please tell me we have one,'' Bellamy begs.
"I hear you, but we can't do anything until you disable the acid fog,'' says Clarke, ''Raven is gonna help you."
"Got it. What else?"
"You have to figure out a way to free the Grounder prisoners. There is a whole army inside that mountain and they don't even realize it."
"Trojan horse. Good plan,'' Bellamy says, and I smile at the way it always comes down to mythology and history for him, no matter what situation he's in.
"What does Maya think? Is it doable?" Clarke asks.
"She says it's not a problem. Clarke, if I'm gonna pull this off, I need you to buy me some time. It won't be long before they realize I don't belong here, and if that happens-"
"That won't happen,'' I interfere. Clarke looks me in the eyes and nods in agreement.
''I'll come up with something,'' she says.
"Come up with it quick."
"Copy that. And Bellamy?"
"Yeah?"
"You came through. I knew you would."
"All I've done so far is not get killed."
"Keep doing that,'' Clarke tells him before she hands the radio to us, ''You're up."
"What are you gonna do?" Raven asks her.
"I'm gonna keep them looking outside instead of in,'' says Clarke.
Whatever that means.
''You should come,'' she tells me, before she walks away. I find it hard to separate myself from the radio, but I still obey.
*
Clarke has brought Indra and most of her squad to Emerson's airlock, and bit by bit I'm starting to understand what's going on. Clarke makes Emerson's guard stand down and tells Emerson to get dressed. He obeys, and before he knows it, he's outside, being escorted by his worst nightmare. When we bring him to the gates, Kane and Abby try to stop us, Abby ordering the guards to get the prisoner back inside; but Indra's warriors step up before Clarke without budging and I hardly know how but I'm right here with Clarke, trusting her again. Probably because I have no choice.
''You may be the Chancellor, but I'm in charge," Clarke insists, staring her mother down with determination.
"Indra, tell your people to stand down before this gets out of hand,'' Abby demands.
"No."
"People could get hurt."
"Not if you get out of my way,'' Clarke tells her, ''You need to trust that I know what's right for us."
"The Grounders trust Clarke,'' Kane finally says, ''Maybe we should, too."
Abby takes a moment, before she gives her word, reluctantly, like she knows she's probably going to regret it. "Stand down.''
"Open the gate. Now."
Once outside, Clarke steps up to Emerson, everyone else spread out around her.
"Can you hear me all right?;; she asks him, ''Because I need to make sure you get this."
"Loud and clear,'' replies Emerson.
"I have a message for your leader. We're coming for him. You're watching us, but you haven't seen a thing. The Grounder army is bigger than you think, and even if you could find it, your acid fog can't hurt them, and now, thanks to you,'' she pulls out his tone generator, ''Neither can the Reapers. So you have one last chance. Let our people go, and we'll let you live. It's just that simple."
"I got it."
"It's an eight-hour walk back to Mount Weather?'' Clarke releases some of his oxygen, ''You're gonna do it in six."
"Six hours?! That's not enough! How am I supposed to deliver your message?!"
"That's your problem. Now go."
Emerson is rushing away before he can take another breath.
"Hold on,'' Octavia demands of Clarke, ''You want to explain to me how this helps my brother?"
"I just told him we have a secret army to worry about. The more they're looking at us, the less they're looking at him. Bellamy is the key to everything, Octavia. If he dies, we die."
That's true enough, I think. But I also know that what I care about most is him.