Prologue
I had loved the ground.
It's a small and simple truth, no matter how naive it may have been at the beginning. This was, after all, the beginning of my story. And yet, now, years from that day when my feet first touched the Earth, I'd dare say I still love it. I still dare to be a little naive.
But let's go back to that beginning. I had loved the ground, but during those first days on Earth, the reason wasn't anything too poetic - it was simply because nothing had tried to actively kill me yet, which was a pleasant change from the Ark. The entire year of my life prior to our coming had consisted of nothing but sitting around waiting to get floated. The actual waiting was the worst part, especially once I'd become truly conscious of the fact that the moment was getting nearer and nearer. I never really counted on the Council revoking the decision - that happened pretty damn rarely, no matter what they tell you. Because why waste oxygen on someone expendable? Especially when you have legal ground and laws to back you up - truth be told, any excuse to get rid of someone to save resources was good enough.
So I'd been half-ready to float. The other half of me had still hoped silently that - somehow - I wouldn't, despite all. Then they put me in that Drop-Ship and I'd only gotten to see my hectic parents through the crowd and I didn't even get to say proper goodbyes before we were falling through the atmosphere about to blow up into countless pieces of debris. I remember thinking maybe, just maybe, floating was a better option than this. This was wrong, we were gonna blow up for sure, I knew, my mind knew; and yet deep inside I hoped against hope, instinctively, despite myself, despite all reason and logic.
And then suddenly, we were on the ground. None of us had believed we'd even make the trip, let alone survive on Earth. Two kids had died on impact, and back then it wasn't so easy to say that ''only'' two were dead. We would only learn in time how easy it was to lose people, how easy it was to die. Only time would teach us that two deaths were not so big of a loss, but for now, we were devastated, and terrified. It was a kick in our guts. It's funny to think I couldn't in a million years be able to remember those kids' names now, but back then it was the worst thing that ever happened. I was - like I said - naive, and didn't know we would see way worse yet.
Yet I loved the ground. It was like nothing I'd ever known, strange and foreign and definitely scary, so much space, such a big world, so overwhelming. Everything was new - the air, the smells, the view, the sounds, the feel of dirt and grass below my feet. And most of all, the freedom. Anything was better than the Skybox, and truthfully, my first days on Earth mostly consisted of marveling at my surroundings. I was smitten, at least until raw survival hit us.
It wasn't long until we realized that we had landed on the wrong mountain. Our supplies were on Mount Weather, miles and miles away, and we needed them to survive the first trying period on Earth. In a couple of days, a group had formed to retrieve them, and we didn't yet have cause enough for panic - we'd have to hike a while, but we were alive, and able. We were still okay. As scared and awe-struck as I was at the time, I remember being determined more than anything. I had to survive. I had to stay beeping on the Ark's computer screens if my parents were to come down. I had to live.
I also remember I didn't really like any of the kids I was suddenly stuck on Earth with. Half of them, I didn't even know. Sure, some of them were known to everyone for the stuff they did, but that only meant they were probably the ones to be avoided. I certainly had no friends among the delinquents, even those I was acquainted with. There was one person I'd used to be friends with, but that had been a long time ago, when he was different and I was different, and him more so than me.
Still, everyone knew Jaha's golden boy, that's for sure. Clarke Griffin, as well - the ''princess'' nickname had stuck for a while. They were the privileged ones; they didn't belong. The rest of the kids mostly came from poor families, or from the working class, like me, so the dislike came almost naturally. I personally didn't particularly separate them from anyone else - I trusted everyone equally, which was to say not at all.
There were a few other kids that everyone seemed to know - the Spacewalker was one of them. Finn Collin's infamous spacewalk had made him the talk of the Ark for months on end. The Last Siblings kind of had a killer story too. I don't know anyone else who's ever had a sibling on the Ark, so one can imagine how scandalous their whole story was.
The older of the siblings - Bellamy Blake - was already becoming something of a leader figure in the camp, and it goes without saying that it didn't exactly sit well with me. I had hoped he would follow his sister and go with the small group that was already on its way to Mount Weather, but he'd stayed behind. It took less than a day for his authority to take hold, and I quite frankly was of a mind that Bellamy Blake was the last person to ever be listened to. A gut feeling told me things would soon get pretty chaotic around here. And they did.
Being pretty much on my own, I had to keep my eyes open. There was Bellamy with his instant henchmen to keep an eye out for, there were a couple dozen other problematic kids, and then there was Wells Jaha, a walking dead man. I hoped I was wrong about that - I certainly didn't want him dead - but I had to assume that there were at least a few killers among us and Wells was a target if there ever was one. To say he wasn't a favorite in the camp would be an understatement. He had seemed more alone than I was.
He had probably mistaken that for some friendship basis when he approached me.
''Tasha, right?'' he'd said.
''Yeah...'' I'd responded uncertainly, looking up at him, as I tightened the laces of my boots. The way the moon shone behind him had shrouded his face, and it took me a moment to realize it was Wells Jaha that was talking to me. My first instinct was to run away - I didn't want him to make me a target as well simply by associating himself with me. I was half-surprised he knew my name too, but then again, after the scandal, I had to be realistic and expect a lot of the kids to know.
''I know what you did,'' he'd said like he was reading my mind.
''Good,'' I'd replied firmly as I stood up to face him. I'm convinced most of us were faking confidence most of the time in those first days - you had to establish the right kind of authority with the rest of the camp. Some of the delinquents were better at it than others. My whole life had already been "fake it 'til you make it", and I'd had some practice. That doesn't mean I wasn't terrified beneath it.
''That makes you tough, whether you think you are or not. You can take care of yourself,'' Wells had added, ''A lot of these kids can't.''
I wasn't sure where he was going with this, and truthfully, I only half-cared. I didn't trust him. Especially after the way he grabbed that kid with the goggles. (I hadn't known Jasper's name yet and had called him Justin for a while - a travesty of its own.) The poor kid had only approached Clarke. I didn't care about what kind of history Jaha and the princess had had but I knew that you had to be a special kind of asshole to get John Murphy to intervene and be the good guy.
John Murphy... The one I didn't know anymore.
''We might need tough clear-headed people around here soon enough,'' Wells had continued, looking subtly toward Blake and Murphy and all the other bullies in that group. I got the hint. Either they would bully this camp into submission or it will go wild and rampant, every man for himself. Frankly, I didn't like either of the options.
''Whatever, Jaha,'' I'd shrugged him off. I'd never been one to be unnecessarily rude, but I was thinking I'd have to start to learn to be, for my own sake.
''Just keep your eyes open,'' Wells had only said, before he walked away.
The first rain had started in the afternoon of the third day on Earth. It didn't last very long. I'd initially pulled myself into the safety of the Drop Ship to watch, until I realized none of the kids were dropping dead because of it. Then I stepped out, and felt the drops on my skin, and I had no idea why, but I remember I wanted to cry.
I didn't, of course. Not with the sharks I'd found myself among.
Everyone had naturally found stuff to do very quickly in the camp, and I found myself unable to sit idly and just wait for the group that left to come back with everything we needed. I refused to blindly obey Bellamy's orders, but I knew what we had to do nevertheless. I was already thinking like a survivor - intending to scout the area further ahead. First and foremost, we needed to find a steady source of water.
I had no idea whom I could take with me, but I knew that I couldn't leave on my own. So in my lack of choice and good reasoning, my feet had taken me to Wells Jaha. I knew one thing for sure - I wasn't willing to put our survival in the hands of any of the people that were now in our camp. I had to take initiative, for myself at least.
I'd found Wells in the middle of what seemed to be a water discussion exactly - somehow initiated by no other than John Murphy and his buddies. If you could call bullying and a potential death threat a discussion, that is. FIRST SON FIRST TO DYE, Murphy had carved out on the metal wall.
I instantly regretted coming this way. I did not want to be anywhere near John Murphy - I hadn't spoken to him in years and I intended to keep it that way.
''My father begged for mercy before your father floated him,'' he'd said to Wells. Amidst all that rage and hatred he spouted, there was this last dying glint of the John Murphy I'd once known in his eyes - the John Murphy with a big heart drowning in sadness and ready to freeze over. Then it was gone, as quickly as it had appeared, and I was again standing before this person I didn't know at all.
''Wells, let's go,'' I'd said, only because I didn't want to be the first one to break the silence between me and Murphy, even if it was just to tell him to go fuck himself.
''The chancellor's golden boy,'' John had sneered, his buddies backing him up, ''You disappoint me, T.''
It had taken all I had in me not to turn around and punch him for no other reason than him speaking to me. We were supposed to be dead to each other and I wanted - no, needed it to stay that way. But I didn't turn around and punch him - instead I grabbed Wells with that strength and all but dragged him behind me, him limping and all.
For some reason, Wells had simply obliged. Maybe he was just happy to be out of that pickle of a situation. For a moment I wondered if he'd feared Murphy. A lot of people seemed to.
''You spelled 'die' wrong,'' Wells spat back as we rushed on our way, ''Geniuses!''
''Leave it,'' I growled.
''Where are we going?'' he'd asked after a while.
''We need water. No one seems to be on the task. Everyone seems to be relying on your princess to bring back the treasures,'' I'd replied sarcastically.
Using a spare map, we'd managed to find the river closest to where we were. It took even longer than I'd expected with Wells's bad leg. We didn't talk much on our way, thankfully. It had helped us focus on our surroundings and not get lost. The woods were treacherous; if you don't look really hard, sometimes they can look exactly the same at any given spot, and the existence of directions or sides of the world evaporates into nothingness.
''Well, at least it's not too far,'' I'd said as we watched the streams rush past us.
''Looks clean, but we don't know if it's drinkable.''
''Well, we'll sanitize it,'' I said, crouching down to fill up a bottle, ''Then we'll test it.''
''Test it on whom?''
''Doesn't matter. We need water to survive, and if the waters are too radiated, then Earth is not survivable. We'll all die.''
Wells didn't say anything.
Our way back may have taken even longer, because by the time we were reaching the perimeter, the sun had just set down and the fires were already up and burning in the camp.
What we'd found back in camp was everything I didn't want to happen and everything I couldn't stop at that point.
''What the hell are you doing?!?'' Wells had been the first one to react, storming up ahead with his bad leg where Bellamy and his asshole buddies were taking off the kids' wristbands one by one.
''We're liberating ourselves. What does it look like?'' Bellamy had all but shrugged, a smug look on his face that I wanted to punch right off of him.
''It looks like you're trying to get us all killed,'' I'd said, almost through my teeth, but never raising my voice. Control your anger, I remember thinking. If we start shouting or throwing punches, it could get really dangerous really fast around here.
''The communication system is dead,'' Wells had kept on, ''These wristbands are all we got. Take them off, and The Ark will think we're dying, that it's not safe for them to follow.''
''That's the point, Chancellor,'' Bellamy had replied, acting for all the world like he was a god, ''We can take care of ourselves, can't we?''
''Yeah? You think this is a game? Those aren't just our friends and our parents up there. They're our farmers, our doctors, our engineers,'' Wells spoke up, ''I don't care what he tells you. We won't survive here on our own and besides, if it really is safe, how could you not want the rest of our people to come down?''
''My people already are down. Those people locked my people up. Those people killed my mother for the crime of having a second child. Your father did that.''
''My father didn't write the laws.''
''No. He enforced them, but not anymore, not here. Here, there are no laws.''
''Oh, shut up, Blake,'' I spoke up finally, surprising myself with the outburst, ''You're taking this down a very dangerous path, and it's one you won't be able to control or handle. You think you're some god around here? Some... leader? They'll chew you up and spit you out first chance they get! They'll follow you until they no longer do, and then what? You're screwed. Stand down while you can.''
''You done, sweetheart?'' he'd retorted with a half-smirk.
''You wanna lead?'' I ignored him, ''Fine, you lead us. But this is not the way.''
''No ways, no laws, no nothing,'' he insisted, ''Not here. Here, we do whatever the hell we want whenever the hell we want. Now, you don't have to like it. You can even try to stop it or change it, kill me. You know why? Whatever the hell we want.''
He had meant it. He had really meant it. He didn't fear what would happen to him; he embraced the chaos. No laws of any kind - and among these criminals? He'd given us an open invitation to murder. He'd dared us, even.
I remember just standing there, as the crowd started taking up the chant - ''Whatever the hell we want! Whatever the hell we want!'' There was nothing else to say, or do. It might have been out of my power all along. And of course Bellamy Blake would appeal to all of these delinquents, it had made sense to me instantly. The idea of freedom, independence, no more shit that they'd had to face on the Ark? Bellamy had only had to tell them what they wanted to hear. With the right words, they would have given him more than their damned wristbands.
I'd stepped up to Bellamy Blake, so that he could hear me in the roar of the crowd. Up on my toes I went - he was towering over me - and he even leaned in for me to be able to say it right into his ear.
''You got it all wrong just now. You can try to kill me, Bellamy. Because that's the only way you're getting this wristband.''