Chapter 5
"Monkey! Come on, bedtime," Sarah yelled. Whenever it got uncomfortably close to Kira's bedtime she hid somewhere in the loft. "Come on, Kira. I'm tired." Suddenly Sarah heard a rustling behind her. The bin under the kitchen counter trembled suspiciously. She smiled and sneaked towards it.
"Gotcha," she exclaimed and pulled her daughter from behind the bin. They both laughed and Sarah carried her to bed.
"I don't wanna go to sleep, mommy."
"I know, but it's late."
"Just five more minutes, pleeease."
"You've had five more minutes for half an hour. But how about I'll read you an extra chapter from your book?"
"Okay."
They both got comfy in Kira's bed and she nestled up to her mothers chest. Shortly, after they had finished the first chapter Sarah heard the loft's door open. She was strongly hoping that it was Felix but the rhythm of the bouncy steps left no doubt that her sister was home from work. Sarah shrugged but continued to read. Ten minutes later Cosima's head appeared in the doorframe.
"Are you coming out later?," she mouthed because Kira's eyes were already closed. Sarah nodded and continued reading. Her heart was racing and she couldn't focus on the words anymore. Why did she want her to come out? Did she know? Did Delphine tell her? It seemed like the conversation with Felix had been weeks ago, when in fact it had just been this morning.
Carefully, not to wake Kira, she produced her phone from the pocket of her jeans, but there were no texts or calls and she doubted that Delphine had talked to Cosima without letting her know. Then again Dr Cormier was unpredictable sometimes.
"Okay, monkey. I'm going now. Sleep tight," she kissed her daughter on the forehead and put the book on the nightstand. "I love you."
Cosima was lying on the couch with her laptop on her stomach watching a TV show and snacking on some nachos with cheese. As soon as she noticed Sarah she shut her laptop and jumped up.
"Long night at work?," Sarah asked.
"Yeah kinda. Listen… uhm, do you have a minute or two?"
"Sure," Sarah smiled but her insides were squirming.
"Okay. About last night…"
"It's fine, Cos. Really, don't worry. I've already forgotten about it."
"It's not fine, Sarah. I'm so stupid, I'm so sorry for the shit I've put you through. I really am."
"Don't worry. It's okay. I promise. It's nothing."
Cosima stepped closer, wrapped her arms around Sarah and rested her head on her shoulder. "Thank you," she whispered. Sarah didn't respond but patted her back and fought the tears that stung in her eyes. Part of her was relieved that Cosima didn't know, but the other part was disgusted with herself for pretending nothing else had happened.
"Have you talked to Delphine?," Cosima asked and adjusted her glasses.
"No," her answer was too quick and a little too loud, it would have made anyone suspicious so she added, "Have you?," in a hushed tone.
"No, not a chance. She's been avoiding me all day. Instead of talking to me she had Scott deliver messages. I don't know what got into her. I mean, yeah, it was a stupid prank, but completely ignoring me? I mean, come on!"
"Yeah. Absolutely. Have you tried to call her?"
"Rejected all my calls, all fucking day. I don't know what to do. I thought about just driving by her place after work, but that's kinda creepy. Maybe she just needs a little more time."
Sarah swallowed and went into the kitchen. "Fancy some tea?"
"Sure. Wait, since when do you drink tea?"
"I'm British, you moron."
"Still, I've seen you drink tea like two times."
"My stomach is a little funny."
"Oh okay. By the way, have you been out late last night?"
"Yeah. I needed some space. Why?," Sarah said.
"Where have you been? I don't think I heard you get back in."
"At S's, we've talked pretty much all night," she was surprised at how easy the lies came over her lips.
"Have you told her?," Cosima's eyes widened in shock.
"Of course not. Are you insane?," Sarah responded.
"Do you think I should call her though?," Cosima asked. She had been silent for a little while and Sarah saw the question built up in her head.
"Who, Delphine?," she pretended to play dumb.
"Yeah."
"What? Now?"
"Yeah, I have a bad feeling about all of this. I feel like I should be the one making the first move. It's all my fault."
"It's not all your fault. I agreed to this. But, yeah, maybe it is better if you call her." As much as she wanted her not to call, it definitely would have made her suspicious. She felt nauseous as she poured the boiling water into their cups.
They drank their tea in silence and Sarah could see Cosima's head spinning with indecision. She didn't dare to say anything so she just sat beside her sister and cradled her back. It was inevitable, she had to talk to Delphine but she had no idea what to say. The turmoil was almost unbearable. Before, she had never understood what Cosima saw in Delphine, her accent was pretentious and her ethical values more than problematic. On top of that her hair was just too much of everything, how did those damned curls do what they did? Her mind wandered and she caught herself thinking of burying her hands in them. After last night she understood perfectly well why Cosima fell for her almost instantly. But it wasn't just the sex, the way she talked with her hands and how she bit her lower lip when she was embarrassed. The way she said words questioningly when she wasn't sure how to pronounce them. Sarah definitely was falling for her. It had been the same way with Cal back then. Their breakup had almost crushed her and she wasn't sure if she wanted to feel like that ever again. But she also wasn't sure if there was a choice. After Cal, she had sworn never to surrender herself to someone emotionally. The relationship with Vic had been a farce from start to finish. The coke was easy money and Vic had his sweet moments, even though they were scarce. She had never loved him, maybe as friend but never as partner. She chuckled involuntarily when she though about Vic's stupidity.
"What's up?," Cosima looked up from her cup.
"Nothing, I just thought about Vic."
"Oh, good old Vic. What's he doing now anyways?"
"Probably sleeping behind a dumpster. I have no idea and I couldn't care less."
They both laughed and Cosima leaned her head on Sarah's shoulder. "I'm really glad we've found each other, Sarah."
"Me too", she stared into empty space and put her arm around Cosima, "me too."
Delphine sighed and closed her laptop. She had stayed late on purpose, making sure she didn't run into Cosima in the parking garage. But apparently Cosima had thought the same. When Delphine stepped out of the elevator she head footsteps in the distance. As soon as she recognized Cosima she slowed down and hid behind a large van. She felt childish but then again she had no idea how to approach her. Of course she couldn't avoid her forever but at least until she had a clear game plan. The drive back home was quiet, usually Cosima was sitting in the passenger seat, frenetically talking about something she wanted to share with her.
When she arrived in her apartment the emptiness struck her. She hadn't been alone in here for quite a while. The events of last night replayed in her head again and she went to the bedroom to make sure her housekeeper had changed the sheets. There was still a faint whiff of Sarah's perfume in the air when she opened the door but the white sheets were changed to light grey ones. After changing into something comfortable she turned on the TV and watched a re-run of a show she had seen ages ago. Her mind wandered and she found herself thinking about wether or not to call Cosima. After all she owed it to her, talking to her through Scott had been childish of course, but she couldn't bare to look her in they eyes, not yet. Those faithful eyes, framed by the dark rim of her glasses, those eyes that looked at her as if she were something magical. All of a sudden the glasses disappeared and the image in her mind changed to the same pair of brown eyes that looked at her intensely, demanding, almost threatening. She shrugged. There was no way she could talk to her girlfriend before the Sarah-Situation wasn't resolved. With a shaking hand she picked up her phone and dialed.
Sarah's stomach dropped when she saw the caller ID on her phone. She was still sitting on the couch with Cosima who had convinced her sister to watch an episode of her favorite TV show. All this time her phone rested in her hand with the display facing up. Quickly, she turned the phone and rejected the call. Luckily, Cosima was too invested in what happened on the screen to notice Sarah's little panic attack. Sarah felt nauseous. What could Delphine want? Was it possible she was waiting outside?
"Uhm, Cos? Would you be mad if I stepped outside for a little while? I think I need some air."
"Is your stomach still funny?"
"Yeah, a little. But that show's not bad, really. We should absolutely watch it again."
"Sure, no problem. Do you want me to come with you?"
"No, I'm all right. Thanks. I'll be back soon."
Sarah grabbed her jacket and closed the door quietly. As soon as she was out of earshot she took out her phone. It only rang twice before Delphine picked up.
"Sarah?"
"Yeah, it's me. Why did you call?"
"Are you alone?"
"Yes. Of course," she snapped.
"Please, I don't have time for this. We need to talk, in person."
"Okay. Why in person?"
"I don't want to do this one the phone." Something inside of Sarah was incredibly glad that she had just said this. Against her will a small glimmer of hope emerged at the thought of seeing Delphine alone again. She knew it was more than foolish but she couldn't help it. Her voice softened, "Do you want me to come over?" She sounded like a stupid teenager.
"No," Delphine's answer was cold. "Can you come to the DYAD?"
"Sure."
"Okay. Meet me at the entrance in thirty minutes."