Chapter 54
Bellamy checks in every three hours, and every three hours I take back a piece of my sanity. So far he hasn't had any close calls regarding his undercover identity, but I know it won't last forever. Still, as long as he checks in every three hours, I can hold my breath a little bit longer.
In the mean time I try to train. Since the Tri Kru left for Tondc with Octavia, I haven't exactly had anyone to train with and learn from, but at least exercising keeps me focused and strong. I do some archery with Monroe and help Sean with his shooting, though we try not to waste bullets. Then I get back to Raven's and wait for Bellamy. Sometimes she's alone in there, focused to the max. Sometimes Wick is with her, or my dad helping them work on designs I barely know anything about. Either way, I'm glad we're all busy to varying extents, because I am completely sure I would lose my mind if I just sat and waited in between Bellamy's check-ins.
*
"Has he checked in yet?" Clarke barges in, Ryder in tow. He's her bodyguard now, or something of the like. From what I know about Ryder, he's one of the best warriors, and I'm not sure he's exactly enjoying following Clarke around like a puppy. It's certainly going on my damn nerves.
"No,'' Raven and I reply at the same time. We've been doing that a lot lately.
''You worried someone's gonna try and take a shot at you inside the Ark?" Raven asks her. Clarke takes the hint. "Wait outside, Ryder,'' she mumbles, but we can hear her. The warrior steps outside.
"Lexa's orders,'' she further explains.
"Whatever, Clarke,'' Raven grumbles, eyes back on her work, more bitter than I am.
"He's late. What if something's happened to him?"
''It'd be your fault,'' I say to myself, but it's loud enough for all to hear.
"He'll be fine,'' Raven argues, and I'm not sure if it's her firm belief or just to comfort me or just to stop the fight that might ensue between me and Clarke.
"You've been busy,'' Clarke says once she notices Raven's designs and drawings, ''Why are you focusing on the dam? I told you acid fog was our priority."
"Until Bellamy gets eyes on their dispersal system, there's only so much I can do."
"Fine. Tell me about the dam. Can we cut off their power?''
"Maybe. I'm still playing with a few things."
"How many of these have you made?" Clarke grabs one of the tone generators.
"Only two so far, but-"
"Two?! That's not enough! There will be Reapers everywhere!"
"High-frequency tone generators don't grow on trees, Clarke! Wick is scrounging for parts."
"Raven, I am about to leave for Tondc, where Lexa and the heads of all twelve Grounder clans are waiting for me to tell them we're a go, only we're not a go because they still have acid fog, and we only have two tone generators!"
Clarke looks ready to break down, honestly. This heda persona she's been pushing for lately, it's made me forget she's just flesh and bones herself. I've been too angry at her to look at her side of things. So when she sighs like the whole world is crumbling beneath her feet, I can't help softening.
Raven seems to do the same. "Hey,'' she looks into her eyes reassuringly, ''We'll be ready. We will."
"Ark Station, do you read me? Anybody there?"
''Bellamy!'' I grab the radio, ''You alright? What happened there?''
''Bellamy, every three hours means every three hours,'' Clarke adds.
"Are you through?"
Clarke and I share a sigh in unison.
"Have you found the source of the acid fog?" she asks.
"No. That's gonna have to wait."
"What do you mean it's gonna have to wait?'' I scowl.
''Nothing is more important than that,'' argues Clarke.
"Our friends are. They've started taking them from the dorm one at a time every few hours."
"Taking them where?" Raven asks.
"I don't know. We tried to follow them, but they went to a classified level. Maya borrowed the schematics of the vent system from her boss, and I'm still trying to find a way in."
"I think I found a path, but it's gonna be tight,'' I hear a new unfamiliar female voice, knowing it's Maya, ''Here's the walkie Raven asked for and the earbud."
"We're going to make him mobile so he can talk to us from anywhere,'' explains Raven.
"Bellamy, you have to find them,'' Clarke insists.
"That's the plan."
"If you don't, all of this is for nothing."
"Yeah."
''Be careful, Bell,'' I manage to squeeze in when Clarke hands me the radio, before he's on a run again.
I'm left feeling heavy with fear I'm not letting crawl out of my depths. It has to stay down where it can't threaten to cripple me. The silence of the radio presses against my ears.
Clarke makes to walk out, mouthing nothing but a silent ''I'll be right back.''
"I thought you were going to Tondc?" Raven asks her.
"Plans have changed. I'm staying here."
*
''He left a note,'' Abby tells me, holding a piece of paper in her hands. I've been summoned here, but I'm not sure why. ''Thelonius,'' she further explains, ''Gave it to Sinclair, told him to wait two days before he gives it to me.''
I almost laugh. It's just the most Jaha thing he could have done. The mellodrama has his name all over it. I should have known he wouldn't have gone without leaving some explanation behind. He's the great leader Thelonius Jaha after all, off on a noble mission.
''I didn't know,'' I say dumbly, because I don't know what else to say. Abby looks worried, but she's prioritizing her worries. This City of Light business just isn't worth thinking about right now. She crumples the note in her palm. I know this isn't why she wanted to talk to me.
''I'm going to Tondc,'' Abby speaks, finally changing the subject, ''Tomorrow. In Clarke's place. She'll have to come a few days late. And Lexa is expecting us.''
''I see. And... I'm coming?''
''Unless you want to stay,'' Abby says, ''The security in my attendance will be enough, but... well, Clarke trusts you.''
''Clarke wanted me to go?''
Abby nods once.
''Why didn't she just ask me?'' - God, she can be infuriating - ''She doesn't have to go through you, you know! Or does she not have time for such menial tasks anymore?!''
I know this anger isn't healthy, but it's not something I can let go of easily. The anger is the only thing that's real right now, that's certain. Without it, I am drowning in a sea of uncertainties.
''There's why,'' Abby says, pointing to my general aura, ''She said she's not your favorite person right now. I'd say it's almost an understatement.''
This is her mom. It hits me so suddenly. The roles in this camp have been so messed up lately, we've almost pushed everything to the back of our minds, our hearts. This is her mother. Where's my respect? I better not speak of Clarke like she's a God damn monster right in front of Abby.
''No, she's not,'' I admit honestly, voice calm now, ''But it's not really just her fault. I, uh- I'm dealing with a lot.''
''I can tell,'' Abby says, and she would have smiled if she could right now, ''Feel free to stay here if you want to. But whether you stay or not isn't going to make any difference to Bellamy.''
''I know,'' I swallow, thinking it over at the speed of light, ''I'm going.''
At least I'll feel like I'm doing something that matters.
*
Saying goodbye to Raven was the hardest. Mostly because it felt like I was saying goodbye to Bellamy. I wish I could have told him I was going to Tondc, but he wouldn't tune in in another two hours, and I couldn't wait that long. After all, he had no idea that Octavia was gone either. And my place was still with Octavia, wherever she was, until he's back.
The trip to Tondc is surprisingly trouble-free. Suspiciously so, to my conclusion. It's unsettling; it's left an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I must be going fucking crazy, feeling this way about having a safe trip and not getting attacked. But the whole thing just stinks. Something's off. I don't say it to Abby, but I don't think I have to either. Clarke's plan better work, and fast, because the Mountain's eyes are obviously not on the outside. If they're not on our asses, Bellamy's in graver trouble.
Abby recounts the whole fiasco from the last time they were in Tondc. I think she's talking just to talk, to pass the time, to keep her mind off what might be waiting for her. I can hardly believe the whole gorilla story, and the way Byrne died. It hardly sinks in that Byrne's dead. I never liked the woman much, but I respected her, in a way, and I somehow can't visualize the camp without her. Kane shares an anecdote about Byrne that doesn't stay in my memory. He honors her like this. And I wonder how many more of us will have to die until this whole thing is through.
If I strain my mind, I can remember a day when death mattered more. When people stopped what they were doing to mourn or honor the dead. Now, people are dying so fast and so often, it would all be a waste of time. A luxury we can't afford. Earth has no patience, no pleasantries to offer.
When we're about to arrive in Tondc, it's quite late, and the new moon isn't offering much light in the last portion of our travel. It makes me anxious and extra alert, until we see the lights of Tondc glowing in the distance. The sight is comforting, the sound of the people inside as well.
We're treated as befits respected guests - good food and rest before any talks can begin. Abby is anxious to get to it though. I, on the other hand, enjoy what I'm given. Octavia greets us and we eat together, sharing bits and pieces of what's happened on both sides in the meantime. She's nervous about Bellamy, and Lincoln, but it seems that Indra keeps her busy enough. I can't keep the fact that they're taking our friends somewhere from her, but I try not to make it sound so grave, at least. I fail spectacularly. She swallows it all though, and keeps it down. She's a warrior, after all.
The couple of days that pass before Clarke comes feel odd without the usual every-three-hour check-in from Bellamy. Despite being in Abby's attendance, I can't really sit in on any of her talks with Lexa, not unless she specifies and demands. Which leaves me free of duties for the greater part of the day.
But I don't sit idly. Spending a lot of time with the Tri Kru allows me to learn a lot and do exactly what Bellamy expected of me - try and bridge the gap between our people as much as it's in my personal power. I don't do it with the exact intent though; it's quite spontaneous. After a while they don't seem that different from us, really. The way we've all grown together in a way is completely natural. My Trigedasleng becomes more fluent, less strained. Having to hear it everywhere around me all the time makes sure of that.
Sometimes I get the scouting duty or a shift on the watch, usually in the evening. Drea and I cover the western perimeter, and after a couple of days I know that portion of the woods by heart. One sky person and one tree person is the way it usually goes - Grounders may not be willing to touch a gun, but they're not stupid to not send out someone who is. So I hold a rifle while Drea clutches a bow. We don't talk much.
Drea has become somewhat of a silent friend. Though we don't exactly talk a lot, we've been on a task together so many times we've become something of an instinctively functioning team. I know literally next to nothing about him, and yet I know I can trust him out here, maybe even with my life. It's odd, and it's not something I've experienced before - comradeship. But it's very much a real thing.
He also keeps me company, which I appreciate, because unlike Octavia I'm not exactly among my people here in Tondc, and I don't feel that way either. I seem to have earned the respect and acceptance of some of Indra's squad of command, but that's about the length that it goes. I try not to keep to my own people too much, purposely make myself get up and try to ''mingle'' with the Grounders, because that's what we need right now. Some of the Arkers seem to follow suit, and in a few days the tension between all of us is much much lesser.
Thoughts of Bellamy constantly try to invade my mind, but I always manage to push them back. If Octavia can, so can I. For now, it's working. There is no time to worry. At night the thoughts torment me, but it's never too long until I fall asleep.
On the fourth day, Clarke arrives.
She rides in with a couple of the Tri Kru in charge of her security, and Octavia and I drop what we're doing and stride across to meet her the moment we see her.
''I need you to take me to Lexa,'' she immediately says.
"What's wrong?" Octavia asks her as we walk.
"Nothing."
''Clarke?'' I reiterate, but she doesn't say a thing. She looks afraid though, as much as she conceals it to the world I can see the traces of it cracking through the surface.
''Bellamy?'' I ask again.
''He's okay.''
"Is he ready?'' Octavia asks, ''Did he get the acid fog down?"
"He's working on it."
It's like a silent understanding between me and Octavia, and we don't ask a damn thing more. We lead her across, one of her bodyguards at the rear, but the silence is somehow stifling.
Lexa has stepped out of the Diplomacy Tent - as me and O have taken to calling it - before we can reach her, and she's in the company of Marcus Kane. She doesn't exactly look ecstatic to see Clarke.
"Clarke of the Sky People has honored us with her presence,'' Lexa says, and anyone could discern the sarcasm no matter how well concealed.
"I'm sorry I'm late, Commander."
"You made good time,'' Kane says, ''I assume the kids at Mount Weather are okay?"
"For now,'' replies Clarke, before she turns to Lexa, ''Can we talk in private?''
Lexa agrees and the two leaders leave us, and we're all left standing with an uneasy feeling in our stomachs. I can tell by the way Indra and Octavia share a look, by the way Kane's fingers move on his rifle and he shifts his weight. A meeting without Abby and Kane, and Indra and all the other advisers of Lexa's? There's something Clarke's not telling us, and I don't like it.
''We won't stand around all day,'' Indra finally says in that emotionless voice of hers, ''We all have tasks. Back to it.''
I take that as my cue to go. It's not like I can do anything right now. So I haul ass toward the western perimeter, hoping the day will pass by fast.
*
Night has fallen once my shift is over, and Drea and I literally have to strain our eyes to make our ways back to the core settlement. The lights of Tondc are a way off through the woods, but they serve as guidance on this almost moonless night. It's not like we can have a torch this far out, where enemy eyes could be spying.
The place is bustling busy, people rushing about without rest, doing whatever needs to be done, Tri Kru and Skai Kru alike. Despite it being almost pitch dark already, it's not yet very late. There is still much to be done before it's officially rest and bedtime. I want to check up on Octavia before I report for further duty, but I don't see her anywhere, so I make my way straight to Kane and Indra.
These two seem to have formed a diplomatic relationship of trust, seeing as they're very often together, consulting each other as two leaders should. It makes me glad, knowing we're growing together as peoples, and I know it's even more of a miracle considering Indra's cold and untrusting nature.
I'm hoping I'll get some information about Clarke and Lexa's meeting today, but as I make my way toward them, I decide I don't like the looks on their faces. As an unsettling feeling sets into the pit of my stomach, I am very aware that something's off. Before I can reach them, Indra's already striding away somewhere, Kane off to the other side and coming toward me. I turn my power walk into a jog to catch him before he can slip away.
''What's going on?!''
''Clarke and the Commander are nowhere to be found,'' Kane says, ''We need to search the woods. Find Ryder. Tell him to form a party and scout the western perimeter-''
''What- I just came back from the western perimeter! Everything's clear!''
''Well, search again,'' his jaw sets. I can tell he's afraid, and in turn it makes me even more nervouse.
''Alright,'' I nod, ''I'll gather the party.''
He nods before he rushes away, and I literally make a run for it. The barracks are on the other side of the camp, at the very edge and outskirt, and it's my best bet of finding Ryder. If he's not with Clarke, he's having his rest. I want to do this fast or the nerves will eat me up. As I run, the settlement of Tondc seems somehow bigger now that I'm trying to quickly make my way across it, and criss-crossing between people walking around isn't helping it at all.
I finally see it - the long tent on the edge of town, next to the remains of one of the old concrete buildings. The flap of the tent is shifted open, and someone steps out, and I have to run a few steps more to be able to see who it is. Before I can though, something flashes across the sky. Looking up, for a moment I think it's a comet, but it only takes a second to realize it's too bright and too fast and coming down too low. And when I finally realize what it is as it falls toward the center of Tondc, and when my heart almost stops, it's already too late. My feet are off the floor, the pressure pressing against my lungs, the heat covering my skin as I'm sent flying who knows where. To my Death perhaps. This thought passes through my head, like everything's in slow motion and it makes time for these thoughts to form. It's so hot, like someone's pushed my face into a fire, I think. For a brief moment I think of God too, before blackness takes over me and consumes me entirely.