Chapter 10
One Disney movie, a nap, and a lot of pizza later, Harry was loading Louis back into his car seat, ready to take him back to the house. Louis was still regressed, much to Harry’s joy. He’d spent the afternoon fawning over his little boy, giving him cuddles and love. He had a lot of time to make up for in that department.
Harry looked back at Louis to see the boy sucking calmly on his pacifier, looking out the window.
“Are you excited to see your new rooms, sweetheart?” Louis nodded, smiling behind his pacifier.
The second that Harry pressed the button to open the garage Nick had the house door open, a huge smile on his face. Harry was happy to see that his boyfriend was just as ecstatic as he was over the prospect of showing Louis his new rooms. It was an important step, they were making Nick and Harry’s house into Nick, Harry, and Louis’ home. A family.
Nick walked over to the car, opening the rear door when Harry had shut the car off. He smiled at Louis, the boy letting out an excited noise when he saw Nick. He reached his hands out for the man, attempting to hug him through his restraints. Nick chuckled, awkwardly hugging the boy who was still sat in the car seat.
“Hi lovey, I missed you!” Nick said, unbuckling the boy’s five-point harness. He picked Louis up as soon as he was free, holding the boy close. He let out a sigh of contentment; he couldn’t believe how much he had missed the boy while he was gone, realizing how attached he had gotten in only a few days.
Once inside, they followed Harry up the stairs. Both men were eager to show Louis the room; Nick had sent Harry pictures once everything was set up and the workers had left, but he couldn’t wait to see the rooms in person.
“Hm, which room should we go to first?” Nick asked, looking at Louis. Pacifier still bobbing between his lips, Louis just stared back at the man as if to say, you choose.
“How about his playroom?” Harry said. They walked into the playroom, Louis’ eyes covered by his fingers after Nick told him to close his eyes. As usual, Louis’ curiosity won out, the boy peeking between his fingers before Nick could count down from three.
He gasped as he looked at the room; sure that he’d never seen so many toys in his life. The walls were painted light green, and the room was filled with all of the toys that they had bought at YSL and more. There was a keyboard set up in one corner that Louis couldn’t wait to try out. There was an adult-sized plastic table set up with a tub of art supplies next to it. Lined with bins of legos, play-doh, trains, and any other toy Louis could ever want, the men knew he’d be happy playing in here.
Louis grabbed his pacifier out of his mouth giving the men a huge smile. “Thank you! This is the coolest room ever.”
“Anything for you, little cub,” Nick said, giving the boy a bounce. The men would never tell you how nervous they were for Louis to see his room. They had definitely taken a lot of liberties with it, and just hoped that Louis liked it.
He couldn’t help but cry as they entered his room. HIS room. His emotions were going haywire as of late, and he seemed to be crying at almost everything that was happening in his life. Good, bad, exciting, embarrassing. At least Nick and Harry didn’t make fun of him. Not yet, the negative voice in his head whispered.
The walls of his room were painted like a jungle; happy, cartoon like animals were hanging from trees, drinking from watering holes, or simply playing together. It matched his sheets perfectly and it was beyond the scope of Louis’ wildest imagination in terms of things he loved. It was perfect. Louis allowed himself to look at what was in the room after tearing his gaze away from the perfectly painted walls.
The furniture was crafted of the dark wood Harry had been dreaming about for years now. As he looked around the room he couldn’t believe that it finally existed, that it was for his little boy. The closet was full to the brim with clothes for Louis that they’d bought at YSL. Him and Louis had gone through his clothes at his house, picking out some that he wanted to keep at theirs in case he slept over, and, Harry hoped, eventually moved in. He looked over at the leather rocking couch in the corner, thinking about the nightly bottles they’d be giving their boy. It was more than he could have ever dreamed of.
“Do you like it, Loulou?” Harry asked, walking over to the boy who was rubbing his tear covered cheeks on Nick’s shirt to dry them off.
He looked up at Harry, eyes more aware than they’d been all day. “I love it. This… this is more than I could have ever dreamed of having. I think it’ll take some getting used to, though, if that’s okay?”
“Of course it’s okay, love. You don’t need to do anything that you don’t want to.” Harry and Nick would continue to assure Louis of the fact that they were moving at his pace as much as he needed. His insecurity really did remind them of an actual child, the way that he would constantly repeat himself and ask the same question over and over again for reassurance.
Louis smiled up at them gratefully, before wriggling, trying to get down from Nick’s arms. The man let the boy down, smiling at how adorable he looked in his footie pajamas. He walked around the room, running his hands along the changing table thoughtfully. He felt more like himself than he had all day, and his mind was racing. He was grateful. He felt more loved than he had in his entire life. But what would he do tomorrow when rehearsals started back up? What would he do on tour? When would this act end? Sure, Harry and Nick were okay with taking care of him while they had free time, but there was no way that they would want to continue when life picked back up. Louis couldn’t blame them for that.
He so desperately wanted to fall into the promise of family, but he can’t do it. It’s one thing for Nick and Harry to say nice things to him, but it’s another for him to believe it. He can’t think of one thing that they did that was wrong, it was all him. It would always be him. He could never completely get his mum’s words out of his mind; they were present in everything he did, every sweet word Harry and Nick said to him. He almost wished that he would reenter his headspace so that he could take himself away from these thoughts. He tried not to think about his rules, how he was supposed to talk to Nick and Harry when his mind was in a bad place, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want them to know about his mum, he didn’t want them to change their minds about him. He couldn’t help but think that they might change their minds about him if they heard how disgusted his own mum was by him. He didn’t think he could live through that.
Weighing his options quickly, Louis thought about how to proceed. He could stay there that night, or he could go back to his house and sleep alone. He’d see Harry at rehearsals the next day, that could potentially be awkward if he left right then. And Nick and Harry had done something so nice for him, right? He couldn’t leave. He wouldn’t let his mind toy with the thought that he wanted to stay; he couldn’t get too comfortable, which was already happening. Disappointment was all that this would end in.
Nick and Harry were sharing worried looks at the way that Louis was standing in the corner of the room, fingers running idly over the smooth wood of the changing table. They realized how overwhelming this must be for the boy and let him work through his thoughts. All they could do was hope that he would trust them enough to tell them what he was thinking.
Louis turned around to look at the men, seemingly unsure of himself.
“If you want me to leave I can. I know you have work tomorrow morning, Nick, and we have rehearsals. I need to call Alberto anyways; it’s fine if you want me to leave. I’m sure he’s worried about me.”
The daddies felt pained every time Louis questioned them. It felt like for every small step they took forward, they’d inevitably take three steps back. They knew that this would take some time, but it hurt nonetheless.
“We would love for you to stay, Lou. We can go to rehearsals together and just tell the lads that my car is in the shop so you and Alberto picked me up. If you want to leave we can get you a ride home, though. It’s up to you.”
Louis contemplated Harry’s words. Every part of him ached to stay there, to allow himself to bask in the men’s praise and affection. But his mind never failed to remind him of the worst possible outcomes that could occur. He closed his eyes, trying not to panic. He was okay.
“I’ll stay,” Louis said, breathing a bit heavier than normal.
Harry couldn’t help it, he walked over to the boy and enveloped him in a hug, pressing a kiss to his hair. He waited for the little to hug him back before speaking.
“I’m happy to hear that. It’s getting late, how about we get you changed and ready for bed?”
Louis nodded, seemingly unable to separate himself from Harry’s embrace. He was beginning to realize how much he enjoyed being touched, loving the warm feeling of Nick and Harry on his skin.
Nick allowed Harry to do the talking, unable to stop his mind from racing. He was worried about Louis. He knew that something had to have happened to him in the past few years to make him so hesitant to open up to them, and he needed to know what it was so he could help him.
“Nick,” Harry started, cutting the man’s thoughts short, “can you grab a set of pajamas for Lou to wear?”
He grabbed a set that was decorated in lions, figuring it was fitting on the night that they revealed Louis’ room. He brought them over to where Harry was changing Louis into a night diaper, the boy covering his face with his hands.
Once changed and clothed, Nick picked up Louis and took him to the couch. He sat the boy on his lap and began rocking slowly, about to begin speaking when Louis gasped.
“Where’s Lacy?” He asked, looking at the man. If it were anyone else who asked, he would’ve answered snarkily, wondering how the hell he was supposed to know where what they wanted was. But it was Louis, and he was his little boy. It was his job to know where his things were.
“She’s right in your crib, love, I’ll have Harry grab her when he comes back in,” Louis nodded, content with his answer.
The boy thought before saying what was on his mind, “I’m scared… of the crib. What if I need to get out and I can’t? What if there’s a fire?”
“If there was a fire, which there won’t be, then Harry and I will come and get you out. We’ll always make sure you’re safe. How about you sleep with the side of the crib down? Would that make you feel better?”
Louis thought about it before nodding, “Yeah. That’s good. Just get… a bit nervous over some stuff.”
“It’s okay, lovely, thank you for being honest with me! If you don’t like your crib after sleeping in it a few times then we can get you a bed, no problem.”
Harry walked in as Nick was finishing up speaking. He walked over to the couch with a bottle in hand, going to sit down before Nick instructed him to grab Lacy. Louis clutched the lion close to him, rubbing her soft mane against his mouth. He yawned as Harry handed Nick the bottle, trying to clear his mind instead of thinking what the next day would bring. Nick brought the bottle up to his lips, his head cradled in Nick’s shoulder. Harry began to slowly rock the small couch, the movements relaxing Louis just as much as the warm milk did. He was asleep before he was even three-quarters of the way through the bottle, Nick gently removing the nipple from the little’s lips. Harry continued to rock them until they were sure the boy was asleep before Nick picked him up gently. He placed the boy in the crib (making sure to leave the side down), and covered him with a soft blanket. It was late October and the weather wasn’t too frigid, but they wanted the boy to be comfortable and warm.
Once in their room, Harry began the conversation he knew needed to be had.
“We have a problem.”
“What’s wrong, love?”
“This is what’s wrong,” Harry said, pulling out a phone from his back pocket. It wasn’t his, and Nick realized that it was Louis’ by the lack of phone case. Harry always complained that Louis was going to break his phone because he didn’t have a case on it, so it was easier for him to pinpoint whose it was.
Nick looked at the screen, reading the text conversation that Harry had pulled up. He felt like he was going to throw up looking at the harsh words, the contact name “mum” allowing all of the pieces of the puzzle to fit together. In his wildest dreams he would have never imagined that it was Louis’ mum who had act in a manner that lead to the boy being as insecure and anxious as he was. His mind was reeling, unable to completely comprehend what he had just read.
“What the fuck,” Nick answered, unable to say anything else. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do first, seriously harm Louis’ mum or hide the boy away so that no one could ever hurt him again.
“Agreed. Louis is going to want his phone tomorrow when we go to rehearsals, so he’ll read the texts then… the question is whether or not he’ll say anything?” Harry couldn’t help but phrase his thoughts as a question, feeling completely out of his element. There was nothing that he wanted to do more than help Louis, but he wasn’t sure how it was possible.
“Do you think anyone knows?” Nick asked.
“Maybe we can call Alberto? I’m sure he has to know at least how often Louis calls her or goes over to her house on breaks? We need to start somewhere.”
Harry grabbed his phone, quickly scrolling to Alberto’s contact before hitting call.
“Harry?” Alberto asked, sounding confused as to why Harry would be calling him. They exchanged pleasantries, but they were nowhere near as close as Louis was with him, for obvious reasons.
“Hey Alberto, I just have a question I guess, if that’s all right?”
“No problem, man, ask away.”
“I guess I was just wondering what Louis’ relationship with his mum is like? I figured if anyone were to know it’d be you.”
“Well, first, I have a question for you- is he with you? He hasn’t been answering, and I didn’t want to intrude on your time. I know that he’d call if he needed me, so that’s obviously the first place my mind went.”
Harry answered without hesitation; he knew that Alberto would need to be in the know; he was Louis’ personal bodyguard. He went everywhere with Louis, and Harry knew he’d take a bullet for the boy if need be. He could be trusted. He was the only one to be trusted at this point.
“Yeah, he’s been here. There’ve been ups and downs, no surprise there, but he is being cared for. Fuck, Alberto, I would do anything for him. Nick feels the same.” Harry couldn’t help but get emotional as he thought about the boy, thinking about how much he deserved from this world and what he was actually treated like by his mum. It didn’t add up. It wasn’t deserved.
“Welcome to the club, kid. I’m right there with ya. I’m glad he’s safe. He deserves you both, I know you’ll treat him like he deserves. But if you don’t… just know I’m comin for ya,” Alberto let out a small chuckle at his own words.
“Don’t worry, we are moving at his pace. This is all about him. Anything he wants.”
“That’s what I like to hear. But back to why you called. Louis’ mum? They never talk. Ever. Well, the only times they do is over money. She’ll call him and he’ll talk about this credit card or that bill. I know he pays for most of their living expenses. He’ll start the conversation while I’m in the room and then walk out. He’s always been secretive, though, for obvious reasons as we now know.”
“Thank you, that’s helpful. Do you know anything about him visiting her? The more we think about it the more we realize that he never sees his family, we were just curious.” Harry was withholding information, he didn’t want to start a fire when there was no reason to. Not yet.
“I can’t think of a time where he’s ever visited them. You know about as well as I do, he never sees them. Always stays at his house during breaks.”
Harry thanked Alberto for his time, letting him know that he and Dale could pick them up at his house the next morning.
“Well, it looks like this is exactly what we expected. But why? Why would his mum treat him like that? Classification shame her own son?” Harry asked, leaning into Nick’s embrace.
“Babe, we both know that some parents are assholes. The problem is how far it’s gone. He’s 21 and is receiving the affection that littles need for the first time in his life. That’s the real issue; we just need to make sure he’s okay. This is going to be hard.”
“Of course it’s going to be hard, Nick, but he needs us. And we’re going to be by his side until he tells us he doesn’t want our help, which I hope will never happen. But what do we do about his mum?”
“We just wait and see how he reacts. We don’t do anything yet. He isn’t ours until he’s ours. It’s been three days, you’ve to give him time.”
Harry sighed, not responding to Nick. He was tired. He was worried; for both Louis’ situation with his mum and rehearsals tomorrow.
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Nick’s alarm blared at 5:00am as it usually did, Harry a pro at ignoring it after years of sleeping with the radio host. Before he left, Nick made sure to check on Louis, wanting to see the boy before he left. He was curled up into a tiny ball in the crib, pacifier gently bobbing between his lips. He looked calm and content. For fear of waking the boy up, Nick left the room without touching the boy, knowing he’d have time to cuddle him later. It was time to head back to real life, Nick thought. He loved his job more than most parts of his life, but he’d love to stay home with his boys even more.
Harry woke up a bit earlier than normal, showering and getting himself ready for rehearsal. There was a nervous pit in his stomach, not quite sure how Louis would react at rehearsals. He felt selfish as he thought about how he wanted rehearsals to go, scared that Louis would completely ignore him. A part of him understood why the little would react in such a way, scared that the others would find out. He headed to Louis’ room after he got dressed for the day, wanting to have time to bath the boy and feed him before rehearsals. He allowed himself a minute to stare at Louis’ sleeping form, the boy’s expression soft as he slept. Harry wished he could allow the boy to sleep for longer, but rushing the boy would cause him more anxiety than Harry wanted to.
Rubbing the boy’s back softly, he spoke, “Louis, love, it’s time to get up.”
Louis let out a small noise behind his pacifier, stretching his legs out in the crib before opening his eyes. As he came to, his expression shifted from the calm one that he’d had for most of the past few days to the same shielded expression Harry had come to know over the past five years. He spit his pacifier out, sitting up quickly.
He breathed quickly, unable to think straight. Louis was absolutely furious with himself; he couldn’t believe that he’d let himself become so relaxed. How did he expect to keep his secret safe from the boys now? He needed to get it together.
Harry looked on with wide eyes, unsure of whether or not touching the boy would make him feel worse. He wasn’t sure where his head was, and figured he should wait for the boy to speak. He could be patient.
Louis spoke, his breathing labored. Harry wasn’t sure if the boy was speaking to him or himself, but he listened intently regardless, “I need to get ready. This was stupid. God, this was stupid. The boys are going to know. Everyone’s going to figure me out. Our career is over, everything is over.”
Bending down to sit next to Louis in the crib, Harry spoke. “Can you listen to me, Louis? Thank you. No one is going to know. The only people this changes something with are Nick and me. That’s it. No one is going to know until you want them to know.”
Looking up at Harry with wide, frantic eyes, Louis couldn’t understand how Harry didn’t comprehend the implications of this. “I can’t talk to you. They’ll know. Everyone will know. God, how did I think this was okay? Why am I like this?”
Louis scooted himself out of the crib cautiously, Harry unable to stop himself from reaching out to steady the boy as he put his feet on the ground, not wanting him to fall. Standing up, Louis turned to look at Harry.
“I need a shower, ‘m gonna go do that.” Louis walked out of the room and headed for the guest shower. He would never tell Harry about the trouble he had washing himself, hands shaking too much for him to do a decent job.
Instead of feeling down on himself, Harry took the time to text Nick what was happening and set out a diaper and clothes for Louis in the bathroom, wanting the boy to be able to change in private. He could respect the boy’s wishes. It made him want to burst into tears and pull his hair out watching Louis be so confused and hateful of his own nature, but he could do it. Louis wasn’t his no matter how much he wanted him to be. Not yet.
If he were thinking rationally, then Louis would realize that Harry had never done anything to make him so hesitant to trust the daddy. Harry had been there for him through everything the past five years, and more than that, he didn’t run from him when he found out his classification. He and Nick were the only people to ever truly be there for him as a little, and they’d only known for a week and half. That should mean something, shouldn’t it?
But he was thinking emotionally, his mind clouded with the fear of rejection from his boys, their management, and their loving and loyal fans. There was too much that could go wrong. He felt guilty going back and forth with the daddies so much. He made them think that he wanted them, they made a room up for him and everything. And now he was acting like this. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Nick and Harry; in fact, he wanted them more than anything. He craved their love and affection. It was funny, he expected to be completely averse to every single thing that his eventual daddy would do, having to be slowly eased into every aspect of the life, but he wasn’t. He reveled in the way that they treated him, the love that they gave him. It was everything he’d ever wanted. He was weak, he knew it, and he couldn’t bring himself to care. But he did care about what others thought, and that was the root of this problem.
He sat himself under the stream of hot water, taking time to think. He’d just have to ignore Harry, right? Wrong. That would make the others suspicious, he never ignored Harry. And he didn’t want to hurt Harry’s feelings. He couldn’t hurt Harry’s feelings, especially when he knew he’d end up back at his and Nick’s house. He’d just have to talk to Harry, make him promise to pretend to be normal. That would be easy, wouldn’t it?
Getting out of the shower, Louis toweled himself off, noticing that Harry had put a stack of clothes and a diaper inside of the bathroom. It hurt his heart knowing that Harry cared for him so much, making him feel guilty for the way that he was acting. It took him a while to get the diaper on, his hands not wanting to cooperate. After checking himself out in the mirror and making sure you couldn’t see the diaper through his track pants, he headed downstairs.
Harry was sat at the table, drinking coffee and eating a steaming plate of eggs and toast. A plate was set next to Harry’s, full of food that Louis assumed was for him. Before he could formulate a thought about the sippy cup that his eyes landed on, Harry was explaining himself.
“You don’t have to drink out of it if you don’t want to, I just figured it might be easier than possibly spilling your juice. I know you’ve said that your hands have been shaky, wanted to help out a bit.”
Louis sighed, “Thanks Harry. You’re more thoughtful than I deserve. Can I say something?”
The little sat down, taking a sip from the blue sippy cup. Harry didn’t reply, looking at Louis and waiting for him to speak.
“Sorry for freaking out. It’s just… I’ve kept this a secret for 21 years, and I need it to remain one. I can’t have the boys finding out, it’ll ruin everything. You understand?”
Harry nodded, placing a comforting hand on the little’s shoulder. “Of course I understand, Lou. No one will know anything is up. I promise. But I also want you to know that if you need me, just pull me aside. For anything, whether it be a change or just a hug. I’m still your bandmate, don’t forget that.”
“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Louis said, giving the man a grateful smile. They ate in silence, Louis concentrating on making sure his food actually got to his mouth. Harry’s phone beeped, the man checked it before standing up.
“Are you done eating, love? Dale and Alberto are here,” he grabbed Louis’ plate when the boy nodded, putting both of their dishes in the dishwasher. He grabbed a small backpack that he had put together, putting in some diaper supplies under a sweatshirt so they were hid.
Louis couldn’t help but panic as they got in the car, drumming his fingers against his thighs.
“Hey bud, how are you?” Alberto asked, turning around from the front seat and giving Louis a smile.
“I’m good, Albs. Missed you,” he answered honestly. It was weird when he went a few days without seeing the guard.
The little wasn’t sure what he expected to happen when he arrived at the studio, but it was uneventful. The other boys hugged him, telling him about their weekends.
Other than a bit of hovering, Harry treated Louis exactly like he normally would. The boy was absolutely relieved that his cover would be lasting another day.
He was excited for the tour, loving that the songs that he and Liam had worked so hard on would be sung in stadiums of hundreds of thousands of people. There was something ridiculously special about writing a song and having people enjoy it. When the band released their first album, he thought that nothing would ever feel better than fans telling them that they enjoyed his singing, but he was wrong. When he and Liam started writing, the feedback that they received made him feel like he was flying. To hear that people liked his voice was one thing, but to have them rave over songs that he had poured his heart and soul into was something otherworldly. For this tour to have a set list full of songs that were penned by him was something he couldn’t believe. It was more than he could have ever asked for in life.
When it came time for their lunch break, Zayn walked over to Louis.
“Hey mate, what are you doing next Saturday?”
“Nothing, why, what’s up?” Louis asked.
“You know how I told you I’ve a new bird?” Zayn took Louis’ nod as a sign to continue speaking, “Well, it’s Perrie from Little Mix. We were thinking of having a bit of a get together at my place for Halloween. The lads are all coming, H is bringing Nick. Her girls are gonna be there too. Jesy is bringing Jake. They’re p-doms; if I’m being honest they can get a bit irritating, but it should be fine. You in?”
Louis swallowed at Zayn’s mention of the p-doms, but nodded. “I’d love to, Z. I’ll be there. Like I said before, I’m happy for you. Perrie is great from all I know about her. And she has you wrapped around her finger, so she can’t be too bad.”
Zayn laughed, patting Louis on the shoulder as he walked away.
The little wet himself towards the end of their practice, shifting uncomfortably. He tried to hide his discomfort, but Harry noticed it right away. He was frustrated by the fact that there was nothing he could do as Louis wasn’t moving to go change himself and he couldn’t just stop things and take Louis away. It would be too obvious.
Finally, they were on their way home after deciding that they’d meet at the same time tomorrow. It was still the beginning stages of their rehearsals, these ones being run solely by the boys. Helene, their vocal trainer, wasn’t coming in until next week to see what the boys had put together. The more that they toured, the more autonomy their management gave them when it came to their stage show. They appreciated it.
Seated back in the car, Louis shifted around trying to get comfortable on the leather seat. Harry pointedly strapped the boy in when it was clear that Louis wasn’t going to do it himself, the daddy wishing that the boy’s car seat was in the vehicle.
“Almost home, love, then we can get you changed,” Harry said, not looking up from where he was scrolling twitter on his phone.
“What? How do you know?” Louis asked petulantly, unsure of how the man had found out he was wet.
“Babe, I’m your daddy. These things are easy for me to tell.”
Louis let out a small noise at the man’s candid speaking, the way that he had casually said that he was his daddy. And he couldn’t disagree. It made him feel fuzzy, hearing Harry call himself that.
Changing the subject, Louis asked, “Is Nicky gonna be home?”
Harry smiled at the boy’s nickname, “Yep! He’ll be there. I’m sure he missed you while he was at work.” Louis blushed at the prospect of Nick wanting to see him, knowing that he had found himself missing the man a bit during the day. Not that he’d ever admit it.
Once back at Harry’s, the boys hopped out of the car and bid adieu to the security guards.
Stepping into the house, Louis let out a breath. He felt safe here; he knew that he could be himself with no judging eyes. He smiled genuinely for the first time that day. He saw Nick standing in the kitchen with his back to him and his eyes lit up. He wasn’t sure what came over him, but he bounded over to the man and hugged him. Nick startled a bit, surprised by the sudden hug, but smiled when he turned around and saw Louis.
“Hi cub, what a warm welcome! Did you have a good day?” Nick’s smile was electric, the man over the moon with Louis’ affection. The little nodded, giving Nick a squeeze before letting go.
As much as Harry loved watching his two favorite boys together, he knew that he’d love for Louis not to get a rash even more. “Someone needs a change, hm?”
Louis blushed, nodding minutely before answering exasperatedly, “I couldn’t say anything without the boys knowing!”
“Love, you can pull me aside and tell me. I promise you that the boys aren’t as observant as you think they are.”
He nodded, not wanting to argue over something so embarrassing even further. He held his arms up to Nick, wanting the man to pick him up. He was exhausted after such a long day and in dire need of a nap. Once he was laying on the changing table, he yawned.
“Ready for a nap?” Nick asked, making quick work of changing the boy. Harry brought over a sleeper that was decorated with the Avengers symbol, Louis smiling when he saw it.
Louis nodded, “I don’t know why I’m so tired.”
Harry answered, “It’s your body changing. As you become more comfortable with your regression, your body allows itself to relax into the lifestyle of someone the age of your headspace. Just means that you’ll need an afternoon nap so you’re not as sleepy!”
Nick lifted Louis up gently and placed him in the crib. The little grabbed the pacifier that was still there from this morning and placed it in his mouth. He fell asleep almost instantly, hugging his lion close to his side. They made sure to leave the side of the crib down, not wanting the boy to feel overwhelmed or anxious when he woke up.
Harry and Nick had around an hour to themselves before they heard a rustling on the baby monitor, Nick going to get Louis while Harry finished up dinner.
“Did you have a good nap, cub?” Nick asked as he walked in. Louis nodded, still feeling a bit drowsy. He woke up feeling calm, excited at the prospect of a night of just being himself. It was strange, the concept of “himself”. At this point he wasn’t really sure who that was, but he had time to figure it out, and he knew that he would. He knew that he wasn’t the Louis that the world knew, but the new Louis was not yet to be seen.
Carrying him downstairs, Nick told Louis about his day and how Fiona had found her sub. Once in the kitchen, Nick sat with Louis on his lap. The boy giggled as he watched Harry dance dorkily around the kitchen, the daddy putting on an act for his giggling boy.
“All right! Dinner’s ready boys, time for some yummy chicken.” Harry carried the food over to the already set table, grabbing Louis a sippy cup to drink out of.
“Love, we got you a highchair from YSL. Would you like to sit in it or would you like to sit in a chair?” Nick asked the boy seated on his lap.
“Wanna sit here,” Louis said, leaning back into Nick’s chest.
Nick wasn’t able to say no to the boy, simply shifting him so that he could be fed with ease. Harry made them up a plate piled with enough food for both of them to eat before digging into his own food.
Louis hummed at the taste of the chicken he was being fed, loving how delicious Harry’s cooking was.
Nick stabbed some green beans onto the fork, bringing them up to Louis’ lips. The boy refused to open his mouth, shaking his head back and forth. He wouldn’t open his mouth to refuse out loud; he didn’t want Nick slipping any of the vegetables in his mouth.
He waved the vegetables back and forth, “Open your mouth Lou! They’re good, I promise.”
Louis shook his head even faster, looking up to the man with what he considered to be a stern look. Harry stared on in amusement, watching Nick try to be stern while the little boy refused to listen.
“Watch! I’ll eat them, then you’ll see how good they are,” Nick made a show of eating the green beans, swallowing them with a smile on his face.
Louis patted Nick’s cheek softly, “Nicky, I am good at sharing, you can have my beans. Can I have your dessert?” The boy looked at Nick with sweet, wide eyes like he believed what he was saying was fair.
Harry and Nick burst out laughing, unable to keep it in. The boy was too cute for his own good.
“I’m not too sure about that, sweetheart, but you don’t have to eat any veggies tonight. We’ll have to work on that,” Nick answered, pressing a kiss to the Louis’ cheek.
Sitting up straight, Louis looked at Harry who was texting someone back. It made him feel stupid as he watched, realizing that he hadn’t checked his phone in days. It wasn’t something that was smart as he was a world famous band member, constantly receiving emails and texts from his management.
“Do you have my phone? I don’t know where I put it,” Louis said, expecting the men to know where it was.
“Yep, I’ve got it,” Harry said, “if you want to go sit down on the couch I’ll grab it for you before I clean up in here.”
Louis nodded, starting to stand up. He thanked Harry for dinner before walking into the living room, cuddling up on the couch. E! News was on, and a video of Zayn and Perrie leaving a restaurant was playing. Louis would never truly understand how their lives were considered news. He didn’t get why anyone cared what they did, how it was different than anyone else. They just wanted to make music; they didn’t want to become a public spectacle. But that was part of the music industry these days it seemed.
“Are you excited to go to theirs on Halloween? It seems like Zayn is pretty smitten with Perrie from what I’ve heard,” Harry said casually, walking into the room.
“Yeah, just nervous. There’ll be a lot of people there,” Louis said, grabbing his phone from Harry’s outstretched hand.
Harry didn’t reply as he saw Louis start scrolling through his phone. He watched to see the boy’s reaction to his mum’s texts. He knew that Louis saw them when his face drained of its color, the boy reaching up to yank a piece of his hair harshly. Harry didn’t move from where he was sat on the reclining chair, not wanting to make the boy panic.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Louis whispered frantically. He couldn’t believe that he forgot to put money in his mum’s account, but more than that, he couldn’t believe she’d already hit the spending limit. He’d put 15,000 pounds on the card just three weeks ago, he didn’t understand how she spent so much so quickly, that was the fastest that she’d ever spent that kind of money.
“Are you okay, Louis?” Harry asked, unable to sit by idly any longer. The boy looked up at him with pained eyes, shaking his head quickly. The daddy moved over next to him, wrapping his arms around the little.
“’m so stupid,” he cried.
“No you’re not, love, whatever is wrong we can fix it, I promise. But you’re not dumb, you’ve to stop saying that because it isn’t true.”
“My mum,” he started, unsure of how to explain what was going on. Nick had walked into the room, sitting down next to Harry. He was frightened that he’d overwhelm the boy if one of the daddies was on either side of him, so he took the safe route.
“My mum, she… was disappointed in me my whole life. Still is, even. She knew I was gonna be a little and hated it. She’s so ashamed. Never talks to me besides to ask for money.” Louis wasn’t crying as he spoke, so used to the way that his mum treated him that he couldn’t even find the tears to shed over it.
Harry grabbed Nick’s hand with his own, needing the strength of his partner. This was everything that they didn’t want to hear, to know that Louis’ own mother was the reason that he was ashamed to be who he was.
“To have your own parent tell you they’re ashamed of your classification is beyond my comprehension,” Harry answered honestly, “but we need you to know that she’s wrong. That vein of thinking is archaic. There’s no embarrassment in being who you are, regardless of your job or gender. Look at Victoria Beckham; she’s one of the most famous people on earth and she’s a little. Does anyone make her feel bad for who she is? No, they don’t, because it’s okay that she’s a little. And it’s okay that you’re a little and that Nick is a daddy and I’m a daddy. We are who we are; it’s as simple as that. But I know that it isn’t easy to swallow. Nick and I are your daddies, we are here to protect you and love you and make you feel safe. Your mum is wrong.”
Louis ignored the emotion behind Harry’s words, unable to think about the implications of being a little in one of the most famous groups of all time right now.
“I always give her money. I gave her 15,000 pounds three weeks ago and she’s already spent it all. That’s the only time she ever messages me. It hurts me,” Louis whimpers. Five years full of giving his mum money, only to receive messages when she spends it too quickly and needs more.
“It’s up to you whether or not you continue to give her money, you don’t have to. It’s your money. We haven’t had an ABC, obviously, and we don’t have to. If you want to give your mum money you can, but if it makes you feel that bad then you can cut her out of your life easily.” Nick said honestly. Louis seemed to be as adult as ever right now, and Nick wanted to get this figured out. He really just wanted Louis’ mum out of the picture, the woman having impacted the boy so negatively throughout the years.
“Is it bad that I don’t want to? She hurts my feelings. She tells me ‘m a bad boy, that no one is gonna want a little boy like me. All she cares about is my money, she never asks me how I’m doing or congratulates me. I just- I just didn’t think that’s what a mum was.” Louis was curling in on himself by the end of his monologue, the feelings that thinking about the woman invoked almost too much for him.
“We all know that she’s wrong; you’re a good boy, Louis. Our best boy. We want you to be ours, and we’ve already shown you that and will continue to do so until you want us to stop. But that’s beside the point. If you don’t want to give her money, then you can not text her back. We can get you a new phone and that’ll be that. You deserve a life full of happiness, and it’s clear she doesn’t make you happy,” Nick said.
“Okay, I’m gonna think about it. You promise it doesn’t make me a bad boy if I don’t give her money?” Louis asked, eyes gazing upon the daddies with innocent worry.
They both shook their heads profusely, Harry answering with a firm, “Nope, never a bad boy, Loulou. Pinky promise.”
Harry held out his pinky, Louis giggling before locking his with the daddy’s. He felt a weight lift off his shoulders after the conversation. He’d kept his feelings about his mother to himself for years and years, bearing the hate of her words like a million stab wounds to the heart. To hear that he wasn’t a bad boy from Nick and Harry, from two men that he trusted, meant the world to him. He could start fresh with a clean slate, no longer stressed by the burden that his mother put onto him. He deserved more than that feeling of despair and being used, didn’t he? If Harry and Nick said it, then it had to be true. It had to be.